Kibum looks up at the screen as he waits for his turn to perform for today's music show. It's the final performance for this period and he has been so tired from it all. If one would count from the promotions from his earlier release, anyone could see that this was such a long promotion period indeed. Despite it being long, the pace of his schedules has been fast and there are hardly moments when he was not surrounded by lots of people. The only solace he's found are these few moments alone in the dressing room right before he goes out to perform. It usually helps him clear his thoughts and focus, but today there is something else weighing on his mind. 

He sighs as he checks the comments under his videos. Most fans have been arguing over the amount of the support he has been getting in the past few days compared to a certain someone. Usually, he doesn't let things like this bother him. He honestly couldn't care less about charts and views and sales when the only thing he truly cares about is putting out music that he can be proud of... But something about this ordeal had struck a chord in him. It wasn't really that they were pitting him against someone, because that always happens in the music industry... It was more about who they were pitting him against. It broke his heart that things had to pan out this way but, really, what could he do? It was getting tougher and tougher to deal with and he is almost at his breaking point.

The other night was a disaster.

He did everything he could to keep himself calm but he was failing miserably. Kibum kept on losing his temper at the slightest mention of Jinki's release dates. It wasn't that he minded at all.... He just didn't want anything to take away from Jinki's debut--not even his own. It was so frustrating that no one could do anything about it. The constant pressure had turned into a confrontation between the two.

"Just don't, okay? You can't just put a positive spin on everything," Kibum says, exasperated.

"I know, but we have to find a way to make the situation work." 

Jinki's attitude is making Kibum even more frustrated as the conversation progressed. "The company is going to compare our numbers, don't you get that? You have to convince them to space it out better."

"You know I can't do that. They would never listen to me. Look, if you're worried about your promotions, I'm not doing any so it shouldn't even matter."

"That's not it at all, Hyung," the young man says, rolling his eyes.

"Then what is it? I don't really understand why you're upset with me."

Kibum takes a deep breath and tries to keep himself together. "You know what, just forget it. We're never going to be on the same page," He really didn't know how to make Jinki understand how much this is killing him, short of baring his heart. He sighs and decides to let everything go before he says something he will regret. "Just do what you need to do, and I'll do the same. Forget I ever said anything."

They had left each other wordlessly after that. Kibum could feel the older man wanting to mend things but he just wasn't in the mood. 

Today, his emotions had died down a little bit but it still nagged at Kibum more than anything. He browses through his phone, and sees his purchase of Jinki's album. Tears start to well up in his eyes. He really wanted nothing more than to let Jinki shine without him getting in the way. The young man lays his head on the couch, closes his eyes and slowly lets out a long, deep breath.

I hate this. I really, really hate this.

Without warning, the door creaks open and a head pops in to greet him. Kibum opens one eye and groans as he realizes who it is.

"What are you doing here?"

Jinki creeps into the room slowly, careful not to make too much noise to bother Kibum. The younger man refuses to move from his comfortable position on the couch as Jinki comes into full view, the click of the door behind him echoing in the deserted room.

"I... I just wanted to see you and show my support... Surprise..." The leader looked cute today; rather relaxed. He was in dark jeans and a soft turtleneck sweatshirt, his face framed by silver-rimmed specs and his fluffy brown hair. He had something in his hand, but Kibum didn't really pay it much mind. He was definitely in no mood for any visitors and all he wanted to do was disappear quietly into his thoughts. 

"You shouldn't really come to my schedules unannounced," he says coldly.

"Right... I just thought... I'm sorry." Jinki raises his hand to fix his hair and stands in the middle of the room awkwardly. It crosses his mind to just leave his small present and go away, but he could sense that something was not quite right. He decides to stay and get to the bottom of it.

Kibum finally sits up and looks him squarely in the eyes, irritation slowly overtaking him. "The fans are already fighting over us, you shouldn't have come."

"No one will know that I'm here."

"Are you sure about that?"

"No, I'm not. But I want to be here for you, so what else am I supposed to do?" Jinki sighs loudly, his entire chest visibly rising and falling at the gesture. He is obviously trying to maintain his temper. After all, he was here to offer support and not make the younger man mad. The past few days have been quite challenging to deal with. Kibum wasn't answering any of his calls or texts, even if he knew for a fact that he had been taking every one of Minho and Taemin's calls. There was no other explanation other than Kibum was actively avoiding him and he wanted to know why. "Let's settle this. What is it? Lately you've been upset at me all the time. I'd like to know why that is."

"You know what this is about."

"Don't tell me you're still mad at me about our albums because we both know that those are out of our hands. It's the company, Kibum. It's all about numbers and you know that. That has nothing to do with us. I know that's not the reason." The tone in Jinki's voice had gone up a few notches and he had a pleading look on his face. He is obviously bothered by this, and everything about him disarmed Kibum in an instant. The young man could feel his resolve slowly melt away and his heart pounding in his ears was certainly not helping. Kibum really didn't know what else to do other than to send him away. 

"Leave me alone, Jinki. I have a show to do," he says, rolling his eyes.

"Then you better make it quick because I am not leaving until you tell me what's wrong."

Kibum gets up and walks across the room in a huff. He opens the door wide and gestures for Jinki to walk through it. "I need my alone time, hyung."

By now, Jinki is distraught and desperate. He needed to be relentless to get Kibum to open up and talk to him once and for all. He wasn't sure how long he could last with them being this way with one another. 

The older man walks to the door as well, but instead of leaving, he tries to wrestle the doorknob out of Kibum's hands. Kibum would not let go and Jinki is forced to put his hand on top of the younger man's to forcefully close the door.

"I know something's the matter. Tell me, Kibum."

They are close to each other now, and the young man suddenly finds himself face-to-face with the person he had been avoiding all this time. There were a million things running through the Kibum's mind as they stood there like this. He surprised himself by being able to look directly into Jinki's eyes, but what was even more surprising was that the older man didn't seem fazed by it at all. Kibum wanted to pinch himself at the affection that he felt coming through Jinki's eyes. The older man's hand felt soft and warm, and there was nothing he wanted more than to take it and lace it with his.

I can't tell you. You can never know.

He realized it that day when he was learning the choreography for one of his songs. He didn't know that Jinki had been in the building and was watching him dance through the small glass portion of the door. Everyone else in his team had left and it was just him working on the moves by himself. For some reason, it just wasn't sticking. He had to refer to the recordings on his phone many times because he kept forgetting the next move and the next, but as time goes on, he becomes more determined than ever. During the his frenzied dancing, he slips on his own sweat and falls to the floor with a loud thud. 

Jinki bursts through the doors and was by Kibum's side in the blink of an eye. "Are you okay?"

"Hyung, you're here..."

"I just came to see how things were going... Turns out it's a good thing... Are you hurt?" Jinki says, grabbing Kibum's arm to help him get back on his feet.

"No, I'm fine... Maybe just a little tired. Thanks..."

"This is unlike you, Bum... Are you feeling stressed?" the older man asks, concern dripping from his eyes. It makes Kibum's heart skip a beat that his leader is actually worried about how he is doing... But it also makes him a little bit uneasy. 

"Sort of... I think the pressure's getting to me a bit. It's hard to have no one but yourself to rely on," the young man says, dusting himself off. He had been carrying this burden on his shoulders alone for weeks. It was nice to finally have someone to talk to about what he was feeling. 

Jinki stops when he hears what Kibum has to say, almost like he is shocked that the young man thinks that. It takes a few seconds of staring at the young man but Jinki finally says what's on his mind. "... You can always count on me, Kibum."

"You know what I mean, Hyung. You're not going to be around. It's just going to be me."

"That's not true... It doesn't matter if I'm around or not. I'll always find a way to be there for you..." His face softens and he reaches out to take the young man's hand in his. "You're really important to me..."

It came over him like a tidal wave. Jinki had always been there for him... Whether he wanted him there or not, whether he asked him to be or not... He was always there. The older man was right. There really hadn't been a time in his career that he had felt truly alone because whenever he looked over his shoulder, there Jinki was. The leader was always there to cheer him on and make sure that everything was okay. Just like right now. 

The moment the realization hit him was a complete mixture of joy and despair. There was a beautiful thing about realizing that you had been in love all this time with a close friend but at the same time there was something completely terrifying about it too. He could never bring up his feelings at the risk of ruining their friendship, and there was no way that he would allow himself to lose Jinki--not now, not ever.

He decided then and there that this was something that needed to be kept to himself. Kibum was convinced that he had made the right decision but, truth be told, it ate away at him slowly. The only way to keep his sanity was to push the man he loved away. He just didn't think that both of them would have such a hard time dealing with it. 

The heat of Jinki's hand on his own seared through his memory and brought the younger man back to the present. Kibum snaps himself out of it and turns to walk away, but he felt a hand on his arm pulling him back. 

"Do you want to hit me? Will that make you feel better? Go ahead. Hit me." Jinki takes his glasses off in anticipation and puts them and the small present in his pocket. He opens his arms to welcome any assault that the young man might send his way.

"What are you talking about? I don't want to hit you."

"Hit me! I won't hit back. Just try it!" Kibum had never heard this sort of desperation in the leader's voice before. Panic overtakes the young man as he realizes that he may have gone too far. "If you hit me, maybe you'll finally get over whatever this is and I can finally feel some relief..." Jinki buries his face in his hands and sighs in utter frustration. "I don't know what else to do..."

Seeing the older man like this was torture on Kibum. All he wanted was a bit of distance; he never intended for things to get this out of hand. A wave of guilt comes over him as he slowly approaches the leader and gently pats his arm. "Hyung..."

His heart almost stops as the leader suddenly pulls him in for a tight embrace. For a micro-second, he thinks that the leader could maybe feel the same way.

But of course he can't. He couldn't possibly. 

This moment he found himself in, in this white and incredibly generic waiting room, was almost enough to make his head spin. The look in the older man's eyes was something that he had never experienced before. He thought that it couldn't get any better, but the next three words that came out of the leader's mouth almost knocked the wind out of him.

"I miss you," Jinki says. 

Kibum clams up as a million butterflies take over his stomach at this moment. He was close enough to smell Jinki... Close enough to feel that his heart was beating fast too. There is nothing he wants more than to run his hands through the elder's hair... To tell him everything... But... 

Not now. 

Kibum gets a hold of himself and pats Jinki's back in a friendly manner. The younger man tries to pull out of the leader's embrace, but he just wouldn't let him go. He wanted nothing more than to enjoy every minute of Jinki holding him close... To forget all the complexities that his feelings bring, even just for a fleeting moment. But he was afraid that if he did, he would never want to stop. The consequences of such an action were bearing down on him; he couldn't afford to do that.

The young man presses his palm into Jinki's chest to push him away but he responds by lowering his grip to Kibum's waist instead. They are dangerously close and they look into each other's eyes with longing. "Hyung..."

Jinki whispers softly, never breaking their gaze. "Kibum... I..."

The older man starts to move in what seemed like slow motion. He came closer and reached out to caress the younger man's cheek with the back of his hand. Kibum instinctively leans into his touch, closing his eyes at the warmth that it gives him. The pounding of his heart cannot be controlled as his greatest wish is slowly coming true. Jinki begins to lean in to place a gentle kiss on Kibum's quivering lips. It was like fireworks had erupted all around them. If he had any doubt about what he was feeling for the older man, all of it was erased in this single moment. 

"I love you, Kibum. I always have. I couldn't stand this distance between us. I know this is crazy, but I couldn't keep it in anymore... I had to tell you... I love you..." Kibum was elated to hear every word that the older man uttered but what he saw in Jinki's eyes scared him. It was easy to see that with every word that had fallen from his mouth, Jinki had been overcome with fear. Kibum remembers what made him nervous to reveal his own feelings, and he instantly realized that it was up to him to put the older man out of his misery.

The butterflies in his stomach were going crazy and it was like he felt electricity from the top of his head to the soles of his feet. The words were bubbling up from his heart and made its way to his lips. There was no turning back now. He had to let it all out. "I love you too, Jinki..."

Jinki's eyes filled with tears, overjoyed at the younger man's confession. Neither of them had thought that this day could come. He cups Kibum's face with both his hands and leans him to kiss him again, but this time the younger was ready for him. They stood there in each other's arms, their lips making the other feel everything they couldn't bring themselves to say. 

The two were so lost in the sensation that they didn't realize that there was someone knocking at the door. They hastily take a few steps away from each other, as a reflex reaction--both of them holding in their laughter at the unwelcome interruption.

A woman in black, wearing a headset peeks into the room. "Key-ssi, sorry, we need you on stage in five minutes."

"Yes, of course. I'll be out in a minute," the younger man answers with a smile. 

Just as quickly, they are alone again and warm smiles are exchanged between them. Kibum reaches out and Jinki holds his hand, the younger one squeezing it tightly with all his might. He never wanted to let go. 

"I have to get out there... Wait for me?" he asks, with a glimmer in his eye.

"Of course. I'll be right here, as always." There was something different in Jinki's smile now... Like he wasn't holding anything back anymore. 

"You better be. We have a lot to talk about."

"We sure do..."

Kibum walks towards the door, actually excited for his performance now.

"Kibum, wait," the older man says. "Here. I almost forgot. I brought you something." Jinki shyly hands him a small box. 

The young man opens it to reveal a platinum pin, in the shape of a diamond. 

"It's not much... It's just so you get reminded that you're never really alone..." 

"I love it," Kibum says with a smile, immediately wearing it on the collar of his jacket. "I love you."

*****