September 8, 2018
 

Jin’s POV

                Impatient, I subconsciously began shaking my leg. It was a crappy habit that I picked up from my dad, but it helped distract me when my mind was buzzing nonstop. I wasn’t sure if it was because I kept screwing up in Counter Strike or because I had other things in thought, but I was about to lose it. When the terrorists on the opposing team shot me down, I threw my headset to the side in frustration and got up to get some fresh air.

On the way out, I spotted Jennie entering through the door with her head down and eyes glued to her phone. Deliberately standing in her way to see if I could catch her attention, the clueless girl kept on walking as if nothing was obstructing her path–running right into me. Startled and slightly annoyed, she looked up from her phone as if ready to confront whoever stood in her way, but quickly softened her gaze when she realized who I was.

                “Mianhae, I didn’t see you there,” she weakly smiled. Her energy was lackluster.

                “No prob,” I dismissed. “Everything ok? You look out of it.”

                “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just Jisoo,” Jennie let out a gloomy sigh as she casted her gaze back onto her phone screen, repeatedly scrolling up and down on a text conversation as if hoping she’d receive a response back. After realizing it was useless to wait, she locked her phone and messily shoved it into her back pocket, “She hasn’t been showing up to class or replying to my text messages. The last thing she sent was, ‘Have to take care of some stuff. I’ll be back in a few days.’”

                “What, really?” I asked, feeling strangely relieved at the mention of Jisoo. I had been wondering about her whereabouts for the past few days–gaming next to her empty seat felt unnatural.

                “Yeah, I even checked her house. I rang the doorbell several times but no one was home. It’s just… Really weird. I came here to ask you if you’ve seen her around, but by the looks of it, you don’t,” she lamented as she bit her lip in worry. When Jennie realized I had nothing significant to add, she plastered on another smile and waved, “Anyway, sorry for making you listen to me vent. I’m gonna go now.”

                “Wait,” I interjected. “Uhm, if you don’t mind, can you call me if find out where she is? I’ll give you my number.”

                Jennie shot me a funny look, as if taken aback that I was even remotely concerned about her best friend.

                I sheepishly corrected myself, “Ah, it’s ‘cause I need her to help me with a–uh, game. ‘Cause we game a lot.”

                That seemed to resolve her concerns. She took down my number and in exchange, gave me hers–which I then saved into my contacts.

                “I appreciate it,” I thanked. “I’ll see ya around, Jennie.”

Jisoo’s POV

                A sharp pain diffused from my left shoulder blade to my neck, then spilled into my upper arm–making it impossible to get any further shut eye. It took a few seconds for me to register that I had been sleeping in an awkward sitting position, with my head resting on my arm–completely numbing everything from my shoulder down to the tips of my fingers. I groaned in discomfort before slowly re-positioning myself in an upright posture and rolling my joints back and forth to get the blood flow back to my limbs. After the numbness subsided, I groggily rubbed my eyes and observed my surroundings. The room was still dark with only a panel of light just above the bed; if I sat completely still, I could hear the sound of cars zooming by in the distance. My mother was fast asleep along with Helen, who was sprawled out on a small couch on the other side of the bed. She regained consciousness the morning after she fainted, but given her pre-existing health concerns, the doctors weren’t confident in her abilities to resume her daily activities–so they suggested we keep her here for another day or two before discharge.

                I pulled my phone out from the pocket of my hoodie; it was now at a whopping 9% of battery life. The time read 5:42 AM. On the screen were a gazillion text messages left by my best friend. A pang of guilt hit me–I completely forgot Jennie and just about everything else outside of this confined room. I realized I had missed out on nearly three days of class, katana practice, and gaming–although none of these things were nearly as important as my mother. I texted Jennie back with an apology and an update on my whereabouts and promised that I would be back as soon as I could, but I knew she wouldn’t be up for the next few hours. So, I locked my phone and placed it back into my pocket.

                Laying back onto my mother’s bed, I closed my eyes and tried hard to get some sleep before sunrise–but my mind couldn’t shake the things I had read that night. I had so many questions but those who had answers constantly shunned me. My father stopped returning our calls and my mother cried at the mention of anything even remotely related to him–so I was stuck in a hopeless cycle of wanting to know, not being able to know, and accepting that this was my reality. I guess some things in life just don’t get solved. As if reading my mind and understanding my need for comfort, my mother extended a gentle hand suddenly began at my hair. Clearing , she spoke softly, “Jisoo, I’m sorry. You have missed so many days of school because of me… Go back today after you get a little bit more sleep. I’ll be fine here with Helen.”

                “Mom, can you please tell me w–” I started as I promptly sat up, looking to engage in an interrogation about my father’s background. But when I found her fast asleep again, I couldn’t bear to wake her.

                I sighed in defeat and surrendered to the exhaustion that overcame me shortly after.
 

                Combing through my hair with my fingers, I took one last look at the mirror and made sure I looked presentable. There was nothing too conspicuous about me–except for the fact that I possibly looked like I came straight from a meth lab with the dark circles, greasy hair, and red zit protruding on my chin. I groaned and checked the time on my phone; I only had five minutes before I was late. There was nothing else that could be done here in regards to my appearance. So, I took a whiff of my pits to make sure that I didn’t smell like bad at the least. For whatever reason, an idiotic grin played on my lips when I realized I still smelled like a fresh bouquet of roses. Not bad for someone who hasn’t showered in three days. I excited the ladies’ room and headed to class.

                As soon as I stepped foot into the lecture hall, Jennie spotted me and screeched out my name as she ran down the stairs–nearly tripping over her clumsy self.

                “Yah! Where the heck were you? You had me worried sick. I got your text this morning but you were still being super vague about everything–what happened?” she blabbered on and on like usual, stumbling over her words, then repeating herself again.

                I dismissively laughed and reassured, “I’ll tell you about it later. Let’s sit, class is about to start.”

                “...And yeah, that’s about it,” I nonchalantly concluded, looking up at Jennie who was staring back at me in disbelief. I briefly told her the story, minus all the details–telling her everything would be useless but more importantly, talking about it again would cut a deeper wound. I just didn’t want to deal with it.

                “That’s so messed up–why wouldn’t he return your calls? You guys are his family,” she presented a question that I had asked myself countless times yet still had no answer to. “I wonder why they keep that room locked up like that. And that journal… Did you get to read what was inside it?”

                I lied, redirecting my gaze away from her and onto the back of another student who was also studying at the library, “No, I didn’t get to. Not sure I want to seeing how my mom flipped out.” I a page of my textbook, flipping it back and forth between my thumb and index finger. “Anyway, it’s fine. She’s fine. She should be discharged soon.”

                With apologetic and sympathetic eyes, Jennie grabbed a hold of my hand, “That’s good to hear. Look, if you need anything let me know. Call me at any time and I’ll be there. We can go out for drinks tonight if you want.”

                “Aniya,” I waved her offer off, “Alcohol won’t help me–but gaming will. I’m gonna go to the cafe after we finish studying.”

                Jennie rolled her eyes and scoffed, but didn’t say anything. We remained silent for the rest of our study session, diligently cramming the material we needed to know before our midterm. After a few hours, Jennie and I parted ways, as she had work obligations to tend to. I sent her off at the front door of the library but stood back for a bit to text Helen about my mother’s condition. From a short distance, I could hear Jennie talking to someone on the phone. I looked up to find her leaning against a pillar, staring off into the distance and nodding according to conversation.

                “Mhm, she’s fine. She’s back. I think she’s going there now,” she spoke. “Yup, alright no problem. Bye.” She slid her phone back into her back pocket and began walking off.

                What was that? Was she talking about me?