"so," chaeyoung starts.

when she doesn't say anything for a full minute, seoyeon feels obligated to prompt her further.

"so?"

"sorry, went to collect my thoughts a little." seoyeon looks to her roommate with an exasperated smile, but gives no other reply. 

seeing this as a sign to continue, chaeyoung says, "so, i've noticed something. everyone, and i mean everyone we know is dating one way or another."

she continues by opening her instagram and scrolling through her feed filled with pictures of their friends out on dates with their significant others. "look at them, syeonnie!" 

she practically shoves her phone in seoyeon's face as she shows her an instagram post made by jiwon. 

"even jiwon-unnie and hayoung-unnie have started somewhat dating!" she all but screeches.

when seoyeon grabs chaeyoung's phone from her, she's greeted by a picture of jiwon and hayoung at a quaint restaurant making (what seoyeon could only assume to be) heart-eyes at each other. the caption read, "i can't call this a date, but i think it's pretty close <3".

"wow, jiwon-unnie and hayoung-unnie? i never thought i'd see the day," seoyeon remarks, placing the guitar she was fiddling with beside her to take the phone with both hands. "i thought jiwon-unnie was going to take her first love to the grave and die old and alone, and that hayoung-unnie would never work up the courage to confess. colour me impressed."

but honestly, she was happy for the two of them; they both deserved only the best, and what kind of friend would seoyeon be if she didn't wish her friends' happiness? 

she scrolls through a bit more of chaeyoung's instagram feed, finding more posts from their friends out and about on dates.

chaeyoung takes her phone back with a big, dramatic sigh, "oh, how love permeates the very air we breathe! to escape would be futile, methinks," she bellows.

seoyeon looks at her roommate, sprawled on the sofa and the back of her hand covering her eyes as if she were a maiden that had fainted. she resists the urge to sit on top of chaeyoung (just to see the look on her face as she does so), and instead leans over the armrest of the chair she's occupying, a small smirk playing on her lips.

"its good to see that you actually are an english major." she teases. that gets a rise out of the girl as she shoots up form her position as fast as seoyeon could rap.

"hey! what the hell is that supposed to mean?" she crosses her arms with a huff. 

seoyeon laughs, "its kinda hard to remember when you butcher shakespeare every chance you get." 

"doesn't the fact that i even know shakespeare remind you?"

she's met with a shrug of shoulders. chaeyoung lets out another huff. 

"i'll have you know that i could wax poetic about the history of the word 'mellifluous'; all in english! i might add—and that's not what i wanted to talk about!" 

seoyeon feigns ignorance, the mirth never leaving her eyes. "it's not? i thought for sure you wanted to discuss your english, you wouldn't have made that segway into shakespeare otherwise." 

"that was you!"

she lets out a big laugh at the way chaeyoung's voice went an octave higher as she refuted. her laughter is cut short by a pillow straight to her face, courtesy of one lee chaeyoung.

she's still laughing as she throws the pillow back to chaeyoung on the sofa, who has resorted to giving seoyeon the Look™. she grins back at the scowl directed at her, knowing she's won this round of banter. 

she abruptly falls beside chaeyoung, wrapping an arm around the taller girl's shoulders. seoyeon directs a smile towards the still-scowling giant, knowing in the way that chaeyoung's shoulders relax that she's not annoyed anymore.

"so, you were saying?" seoyeon prompts, watching as chaeyoung leans into the little side hug seoyeon's giving her. 

they both lounge on the sofa, basking in the peace of their apartment and in each other's presence, before chaeyoung speaks up again. 

"is it wrong to not fall in love, syeon?" 

seoyeon hums, closing her eyes as she gives her answer. "i don't think it is—wrong to not fall in love, i mean. what's brought this on all of a sudden?"

she hears chaeyoung sigh, feels the rise and fall of her shoulders as she takes a breath. "i don't know, it's just—all our friends are in love, and they always say that being in love is the best feeling in the world. but i just... i just feel like i won't ever be able to feel it."

seoyeon cracks an eye open as she feels chaeyoung leave her side. she sees her hugging her knees to her chest, and for someone so tall, to seoyeon right now she looked incredibly small. 

"when i was young, i had never had someone i liked, much less someone i loved; my mom said to give it time, that i'll eventually feel it, and that maybe i was just a little too young.

"but as time passed, nothing changed. everyone suddenly started talking crushes and admirers, they all had someone they fancied. but i was the odd one out; i felt left out as they talked about love."

seoyeon hears the way chaeyoung takes in a shaking breath, sees the way chaeyoung is trembling, and knows that she had been keeping this in for just a bit too long. so she just lets her talk, eyes closing once more.

"and so i thought, 'is there something wrong with me?' because everyone around me were falling in love. and i saw how happy they looked as they talked about the person they loved. i wanted to experience that happiness too. i loved my friends, sure, but i had never been in love.

"i just—i should be feeling love for someone, right? i should be feeling giddy, blushing and squealing at the sight of someone, right?"

and seoyeon could hear the desperation in chaeyoung's voice as she uttered,  "then why can't i?"

seoyeon hesitates for a beat, allowing chaeyoung to recollect herself.

"chaeyoung-ah," she finally calls. not bothering to wait for a reply, seoyeon continues, "right now. do you think you want to be in love?"

"right now?" she can hear the confusion in chaeyoung's voice. nonetheless, she gets a reply, "i... right now, i don't think i want to be."

"are you happy with that?"

a pause. "...i want to be."

"then there you have it." 

seoyeon opens her eyes, staring right into chaeyoung's. "society's made us think that you aren't truly the person you're meant to be if you don't fall in love. to me, i think it's just a bunch of bull too far ingrained into the human psyche. love for our family and friends? important. romantic love, however?never been a necessity."

seoyeon places a hand on chaeyoung's folded arms, giving a little squeeze for comfort.

"chaeng, right now, there's nothing for you to be worried about. maybe in the future you'll fall in love, maybe not. but never think that falling in love was ever necessary to being happy. if the you right now, the you that doesn't want to be in love, is perfectly happy as she is now, then isn't that enough?"

seoyeon could only see a flash of tears streaming down the other's face before she's pulled into the biggest hug chaeyoung's ever given her. (granted, chaeyoung doesn't give her a lot of hugs in the first place.)

she cant help but smile as she hears the mumbled "thank you"s in her ear. chaeyoung has probably spent most of her life waiting to be told that it was okay, that it wasn't wrong to not be able to fall in love.

and seoyeon and understands, because she had been the same too. filled with the same anxieties and insecurities until she learned to just live her life as who she is. and if not being able to fall in love just so happened to be part of who she is, then she'll just shrug and be on her way.

pulling chaeyoung closer, seoyeon tries to give her the best comfort she could offer, because god knows she need it.

right now, they were just happy to have each other.

---------------

happy pride 🏳️‍🌈