Jeongyeon stared out the window, sighing heavily before shoving a few brightly colored packages onto the shelf. The vibrant gummy worms caught her attention, reds, and blues all smashed together into one sweet gummy mess that would surely keep her up all night, but they tasted so overtly sweet she could almost gloss over all the reasons not to eat them. 

 

But a quiet nagging voice echoed through her head as she stared at the package, “Ya shouldn’t eat that, you know it’s not that good for you.” 

 

She caught herself from mocking Jihyo in an empty gas station, her voice nearly raised three pitches as she prepared to flap her arms around the way Jihyo did when she scolded. 

 

And for a second it worked, her nagging voice pulled her from the bright colored candy; for a second she planned on just going back to the register and finishing the rest of her book. 

 

“Go bother Sana.” Jeongyeon pulled countless bags off the shelf and stomped towards the register, not bothering to pay. She huffed and sat. She tore open the package and tossed a few of the colorful worms into . 

 

The cheap luminescent lights began to flicker as the rain began to beat against the dirty windows. 

 

She couldn’t entirely care, she knew she was going to go to a silent home anyways, Chaeyoung said she was going to be out with Tzuyu, Dahyun had plans with her family, and Jihyo was going to spend her night like she wasn’t broke. 

 

Her jaw tensed as the memory came flooding back. 

 

She pulled her jacket over her shirt doing her best to ignore the tightness around her shoulders. 

 

Chaeyoung tumbled out of the hall, her left shoe was untied and her eyes were wide. “Morning. Morning!” 

 

Jihyo tossed her a small lunch before sighing quietly. 

 

“Thanks,” Chaeyoung replied with a wide grin. 

 

Jeongyeon noted the new dark jacket she wore, it was spotless, and unlike the rest of her clothes it did not find its home on her floor; it instead was hung neatly in her closet. 

 

Chaeyoung yelled a quick bye before dashing out of the house and down the stairs. 

 

“Bye,” Jeongyeon mumbled back as she began to put her shoes on. 

 

“Hey Jeong?” Jihyo called out, her voice was laced with hesitance and her face did nothing to hide that, her lip quivered slightly and her voice wasn’t even half as loud as it normally was. 

 

“What’s up?” 

 

“I’m going out with Sana tonight,” she explained, “I left some food in the fridge you can warm up tonight.” 

 

Fury swept over her, her fingers dug into the straps of her backpack and she thought if she had whipped around any faster her jacket would’ve ripped at the seams. 

 

“Okay?” Jeongyeon shot back, trying and quickly failing at hiding her anger, “I don’t care- Why’d you even tell me.” 

 

Her eyes widened, “I just wanted you to know I made food for you- So. So you wouldn’t have to make it yourself.” 

 

“I don’t need you to make food for me.” Her jaw shook with uncontrollable fury, her fingers ripping out of her strap and into the doorknob. “I can make it on my own.” 

 

She scoffed, any sign of hurt had been completely wiped off her face,” What the do you mean Jeong? I’ve been making you food since we were kids.” 

 

“Well I don’t need you to do that anymore.” she snapped quickly before leaving and slamming the door shut. 

 

Guilt festered within her chest as she threw another gummy worm into . 

 

The sugar clumped into an unsavory ball at the back of , while the remaining pieces unraveled and clung onto her teeth. 

 

(She thought it was disgusting). 

 

But she kept on eating, throwing one after another, hoping the sweetness of the candy would overpower the bitterness of the words of her tongue, they were stained by words like I don’t care and I don’t need you. 

 

She felt bitter words rise in the back of , and like putrid vomit, they began to burn. She quickly found herself coughing, the sourness of the gummy worms had rubbed raw. 

 

A bell rang through the store but she didn’t bother looking up, her eyes were caught by her lock-screen, she and Jihyo sat posed in front of a beach in Jeju. It took her months of work, and she didn’t drop a penny for soju even when the nights got hard, but she got them there, and for a while, it seemed enough. 

 

“Oh!” a voice cheerfully yelped and Jeongyeon tore her attention from the phone to the blonde standing in front of her. 

 

Sana grinned as she waved, “Hi.” 

 

“Hey.” Jeongyeon grabbed the bottles of soju, holding back a bitter chuckle as she scanned them, it was the most expensive soju they sold, not that it held a candle to the wine Sana must’ve been used to drinking. 

 

“Jihyo told me she didn’t like wine,” Sana confessed with the slightest frown, “so I’m buying her soju.” 

 

She slammed her teeth into her tongue, refusing to let it go as she gave Sana a weak grin and nod, “She’s always been picky.” 

 

“Really?” 

 

“Mhm,” Jeongyeon lied. 

 

She shoved the bottles into a bag, “Your total is twelve thousand won.” 

 

Sana pulled her credit card with ease, she didn’t flinch at the price and her fingers didn’t tremble as she handed her the card; like twelve thousand won was nothing. Twelve thousand won was a warm meal or cheap medicine for when Dahyun got sick, twelve thousand won was nothing to Sana, but it was absolutely everything to her.

 

“Have a nice night,” Jeongyeon said through gritted teeth as she handed Sana her card back. 

 

“Thanks, you have a good one too Jeongyeon.” she said with a smile and a final wave.  

 

---

 

Sana plucked the bottles from the bag, “You know I saw Jeongyeon today.” 

 

She didn’t have to look to see Jihyo pause, the rattling from the kitchen had come to an abrupt stop. 

 

She was tense but her voice was as fluid as ever, “Really?” 

 

“Yeah, saw her at the convenience store.” Sana popped the bottle open, a quiet hiss echoed from both the bottle and the kitchen. 

 

She awaited Jihyo’s weary voice. 

 

“Shake it first,” she instructed with a quiet sigh. 

 

“Sorry.” Sana closed the cap and shook the bottle before pouring it into a small cup. 

 

They had been plunged into an unfamiliar silence, if not for the occasional shuffle from the kitchen and Sana’s groans as she drank the bitter drink, Sana would’ve thought she was completely alone. 

 

She shattered the silence, her voice slipping through the cracks before the entire structure collapsed, “She seemed upset.” 

 

Jihyo sighed as she entered the living room, holding bowls of steaming food. 

 

“How could you tell?” Jihyo asked with a blank look in her eyes and a loose smile. 

 

Sana ignored the question entirely as she took the bowl from Jihyo’s hands, “What happened between the two of you?” 

 

She paused again, “You wouldn’t understand.” 

 

Sana poured soju into her cup and for the first time Jihyo caught her without a smile, “I’m not blinded by my money.” 

 

Jihyo hoped the shadows of the room painted over her wide eyes, “What do you mean.” 

 

Sana’s eyes slowly raised and met hers, “You think I don’t see the way she looks at me?” 

 

Jihyo sighed as she reclined into the chair, she lifted the small cup of soju to her lips, taking in a deep breath of the pungent drink; fires ignited within her nostrils and they chased the stinging liquid down , “She’s just upset.” 

 

Jihyo heard Sana’s cup clink against the table. 

 

“Then help her,” she replied, “she needs you Jihyo.” 

 

“Sure she does,” Jihyo scoffed before she grabbed the bottle of soju and tipped it down , ignoring Sana’s quiet gasp and shaming glare. 

 

Cold hands cupped her face and tugged her forwards, Sana’s warm breath puffed into her face as her fingers tapped against her cheeks, “Listen to me, you need to save her before it’s too late.” 

 

“She said she didn’t need me.” Jihyo dropped the nearly empty bottle back onto the table. 

 

“She’s lying!” Sana barely shouted, but enough so that the bitter smell of alcohol clouded in Jihyo’s face, “You're not a , you know she’s lying.”  

 

Her eyes cooled before she sighed and rested her forehead against Jihyo’s. 

 

“Go,” she mumbled softly before letting her hands drop onto the table, “get out of here Jihyo.” 

 

“Why?” she shouted back, “She. She doesn't ing want me.” 

 

Sana sighed. "Who cares about wanting. She needs you." 

 

Jihyo stood, her face filling with sharp hot rage.  

 

"I know you," she mumbled softly as she looked up to Jihyo, "if you don't go now, you're gonna regret it for the rest of your life. 

 

"Huh?”

 

“If you don’t go now. She's gonna fall through your fingers. Okay? You can't let her do that- You're gonna lose her if you stay." Sana began to push Jihyo towards the door.

 

“You’re ing insane.” Jihyo coughed out with an airy laugh. 

 

“So what if I am?” Sana shot back as she continued to push Jihyo out the door, “I’m still right.” 

 

Jihyo stood outside the apartment, her eyes wide and a dumb-founded grin stretched her across her face, “What are you doing?” 

 

“You ask so many questions,” Sana groaned, “it’ll all make sense someday.” 

 

“Just go to her okay?” she said alongside a door shutting. 

 

Jihyo stared at the door for only a moment before she glanced at her watch, it was nearing ten and Jeongyeon didn’t leave till ten-thirty. She glanced back at the door one last time before sprinting into the rain. 

 

Fear pumped through her system, she knew she shouldn’t have believed Sana, but the fear of losing Jeongyeon was a wave crashing into her and the rational scientist in her head had been drowned out. 

 

But the facts remained: The last thing Jeongyeon wanted to see was her face, and Sana was raving like a fortune teller who clung onto her talent like it was the last thing she had, it was nearly ten and she was sprinting in the heavy rain like there was something she had left to lose. 

 

(And she was so sure she didn’t). 

 

---

 

She skidded to an abrupt stop in front of an ill-lit convenience store that was buried within an alley built of dark bricks, and Jihyo was sure not even rats bothered to visit this corner of Seoul. 

 

Her chest rapidly rose and fell as she stared into the nearest window, her hands pressed flat against the murky glass. 

 

(She didn’t even care that her hands were getting dirty). 

 

Her tongue draped over her plush lips, ignoring the burning taste from her dark lipstick that she was hoping she could paint Sana’s neck with. 

 

She peeled herself off the pane and walked to the entrance, the doors hesitated before lurching open with a high-pitched screech while lights flickered. 

 

She walked to the register, her heart slamming into her ribs as she let out a deep breath, “Is a worker named Jeongyeon still here?” 

 

A much younger boy looked up from his phone, a somewhat interested look was lazily pasted across his face, “Silver hair? Super tall, kinda y?” 

 

Jihyo’s teeth gritted, she swallowed a bitter insult before replying, “Yeah, tall and silver hair.” 

 

“Don’t forget y,” he added with a yawn. 

 

Jihyo slammed her other hand onto the counter, a small jar, filled with coins and a piece of paper that was taped to it that had “tips!” written across it, jolted into the air and fell back with a loud clack. “So is she here or not?” 

 

He glanced back towards the clock before looking back at Jihyo. 

 

“Nah, she left a few minutes ago.” 

 

Jihyo let out a loud sigh, “Thanks for nothing jackass.” 

 

“No problem miss,” he replied before turning back to his phone.  

 

She slowly stumbled out of the store, she only walked a few feet before stopping and sliding against a hard brick wall, her hands buried in her soaked hair as a cold breeze hurried past her. 

 

She glanced towards her phone, a warm memory of Jeju’s dark blue seas encased within a simple picture of her and Jeongyeon standing in ankle-deep water. A droplet of rain splashed onto her phone, Jeongyeon’s smile splintered into a few small drops. 

 

A message from Sana bubbled up: 

 

You weren’t fast enough, were you?

 

She swiped away at the text and stared back at Jeongyeon’s crooked grin. 

 

(Jeongyeon loved soju, she didn’t drink a single drop for a few months. Jihyo never knew why). 

 

(All she knew was that Jeongyeon’s lips tasted like soju their first night in Jeju). 

 

(She tasted like sacrifice, undeserved pain, and unsaid glories, like starry nights in hotels they couldn’t afford, like dark oceans that would swallow them both).

 

(She tasted like a lifetime of heartache). 

 

She wondered if that was why she had to wash out every time they kissed.

 

---

  

Jeongyeon stared into the dashboard, her fingers clicking against her phone while Nayeon chattered about her apparently “super hot” coworker named Momo. 

 

“Jeong?” she asked with a sharp exhale. Her long fingers snapped quickly in front of her face. 

 

“Hm?” she replied absentmindedly. 

 

“Are you even listening?” The car came to a stop and all Jeongyeon heard was the quiet pour of rain and Nayeon’s deep and slightly annoyed sigh.

 

She pulled her eyes off the dashboard and faced her. Her head weakly shook, she thought if she had shaken it any harder her head would’ve fallen and landed in her lap. 

 

Nayeon rolled her eyes as she began to drive again, “You were the one that said you wanted to do some fun tonight.” 

 

“I did - I do. I really do ,” she sighed. 

 

“Then stop thinking about Jihyo!” 

 

Jeongyeon’s eyes widened, her phone dropped onto her lap as an embarrassing amount of heat filled her cheeks, “I’m not- Why would I even think about her?!” 

 

“Because you like her.” Nayeon groaned as if it was a fact, a fact the entire world had known and Jeongyeon had just missed the lesson that announced she was just drowning in the love she had for her short albeit feisty friend. 

 

“I don’t!” Jeongyeon stammered. 

 

“Prove it then,” Nayeon smirked while the car came to another stop. 

 

“What?” 

 

“Prove you’re not thinking about Jihyo.” 

 

“I’m not!” Jeongyeon quickly shot back. 

 

She scoffed, “you’re still a ten year old with a crush on your pretty neighbor.” 

 

“Shut up,” Jeongyeon hissed before memories of a younger Jihyo began to form within the tiny droplets of rain that ran across the windshield. Her two little moles beneath her right eye, a determined voice stuffed into the very small body of a little girl with shining eyes and a gummy smile. 

 

She felt a younger girl blush at the memory. A pair of untied sneakers tapped against each other while she waited at the swings, hoping- no, praying that the pretty girl with the loud voice would come sit next to her. 

 

Eventually, she did. 

 

(But she waited. She spent so many lonely months just waiting, waiting in the pouring rain, waiting when the sun was determined to burn her skin to ash). 

 

Did she ever wait for me?  Jeongyeon thought.

 

Suddenly Nayeon’s long fingers pressed into her cheeks as she pulled Jeongyeon closer to herself. Their lips lightly pressed against each other before Nayeon pushed further, her head tilted as her hands dipped into a silver sea. 

 

Nayeon didn’t wait, she saw what she wanted and she took it, Jeongyeon thought, maybe she liked it that way. 

 

(Hunger never yearned for the painful moments of silence, not aching months, years even, of chasing after a girl who never seemed to notice. Hunger never waited, it always leapt for the kill). 

 

For a girl who spent all her life waiting, this meant more than the entire damn world. 

 

A loud honk separated the two; Jeongyeon fell back into her seat, her face filled with red as shallow breaths quickly spilled out, like a surge of unexpected passion had torn through her guilt-ridden bones. 

 

She gasped, her lips trembled as she glanced back a smirking Nayeon. Her teeth clattered. She never thought she’d been this hungry before. She felt as if she’d been starving her entire life. Starving for a love that would devour her entirely, so not an atom could be left for the world to torment.  

 

Jeongyeon leapt across her seat, she paused for only a second before her lips ran across Nayeon’s, and a flurry of near-dead feelings shot through her reddening skin. 

 

In the midst of it all, Nayeon’s cheeks had become fuller, her smirk had softened into a warm gummy smile. Her hair was darker and her lips didn’t taste nearly as bitter. 

 

She shut her eyes- It was barely a whisper, it was just a decaying word that managed to reignite itself with Nayeon’s fiery lips. 

 

She barely said it. She barely even whispered it, but that didn’t stop her lips from parting ever so slightly and it didn’t keep her tongue from flicking in such a familiar matter she might as well have considered herself at home.  

 

Jihyo. 

 

She quickly shoved the name into Nayeon’s jaw, burying it under her pale skin and sharp bones. She ignored the quickening beats of her heart. 

 

Jeongyeon hesitantly tore herself away; a fiery ache awoke within her chest, it spun around her ribs marking a trail of charred bones. 

 

She breathed softly, trying to submerge the flames with Nayeon’s perfume, with her breaths. Her eyes slowly washed over her, she gulped and ignored the nervous tremor igniting along her hands and swept her back into her arms. 

 

Jihyo doesn’t think about me when she kisses Sana, she thought.   

 

Jihyo doesn’t care, she thought while weaving her hands through Nayeon’s smooth hair, over her plush skin and thin shirt. She never did. 

 

Nayeon pressed her lips against Jeongyeon’s and breathlessly whispered Momo into the torn up shreds of her lips. 

 

And she won’t now. 

 

So she kissed her. 

 

She kissed her. She kissed her till her lips turned bloody and raw. She kissed till there was more Nayeon in her than crumpled up love. She kissed till she could forget. She kissed till Jihyo was yanked into a sea of foggy memories. 

 

(She thought then she might never have to stop kissing her). 

 

---

Sorry for the lack of updates, in turn you guys get sad 2yeon and jeonghyo!

 

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