It's weird. We're friends. But not really friends at the same time.

To be honest, it's kind of hard to describe.

We're in the same group of friends, always eating lunch together, hanging out, playing games... I'm sure that I could tell you a thousand things about Wong Yukhei, about what he likes and dislikes, his weaknesses and strengths, but if you were to corner me and ask:

Are you and Lucas friends?

The only answer I could give you would be:

I'm not really sure.

I'm comfortable going on endlessly long shopping trips with Soyeon, helping Minnie with her Korean homework. I can endure Doyoung's weird jokes and puns, I very much like letting Jungwoo paint my nails in various shades of pink that he has taken from one of the other girls. Then there is Yuqi who is like my sister and of course, Jaehyun, my boyfriend of eight months.

But Lucas?

Between us, there is an invisible wall that becomes apparent only on the rare occasion that we are alone. When it happens, the silence becomes thick. Awkward. Unbearable. My throat feels dry and I don't know what to say. That's why I try to avoid it as best as I can. Why I try to avoid him as best as I can.

But now, that won't be possible anymore.

“Um...” I stare down at my hands, the fingers I've been nervously cracking for the last few minutes. I don't want to look at Lucas. I can feel his eyes on me, the heaviness of them, but I know that if I were to look up, he would avert his gaze just as quickly, tear his eyes away from mine. “Do you want come to my house?”

The project the professor has given us is a big one. She said it was going to be 40 percent of our grade. I got a bit scared when she said that, because I don't like too much pressure and I dislike even more the option of being partnered with a slacker. When she read out the names of the people assigned to be partners,however, my small initial fear turned into a full blown state of mental anxiety and panic. Lucas an I are supposed to work together as partners. I had never exchanged more than two words with him. I'm always so awkward around him. And I don't even know the reason why.

When he doesn't reply, I let my pinky crack yet again. I know it's a pretty bad habit that can make others feel uncomfortable but it's almost as if my head is set to auto pilot. “It's quieter and we can have snacks as well...” I go on rambling until I realize that Lucas still isn't answering. Maybe he doesn't want to come to my home all by himself? Thinking about it, it's probably awkward. Even moe so for him. Quickly, I open my mouth. “The library is fine, too”, I say. “I don't want you to feel-”

“It's fine”, he quickly interjects before I can finish my sentence. His voice is smooth and deep and even though he has only said two words, I can't help the small shiver from running down my spine. I can hear just from the way he's speaking that he probably has a smirk on his face. It's the kind that looks almost daunting. The kind that seems like he's laughing at a joke you're not in on.

Yet.