I could never refuse her.

She sighed.”Byul-ah, I can’t keep cleaning up your messes.”

“I’m sorry.” And I was. I would never want to burden her. “I’ll say something else next time.”

Yongsun nodded. Her expression told me that she didn’t quite believe me.

We made our way out into the parking lot and climbed into the mini-van. Hyejin and Wheein were already occupying the back seats, so that left the middle seats to Yongsun and I.

I’m sure they thought that would be a thoughtful gesture.

Our manager eyed us from the rear view mirror. “That interview went well, didn’t it?”

Everyone muttered their agreement; Wheein and Hyejin were too tired to speak, and Yongsun and I were not in the mood to dispute her.

Manager flashed us a small smile. “We’ll get you girls some lunch soon.”

I smiled back. I tried not to begrudge her for taking us to an early morning event. It was her job to make us work hard after all. As far as managers went, I think we got lucky with her. She was patient and usually had a hands off approach to us, only stepping in if things got truly out of hand. But honestly, Yongsun kept us in line enough so that she never had to do that. Manager-unnie was in charge of keeping things running smoothly behind the scenes, not us really.

Yongsun was looking outside the window. Looking at what, I wondered. The bleak grey of the parking lot?

I touched her arm, trying to feel out her mood.

She turned her body away. I retracted my hand mechanically.

We made a quick pit stop at a fast food place before whisking off to film a commercial.

It was for a skincare product, so naturally they caked on the concealer to make sure we had that naturally flawless finish their product claimed to give.

It was easy enough to deliver the lines with a smile. Yongsun looked more perfect than usual today. Her smile dazzled the cameras, but once the shoot was done it dropped.

Once it came down to dropping us off at home, Hyejin and Wheein asked if we wanted to drink together at Wheein’s place since we had the day off tomorrow. I looked at Yongsun for her opinion but she didn’t meet my eyes. I said yes. I didn’t have anywhere else to be, and it sounded fun. We hadn’t gotten together as a group in a while since we preferred to spend our free time alone. Yongsun said no, blaming it on a headache.

The driver dropped the three of us off at Wheein’s and we said farewell to our team leader.

I poured Hyejin a shot of soju to accompany the instant ramen we instantly made. She drank it and poured shots for Wheein and I before pouring another one for herself.

“Cheers to a new album,” I said.

“Cheers!” We clinked glasses.

“How are you these days?” Hyejin asked. When I first met her as a trainee, I was pretty frightened and intimidated by her appearance. She just looked so mature and confident.  She exuded an adult vibe that I didn’t have, even though I was older than her. I think I felt threatened by her presence, but later I sensed that she was kinder than she looked. She’s the type of person to ask about your day because she genuinely cares.

“I’m doing okay.” I wasn’t suffering much. I had a job, two parents that loved me, and a few friends I could count on, like the two in front of me. I had no reason to complain.

“Are you and Yongsun okay?”

I flinched. I considered lying to her, but I’ve learned through trial and error that keeping things to myself ended in disaster, so I blurted it out. “No, she’s mad at me for today.”

“Why is she mad at you?” Wheein’s brows knit together. What a cute kid. She didn’t scare me like Hyejin did, but she turned out to be a little more complicated than I initially expected. Complicated, but kind as well.

“You know when the interviewer asked about my ideal type? Yongsun said my answer wasn’t...” I struggled to find the right word. Satisfactory? Correct? Explicitly heteroual? “Right.”

“Did you say anything fishy? I don’t remember anything being weird,” Hyejin said puzzledly.

“She said my ideal type sounded too much like her,” I deadpanned. I took a big gulp of the soju, finishing it off. “She’s worried about the rumors.”

“Seriously, what’d you say that was so bad?” Wheein poured me another drink.

“I said I wanted someone who was older than me, who was strong, yet adorable. Someone I can tease and play around with that won’t be annoyed by my greasiness. Someone that can balance out my sensitivity with rationality.”

“I guess you were kind of describing her,” Wheein admitted, scrunching up her face. “But I still think she’s being paranoid for nothing. I only know you’re describing her because I know you two are toge-” Hyejin exchanged a look with her. She corrected herself. “-something. Otherwise, it’s just a description of some dude.”

I rubbed my temples. “That’s what I thought too, but she wants me to say something different next time this question comes up. She wants me to say like ‘broad shoulders, taller than me by four inches, mono lids’. Something distinctly male. That’s why after I said my answer she added that I like guys who work out a lot.”

Hyejin frowned. “She’s acting like this because of that one article right? The one about that fan theory of you being lesbian?”

“I guess it’s not a theory if it’s true.” My appetite had diminished into nothing, so I set down my chopsticks. “But yeah. She’s been freaking out about it so much that she talked to the CEO, but RBW legally can’t do anything about it because the article does say it’s just fan speculation.”

“At least it wasn’t a big news source,” Hyejin mused. “Hardly anyone reads that site. Things could be worse for you.”

“They could be,” I slurred. The alcohol was finally catching up with me.

“What’d you say?” Wheein inquired jokingly. “Repeat that please, unnie.”

“Ah, be quiet,” I said, laughing.  

The three of us joked around and talked for a bit while finishing our midnight meal.

Suddenly, my phone vibrated on the table. I turned it over to look at the screen.

Yeba Yongdonnie: Are u done drinking w 2younggirls?

Yeba Yongdonnie: please come over if ur done

Yeba Yongdonnie: I miss u

Yeba Yongdonnie: I’m sorry

I locked my phone and slipped it into the back pocket of my pants.

Hyejin just looked at me expectantly.

“Yongsun,” I said simply.

“Go get her,” Wheein said enthusiastically. Her face soured. “Does that mean you’re leaving?”

“Afraid so. Thanks for the drinks.”

“Aw, unnie. The night was just getting started.” Wheein pouted.

“Just get out of here,” Hyejin scolded me. “Tell us how it goes.”

I nodded and left.

The taxi driver looked like he recognized me, but the only words we exchanged were about my destination and my total.

I opened the door to Yongsun’s apartment quietly with the key she gave me. There was no one in the living room or kitchen, so her sister was probably asleep too. I knew Yongsun was most likely in her room, so I walked over to her door and knocked on it once before opening it.

Yongsun had her headphones on, listening to something on her phone. She was in a pajama set with her hair in a loose bun, a surefire sign of unwashed hair. I stifled a laugh.

“What are you watching?” I said a little loudly to let her know that I was in her room.

Her head snapped to where I stood. “Gosh, you scared me!”

I chuckled and sat next to her on the bed. “What are you listening to?” I tried to sneak a peek at her phone screen.

“Nothing,” she muttered. Well, that just made me more curious.

I tried to snatch her phone away, but she locked her screen immediately and held tightly onto it. For such small hands, she had an iron grip.

“Why won’t you let me look?”

“It’s embarrassing,” Yongsun mumbled.

“It’s probably not,” I assured her. “If you don’t tell me, I’m going to have to use my secret weapon.”

“Secret weapon? What is it?”

“Tickles,” I revealed, hoping that the mere threat of it would have her surrendering. I was a little too tipsy to plan a coordinated offensive tickle strike.

She went into defense mode, becoming a human turtle, shielding her sides with her arms and moving her legs up to her chest.

I scoffed. Easy. I attacked her feet.

“Oh my gosh, fine!” Yongsun screamed between peals of painful laughter. “I’ll tell you!”

I stopped my assault.

“I was listening to one of your old covers,” she said shyly. “‘Love’ by Primary.”

“Oh,” I said, stunned. “...Why?”

“I felt bad from today,” Yongsun admitted. “This song always makes me feel good. I don’t know. Your voice is just really soothing to me.”

“Thanks,” I said, still quite surprised. I felt warm, and it wasn’t entirely from the alcohol. “You were on my mind when I sang it.”

Yongsun blushed. “I was?”

“You were,” I reaffirmed.

She looked at me with tenderness that I hadn’t seen today. “Can you sing a bit of it for me?”

I hesitated. I was probably a bit drunk, and I wasn’t sure if I even knew the words anymore. “It won’t be perfect,” I warned her. “I only know like two lines right now.”

“That’s fine.” She took hold of my hand.

“Okay.” I took a deep breath and sang. “I can call it love / My baby / This feeling caught me by surprise / You can call it love / Please don’t hesitate / Don’t go away, please stay by my side.”

I buried my face into the crook of her neck from embarrassment. Singing for an audience of one was so very intimate. It was close enough to those three worn words she wouldn’t let me say.

“That was more than two lines,” Yongsun teased.

I laughed a little. “True. I surprised myself.”

I stayed like that for a moment. I liked resting my head on her shoulder. Her arms weren’t bony and sharp like mine—they were strong and firm, but soft like all her skin was. I inhaled. She smelled like the coconut body wash she liked. I liked it too.

“Byul-ah,” she said seriously, playing with my hand. “I’m sorry about today.”

She sounded so sad, and I didn’t want her to be. “It’s okay,” I said. “Water under the bridge.”

“I’m just worried about what people say about you,” she admitted, clutching my hand tightly. “If they found out about us... I don’t know what will happen, but I know it won’t be good.”

“They won’t find out,” I said.

“But if they do?” Yongsun pressed.

“Then I don’t know,” I said honestly. “But I’m not going to scare myself by thinking they will.” It wouldn’t do me any good to fret over things like that. I’d worry myself to death.

She sighed, relaxing against the pillows. I let myself succumb to the nice drowsy feeling that was encasing my senses. I planted an open mouthed kiss against Yongsun’s neck. She told me to stop doing this sort of thing in public after the article. It was hard; I’ve always been a touchy person, especially with her.

She turned to me. Our eyes locked. Hers looked melancholy today, so full of regret, yet so full of the love she was afraid to tell me. I hoped my eyes reassured hers. I hoped she saw that I was willing.

She placed a hand on my jaw and leaned in gently, letting our lips meet. I relished it slowly, discovering the salty wetness of her tears. I opened my eyes and pulled away, seeing Yongsun crying silently.

“I can’t be a good girlfriend to you or anything like that. I can’t even say, you know,” Yongsun said haggardly.

I nodded. “I know. But that’s okay. I can wait.”

“Can you?” Yongsun asked.

“I can,” I repeated.

“Why? Why would you wait for me?” She was skeptical. Knowing what’d she been through, I understood why.

“Because you’re you, and that’s enough for me.”

Yonsgun considered my answer for a moment. Then she wrapped her arms around me. “Then please wait for me.”

I smiled. “Isn’t that what I just said, yeba?”