I awoke in the cold dampness of dawn. I sat up and he stirred next to me. I looked to him and he opened his eyes. We stared into each other’s eyes as if to speak to each other through our gazes. I turned away from him. I heard him sit up. He put one arm around my shoulders and held me like this from behind.
“I am sorry.” He spoke next to my ear. His hot breath made me realize how cold it really was.
“Does being the dominant male mean so much to you?” I asked.
He didn’t say a word. I pulled his arm away. I looked to him and his eyes were looking to the ground as if he knew he had done something wrong. I lifted his chin.
“Could you live the rest of your life not being the pack leader?” I wondered.
He sighed and stood up. I followed him. “Answer me Yunho?” I grabbed at his arm because he began to walk away.
“Could you live if someone had taken your home from you? Could you live knowing that other’s look at you like you’re a failure? I hate myself, Jaejoong because every day I see another living in my home and there is nothing I can do about it.” He shook his arm of my grip.
“Your home is with me and no else matters but me or at least that is what it should be. I don’t care about you status as a member of this pack. I care about you. Am I enough for you?” I whispered the last sentence because I was afraid of the answer.
He glanced back at me. He didn’t say a word as he turned and left.
I felt a sting in my heart and I staggered backwards as if I were hit. I watched his back as he continued to walk on ahead. Am I really not enough for you? I felt at my chest before I followed Yunho. I stayed a distance behind him because being near him hurt.
When we reached the pack I separated from him and stayed at the outer skirts of the pack. I wandered there and stayed away from everyone. I could not put into words what I felt nor could I bring myself to be near Yunho.
Almost two years ago I was given to him as a peace offering. Our two packs had been warring with each other for decades before the peace pact was even thought of. I was not alone there were about ten of us that were offered. I, being the son of a pack leader, was given to Yunho by my father. I couldn’t complain Yunho was handsome and I was very much attracted to him. I think I fell in love at first sight because every day since then I have been happy even when Yunho used to feel dominant. Of course I allowed him to top me whenever he felt inferior simply because that was the only way I could comfort him. I loved him after all there was nothing I wouldn’t do for him.
However the peace pact had come with a set of rules that Yunho and the rest who took mates from the other pack must follow. The main one is that we, the ten who came from the other pack, must never be harmed. If harm does comes to either one of us than we are allowed to return to our home. Since we had left none of us had been put in any harm. We blended quickly into the pack and I had been at Yunho’s side since.
Though can I say this is pain? I felt at my heart. The ache was there whenever I thought of Yunho. My Yunho have you given up on me for the sake of pack leader? Is that all that matters? The ache seemed to have gotten a heartbeat because it thunders through my body and weakens my limbs. Yunho please come back to me and tell me I am all that you care about.
I wallow in my heartache for a day until someone comes to get me. They say Yunho is challenging another wolf. I run quickly to Yunho. I find him standing in the center of a crowd of others. He is angrily pointing at another wolf. His ocean blue eyes are now replaced by the cold color of steel. I am not sure of the argument but soon Yunho begins to push at the other wolf. There is going to be a fight soon and I can’t stand to see Yunho in a fight. I run from the crowd and pull Yunho away.
“Yunho stop. You don’t have anything to prove. Just stop it whatever it is. Please stop.” I grab at his arms.
“Jaejoong, get away!” Yunho pushes off my grip.
“Please Yunho stop.” I urge him but he begins to approach the other wolf. I move to stand in front of him and block him.
“Jaejoong I said get out of the way!” Yunho grabs my arms and throws me to the side. I go tumbling to the ground. My side hits a hidden rock and I yelp in pain. My arm is cut from the jagged point of another hidden rock.
The other nine from the pact jump out of the crowd and growl at Yunho. They take to a fighting stance as they gather around me.
Yunho looks to me and the steel blue in his eyes cools to that of water. “Jaejoong?” He tries to approach me but the growls of the others hold him back.
I examine my arm before I stand up. It’s only a minor injury but still it hurts. I look to Yunho and the ache in my heart spreads through my whole core. Yunho has hurt more than just my body.
“With this the pact is broken.” I whisper. “Let’s return home.” I look to those around me. They bowed their head. We all fell onto our wolf legs and ran towards the horizon where we shall find our home pack.
Once the sun had fallen behind the horizon we came upon our old pack. They treated us as enemies of course. We did carry a different scent and some of us were mated to the other pack. I was escorted to my brother who was now pack leader.
I saw him there. He smiled at me and put his arms around me in an embrace.
“I was beginning to think that father’s pact idea might work. Now I see differently. Tell me what happened.” My brother pulled me with him.
I shake my head. I can’t bring myself to say Yunho had hurt me. I was afraid of the tears that might fall if I try to speak about Yunho.
“It’s fine. Don’t speak but as your brother and a leader of this pack I shall see fit that anyone that has hurt my family shall be punished.” My brother spoke that last word as a growl. “You know father died after you left right?” He looked to me.
“I know I heard the death cry.” I looked around and the nine had rejoined with their families. The air was different there from before. It didn’t feel like home anymore and I knew why. “It feels different here.”
“It is because I am leader now.” He continued to walk and I followed.
“No it’s not that, this place doesn’t feel like home.” I looked around. “It’s the same place but it looks different.”
“That is because this has not been your home for a while.” My brother turned to me. “I am sure you need rest. Get some. I’m going out to hunt.” He nodded to me and left.
I wandered to the outer area of my brother’s pack. I wandered to where my old pack’s and my new pack’s boundaries lied. I found a place on a hill that over looked the boundary. I sat and wondered what Yunho was doing? Is he missing me?
I felt at my chest the ache in my chest became a lump in my throat. I bit my lip to keep this saddened feeling at bay but my eyes betrayed me. My vision blurred with tears. I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I buried my head in my arms and allowed the sobs to overcome me. My side ached with every sob. Never had I thought Yunho would hurt me.
I gathered all the hurt I felt and threw it into the night wind in a single howl. It was the howl of a broken wolf. No sooner had I done so had another howl broke through the night air. I listened carefully maybe it was Yunho. When a second howl erupted from the darkness I knew that it wasn’t Yunho.
Yunho my heart is breaking and it hurts. Why aren’t you here? I need you now. Where are you?
Another howl broke the silent night. They must be the other mates from the nine because they come from across the border. I could feel their loneliness in their howls. My lip quivered. I miss my Yunho.