I woke up the next morning with Youngbae-hyung knocking on my bedroom door .

I tried to stand but i was struggling so hard .

I went to my bathroom and open my medicine cabinet .

I reached out for my migrane pills and stuff about six of them into my mouth .

" Hyung , im skipping breakfast . Dont disturb me . "

I managed to shout from my room before collasping on my bed again .

I got up three hours later and rinse myself .

I went out to the living room and saw no one .

I went back to my room and took all the cash i had and rushed to the mart .

I grabbed hold of all liquor i see and paid them with all i have .

I got them into my room and hid them under my bed because i know if my hyungs saw my liquors , they'd probably kill me .

I heard my tummy grumbling , almost screaming at me for food but i stopped myself .

If i want Jiyong-hyung to love ,e like he love that Dara , then i need to be like her .

I need to be as skinny as her .

I will make myself as skinny as her and make him love me and for once , notice me .

I pulled one of the vodka i bought and poured  it into a glass .

I drank it up to cover up my hunger .

It tasted horrible and it burns my throat .

I though that if i drank a little bit more , i'll be on fire but i dont care anymore because the pain that i get for loving Jiyong-hyung hurt me more .

I kept drinking and crying .

What would life be if he actually cared ? 

I kept drinking and in no time , i drank up almost half of it .

My life went on that way for weeks .

At first , my body felt so painful because i force myself to drink alchohol instead of eating food , but i guess my tummy rather drink than have nothing at all .

Today , i looked at myself in the mirror again .

This time with my clothes off .

I stared at my now bone-y body .

Im satisfied .

Yet something's not quite right .

Maybe , it not enough .

" Seungri-ah . "

Jiyong-hyung ? 

Ah . No . It cant be him .

It must be my imagination .

I swallowed my migrane pills again .

Eight of them .

I heard that voice again .

I went out from my room to the living room and i fell tot he ground .

I felt something coming out of my mouth .

Blood .

The smell itself sickens me .

All of a sudden , i felt a lot of thing happening .

I heard Daesung-hyung screaming .

I saw Youngbae-hyung running towards me .

I heard TOP-hyung calling an ambulance .

I saw Jiyong-hyung standing , doing nothing and its enough to break my heart .

To know that everyone was worried and the one i love doesnt give a ing damn .

The next thing i know , everything was dark and i knew , i was gonna die .

I opened my eyes and saw the white ceiling .

I tried to turn my head tot he side but it hurt too much .

Its as though even turning my head uses all the energy i have .

" Seungri-ah . Why are you like this ? "

I heard Daesung-hyung asking me .

He was crying .

It hurt me to see my family crying for my mistakes .

Youngbae-hyung was by my side and he was holding my hand .

TOP-hyung was standing in front of me and i never saw him more worried than he looked now .

I looked everywhere else and i cant seem to find Jiyong-hyung .

Thats it . He doesnt care .

" Yah . All of you go out for awhile . I need to speak to him , "

I heard Jiyong-hyung's voice in the silence . 

I felt so good .

Everyone seem to listen to Jiyong-hyung and he cane towards me .

He sat at where Daesung-hyung sat .

He held my hand and asked if im okay .

Never in my whole life , have i ever felt so blessed .

" Why ? Why did you do this to yourself ? "

I saw tears in his eyes . 

I tried to reach out to him and wipe his tears but i cant even get myself to bring my hands up .

I was too weak .

" Do you know that youre anorexic , malnourished ? Why did you take so much pills ? Why were there so many bottles of liquor under your bed ? And whats with all this scars on your wrists ? How could you even think of death ? "

He is crying now .

I cant even answer him .

I was too happy because he noticed .

I was too happy , i was crying .

I was so glad that he finally noticed me .

All that i did wasnt useless .

" Why are you smiling ? Why ? Why did you do this ? Answer me . "

" I love you . "

I cant even tell him reasons .

With the breathe that i have left , thats all i had to say .

I never thought i would have even be able to tell him that .

" I love you too . "

God , did i save the world in my last life ?

I was so happy i could die .

My tears just flowed out .

I was just too happy .

GDragon's Pov .

If only he knew why i brok up with her .

I just cant take her anymore .

I know i dont love her but i cant continue to live a lie .

Im in love but not with her .

Its Seungri whom i love .

I know how he waitsfor me every night .

And i want to tell him how much i love him for doing so but im never brave .

If i were a little bit more braver than i am .

Damn it .

I keep drinking because i hate myself .

For being a coward , and for neglecting Seungri .

If i knew he went to these extends because he loves me , i would have told him i loved him a thousand years ago .

How could i be so blind ?

He hurt himself too much for me .

How could he even think of doing all that ?

I feel so bad , i want to just kill myself for him .

Now , i'll be there for him .

Forever and always , i shall never ever neglect him because i love him and its all that matters .

" Seungri-ah , i love you . I love you so much . "

I leaned in .