tw: character death

When Saerom wakes up she knows a part of her is missing. It’s not something like a limb. It’s something internal, something that they couldn’t see. The doctor will explain to her that it’s the broken bones in her body that is causing the pain but Saerom knows.

It starts off slow, tears streaming down her face as she tries to dab them away. Her mother holds onto her, peppering her with kisses and hugs but not too strong because she’s hurting. She thanks her daughter for coming back to them, she praises God and promises to say a few more prayers.

Gradually her chest starts contracting and she’s gasping for air like she couldn’t breathe, her heart is beating irregularly, racing rapidly as it tries to claw itself out of her chest and when it can’t it sinks to the pit of her stomach. She’s hysterical now and there’s no comforting her because Saerom remembers everything.

Saerom remembers that Gyuri is gone.

***

Meeting her wasn’t a choice. Their mothers were best friends and so naturally they expected the same of their children.

Saerom and Gyuri were like fire and rain. Gyuri was gentle, understanding and little timid. Saerom was wild, fearless and brilliant. Maybe it was because they were so different that they got together perfectly. If Saerom was a flame, Gyuri was the oxygen she needed to stay alive. If Gyuri was a puzzle, Saerom is the missing piece.

It’s a sunny afternoon and they’re about seven when Saerom’s parents had just picked them up from school. It was normal for Gyuri to come over, especially when her parents weren’t at home. But that just meant more time with her best friend.

“Mum said that when we grow older, I can marry my best friend, so that means I’ll probably marry you,” Gyuri says, her short, scrawny legs dipped into the water as they sat on the edge of the dock. They were their melting ice creams in a futile attempt to stop the sun from making a mess of it all over their hands.

“I don’t want to marry you,” Saerom declares, and turns to face Gyuri who looked disappointed.

“Why not? We’d get to live with each other all the time.”

“Because my parents are married,” Saerom sighs, “They fight all the time. I don’t want to fight with you.”

Gyuri presses her lips into a thin line as if contemplating before she nods in agreement. “I won’t marry you then, so we can be together forever,” she sticks out her hand for Saerom to take.

Saerom slaps her hand on top and their stubby fingers intertwined together, the ice cream acting like a glue that would keep them together, never to part.

***

It’s the day of her funeral and there have been a stream of mourners all morning for Gyuri but their condolences fall on deaf ears. Gyuri’s mother had been wailing beside her all day as her older brother tried to comfort her. Her father had left the room, unable to take any more pain.

She heard the murmurs of the guests in the room. Some talk about the tragedy of the loss of a young life, a young woman who had a future for her, a young woman whose life should’ve been spared in favour of someone else. Someone wicked and cruel, someone like Saerom.

She’s sitting in a wheelchair, dressed in her hospital gown. Despite their protests Saerom knew there would be no way she’d let Gyuri leave without saying goodbye to her.

“She’s in a better place,” Hayoung says to her and Saerom looks up at the other woman. She’s looking down, eyes barely open as she reaches out for Saerom’s hand in an attempt to console her.

“I wish I was there with her,” Saerom mumbles, speaking for the first time in a week.

“Oh-ho! Lee Saerom, don’t say things like that!”

Saerom glances up at Hayoung oddly, her expression now a curious one. “Are you ok?” she asks.

“You didn’t hear it?” Saerom asks, “Gyuri’s voice.”

She swears on her life that she heard her voice. It was as clear as day. It was as if she was standing in front of her, lecturing her for being so morbid. She knew that voice, she knew it was Gyuri’s but Hayoung lowered onto her knees and held her hand.

“Gyuri’s gone, Saerom and you’ve got to stop blaming yourself for the accident, the other driver was drunk you did the best that you could for the both of you...” Hayoung’s voice falls on deaf ears as Saerom stares at Gyuri’s photo smiling back at her.

She could’ve sworn she heard her voice.

***

When her parents buy her a puppy for her birthday she doesn’t tell anyone how much it upsets her. So much that Saerom placed the pup outside in hopes that the next morning she’d wake up and it would be gone. It wasn’t because she hated puppies, she loved animals as a matter of fact, but to own a pet was different.

She wakes up the next morning to Gyuri holding the small white maltese in her arms, kissing its