2

When normal, common people feel depressed, they try to talk to people close to them, like friends or family or sleep to forget. Maybe even hang out with friends to distract themselves. But Jiyong is the only person Youngbae knew, who would work to forget. His leader would visit his studio and never leave it until he collapses or is too tired to think about anything productive. He would sleep on the little uncomfortable couch and lose himself in energy drinks, cigarettes and sheets written with lyrics. 

For Jiyong writing and composing songs seems to be his work and his hobby at the same time. It's his passion and he knows he can give himself to the music completly, so he will forget anything else. And right now Jiyong has as a lot he wants to forget. The feeling of someone sleeping beside him at night for example. Or the heavenly familiar taste of some certain labello on his lips. Jiyong sighed and looked down at his pieces of words. It´s the first time for the last hours that he really reads what he wrote down. Those Black words on this pure white paper are exactly as black as his content. What exactly is he doing here? 

He decided he deserved a short break from writing depressive and got up to have a smoke. He left the studio at the YG building and followed the glowing signs of the emergency exit. He needed an emergency eit right now in his life. ''Gosh Jiyong stop being so melodramatic´´, he mumured to himself.

He reached for his cigarettes in his pants pocket and lights up one between his lips. He taook a deep drag of the cancer stick and heard the silent crackle of the burning end. Immediately Jiyong felt how the smoke entered his lungs and how much he relaxed. He wanted to quit so many times already but he always failed. But if the celebrity would be honest, he never tried for real, he never gave all he got and he never really wanted to. 

He felt lost a few times in life before. When he first realized that he fell for a man and not his beautiful female best friend or when he had to leave home because his father was furious as he learned his son liked man as well. But it never has been as bad as the last few days. Sepreated from Seungri for the first time in a while and he missed everything of the younger. His touches, his affectionate words, his litte smirks and loud laughs. The time they spend in bed together and even the little fights. 

But all of this wasn't really present the last few months because they barely talked to each other even though they still remained in this platonic relationship it did not work out in the end. They knew this could happen but Seungri should have talken to him and finally listen to him and not go into the next high-class club to some random model. He hated it. The tought of Seungri touching someone else. ing someone else. for someone else. 
He sighed, took the last remaining drags of the cigarette and went back inside. Time to continue to work...

A few hours later Youngbae entered the studio and stopped confused at the doorframe as he saw a familiar frame lying on the desk,sleeping, empty packages of cigarettes in the bin, cans of energydrinks on the floor and lyric sheets everywhere in the room. Slowly he made advances to that cetrain someone.
Not really sure if he should wake him up or if he should let him sleep, because these were the very first few hours Jiyong got for the last three days, he stood in the middle of the room just looking at his best friend. He wore the same clothes as friday and they had monday.
The Singer took one of the many sheets and read. He felt pity for the older. 

''Eh, Jiyong. Wake up.´´ 

His best friend does not even make a attempt to move. Youngbae decided to gently rattle him to wake him up but all he got was a little murmur he didn't understand. He tried again. 

''Youngbae, off!'' 

Younbae, slightly annoyed did exactly that, turned over and left the studio, but not without another worried look at his leader. ''You should really take a shower, you smell like .'' 
And an hour later you could see a tired, but always good looking Dragon leaving the famous building.

Excited girls and boys standing at the other side of the street to get a shot of their beloved celebrity to post it on their social media. And because of these pictures rumors stareted to spread and many worried fans posted about him with some words trying to help him and supporting him.
''Jiyong Oppa!´´ ,some girl screamed. But he only opened his black lamborghini and left the parking lot.  He really couldn't deal with his fans right now. He needed sleep and some fresh clothes and a coffee.
Youngbae was right he definetly had to take a shower. He felt like . 

A few days later Jiyong had to get up early again and left his bed with the expensice satin-bedding while cursing and asking himself why he choosed his job again. After taking a shower and dressing up he decided to skip breakfast because he did not really feel hungry. Taking a sip of his black coffee he started to check his social media and froze as he saw that Seungri was in Korea again. He knew Seungri left the country ,he always did when he felt troubled. 
He landed this morning appearently and will attend their dance practice today for the upcoming award show. 

He was surprised to see some blonde hairs under that big cap and behind that fat sunglasses. He dyed his hair? Why? He wondered how he will look with blonde hair.

Jiyong felt how his anger slowly crawled up his throat and left a insecurity in his heart. Jiyong don't want to see him yet, not like this. For a moment he thought of acting sick for today but he knew he acted like some kindergartenchild. He was ing 27-years old dammit, he could deal with this. He had to. 
Not knowing what to expect he left for work and reached the YG buildig a few minutes later, nervous. He opened the door to their practice room and saw everyone else except Seungri already sitting on the floor against the wall,chatting with each other. 

,,Yo Ji'', Youngbae greeted him with smile and relieve in his eyes. ''You look better, I'm glad.'' 

''Yeah sorry have been busy the last few days'' Jiyong did not really want to talk about his state he has been in for 

''I thought so, I tried to call you a few times, but I couldn't get through. I wanted to try the new wine of the vintner from last year. '',Seunghyung said looking kinda disappointed. He seemed not to know what happened between him and Seungri that means Youngbae really did not tell a thing to s. Should he be relieved or even more worried? Now he had to tell them...

''Maybe he tried to ignore you on purpose hyung.'' Daesung said with an amused grin and a challenging look in his eyes. Top only rolled his eyes.

''Yah! He never would do that. Ji loves me and Ji loves wine. Especially red-wine.'' Eager eyes looking at him ,expecting a confirmation. Their leader chuckled softly. 
''Hyung you drink all of the bottle alone when you ask me to accompany you drinking.''

''See I told you he did it on purpose. YAH!!'' Daesung screamed as he ran away from bingu TOP and his attempts to hit him. 

Distracted by those two idiots Jiyong did not realize how some certain now blonde-haired guy slowly and shy entered their room. 

A few hours before...

Seungri woke up in a white king-sized bed inside his hotelroom somewhere in Manila. Very early in the morning. He looked around and as he realized what day is and what will happen today, he groaned and threw the blanket over his head to hide under it. A frutated growl escaped his mouth. He should stay there maybe until he dies from not eating anything. It couldn't be too long he was starving. 

He isn't ready yet. He couldn't, he just couldn't see him without the urge to kill himself. 

How could he do this? How could he really think cheating would be acceptable. Maybe acceptable is the wrong word. He did not know what he thought. For nearly a week now he tried to distract himself through friends, partying and alcohol and some crying at night.Because at night he was alone, without his hyung beside him like any other day before. He felt guilty but Jiyong and him haven't spoken for what felt like forever. He was drunk and kinda heartbroken, they had a fight the night before and then he decided to make a big failure. But nothing justified his actions.

And today he had to confront the reason why he stayed at his hotelroom and away from his tasks as part of the band and as CEO. 
He got up and felt the headache instantely running down his temple and tried to ignore it. Passing a mirror on his way to the bathroom he looked inside and solidifies. ''What the ing hell...?''

Confused he observed the fresh hickeys at his collarbone. When did that happen? Has he really been that drunken tonight? He felt ashamed and at the same time it didn't matter anymore. It was meaningless.

He looked at his mobile phone. No important messages.

''Morning, got your coffee, we have to take the flight in two hours so get yourself ready.´´,his manager announced as he opened the door to the hotelroom and walked through his bedroom to his couch to sit down there. As Seungri heard some fimiliar sounds he knew his manager played candy-crush and amused by this he looked back in the mirror where his lost his  little smile instantly again. He really had to cover it up. If Jiyong  would see these marks, it will only get worse than it already was. He wouldn't even talk to Seungri anymore ,not like he does now...to be honest. 

''Arghh, that's some ed up '',again regretting what he did that night, he knew that what he had done is nothing what could be easily forgotten. Especially not by Jiyong. His leader is kinda resentful and gets easily hurt by people close to him. And Seungri knew Jiyong has to feel like right now.His instagram is like Jiyongs cry for help and someone who understands him and right now Jiyong posted some pretty sad stuff. He knew as well that Seungri acted like a coward. But he is the reason why Jiyong ate less, got sick all the time and couldn't concentrate as much as Jiyong wants to. Because he worried about Seungri and their relationship. 
But it didn't matter anymore.

Seungri ed up. 

Nothing could change that. He stepped into the shower and after he dressed himself in some grey,chilly adidas sweatpants and some shirt of some expensive streetwear brand, he left his room together with his manager and a feeling of anxiety towards the upcoming meeting. Outside of the hotel his fans waited for him, filming him as he left it.

,,Ahhhh, Seungri!'', some girl whispered to another as he got into the car. He smiled shortly and as the door of his car closed he felt empty again. He took a deep breath and behind his dark big sunglasses he felt like crying. Last time Seungri has been in Manila together with his ex-boyfriend. They had a really good time and some amazing hours in those bedsheets of their hotel. Woah that hurted more than he expected. The thought of the word ex really left him speechless and the whole drive to the airport as well as the fight through the crowd and the flight back to Korea he remained silent. Only questioning himself and regretting. 

And after he got rid of his still present headache through some deeply loved painkillers and the feeling to throw up because of anxiety he stood before the YG building.

''It´s okay Seungri, they can't kill you. They will only hate you'' He did not know if the other members knew but they will be angry at him because he ignored all of them for like over a week. He slightly trembled at the thought of their lectures. 

And like this he entered the building in which his ex-boyfriend stayed at for the last days to forget what he had done to him. Again his heart ached. 
''Yo,morning Seungri, you're back again?'' ,some Co-worker greeted him. Not really recognizing him at first,because of his new haircolour.
 ''Haha, yeah everything ends someday, even holidays.'' ,fast he passed the other rooms,trying to avoid awkward conversations. Many of the people of YG wondered why he came alone and not together with Jiyong, they were always together. Were. Right. 

Now he stood in front of this door and he heard his voice already talking with Top hyung. It hurted, like it really hurted, but it was his own fault and if Jiyong is better up without him ,he will keep the distance. With this conviction he opened the heavy door and entered the bright, crowded room.