Hey Seul,

Right now, I’m writing a letter to you and for your birthday and to be honest… it’s a bit harder than I thought.

Because, as you have probably already noticed, I’m not very good with words. I have a lot of thoughts, but I am bad at expressing them.

But most of all, I’m scared of telling people about what I think or feel.

Which is why I have been cracking my brain for the last two hours, constantly debating whether or not to write something down.

An which is why I want to try to be as open as possible now.

Because out of all people, I feel like you are the one I should open myself to.

Scratch that.

Because out of all people, you are the one I trust the most, that I want to open myself to the most.

And the truth is… is that I have a lot of thoughts about you.

Did I ever tell you that how much I love the way your eyes look like crescent moons when you smile? The sight of your eyes never failed to capture my attention ever since the first day we met.

Did you know that your eyes spark a lot? Especially when you talk about something you are passionate about?

The sparks in them really remind me of both specks of sunlight and the stars. Pretty amazing how you hold both day and night in your eyes.

Did you know that I admire your persistence and hard work? Despite being a bit lazy with cleaning (guess we all have our imperfections), you always do things in the best way you can. I know you often see yourself as lazy because you procrastinate too much, but in reality, I know that once you start doing something, you are willing to go to the depths of hell to finish it. And I really admire that.

Did you know that I would stalk your Instagram to check out your artwork and photography? You are so talented; did you know that? You put so much effort in the things you love, and you often seem to find happiness in the smallest of details.

That’s how I started to appreciate the smaller things in life more. Because of you.

I was never one to notice those kinds of things. I lived in a world that was black-and-white, cold and numb.

Until you came along.

Did you know how much Yerim talks about you? Every time I met up with her (and Sooyoung because let’s be real… they are quite inseparable, aren’t they?), somehow, we always ended up talking about you. Yerim would tell me a lot about all the nights you two had spent talking, how she had never been afraid to talk to you about her problems and how fun, positive and kind you are. And Sooyoung and I would agree. Because it is true. Because we all feel the same.

You made my life worth living. You made me look forward to new days and mornings to wake up to.

However, I had also often wondered whether something was troubling you.

Sometimes, there would be this split-second when the usual sparks in your eyes, the light in you would be gone.

And seeing you like that hurt. Because the last thing I wanted was for you to be in pain.

When you told me about your past, I realized how your heart had been shattered in pieces.

I wished for the pain in you to be taken away, because you never deserved it.

I know that after all of those birthdays you spent alone, years you had no company other than yourself, you were unable to see how important you actually are.

But I want you to know, to believe, that you are.

Not only to me, but to Yerim and Sooyoung as well.

And I hope that you will realize