While Chanyeol had held Kyungsoo through the entire night, he let go and backed away when morning came.

Chanyeol was cornered, both figuratively and literally in that warm dormitory room that belonged to Kyungsoo and his two other roommates who were away for the holidays.

Chanyeol had his back to a wall as Kyungsoo relentlessly plead the impossible to him. Chanyeol was afraid of someone who was yet so harmless to him.

“I can’t do that, Kyungsoo. I can’t,” Chanyeol continued to repeat.

“I’m scared, Chanyeol. I don’t want to die. Why aren’t you helping me?" Kyungsoo begged.

“It’s a curse, Kyungsoo. You should know by now how much I hate being one. I wish I could be a human if I had a say in it but that’s not possible. You have a choice Kyungsoo. I never had that,” Chanyeol justified, trying to pacify Kyungsoo in front of him.

“-but I thought we were friends. I love you, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo cried, pushing away Chanyeol even further.

“We are and that’s why I cannot do this to you. I cannot put another person through the same living hell I had to go to. Especially not when you’re this young. We can still be together even though you’re human. That won’t stop us,” Chanyeol tried to explain.

Kyungsoo was however too distraught to think rationally and of the truth that Chanyeol spoke. Kyungsoo was too overcome with emotions to think of the bigger picture.

Kyungsoo rejected Chanyeol’s attempt at consoling him, distancing himself even further from his best friend.

“At this rate, you are just letting me die, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo accused, “You are just letting me be forgotten, letting my existence be for nothing.”

“Kyungsoo-,” Chanyeol tried to say, tried to reach out a caring hand towards Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo slapped away Chanyeol’s hand, hissing, “Don’t touch me. I thought friends helped each other but you are just damning me for the inevitable. I was foolish to think that you’d actually care and would help me.”

“You don’t understand, Kyungsoo. I do want to help you very much. I care about you. I just-,” Chanyeol tried to clarify, only to stop himself halfway and realize that Kyungsoo really wasn’t going to listen to him at that time.

Kyungsoo was inconsolable and Chanyeol could understand how scared anyone would be at their imminent deaths. He just didn’t understand why Kyungsoo was so worried about it now when it had never been a topic of their discussion prior to this.

Kyungsoo ignored Chanyeol for the rest of the day, obviously bitter and resentful towards Chanyeol’s refusal to make him a vampire.

Chanyeol was stuck between a rock and a hard place. He wanted to stay to make sure that Kyungsoo was alright but he also felt that his stay was not as welcome anymore.

Chanyeol’s vampire instinct reacted whenever he felt unwelcomed; which was to flee and run away. Chanyeol never wanted to leave all the places he wanted to leave; he just had to for his own safety and his own survival.

Chanyeol never understood that part. He didn’t fancy his existence very much and wished that there was a way for him to die, but yet he found himself obeying the instincts that kept him alive for longer.

Maybe this was the curse of being a vampire, and knowing that, Chanyeol knew that he could not put Kyungsoo through the same suffering.

Now, Chanyeol only wished and hoped that Kyungsoo would eventually understand that too.

Chanyeol left on a snowy night, leaving behind a note to Kyungsoo on the nightstand that he would be continuing his travels for a bit more and that he would return to the mansion in the summer to fetch Kyungsoo once school was over.

Then, Chanyeol wanted to fulfill his promise to bring Kyungsoo around the world, to see and go to the places he never got to go to.

Chanyeol wanted to give Kyungsoo a life that he was satisfied with. A life with no regrets left behind, where he would be smiling on his deathbed, old and accomplished.

Class resumed around the second week of January.

Kyungsoo and Chanyeol still kept in contact, although sporadically since Chanyeol was probably in some forest in an isolated area out of communication range. And Kyungsoo was too busy with studies during his final semester so he could finally graduate from high school, albeit a year late.

Neither Kyungsoo nor Chanyeol brought up their argument, both of them pretending it never happened.

Chanyeol wanted to think that Kyungsoo was beginning to understand his viewpoint. When in reality, Kyungsoo had actually given up and accepted his inevitable death.

Kyungsoo didn’t want to live forever, didn’t want to become a vampire or whatever that was associated with it. He only saw it as a means to an escape out of a turmoil he had no control over.

Kyungsoo just didn’t want to die too young with so many things left unfinished. Kyungsoo didn’t want to live a wasted life and he had turned to Chanyeol for help.

Only, Chanyeol also turned him down.

Kyungsoo thought that he maybe should have been clearer to Chanyeol about his illness, about how it was coming back and about how his time left alive was very limited.

But Kyungsoo couldn’t also put Chanyeol through the burden of knowing that he was dying.

Kyungsoo tried his best to hide his relapsing illness from his family, teachers, classmates and even Chanyeol.

He was a legal adult now so he had the authority to decide that no one should be informed of the diagnosis.

Kyungsoo took his medication and snuck out of school for regular doctor visits, hoping that these pills would extend his life for a bit longer.

But by March, Kyungsoo was throwing up and fainting in class in front of his teacher and classmates.

The first few times it happened, everyone only thought that Kyungsoo was just sick with a fever or a cold.

The more times it reoccurred, everyone became concerned that Kyungsoo was sick with something more severe and life-threatening.

Kyungsoo’s friends were concerned and gently asked him what was wrong. Kyungsoo only smiled and assured everyone he was alright, that he would be fine.

Kyungsoo persevered. He wanted to graduate high school, wanted to complete something he started and wanted to accomplish at least one thing before he died.

By April, even the doctors were shaking their heads and looking worried for Kyungsoo.

The doctors told Kyungsoo that the con heart defect he was born with was deteriorating even further. They told Kyungsoo that more invasive procedures had to be done to save his life. They also told Kyungsoo that he would have to be taken out of school for it to be done.

After he was told that, Kyungsoo stopped visiting the doctors and did not return for his follow-up treatments.

 As a child, in a time where Kyungsoo’s parents had not given up on him, they had him undergo numerous corrective heart surgeries and treatments so he could live longer and healthier.

Eventually, they became tired at constantly living in fear of their son dying at any time, and they tuned out Kyungsoo from their emotions and their capacity to care.

It was easier for them this way. A human could only care so much, after all.

By May, Kyungsoo was too weak to even get himself out of bed in the morning. One morning, Kyungsoo simply couldn’t get himself out of bed at all.

Out of concern, Kyungsoo’s roommates alerted the teachers and counselors about this, despite his efforts to keep his illness a secret.

The next thing Kyungsoo knew, his bags and things were being packed away and he was pushed on a wheelchair with several nurses to assist him on a flight home.

At the back of his head, Kyungsoo was still hoping that this was just temporary and he would be back in school in a few days.

But when Kyungsoo was greeted at the airport by an ambulance already on the tarmac with flashing lights and a blaring siren, then did he realize that he probably wouldn’t be coming back at all.

Oddly, Kyungsoo felt rather calm and placid at the thought. Maybe it was the number of drugs in his bloodstream, maybe it was the acceptance of his mortality.

Kyungsoo was in the hospital for a while where he was passed out for almost the entire days he was there because of the medication.

Kyungsoo heard light chattering and talking from people around him, which he recognized to be that of his mother, father, older brother and younger sister.

Kyungsoo could only see blurry, fuzzy faces but he was able to recognize who they were.

Kyungsoo was allowed to have his phone and he kept texting Chanyeol back and forth without any hint or clue as to what was really going on.  

Chanyeol wished Kyungsoo l