It has been three nights since the separation and every night is accompanied by the howls of lonely lovers. Not only the lovers from across the borders but the lonely mates on this side of the border. I sit on top the same hill every night hoping to hear Yunho’s howl but after three nights it becomes tiring. I have sat from sunset to sunrise but tonight I will not. Right now the moon is at its midnight peak. I have sat thus far and now I can sit no more.
As I stand I hear a howl break the silence. I still and listen but turn away soon after. It isn’t Yunho. Why would he call for me? I return to the pack and find my brother searching for me and the other nine. He gathers us and looks at each of us seriously.
“Look I know for the past two years you have made that place your home. You were all chosen to help keep the peace between our two packs. I think you have done that this far. I am willing to allow you to return however once you cross the border land you are no longer part of this pack. Let’s hope that that pack takes you back or else you may live the rest of your lives without the security of a pack. The decision is yours.” My brother took a step back.
I looked to the other nine who looked at me. I don’t have mind reading abilities but I know they are conflicted. It’s all because it was I who was hurt. It was I who chose to leave.
“Go, your loyalty is to your mate not me. I will remain here. It is my home.” I looked to them and nodded.
They looked to each other before one stood out and bowed. “Thank you.” He whispered and made a run to the border. The rest did the same in unison before running off into the distance.
“I am surprised.” My brother stepped closer to me. “Maybe father should have killed you when you were born.”
I looked to him in confusion.
“You were born a secondary male and father knew that. You didn’t threaten his position as leader so he let you live. You know how pack leaders feel about having sons. Besides you were too pretty to be leader anyway.” He joked. My brother turned from me and began to walk away. I followed. “The way those nine looked up to you it could be seen as a pack leader giving orders to his pack.”
I followed in silence behind him.
Secondary male…. Secondary males are no less important than other males however they do have a different appearance. Secondary males are usually a lot more effeminate looking than regular males and more submissive to their dominant mate. No secondary male has ever held a position such as pack leader because they are too submissive to be a dominant.
It has been so long since I have heard that term.
“Why would they call it that? It sounds as if I am second place or something.” I asked.
“It’s not about position. You are just a different type of male. It means nothing really. You are the same as me. We were born from the same mother and father. We share the same blood. Beneath this pack leader position I am still the same little runt that nobody thought would become leader and yet here I am. I fought for this position the same as our father fought for his. You,” He pointed at me. “You are proving to not be as submissive as I had thought. I better watch out you might steal my position from me.” He smiled and nodded.
“Is it possible for a secondary to be dominant?”
“I have never heard of it in my lifetime but I am sure it could happen. You should feed. I haven’t seen you feed since you came here.” My brother’s eyes turned to a worrisome look.
“I’ll be fine.” I turned from him and left.
I had never given any thought to the fact that I am what they call secondary male. I was not treated any differently. I was just Kim Jaejoong the second son of my father, the youngest of my family. That was it.
Now I have Yunho and I can’t help but feel how submissive I really am. I look up to the night sky. We are together under these same stars and yet we are so far apart. The ache in my heart thunders across my whole body. Are you hurting like me? Tell me so that I can come to comfort you. Tell me that you are sorry. Allow me to forgive you so that I can continue to love you.
I turn away from the stars and leave.
The next night I find myself wandering back to that same lonely hill that overlooked the border. I stop myself.  I can’t continue to hurt myself like this. If he wants me than he has to come get me though I don’t know how long I can wait. I turn back but as soon as I do so I hear a sharp howl pierce the night air. It wasn’t Yunho but it wasn’t a howl I could ignore.
That pack was getting attacked again. I ran to the border and suddenly my brother’s words echoed in my head.
Once I cross I am no longer a member of this pack…
I looked back and said a silent good bye before I jumped over the border and landed on my wolf legs. I ran towards the pack. I ran and ran. Another howl rang out. I doubled my speed until I found myself upon the pack’s clearing. I saw many wolves fighting each other. I threw myself into a fight with another wolf. We fought each other. They clawed and tried to bite at my neck. When I was able to get a small distance between me and them, I made my move. I ran at them and threw myself at them. I was able to lock my jaws around their neck before snapping it in one move. I breeze blew through and I could smell Yunho. I looked for him and saw him warring with another. I was about to help him when I heard a yelp coming from the opposite direction. I looked and saw the pack leader being attacked by two very large wolves.
I looked back to Yunho before I turned and ran towards the pack leader. I knocked away one of the wolves and begin to fight them. They were a lot larger than me and barely budged when I tried to fight them. Once they hit me with their large paw I yelped and fell to the side. I was knocked out of wind for a second. I regained my footing and threw myself at them again.
Where they were big I was small. Where they were strong I was weak. However large they were they didn’t seem to move as fast. I could move very fast because of my size and so I used that to my advantage.
I dodged the wolf’s attacks. When he lurched forward I moved. When he threw his paw at me I ducked. I missed his hits every time. He took a charge at me and I was quick and threw myself at his neck. I bit down hard and snapped his neck with my jaws. He was dead before he hit the ground.
The last large wolf fighting the leader was close to defeating him. The leader yelped and whined. As soon as I saw his opponent aim for his neck I pushed at the wolf with all I had and knocked him away. I turned to look at the pack leader and I could see the blood coming from his neck.
Suddenly I felt something heavy hit my side and I tumbled to the side. My side was burning. The large wolf I knocked away from the leader had his sights set on me. I got on my feet and begin to back away slowly. When he began to run at me I ran at him. We collided and I used my claws to claw at his eyes. He yelped. They stumbled backwards. I made my move to his neck but he moved and I missed. He tried to get away but I kept him down using all the strength I had gathered. I couldn’t get at his neck. So I bit what I could and I bit at his shoulder. He howled in pain. I used a free hand and pushed it threw his chest and crushed his heart with a final yelp he died.
I was out of breath as I fell backward. My side was burning so much. My wolf form would not remain under the wounds. I transformed back into my human form and I lay there. I feel at my side. There were deep claw marks at my side. I moaned in pain.
A howl echoed in the air. It must have been the enemy because soon they were gone. I continue to lay there in pain clutching my side. I soon was approached by the others in their human forms.
“Jaejoong?” It was Hyuk, one of the nine. He kneeled next to me.
“How is he?” I nodded towards the pack leader.
“He’s gone.” He spoke.
“How bad am I?” I asked.
“They look deep.” He tried to examine me but I hissed in pain.
More and more came to my side.
“Did he fight the two wolves alone?” One asked.
“Our leader is dead.” Another joined.
“Who will be our leader now?” A few asked.
“Isn’t it obvious? I saw him with my own eyes. He took down the pack leader of the enemy and he tried to save our own leader. No one deserves this honor more than him. Our new pack leader is Kim Jaejoong.” Hyuk looked to those around me.
“A secondary male?” A voice spoke from the crowd that began to gather.
“This secondary male just killed three wolves. Two of them were twice his side and one was even the enemy pack leader. Tell me someone else more worthy than him. There is no other. Jaejoong should become our new leader.” Hyuk helped me to sit up.
“Fighting one alone was tough enough. I could barely control them. How were you able to fight three?” One of them asked.
I looked to Hyuk. “I want Yunho.” I whispered to him.
He nodded. “Enough questions. He fought honorably and deserves the right to be leader. Who else can you get that could have done what has done? He killed their leader and now they retreated. He saved us.”
“How can we have anyone else lead us?” A member from the crowd stood out. “We need to get your wounds healed.” He helped me to stand up. “This is our leader.”
The crowd looked amongst themselves before bowing. “Our Leader Kim Jaejoong.” They spoke in unison.
An uneasy feeling erupted within my stomach. I looked to Hyuk. “I want Yunho.” I whispered to them.
“I’ll take care of that. Get healed first and I’ll find him.” Hyuk smiled to reassure me before he left.
I was put in the care of the healers. My wound was cleaned and dressed. It wouldn’t matter. I’ll be healed after a day or two. They wanted me to rest but I wanted to be near Yunho. I needed Yunho.
I was restless and could not be made to sit still. One of the healers gave me a drink to drink and I drank. My limbs soon felt heavy. My mind felt light. Soon blackness crept into my vision.
Yunho I’m sorry. I am really sorry.