My name is Oh Sehun, I am twenty four years old, and ever since the fire two days after I met Luhan, there hasn't been a single day I've lived through. 

And crazy as it is, no one notices. How the boy they found a mess of burned flesh was alive and unscathed the very next day. And how he fell from the roof of a house, cracked his head and was killed, but was alive the next day. Even I don't understand. And only Luhan notices. 

Time goes on, but Luhan can't help me. He figured out what's bringing me back. I'm still getting older, as is everyone around me, the world goes on but I'm living backwards. He told me, when he saw me alive, don't burn again, Sehunnie. Don't.

And I haven't burned again. I bleed, I drown, I'm stabbed or shot or I have a heart attack, I freeze, I drink poison....I keep dying, and dying, over and over- I keep redoing my death because I have to make it less painful for him. 

Yesterday- which is not only my yesterday, but my today and my tomorrow, and ever day before and after- I died just as painfully as always. Crushed under a falling rock, found broken, covered in blood and taken to be buried. Today I woke up again. I can't stop it. I don't even know if I want to. 

I've tried to end the cycle by suicide- nothing. I keep on waking up. I can't stop dying, but I can't stay dead. I have to keep going on between life and death- because dying is a routine action for me.

He's afraid, afraid that one day I'll just vanish, or one day it'll go back to the fire, or one day I'll just die and stay dead. He wants me to keep doing this because it's the safest thing we know. I couldn't stop anyway, so I just keep doing it for him. 

Is this what love is? You die every day because you love someone? 

He smiled up at me, those gorgeous wide eyes full of sadness mixed with a glint of hope. 'Are you okay, Sehunnie?'

'I'm fine. What will it be today, I wonder?'

I stared at the storm clouds in the sky. 'I'll be struck by lightning. Nice painful death there. Don't worry, I'll be back tomorrow. I always am.'

He kissed me, his hands gripping mine- then loosening, and loosening, and letting go. He waved at me as he ran back to his car, leaving me- leaving me to die, because he had to. 

That was our fate. That is how we live. That is how we will always live. 

Jongin squinted at the piece paper. 'This was written on November 20th, 2015. That same day, a death occurred in our town- a boy fell from a tree and was instantly killed. The boy's name was lost, but his face- I still remember it. Why?'

'Tell me,' Jongdae gritted his teeth. 'Just tell me about the damn boy's face.' 

'He was pale- heavy eyebrows, I think, narrow eyes, looked threatening but innocent at the same time. Had a barely visible scar on his cheek.' 

Jongdae breathed heavily. 'That's Oh Sehun. That's the boy who write the letter.' 

'So?' Jongin tilted his head. 'What of it?'

Jongdae stared straight at him, his face ashen. 'Oh Sehun is alive.'

Jongin froze. 'Maybe it's the wrong person.' 

'April 6th, 2016.' Jongdae continued. 'A young man who fits your description died of a snake bite. He had written a letter, apparently, signed Oh Sehun. No proof it was him who wrote it, but it was found in his pocket. That was months later. And Oh Sehun ought to have been dead.

'It just keeps happening- Jongin, do you see it? This Oh Sehun, who ever he is, has died every day we've lived.' 

note: based off a comment I saw that was supposed to say 'sh dyes [his hair] daily' but it said 'dies' and this happened