ONE MORE TIME

It was a normal Wednesday. It was almost two in the morning and I just got home from work. I had a hard time closing a deal with a new client in the morning and had an urgent meeting at dinner. I feel so exhausted but I just cannot seem to get my sleep just yet. I took a glance at the sleeping body beside me. My wife must be really tired as well. I called her during lunch earlier and she seemed so busy with her ongoing research. I hope she is not skipping meals just to meet her deadlines. I fixed her blanket and took a glance at her again. Then I decided to get off from bed.

 On my way out of our room, something caught my attention. It was an old picture lying on the floor. I pick it up and noticed that it was my photograph taken about over eighteen years ago. Something tugged at my chest as I look at the picture. It must nostalgia crushing in.

“It has been that long, eh?” I told to myself.

My son was sleeping soundly on his bed as I checked on him in the next door. There bedside him was an old photo album. He must have played with the photo albums in the cabinet. And then it made sense to me. The photo that I was holding must have come from this.

I also took the album and head out to the living room. I sat down and opened the flashlight of my phone as I decided not to open the room lights to not disturb everyone who’s sleeping. I focused my phone’s light to the album. I opened the first page and there I saw photos of my group, Sechskies. It was taken during our trip in Hawaii. I scanned though the other pictures in the album. I smiled as flashes of memories flooded my mind in an instant. I closed my eyes as I recall the days when we played in the beach and swam together. Those are small moments I still keep in my heart even now. We had it rough during our youth but these moments when we feel like we’re young and lively are too precious for me to forget. Thinking about it now, it feels as if it only happened yesterday.

I finished scanning the photos and put it on the side table. I went to the fridge and took a can of beer. As I head back to the sofa, I composed a message and sent it to my friend.

[Suwon-ah, are you busy?]

Just right after my first gulp of my beer, my phone beeped.

[Oh, Jiyong-ah!~ I am in the middle of recording a song right now. I am here with the Hyungs and Sunghoon-ie. Why?]

I looked at the time on my phone. It is almost three in the morning now and yet they’re still working. They must be really preparing hard for their new album. Suwon-ie also told me last week that they’ll be having a concert next month. It’s just like before. I remember how we practiced till early in the morning back then. We didn’t have time to eat proper meals then. After rehearsing all throughout the night we’ll have early schedules to some broadcast or radio stations. It was hard and yet it was also fun. Being with those guys is always fun.

As I keep reminiscing things from the past my phone suddenly rang. Suwon is video calling me. Didn’t he say that he is working? Why is he calling me right now?

I answered the call and put the phone in front of my face.

“Jiyong-ah!~” Suwon greeted me with a wide smile.

I smiled at him too and asked. “Aren’t you busy right now? Why did you call me?”

“You didn’t respond to the message I sent. So I decided to call you instead. Hahaha. We’re almost done here and I also told them that you sent me a message. Hyung, Jiyong is here.” He said and moved the camera focus to the others who are sitting next to him.

“Oh, Our Jiyong-ie!” Jaeduck-hyung greeted me as he wave his hand at the camera.

Next to him Sunghoon with a bright smile told, “Jiyong-ah, it’s been a while!”

“Why are you not sleeping now, Jiyong-ah? Don’t you have work early today?” Jiwon-hyung asked in his nagging tone.

I grinned at them. It is already late and yet they still seemed so energetic.

“I am still not sleepy. I just had a can of beer. And my appointments are all late in the afternoon today, hyung.”

“If you are not busy you should visit us here. We’ll let you listen to our new song.” This time Jaijin-hyung focused the camera on himself. “I will tell Hyunsuk-hyung that you will come.” he told again.

“That’s a good idea! You should bring Seungjae along with you too!” Sunghoon seconded Jaijin-hyung.

Jaeduck-hyung butted in and said, “Right! Right! Tablo’s daughter was also here few days ago! Even Sean’s kids play here sometimes. You should come, Jiyong-ah!~”

I was hesitant to answer their suggestions. It won’t be easy to say yes. But I feel like it will be nice to be in a recording studio once more. Seungjae may also like it there too. I remember that he enjoyed being in KBS too. The look on Jaijin-hyung’s eyes was as if pleading me. Everyone is encouraging me to agree to the very idea of it. It’s as if they badly want me to be there.

“I cannot say yes to that guys. You know that I have important matters to attend to. Sorry.”

Jaijin-hyung’s smile faded right after he heard me. I suddenly feel bad about rejecting his offer but there’s nothing much that I can do. Jaeduck-hyung moved away from the camera too. Even Sunghoon looked away for a brief moment before telling that. “It’s fine, Jiyong-ie. We understand you.”

He passed the phone to Suwon again. “Jiyong-ah, you should rest now too. We’re sure you’re also tired. I’ll call you sometime again.”

I just nodded at him smiled a bit. I was about to end the call when Jiwon-hyung snatched the phone from Suwon.

“If you have a free schedule, I hope you can attend the concert. I am not forcing you or anything but I know these kids will be happy to have you there. Our fans would love it too. Jiyong-ah, I know you’re working hard but we also misses you. It’s never the same without you. Then.” He told in a serious tone.

“H-hyung…” He ended the call without hearing if I have to say something.

“Was that Eun Jiwon-ssi?” I was startled at the sudden voice.

“Oh, did we wake you up?” I asked Yangim as she approached me.

She shook her head and sat next to me. “It’s the alarm. I actually have to wake up early and head to the university by six. Did you even sleep?”

This time I shook my head. “I cannot sleep earlier and decided to have a can of beer. It just happened that I saw my old photo album and talked a little with the group.”

“I am sorry but I overheard what he said. They must be really hoping to have your presence there. Do you feel the same? Do you miss them too?” she looked straight into me as she asked those questions.

I suddenly feel like something is in my throat that is blocking my voice. “I… I…” I stammered as I find in my mind the words I want to say.

“Yeobo, I already know the answer.” she said and held both my hands. “But why are you hesitating? What is holding you back? Is it me? Is it Seungjae?”

“Y-yangim-ah, it is not like that. There are so many circumstances. My work, the media, the fans… there are more other things.” I managed to finally say something.

She tighten her hold in my hand and caressed it a little. “I understand how those things are so important matters to you. But how about what you feel? How about the desire of your heart? Will you just ignore it to keep things the way they are? I want to see that Jiyong again -- that Jiyong whose eyes are sparkling just by looking at the sea of fans on your reunion. I cannot forget the determination you showed when you decided to take part in The Return of Superman. Yeobo, back then I felt like you let me see your passion from your younger self. I will support you no matter what. But I hope that you won’t neglect the people whom are very important to you for other trivial matters. And besides, it’s not like your participating in the promotions and the concert. They just want you to be with them there.”

Yangim’s words are like arrows that goes in straight to my heart. I am overwhelmed by sudden emotions that are surging into me. I don’t know what to say anymore so I just hugged her instead.

I took a deep sigh before I told her. “I will keep in my mind what you said, Yeobo. For now, you should get ready. You might be late for your work.”

She gave me a relieved smile and stood up. “Yeobo, you should get some rest. Seungjae have no school today and my mom will be here later to take care of him. You should sleep and get ready for work later, okay?”

“I will.” I assured her.

“Yeobo,” I called her again before she heads to our room.

She asked. “Why?”

“Thank you.”