September 13, 2018

Jisoo’s POV

                I woke up with a throbbing headache and an unbearable ringing in my ears. Unable to recall anything that happened since I stepped foot into the bar last night, I began to freak out–checking to see if I was clothed and whether I still had my belongings. Thankfully, everything was still in tact and my purse was just beside me on the coffee table–the one that looked just like the one I have back at home.

                What the… I’m home...? Since when?

                Observing my surroundings, I realized I slept the night away on the couch with Jennie just across from me. She was still in slumberland, every breath turning into a light childlike snore. Although unsure of the time of day, I knew it was probably a little later in the morning since the sun had fully risen–its rays assaulting my vision as I glanced at the window. Rubbing my eyes, I sat up and stretched, slowly feeling the soreness creep on my toes from walking in heels all of last night. On the same coffee table were two bowls of hot porridge, two cups of water, and two painkillers. Beside the care package was a small note left by Helen that read, “Eat well and take the pills ladies. Don’t drink too much next time. I took your mother on a walk, I’ll be back in half an hour or so. Love, Helen.”

                I quickly chowed down the porridge and slammed in the pills–praying that I would get relief as soon as possible. Scrolling through some news articles on my phone, I kept myself busy while I waited for Jennie to wake from from her sleep. Just a few minutes later, Helen and my mother arrived back home.

                “Morning mom,” I greeted. “How was your walk?”

                “It was refreshing,” she replied. I could hear Helen shuffling at the front door, helping my mother remove her shoes. “By the way, other than you and Jennie, did anyone else accompany you home last night?”

                What a strange question. I answered honestly, “Uhm, no. I don’t think so. Why?”

                My mother rolled into the living room with Helen just behind her, “That’s weird. I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the restroom and I I thought I heard you talking with a boy.”

                A boy? No way. That couldn’t have been possible.

                “You were probably dreaming,” I reassured her. “Because I don’t remember–”

                “Yeah, we had a friend take us home last night Mrs. Yang,” Jennie suddenly interjected, now sitting upright on the couch with her hair all frizzy from the friction of the blanket. “His name is Jin.”

                Immediately, I glared over at her where I received an artificially apologetic smile back in return. How could she ask him to take us home? Was he even at the bar to begin with? Suddenly, all the memories came rushing back–sending my heart racing so hard I could barely catch my breath.

                “Y-Yeah,” the stranger confirmed, his voice deep yet gentle. “But it wasn’t her. I knew it wasn’t. My dad was a heavy alcoholic when he wasn’t working. He’d come home drunk every night and start arguments with us. Eventually, when work got even more stressful, he resorted to drugs–and I guess that also led him to making horrible decisions such as cheating on my mom with other women.”

                Emotional, I began to weep again. I had no idea Mrs. Kim had gone through such hardships yet still come out with such a positive outlook on life.

                “Hey, don’t cry. It’s all fine now,” he reassured. I could feel his hold on me tighten by just an increment. The smell of his freshly washed shirt comforted me just as much as the warmth of his skin. Whoever he was, I felt oddly at home–it was like we had already met before.

                My cheeks flushed scarlet as the rest of the story unfolded in my mind–including me drenching his shirt with my tears and snot, my dramatic behavior, and even that… That… Stupid confession-like thing that had no absolute meaning–whatsoever. Either way, I was mortified.

                “Aish, I knew it,” my mother sighed. “You girls need to be more careful. Try not to drink too much next time and call Helen if you need anything before you decide to ask others to take you home. Can’t trust anyone out there these days…”

                “Mianhae Mrs. Yang, we’ll be more careful next time–right Jisoo?” Jennie gritted her teeth in menace. I glanced over at my mother, who seemed to have bought into what Jennie was saying as she was staring at me and waiting for a confirmation. Out of obligation, I answered obediently, “Yeah, we’ll be more careful next time.”

                “Good,” my mother nodded in agreement as she wheeled over to the kitchen and began setting the table. “Jennie, care to join us for lunch?” she warmly smiled.

                “Thank you for the lunch Mrs. Yang!” Jennie cheerfully thanked before leaving out the door. “I’ll see you soon. Bye Jisoo, see you at school on Monday.”

                “See ya,” I bid her farewell before locking the door behind me.

                For the rest of the afternoon, I spent my time helping out around the house to keep myself distracted from the million of things running through my head. Last night’s incident only honed in more on the ghosts of my past; the nightmare I experienced kept replaying over and over again in my head. By the time I was done with all my chores, the sun had began to set. I plopped down on the couch beside my mother, who was preoccupied with patching up some of her old favorite sweaters. She sewed away as she listened to a cooking podcast on her portable radio, which seemed to significantly improve her concentration.

                “Umma,” I started, my mind weighed down by so many things I didn’t know where to begin. The chores I completed today were barely enough to keep me sane. “Can I talk to you?”

                My mother tensed up to my question, “About what?”

                “I’ve… Been having nightmares lately,” I admitted, trying to addressing the elephant in the room. “And I really need to talk to you about it this because it’s really been weighing on me ever since.”

                “Jisoo, if you’re going to talk about your father, you should stop now,” she curtly snapped, her hands quivering in anger.

                “Mom, I don’t know what it is that you’re hiding but I think it’s about time you tell me–I can handle it,” I desperately pleaded, hoping that she’ll give in–even just a little.

                She slammed the needle and thread down onto the table and looked away from me, “The past is in the past. Leave it there and move on. Knowing more will only hurt you.”

                There was nothing more I wanted than to argue back and force all the information out of her; I couldn’t fathom how catastrophic our family history was for her to be so secretive even now that I was wiser and more capable of understanding the situation. But watching her hands tremble in trauma made me refrain from further asking any questions. I didn’t want to press any wrong buttons again.

                With resentful tears pouring down my face, I stood up and left the house.

Jin’s POV

                I sat there, blankly staring at the screen. My game had finished loading but I had no interest in playing–all I had on my mind was Jisoo. A firm grasp on my shoulder startled me; I turned around to find Mr. Nahm staring down at me with his silly sunglasses and toothless grin, “Whatcha thinkin’ about?”

                “N-Nothing,” I fibbed, promptly grabbing at my mouse and clicking at random things on the screen to distract from my nervousness.

                Mr. Nahm roared in laughter as if he could see right through me. Casually, he stepped over to Jisoo’s gaming chair and seated himself, “You’re thinking about her huh?”

                “Chyeah, as if,” I scoffed. “Feels even better when she’s not here bothering me.” Every lie told only forced me to face the truth that I wanted her here.

                As we spoke of the devil, Jisoo appeared at the front of the aisle without warning–her face colorless and teary. My heart sank when our eyes met–did something happen at home? Detracting from her somber mood, she plastered on an smile and playfully whined, “Mr. Nahm! What are you doinggggg? Get off my seat!”

                “Okay okay kid, chill out,” he chuckled as he raised his arms to the side, dropping his imaginary weapons and surrendering to her wrath. “Have fun you two!”

                Jisoo quietly squeezed past Mr. Nahm and sat down, not saying a single word. Although dying to say something to something to her, I knew she probably wasn’t in the mood to talk–so I stayed quiet and gave her the space she needed.

                As the night progressed, most of the gamers retired for the day. I anticipated that Jisoo would be leaving soon as well, but she was still stuck to her screen. Exhausted, I wanted to go home and sleep but I didn’t want to leave her behind seeing how upset she was earlier. Conversation was nonexistent between us, but I had a hunch that being alone would make her feel even worse. So I hung around for a while longer. Eventually, just as I was about to knock out on my table, I faintly heard her tucking her chair underneath the table and passing through from behind me. I quickly cleaned up after myself and followed after her.

                “Jisoo,” I called as soon as she made it through the door. “Can we talk?”

                She stopped in her tracks and faced me, a little bit of color flushing back into her cheeks. Blinking a few times, she timidly looked down at the ground and blabbered, “W-What? If you’re talking about what happened last night, I really don’t–”

                “I wasn’t meaning to talk about that,” I reassured. “My mom’s birthday is coming up in a few days. I wanted to invite you and your mom out for a little dinner outing. You can invite Jennie to if you’d like.”

                “O-Oh,” she stuttered, embarrassed. “Sorry,” an apology slipped from her lips for the first time.

                “It’s fine. But uh, about last night,” I hesitantly addressed, watching as she subtly grimaced at the mention of our moment together. “You said what you said and did what you did because you were drunk. I know you didn’t mean it,” I chuckled reassuringly, although a part of me wished there was an ounce of sincerity in her words.

                “No,” she blurted. “Well, it’s not that I didn’t mean it. Or well, I really didn’t mean it, but at the same time, it’s just–”

                “Take your time,” I nodded, gently beckoning her to go on for as long as she needed.

                Sighing, Jisoo expressed, “Jin I just have a lot of secrets in my past that I’m trying to figure out for myself. I don’t think you should get involved with me. My life is a total mess right now.” Her eyes began to brim with tears again.

                “And that’s fine. I’m not worried about you. You’ll get there one day,” I comforted, taking a small step towards her. Thankfully, she didn’t back away. “But don’t let that stop you from letting me support you. I have demons too–we all do. I understand if you’re not ready. Take as much time as you need. I’ll be patient with you. I promise.”

                For a split second, her eyes glimmered with hope–but dimmed down shortly after. Silence fell between us, although the anticipation for an answer was undeniably building. Moments later, she looked up at me as if she had an affirmative answer. I watched as her lips parted, keenly waiting for the words to roll off her tongue.

                Just then, her phone rang.

                “Just a second, it’s my mom,” she excused before accepting the call and listening to the voice on the other line. Respectfully, I stayed quiet and observed as her facial expression changed according to conversation. Within a few seconds, she ended the call–her face pale as a ghost.

                “Jin, I have to go–it’s an emergency. I’m sorry,” she coldly declared before hastily running off, leaving me with no notice of when I’ll be able to see her again.