A hole.

A hole was what Jennie so desperately wanted to crawl into as she stood by her front door, the clock on her apartment wall and droplets of rain outside being the only audible sounds present. In all honesty, she had expected him to return soon. She just hadn't prepared her mind -or heart- for it to be today. And yet there he was in front of her, a look of both surprise and embarrassment plastered all over his face.

"I didn't...think you'd be home..." he stated quietly after a few seconds, eyes fixated on her as he ran his pale hands ran through his hair.
 

It had been forever since she’d heard that voice of his, and despite it being barely a whisper she felt her heartbeat pick up a little. There were times during his absence when work would get stressful and for a few seconds, she’d wish he was there to soothingly tell her that everything was going to be fine. She had longed to hear his voice for so long, and here it finally was.

Too bad it brought her sadness as opposed to comfort.

Nevertheless, she maintained the unaffected posture she had perfected over the last couple of months, pushing a few strands of her hair behind her ear as an expression of disinterest took over. "Where else would I be on a Saturday?" she questioned nonchalantly.

“I thought you’d be in Paris for work today...” He began, trailing off quietly.

For a second her stern eyes softened as the realisation that he still thought of her hit her. She’d only mentioned the trip a handful of times and that was many moons ago, so the fact that he still remembered made her heart ache even more.

“Plans change, don’t they?” she answered snappily, exterior once again unfazed.

A quick, tired sigh escaped his lips as his eyes remained fixed on her. He could see right through her facade. He could see it in her beautiful brown eyes that that behind the front and attitude she was hurting. And she wasn’t the only one.

Jaebum hadn’t been himself since the break-up. No amount of busyness could stop him from thinking about her every chance he got. From her smile to her humour, her hugs and addictive kisses, even the way whined when they got into arguments; he missed her like crazy.

He wanted her back; he wanted to make things work. But with sasaengs now aware of their relationship and threatening to get the news to JYP, as well as knowing the location of Jennie’s apartment which she had managed to keep secret until then, there was no way he could risk his or her career, and most importantly her safety. Not after what had happened to a former labelmate and certainly not knowing the harm sasaengs could cause to Jennie and her reputation.

So, in what initially seemed like the cruellest yet least painful way, he’d left a note on her coffee table while she was at work after he’d spent the night in her apartment, telling her that they had to end things and he was sorry.

And just like that he’d left, taking nothing with him but a broken heart.

Fast forward to the present day and he had returned to the place he once considered his home away from home, after months of putting it off, to pick up his belongings; to finally and painfully close this chapter of his life that he so desperately didn’t want to end. He’d wanted to do that -as cowardly as it sounded- without having to face her because every part of him still ached for her. She consumed his every thought and move, and it didn’t help that his love and longing for her refused to die. He knew the very sight of her could potentially break him further, so he’d chosen the day where he thought she’d be in Paris assisting her boss on a big photo shoot to make his brief return.

Clearly, those plans had fallen through.

“I just wanted to pick up my stuff,” he started to explain, watching her face harden further at his words, “but if it’s not a good time I’ll…I don’t know, maybe-”

“It’s fine.”

He could see it in her eyes that she was trying so incredibly hard not to crack, and at that moment, he wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and comfort her somehow. But he knew that that would probably result in her breaking down, which in turn would destroy the very small wall that had taken damn near all of his strength to build.

“I’ll be really quick, I promise.”

She nodded ever so slightly, face still expressionless, before walking back into her apartment and settling on her couch, allowing him to make his entry into her hallway and close the door behind him.

Almost instinctively while taking his sneakers off he inhaled and took in the familiar scent of her apartment that he had been months without. Same old Madagascan vanilla, he thought. The scent that represented her through and through. His mind suddenly took him back to the times when he’d see her after a long day of practice or schedules and would first be greeted with that warm, inviting essence. It would immediately relax him and put his stresses at ease.

Yet another thing he badly missed that was related to her.

Quickly pushing those thoughts aside, he finished removing his sneakers and slipped into the slippers that he specifically kept at her place, which -much to his surprise and further deepened sadness- were still neatly placed in their usual spot on her shoe rack. Toughen up, he mentally yelled at himself. Get your stuff and get out, don’t get caught up.

He repeated this to himself as he made his way through the hallway, past the living room where her quiet form was present and into the bedroom.

Jennie was a décor fanatic, and this was reflected in her habit of redecorating her room whenever a new season rolled around. It was something Jaebum looked forward to when a new season arrived and he was due to spend some time with her; what colour scheme would she have gone for this time? What new, modern artsy pieces would be lying around that she’d want to talk endlessly to him about? For the duration of the time that he had known her, it was something she traditionally did without fail, so it surprised him to find her room looking exactly as it had the day he left.

The clean, all-white theme she had decided on for summer remained even though autumn had arrived, numerous pieces of clothing had been dumped in a corner in a pile and her bed was uncharacteristically messy. Jaebum sighed with guilt. This was not what he was used to seeing from Jennie; she was the type that hated messiness of any kind and