Letting Him In
No WallsHe kneels on the stage, cradling the microphone with his eyes closed as he sings to the multitude of fans.
His voice raw from turning his emotions into words for all to hear, his body covered in sweat.
He pauses and the fans scream, the sound makes him open his eyes.
A sea of faces,
full of energy,
each bearing the thick black paint that identifies them as members of the Tribe.
Arms raised, swaying bodies, eyes closed, mouths moving, creating the words that he wrote with his heart.
One stands out.
Her hair wild and beautiful at the same time.
Streaks of black and white paint cover her face and arms.
Collarbones exposed and bearing a pair of black stripes.
Eyes closed, streaks showing the tears that she hasn’t been able to keep from falling.
Arms wrapped around her body tight,
as if to hold in her emotions and to
keep herself from falling.
There is something about this one girl……he can’t figure out why his gaze is drawn to her, but he can’t take his eyes off her.
As if pulled by an invisible string,
he jumps down from the stage, begins to walk towards her.
A sea of hands reach out and touch him, smearing the paint on his face and bare chest.
He reaches her and just stands there, the crowd silent as they watch the scene unfolding before them.
He quietly steps into her personal space.
Carefully, as if approaching a wild animal, he reaches out and lifts her chin with his hand.
Her eyes open, blinking back tears that threaten to shed.
Lost in her own thoughts and feelings, she stands there listening.
Her emotions have taken over her body, meshing with the raw beautiful music that swirls around her.
Silence.
all she can hear is the thud of her racing heart.
She can sense someone standing in front of her, and
in that same moment she feels a gentle hand on her chin.
She looks at him from downcast eyes, cautious at first then she gasps
as she focuses on his face.
He reaches out and follows the tracks left by her tears with his finger, not
touching but just hovering.
Leaning in close---
“Tell me your fears”, he whispers into her ear.
“I fear living my life being strangled by too many regrets” she whispers
in a shaky voice that is raw with emotion.
She reaches out and pauses—
gently places her hand on his chest, feeling his heart pounding
as loud and fast as her own.
The heat from his skin makes her long to lean into him and discover what his arms feel like wrapped around her.
He watches her reach out and when she touches him,
he feels like he is watching it from outside his own body,
Surreal.
The feel of her hand is electric.
So easy to pull her to him, to hold her body in his arms and finally run his fingers
through her wild, beautiful mane of tresses.
Her eyes have lost their wary look, sensing that he is not a danger.
His arm goes around her waist and slowly brings her
Closer.
It’s as if he had read her mind.
She feels his arm come around her and pull her to his warmth.
tears spring to her eyes again, she isn’t sure why.
Shaking at first, and then settling into his embrace, she sighs.
Her body in his arms feels so right.
He can feel her shaking at first, and then just falling into him.
He hears her sigh; it shakes his soul to the core.
The crowd around them disappears, as they are locked in their own world,
even if it just lasts this moment.
Reluctantly, slowly, he releases her. For a moment she just rests against his body.
She whispers her name into his ear.
He touches her lips gently with one finger, tracing the outline, memorizing the shape,
the softness.
Pulling her close once more, he whispers,
“meet me in the wings when I’m done”.
Releasing her, he walks backwards back to the stage,
Reluctant to look away from her.
Once he reaches the stage, he stands there for a few moments,
eyes closed, collecting his thoughts,
the smell of her still wrapped around him,
the softness of her skin,
burned into his fingertips.
He strums his guitar and starts a song about lovers,
the words a blur to him because he can’t stop looking at her,
surrounded by the crowd, but still standing out, the focus
of his complete attention.
She watches him walk away, their eyes never leaving each other.
At his request to meet him after, her heart stopped,
Only to begin racing once more,
Faster than before.
She leaves as soon as he sings the last notes,
to find a bathroom and remove the paint that covers her face and arms.
He hurries from the stage,
Looking for her.
Even more beautiful without the paint,
he finds her standing, waiting for him.
Her face is brave and beautiful,
she looks at him with a hint of a smile on her lips.
He takes her hand and leads her through the confusion of stagehands packing up
and roadies laughing and talking,
out a backdoor, into the street, lit only by a few lights,
creating shadows as they walk along.
Her eyes are glued to him as they walk, taking in everything about him,
the shape of his eyes, the angle of his cheekbones, lingering on his lips.
The lines of paint on his face and chest stand out in stark contrast to his
pale skin.
Her hand in his feels small, yet strong. He can feel her looking at him, as if memorizing
him, to recall at a later date.
Into a small cafe he leads her, walking past all the other customers,
to a small booth in a dimly lit corner, candles flickering on the table.
She slides into the booth first, taking him with her.
Sitting close together, only their hands and legs touching.
He is holding her hand, fingers intertwined, his thumb
gently rubbing the back of her hand.
Her body is electric, sparked by his touch and his gaze.
A waitress comes over and leaves two cups of coffee.
Two cups,
two hearts
laid out,
on the table.
They talk of simple things,
music
books
cities
food.
Avoiding things that hurt,
Avoiding tears.
Her face in the candlelight is
Luminous.
He makes jokes,
just to see her smile,
her laughter is singularly
Beautiful.
She hasn’t felt this free in a long time.
No expectations,
no fear of rejection.
She could sit here forever talking to him,
Time has no meaning here.
He wants her all to himself, even sharing her with the candles
Inspires jealousy.
Leaving money on the table, he gets up, gently pulling her up with him,
he makes his way to the door,
oblivious to the looks from patrons,
oblivious to the fact that he is shirtless and still bearing his
Tribal marks.
Outside, she pauses, unsure of what to do next,
Follow his lead, or
create her own path.
The only thing she knows for certain,
Her life will never be the same
after tonight.
The night air has cooled and he doesn’t feel the chill,
He only sees her.
Leading her back to the theater,
He runs in to grab his shirt and a jacket, the jacket for her.
Not knowing what to do, or where to go next,
They just start walking.
She takes him to her favorite place,
a little park where no one goes anymore,
abandoned swings and slides standing guard.
Sitting on a swing, she uses her feet to move back and forth.
He steps behind her and starts to push her,
her laughter rings out in the air.
He keeps pushing her higher, and higher,
Closer to the stars.
Laughing like she hasn’t in a very long time,
freer than she has been since she can’t
remember when.
Stars stand out against a velvet black sky,
he is pushing her closer to the stars each time.
Once the swing stops, he moves to stand in front of her.
He places his hands on her shoulders and leans forward,
Places his cheek against hers
and breathes the scent of her hair in deeply.
Then he gently turns his head until his lips are
Inches from hers.
He waits for her to make the next move.
His hands are hot on her shoulders,
She can hear him breathing as he buries his face into her hair,
the sound makes her quiver.
She looks into his eyes and sees a gentle hunger,
he is waiting for her.
As much as she wants to kiss him,
She knows the time isn’t quite right.
Dropping her head, she rests her forehead against his,
And places her hand on his cheek.
His emotions are mixed at her actions;
He needs her to want him to kiss her,
Yet, he too senses that things should move
A bit more slowly.
She is like a frightened deer,
Tensed to run away at any sudden move.
He leads her over to a tree and spreads the jacket out and motions for her to sit.
Together they sit,
Crossed legs,
Knees touching.
There is a slight breeze,
It moves her curls and he
Finally reaches out
and touches her hair.
As he touches her hair,
her eyes close.
His fascination with her something new.
All her life, she has been different.
She was happier alone,
People made her anxious and
Truth be told,
a little scared.
No one to tell her thoughts to,
No one to share her fears with.
And in only a few hours,
she shared her deepest fear
with someone she had admired from afar
for so long.
Falling asleep each night to the
Sound of his voice,
Singing in her ears.
And now here she was,
Sitting under a pitch black,
Star lit sky,
Him beside her,
looking at her as though
she was the only woman
on earth.
He notices her eyes starting to droop,
and gently wraps her in his arms and slides down,
to the thick grass carpeted ground,
her head resting on his shoulder.
He watches her eyes close and finds himself
Watching her sleep,
Feeling more peaceful than he has in a
Long time.
He awakens to the sound of crying and
the feel of her whole body shaking.
They have shifted in their sleep and her head
now rests on his chest.
He starts to her sleep tumbled curls and
Murmurs to wake her up as gently as he can.
Her eyes snap open and she sits up in a rush
and moves away from him in a fast jerk.
She has been so careful.
To avoid situations just like this,
Falling asleep beside someone and the
Crash of awakening to the sound of
A heartbeat.
A sound that should be comforting,
But for her it is a reminder of
Loss
Devastation.
Two hours spent listening to
The last heartbeats she would ever hear.
The death of her mother was so sudden
It felt like suicide.
Two hours spent locked
in a room and locked in despair.
Her head pressed close to hear
the reassuring sound that meant
all was not lost.
The numbness that followed the end.
Days spent going through familiar motions,
No real desire to keep going.
He listens to her past,
holding back the rush of tears that
threaten to fall.
how broken her spirit must be,
yet she hides it so well.
She sits with her back against the tree,
Arms crossed tightly,
just like the first time she caught his eye.
Her head rests on her knees and her hair tumbles over her face,
a waterfall of curls.
She sits, ashamed of her emotions,
it isn’t fair to him to have to see her so shattered
by grief.
Even with her head down, she can
Feel him.
He is looking at her,
Conflicted.
Does he go over to her,
or wait for her to come to him?
Moving slowly towards her,
He kneels in front of her and her hair once more,
The action seems to relax her and she lifts her head and he
can see her tear stained face,
still beautiful.
Unsure of what to say, he simply
takes her hand and helps her up from the dew damp grass.
“Where would you like to go now”, he asks her, looking into her eyes.
Without a word, she starts walking and he follows her.
They walk until they reach the front door of her house.
Unlocking the door, she walks in, still holding his hand.
She turns on lights as she moves through the house,
making her way to the kitchen.
She gets a glass out of the cabinet and fills it with cold water and
drains it,
once
twice.
She sets it on the counter and walks into the living room.
Without taking off her shoes, she drops down on the couch,
Tired and completely wrung of all emotions.
She is so overwhelmed that she almost forgets that he is there.
She motions for him to sit beside her.
He sits beside her and begins to tell her about a couple of
new songs that he is working on,
humming the choruses for her.
Looking over at her,
He sees that she has fallen asleep again,
Although she looks peaceful this time.
Looking around her living room,
he sees pictures of the same woman.
Smiling in this one,
Holding a baby in another.
Her mother.
In one corner sits a small table,
it’s top is scattered with small framed pictures
and candles.
A small wooden box.
He sits and watches her until the
Sun comes up.
Finding a notebook filled with scattered lines of poetry,
He finds a blank page,
tears it out and writes a note, leaving his number and address at the bottom.
Removing his necklace, he folds it inside and leaves it in her lap.
He stops to kiss her gently on the forehead, to her cheek and hair.
Moving quietly through the house, he turns off all the lights,
that she herself .
Taking one last glance back at her sleeping form,
he locks the door behind him,
praying that she will try to find him.
He waited this long for her,
waiting once more would be
sheer agony.
She awakens as the sun begins to stream through the windows in the living room.
She stretches and stands up.
She hears a clinking sound and looks down,
On the floor is a folded piece of paper.
Stopping down to pick it up,
She sits down on the couch and opens it.
The source of the clinking noise is the necklace that
he was wearing last night.
This she clutches in one hand while she reads the letter.
”Meeting you tonight was a beautiful experience.
I wish I knew how to make things better for you, so
I want you to think of me whenever you are sad or sad.
My thoughts have probably turned to you a million times since I walked
out the door. I’ll be waiting to hear from you.”
He has signed it and also written his number and address at the bottom.
Without hesitation, she gets up,
goes to pick out clean clothes and takes a shower.
Dressed in a midnight blue sundress and silver sandals,
She takes a moment to control the curls that have given her hell
for as long as she can remember.
After struggling for a little while, she gives up and
just lets them stay wild and flying everywhere.
Looking in the mirror,
She puts the necklace on.
Taking one last glance in the mirror,
she grabs her bag and walks out the door,
his note safely tucked inside.
Stopping for a cup of coffee,
she contemplates calling him before just showing up at his house.
After changing her mind a dozen times, she decides to just do it.
Pulling the note and her phone out, she dials his number,
with trembling hands.
Two rings later he picks up,
his voices calming her shaking.
His phone rings and he sets down the pencil and paper he is using to
work on some lyrics.
Glancing at the screen,
He doesn’t recognize the number,
But answers anyway.
“Hello”.
He hears some background noise and then
He hears her voice.
She asks him what he is doing and if he wants to get together.
“Yes, where are you? I’ll come to you”.
She gives him the name of the cafe she is in and
He slips his shoes on and is out the door.
She hangs up the phone and her hands begin to shake again.
Wrapping her hands around the cup to still them, she tries to collect her
Thoughts.
She wonders what time he left last night.
She had fallen asleep while he was talking and she doesn’t even know what time they got
Back to her house.
He stops outside the cafe to catch his breath,
having practically run the whole way there.
Stopping to look in the window and make sure his hair isn’t a mess,
He sees her.
Sitting alone on a couch,
Clutching a coffee cup.
Radiant in a shimmery dark blue dress,
her hair an attractive disarray.
Taking a deep breath, he opens the door and walks inside.
The bell on the door jingles loudly, shaking her
from her nervous reverie.
She glances up and sees him opening the door.
Their eyes meet and she abruptly stands up,
A splash of lukewarm coffee hitting the table.
He walks towards her,
when he reaches her he takes the cup and sets it on the table.
He wipes her hand off with a napkin from the table.
Even though she is waiting for him,
The sight of him apparently startles her.
He sees the coffee splash from her cup and worries that she
has burnt herself.
He walks over and sets the cup down, noting that it isn’t hot.
After wiping her hand off,
He continues to hold it and pulls her to him,
Feeling like days instead of hours have passed.
He hasn’t slept since he left her,
a song in his head that needed to be written down.
He is running on pure adrenaline.
She can feel the longing in his body as he holds her,
It is the same longing she feels.
How can this man she just met have become
So important,
So quickly,
Without warning?
Slipping free of his embrace, she grabs her bag and then his hand.
They walk out through the doors into the bright Saturday morning,
The whole world before them.
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