Saerom isn’t quiet. She isn’t gentle either. Her nails rake up Hayoung’s smooth back and tangle into her hair. Hayoung doesn’t mind one bit. She gives Saerom the sloppy kiss that she whined for. She makes a slow and blissful trail along Saerom’s jawline and down her neck. When she dares to scrape her teeth along the collarbone, the name that slips out from Saerom’s lips makes her blood run cold. Normally she’d feign a shaky smile. Normally she’d run and hide. Normally tears would hit the floor before the pain caught up. But tonight she finally had Saerom, even for a shattered moment. Hayoung’s left hand pushes Saerom’s hips into the bed. She growls her name into Saerom’s ear between every kiss and gasp. Saerom learns quickly—repeat the syllables to get what she wants, and she’s desperate now. Hayoung smirks victoriously as the first breathy syllable of her name leaves Saerom’s throat in a whisper. The guilt can wait for the sun.

~|~|~|~

“Hayoung.” It sounds so sweet rolling off of Saerom’s tongue. Hayoung's silence makes the woman whine.

“What is it?” Hayoung can’t help but smile at the soft glow of the moonlight on Saerom’s cheekbones, her ragged breathing against Hayoung’s arm.

“Hayoung, you’re so beautiful.”

Hayoung’s breath hitches. Saerom’s voice sounds more coherent, but incredibly drowsy. Blissful and carefree, like her problems don’t exist, but raspy with exhaustion. Hayoung needs to make sure Saerom isn’t just repeating sounds. She needs to make sure her name has meaning when it’s whispered in her ear on her bed. “Why do you think so?”

It surprises her, how fast Saerom responds. Hayoung’s arm wraps around the woman’s bare waist, pulling her closer, so close their warmth has to be real, has to be too much for just one person lost in her delusions.

“You’re beautiful when you smile, when you sing words only you know. A life that’s only yours.”

Hayoung hangs on every word. Her mind flits to the dusty notebook in the back of her desk drawer. She hasn’t touched it in three years, but the weight of the lyrics haven’t changed.

Saerom presses her palm into Hayoung’s. Her thumb brushes over each fingertip, calloused by years of strumming the guitar hanging on the opposite wall. She brings Hayoung’s fingers to her lips and kisses each one, sloppily and uncoordinated, but tenderly. Hayoung knows, she still exists in Saerom’s world.

~|~|~|~

Their tears are bitter and salty. It makes them wince. They’re tired and panting, but they still have so much fight left in them. It’s the only thing that keeps them from crumbling. Gyuri’s running on flaming adrenaline. Hayoung’s left so much unspoken for too long.

“How could you sleep with her?! How could you do that to me, to us?!” Gyuri’s screeches are almost unintelligible. She can taste iron but the betrayal hurts more than her throbbing tongue.

“Seven years, Gyuri.” Hayoung’s voice is so calm and low, it surprises both of them. “For seven years, I loved her. For seven years, I dreamt of holding her in my arms and making her smile. For seven years, I thought of nothing but her eyes lighting up when she eats and her laugh that makes her stumble over flat ground.” She takes one step closer. Gyuri takes one step back. “For seven years, I said nothing because- because it’s you.” Hayoung’s voice cracks. It’s so broken and weak, Gyuri’s emotions falter. “Even you can’t think I had enough strength when the one person I want to be with comes crying to me in a bar at midnight, her heart broken by her girlfriend—my best friend.”