♪ Maybe we'd marry and we'd work it out fine,
In some other time, some other time
And we are happy when I'm walking that line,
It's all in my mind, all in my mind
I paint the ceiling so that nobody knows
I cover it slow, cover it slow
It's like you've never even met me before,
How little I show, little I show ♪

--

He didn’t intend to come, really. He spent his whole day distracting himself so that he wouldn’t give in to the temptation. But when a clap of thunder rattled his roof and dark clouds obscured the sky with such thickness not even the sun could penetrate, his determination weakened. No matter how much he convinced himself Jinyoung was smart enough to stop waiting for him if it rained, he was too well acquainted with his stubbornness. When Jinyoung decided on something, he would see it until the end.

That was how he found himself climbing up the hill again moments later. A folded umbrella dangling from a thread on his wrist, forcing his sluggish body to move. No amount of coffee could replace a good night rest after all, or maybe his body had gotten used to that dose caffeine without him remembering that it no longer had much effect. Or maybe his body was just getting old, despite his mind staying seventeen.

He pushed his legs to move faster, opening the umbrella without pausing, when the first drop of water which fell on his nose multiplied into countless ones. Half of him wished Jinyoung had given up and went back, yet the other selfish half that was wanting to see him again wished the opposite. So he felt a bit guilty at the slight happiness surging up inside him when he saw Jinyoung standing there, taking shelter under the bushiest tree there, eyes sparkled against the gloomy rain as he saw him running.

“Why are you here still here? Are you deaf now that you can’t hear those thunders?” he yelled, putting the umbrella over both of them.

“Waiting for you, of course,” Jinyoung said lightly to his frustration.

“What if I never come? Are you going to wait until the rain stop? What if it goes on until morning?”

“But you come,” Jinyoung smiled, “I know you will.”

Jaebum sighed, wiping water from Jinyoung’s face with his the sleeve of his hoodie. “You’re dumb, you know that?”

Jinyoung grinned. “Not dumb, just persistent.”

“Which is dumb. I’ll take you back. Where are you staying?”

“At an inn near the town.”

“Alright, let’s go.”

They started walking, the ground squelching under their shoes. None of them said anything, like they often did when they were together, but instead of awkwardness it created a comfortable bubble which filtered every noise into a pleasant lullaby. That time, however, he was quite disturbed as he could feel a pair of eyes staring intensely at him. He tried to endure it, but patience was never his strong suit afterall.

“If there’s something you wanna say, just do it.”

Jinyoung chuckled. “Sorry, it’s nothing. I’m just glad that you don’t change a bit.”

Well, of course he didn’t. More like he couldn’t, but Jinyoung didn’t need to know that. “I’m pretty sure I didn’t have five holes in my ears eight years ago, but suit yourself.”

“And you sure didn’t have an ugly tail on your neck, but that’s not what I’m talking about. Remember I often went back late because I was in student council? You knew I never brought umbrella with me, so you’d wait until I finished and we’d go home together. That’s why when I knew it was going to rain, I became more sure that you’d come. And I was right, you really come. Good boy~.”

“Who do you think I am, your personal umbrella?,” he said annoyedly, yet he didn’t brush off the hand the back of his hair.

“Of course you are. Do you know how much I missed you every time it rained?”

“Just because you got drenched thanks to your own foolishness,” Jaebum rolled his eyes.

“Then why did I still miss you even when the sun shined brightly? Or when it was replaced by the moon? Can you tell why?”

Jaebum stopped to look at Jinyoung, confused by the question. Then a pair of tender lips covered his own, so sudden in his daze. His brain was working slowly that before he managed to register it, the only thing left was the lingering feeling of those lips.

“I’ve been regretting not telling you my feelings back then. And when I saw you again, they came back so easily as if they’re always there. I don’t want to regret anymore so I’ll say it now.”

Jinyoung look straight into his eyes, the two black orbs piercing through his soul the way it used to do eight years ago. The sound of drizzling rain faded to the background, and all he could hear were the loud beating of his heart and Jinyoung’s voice.

“I love you, Jaebum.”

Jaebum opened his mouth, but every words he had learned was lost inside the storm of his heart. It was everything he ever wanted, to have Jinyoung’s love, to kiss him. It supposed to make him happy. However, he felt his heart breaking instead. It was everything he ever wanted, yet it would disappear without a trace the moment he could no longer stay awake.

“Why are you crying?” Jinyoung asked, his eyes filled with concern. Only then Jaebum realized that tears had fallen onto his cheek, which soon flooding down. Jinyoung pulled him into his arms and patted his back as he soaked his shoulder wet. Since he woke up the day before, it was the first time he cursed the world and his fate. It was so unfair. What did he do so wrong to deserve all of that? Did he angered the God? Or fate just having fun playing with him? Bringing Jinyoung to him just to let him forget? Why did it have to be so cruel? And why him?

He cried his heart out, and all the while Jinyoung told him that everything was gonna be okay like a chant. His soothing voice calmed him down, and eventually his tears stopped. However, the ache in his heart still hurt as much as it did before. As Jinyoung took the umbrella from him and held his hand, leading him to continue walking, he wondered if it would disappear along with his memories, and he found himself not wanting it to happen. Since everything that connected to Jinyoung was precious to him, he didn’t want to lose it.

“It’s here,” Jinyoung finally said. They were in front of an traditional inn, with big wooden gates and white high wall. Jinyoung stared at him cautiously, as if he was about to burst into tears again. “Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” he said, forcing out a small smile to reassure Jinyoung. “I’m sorry for that.”

“Don’t be,” Jinyoung smiled back, although his eyes told him he wasn’t convinced.

“Well, this is it, then. Sleep well, and be careful on your way back tomorrow.”

He grabbed the umbrella, but Jinyoung wouldn’t let go of it. He looked at him, confused. “Give my umbrella back, Jinyoung. Or do you want me to go home drenched in the rain?”

Instead of releasing, Jinyoung’s grip on the umbrella tightened. There was something close to dread in his eyes and it made Jaebum even more puzzled.

“Why do I feel like I could never see you again if I let go of this umbrella?”

His words stabbed right through his chest, because of how true it was. The Jaebum that Jinyoung saw, talked with, confessed to, and kissed the day before would vanish to nothingness. There would be no next time for them, as the him right then would die when he went home, closed his eyes, and fell into slumber.

“I’m right, no?” The pained expression on Jinyoung’s face crushed his heart. It was unbearable to see, so he averted his eyes and looked down. He could have lied, yet he couldn’t. If Jinyoung looked for him and found out what he had forgot, it would only hurt him more. It was better to end it here, to make sure they wouldn’t meet again. So he nodded, admitting the truth, admitting the cruel fate that befell him.

“Is it because I said I love you? Can it change if I retract my confession? We can just be friends like we used to.”

Jaebum shook his head, trying to held back his tears from falling again. It would be better for Jinyoung to forget him and move forward, finding someone who can bring him happiness. Getting tangled with his messed up destiny wasn’t how he wanted Jinyoung to spend his life by. Although he would never have a happy ending, at least Jinyoung should.

“Then why?”

Jaebum lifted his face, meeting Jinyoung’s glazed eyes. “It’s best if we don’t see each other anymore. I can’t tell you why, but please understand. Don’t make it harder for me, it’s already difficult for me as it is. Leave this place, and forget me. Will you do that, for the sake of our friendship? I beg you.”

Jinyoung stared at him in hurt and disbelief. “You’re horrible, you know. How can I refuse if you put it that way? It’s unfair.”

Jaebum pushed Jinyoung’s hands off of the umbrella gently, and this time the latter let go, giving in. Seeing Jinyoung being so furnerable pained him, but he couldn’t let it weakened his resolve. “I’m sorry, it’s okay if you hate me. Farewell.”

With his heart dragging on his feet, he turned around and walked away. However before he reached his fifth step, a pair of arms wrapped firmly around him, keeping him from going.

“I won’t look for you again, I promise. In exchange, will you grant me one last wish?”

“Stay with me until I leave tomorrow. No, even the morning is fine. We don’t need to do anything, just stay by my side tonight. Will you?”

Jaebum could hear Jinyoung’s voice shaking. He looked up and blinked his eyes, keeping his tears from falling. He had reached his limit, he couldn’t hurt Jinyoung any further than that. And he couldn’t deny that he also wanted that last chance to be with Jinyoung a little bit longer. So for once, he let his selfishness win.

Just like Jinyoung said, they didn’t do anything. They didn’t even talk, afraid of what might come out if they did, and more unnecessary memories formed. They only ate the dinner prepared by the kind owner together and lay down on the mattress they spread on the floor after, staring at each other for hours until Jinyoung fell asleep. Jaebum was also barely hanging by, but he knew he couldn’t fall asleep there. So he left as quietly as he could, trying not to wake Jinyoung up.

He reached his house moments later and threw himself on the bed. Both his body, mind, and heart were worn out from everything, he couldn’t even bothered to clean himself up. His eyes caught his journal, and once again he decided not to write anything. Knowing he had Jinyoung’s love yet unable to claim it would only be another thing that crushed him further along with the grief of his parents’ and his grandma’s death when he woke up. It would became another wound pried open every morning with no chance to heal until he died. He’d rather stay in his unrequited love bliss, which didn’t hurt as much as what he felt right then.

And so he fell asleep, letting go of everything precious to him.

_____________________________________

P. S.:

Song: The Paper Kites - Paint

A fast update ;D

I love it when Jaebum smiles but why why why do I always make him suffer in my stories I'm starting to hate myself (not really). I intended to make this chapter fluffier but I surprised myself with the amount of angst inside me. Anyway, how do you like this chapter? Hope you'll still like it despite the angstiness :D