Past

Yukhei’s first day at school

“Everyone, please welcome our new transfer student, Wong Yukhei. From now on, he’ll be your classmate. Please, be patient with him as he’s recently started learning Korean.”

The homeroom teacher announced with a tender smile, her hands resting on the little boy’s shoulders. Yena tilted her head out of curiosity and tried to look over the other students who were seated in front of her. She hated how small and tiny she was, almost the shortest in their class. She hoped she would grow up well and grow really tall.

“Nice to meet you, everyone.” The little boy waved in every direction and then bowed politely. Nervousness was evident on his face, his smile was still a bit forced and unnatural.

“Nice to meet you, Yukhei,” the students said in unison, their childish voices filling the silence of the classroom. Upon hearing their response, Yukhei got even more embarrassed and his face turned scarlet red in a matter of seconds.

After fidgeting awkwardly for a few more seconds, the boy was shown his desk by the homeroom teacher who then went back to the board and started their class. Yena was taken aback by the fact that the transfer pupil was now sitting beside her, their desks only a few inches apart. She coyly looked in Yukhei’s direction, trying to remember his features when the other caught her staring at him. She gulped and nervously looked away. She didn’t know how to react. Even though it was exciting that they had a new classmate, she was never taught how to make friends and start a conversation. It was something that nor the school, nor her mother taught her.

The class soon finished and little Yena found herself looking at the transfer student. Again. Yukhei was already staring at her when she locked eyes with him, small wonder they both reddened to their ears when they caught each other red-handed.

Yena blinked nervously, trying to avert her eyes but his face was like a magnet. Besides, he was so peculiar to her. There was something unusual about his features and his skin-colour. Maybe he wasn’t fully Korean? She didn’t know, he just seemed a bit different than other kids she knew.

Then, Yukhei broke into a childish giggle and bowed respectfully in the girl’s direction. Her eyes widened in astonishment as she tried to process what she had just seen. Even though she was shocked that the transfer student was so polite from the start, she mirrored his action and bowed back.

“Can you speak English?” the little boy asked with a hopeful smile that grew wider the moment she nodded. She was tutored by a private teacher because her mother wanted her to be the most intelligent and sophisticated student in her class, thus she was forced to attend special classes even before she started elementary school. She was taught how to read, how to write and how to articulate well, plus she was taught basic English. At first, she found it all very exciting; finally she had people who praised her and encouraged her to do well, not merely reprimanded her or yelled at her when she made mistakes. However, as time went by and she started attending public school, she found it boring because she had already known most of the things the teachers were talking about.

Even though she didn’t think that her English skills would come in handy so soon, she couldn’t hide a tiny little smile when Yukhei asked the question. It was the first time she finally felt like her efforts paid off.

“Do you like Pokémon?” the little boy asked with eyes that resembled hidden treasures on a deserted island and the Sun – the brightest star on the sky – among the constantly dying stars. His smile was hidden under his curious, child-like gaze and his big doe eyes. Not until she nodded in agreement, did she finally see that smile of his in full swing.

“Do you want to see my sticker collection?” His hazel eyes lit up at her reaction, one that she found both endearing and adorable.

“Yes.”

Yukhei soon fished a folder out of his school bag and eagerly opened it to reveal a massive amount of stickers in all shapes and sizes. Yena didn’t need to look through all of them to know that every single major and minor character could be found in his collection which was absolutely breathtaking in her opinion. She had never seen so many stickers before.

“Do you have Clefable too?” She looked up at the boy, tilting her head in curiosity. Yukhei boasted a boyish grin and immediately pointed at one of the figures in his collection.

“Do you want to keep it?” He averted his huge eyes back to the girl who was blushing deeply at his question. She was never allowed to buy any of the stickers because her mother protested and said that buying anything like this was a waste of time, thus she was never able to trade stickers like her classmates did. Oh, how she wished she could!

Yet, her mother wouldn’t have to know about this one, right?

“If you don’t mind…” She fluttered her eyelashes as she was trying to deal with the heat that was going through her body. She felt like she was on fire. Was she breaking the rules? Was it really that exciting to do something her mother wouldn’t approve of?

“No, I don’t. Here…” Yukhei carefully removed the little figure and placed it on her pencil case. Looking at her plain white pencil case being decorated with something so colourful and cute made her heart leap. Joy was rushing through her veins. “Clefable has a new home now.” He grinned at her, his chocolate-brown hair falling into his eyes.

“I love it,” Yena whispered, mesmerized by the sight in front of her.

“Me too,” The transfer student added beamingly and when they locked eyes, something magical happened.

An innocent, pure and simple friendship was born amidst the excitements of new school days, colourful stickers and bright smiles that were so familiar yet so mesmerizing at the same time.

The day Lucas’ home became her own

“Breathe in… and breathe out… breathe in… breathe out…” Yukhei’s mother instructed as the girl was sitting in front of her, her eyes closed and her heart shattered to pieces. The boy was sitting beside her on the couch, his hands resting on top of hers, his eyes full of unanswered questions and sparkling fireworks that were bound to explode anytime soon.

Yena was young and innocent enough not to understand that she had just walked in on her mother making love with another man, but the incident was as shocking as it could be for someone her age. On top of that, her mother did the exact same thing she always did when she felt like her daughter was the one to blame for something; she started yelling at her. As a result, the little girl slammed the bedroom’s door and ran down the stairs, out of the house and down the streets until she arrived at Yukhei’s house.

She didn’t know what she was doing. She didn’t even know what she was supposed to do under the circumstances. She may have acquired outstanding education and possessed a certain level of knowledge in all fields, but she was never shown a good example. She only got to know affection, care and love because she met Yukhei. The boy gave her a sense of warmth she had never felt before. He was her safe haven; the church in which she found peace and serenity when she wanted to run away from who she was. He was a sheltering tree under which she felt like a lost girl who finally found her place in the world. Though one who doesn’t know what love is may not know whom she should trust, she trusted Yukhei. She was cautious around others, always seeking their approval or disapproval, always waiting to be reprimanded and always striving to be better, constantly wanting to do better. On the other hand, beside Yukhei, she was herself. The most honest, sassy and raw version of herself. The most silly, girlish and beaming version of herself. And Yukhei… oh boy, he was also being himself.

Being the dork he was, he never failed to make her smile with his multilingual remarks, undying love for stickers and newfound passion for everything that was sports. Whenever she could, she sat on the school field watching him play football, volleyball or whatever he was trying out. He was constantly searching for something that he could call his. He tried everything and if something didn’t live up to his expectations, he didn’t get discouraged, let alone give up on searching for his place in the world. He was as unpredictable as a sudden downpour in the middle of a hot summer night. Yena never knew what she should expect from the boy, but she sure knew that he would either make her laugh, smile or giggle because of second-hand embarrassment. There were times when he complimented her, and she blushed so hard that she was sure a brand new shade of red tinted her cheeks; there were times when he promised that he would marry her and be the best husband in the world, his firm statement turning her into an emotional mess. He was her best friend and she was sure she doesn’t need to take him seriously, but she couldn’t help her face from flushing when he said those lovely words.

Whatever might have happened to her – let it be disappointing her mother with her academic achievement, a sudden jolt of fear concerning her future or the early stages of puberty leaving its mark on her mood –, he was there like the star that’s always accompanying you to your midnight star-gazing. This time was no difference.

As soon as Yukhei opened the door with that smile that could make the early rays of sunshine during sunrise jealous, he knew something was off. Yena was short of breath, her hands were shaking, and her hair was a mess from running non-stop. Yukhei’s young heart clenched at the sight of the usually composed girl and he found himself reaching out for her hands the moment he invited her into the house and started inquiring what had happened.

Then, as she was about to answer, the boy’s mother arrived to welcome the guest and stayed to calm her down because apparently, she needed her. Yukhei’s mom was a therapist, in fact a licensed marriage and family therapist, and she was working at a special care centre based in Busan for Thai families. Small wonder she kept an eye on Yena in case she needed her support. Though she had to admit that her son was being the perfect support for the girl with his laid-back and positive attitude that made her feel at ease. She had witnessed cases like Yena’s and not all of them ended well. She tried her best to talk to Yena’s mother, but she was as ignorant as one could possibly be – not admitting her mistakes, not making effort to change her behaviour and not finding a flaw in her upbringing of the child. Plus, she looked down on her because her Korean wasn’t the best the first time they met even though she was improving day by day.

It’s true that it wasn’t a therapist’s job to take care of everyone’s physical and mental health out of her office but Yena was an exception. Not only because she was her son’s best friend and she owned her a lot for helping him out since the first day of school but also because she was such a pure and amicable soul. One that was extremely rare to find, especially after what Yena had been through since her father left them and she was stuck with one emotionally unavailable parent. She may have been given everything she needed materially but her mother was never assisting her through the storms and falls of her life. Upon observing Yena and the relationship between them through open days at schools, parent-teacher conferences or when they accidentally bumped into each other, she assumed it was a case of CEN – Childhood Emotional Neglect.

However, it was even more difficult this time to be the mother Yena never had. Talking about intimate relationship and ual desires was something that was either Yena’s mother or the school’s nurse job. Of course, she was capable of talking about it in a way that wouldn’t upset her and threw her off the edge, but it wasn’t easy. Yukhei was a curious and ever so eager kid, so they had already discussed the basic facts he needed to know about s because it was better to hear it from a parent than from the movie he had accidentally started watching. Needless to say, she almost had a heart attack when she caught him switching to a channel one day.

The frightened and utterly confused little girl’s mumbling was enough for Yukhei’s mom to get the basic idea of what she had witnessed, so after some breathing exercises, the woman started talking to her calmly and slowly, making sure that she was ready to hear what she was about to hear. As with Yukhei, she dealt with the topic professionally and made it easy to comprehend by kids.

As minutes passed, Yena ‒ who was known to be an intellectual ‒ shyly started asking questions, obviously able to grasp the topic better after getting the answers for her question. It may have been fifteen minutes or an hour, none of them knew, but she finally seemed to feel at ease again. Her chest didn’t rise as frantically as it did when she appeared on their porch and her hands stopped shaking somewhere along the way.

A comfortable silence covered them like a soft cotton blanket as she ran out of questions and neither Yukhei, nor his mother knew what to say next. Instead of adding anything more, the woman offered to bring a cup of water for her to which she happily agreed.

“Do you want to colour with me?” Yukhei broke the silence with his slightly high voice which was still the voice of a child. His big hazel eyes were glowing like the flowers that could only be seen at night, his dark orbs completing his whites like the yin to the yang; seemingly opposite yet interconnected as you dig deeper. Despite the fact that he could be a moodmaker, he didn’t hesitate to put his jokes aside if he took notice of something bothering the one he was talking to. In this case, it was Yena whom he wanted to comfort.

However, the girl was taken aback by his abrupt question. It had been quite a long time since they last coloured together. Not that she considered it a childish activity, more like because they found other activities with which they could pass the time.

“Colour with you?” She raised an eyebrow in question, her eyes squinted in curiosity. She knew that expression on Yukhei’s face that signalled that he was being serious yet she never knew what to expect from him. He was like a character of an anime; always showing a new side of him, always coming up with extraordinary ideas and always looking like he had the time of his life, no matter what he did.

“Yes.” The boy nodded without any hint of frivolity in his voice. “My mom got me a colouring book and I use it whenever I’m upset,” he confessed quietly, his lips quivering a bit at the sudden sincerity of his words. A tiny coy smile was hiding in the corner of his lips, not wanting to be seen yet being prominent enough to be noticeable. Yena rarely saw him like this.

“You’ve never showed it to me,” the girl remarked absent-mindedly, her gaze landing at their intertwined hands. She didn’t know when but she felt her fingers being captivated by the already longer yet delicate fingers of her best friend. His touch soothed her nerves like an organic cream that you put on a searing scar when you hurt yourself while wandering through the forest. The heat of his body warmed not only her body but her soul as well.

Yukhei was always like a wild horse that couldn’t be kept inside its stable. He yearned for the world, he was burning like a fire, igniting from nothing and avoiding becoming one with ashes and complete numbness at all costs. He wanted to set the world on fire, making sure that everyone felt alive around him; hearts that were tired of the weary and monotonous workload, souls that left their bodies after not being properly taken care of and minds that were too preoccupied with the future tangled by fears and doubts. His heart was so full of love that he wanted to mend everyone’s broken heart by giving away a piece of him.

“It’s because I’m never upset around you.” Yukhei turned to face her, his eyes searching for the doubt or uneasiness in her onyx-black orbs. Yet, none of this happened because she was slightly dumbstruck by the seriousness of his words, so he took this opportunity to explain further. “Mom says it’s a good stress reliever.”

Words could be swords against people we love and against people we dislike. Words could be serenades being chanted in the middle of the night, only being interrupted by the first ray of sunshine creeping onto the horizon. Words could be scars that we can’t get rid of and whenever we look at the marks on our skin, we are being reminded of what we had done. Last but not least, words could be a form of medicine that heals the scars that others had left. In Yena’s case, her best friend’s words were more than medicine; Yukhei not only gave her hope that her situation would get better but he proved again that he would be there for her no matter what ordeal comes their way.

“Then, let’s colour together!” she said gently, her voice barely a whisper. The boy looked relieved after seeing the newly born stars in her onyx-black eyes and gave her a reassuring squeeze before they went to his room hand in hand, their hearts closer than ever before.

Friendship blooms in the most unexpected places at the most unexpected times and such magic can only happen to those who aren’t afraid to be themselves and give their all to the most intense and ground-breaking power in the world; that is love itself.

The day the flowers bloomed and so did their love

Summer cheekily asked spring out to a dance and they never looked back since, leaving the cold, bone-cracking days of winter behind and invading warmth and life into the awakening nature.

Years passed by like the autumn leaves falling from the almost bare tree; languidly yet swiftly. Years didn’t ask for their permission, nor did they wait for them to realize how many years they had spent together because time wasn’t one to deal with foolish human’s wishes. During this time that felt annoyingly long and heart-wrenchingly short at the same time, Yukhei and Yena both grew – both physically and mentally – and neither of them could see how much they had actually changed.

Yukhei was now taller than her, towering over her whenever they were walking side by side. The boy couldn’t get enough of teasing her with their height difference; whenever he had the chance, he stole one of her books and held it above his head, cheekily grinning down at her who was fuming like a volcano. Not to mention the boy’s overflowing confidence and changing teenage body that was more and more packed with muscles and strength that seemed inhuman to her. He was working out quite frequently and even joined the school’s football team, earning a few admirers who drooled over his manly physique. Even though they were already sixteen years old, Yena found the behaviour of Yukhei’s newfound fans quite infantile.

Truth to be told, she was very well aware of her best friend’s fit body. Oh boy, how couldn’t she when all Yukhei did was flexing his muscles in front of her or sleeping shirtless when she was at his place? He knew… oh he knew well that Yena didn’t fancy his behaviour, yet he wouldn’t change a thing. Deep down, he knew that it was all just her trying to mess with him when she didn’t find anything else to point out on him. Plus, he enjoyed seeing her flushed face too much whenever he got rid of his shirt in front of her without warning. Why would he tell her what he was about to do? It was more fun if she didn’t know about it.

Regardless of everything that changed him appearance-wise, he was still the same witty and odd kid whom she met years ago. As Yukhei became more and more easy-going and found his place at his new school, his Korean also improved dramatically, thus it was a lot easier for him to be his most genuine and authentic self. He didn’t act like he was someone else, never for a second did he pretend to be anyone else but Yukhei to please others. Even if people threw disgusted or outright horrified glances at him, he didn’t intend to stop joking around, speaking in his own multinational language or letting others hear that high-pitched laugh of his that didn’t match his deep voice.

Out of all the things she loved about him, his sincerity was the one she loved the most. When her life seemed like a fake tv show with all that drama and gossips about her mother, her constantly changing boyfriends and Yena’s grandparents, Yukhei was not a copy, neither a replica, he was simply being Wong Yukhei with all his windshield laughs, toothy smiles, strong muscles and that big, big heart of his. That was more than enough for her. He was like a breeze of fresh air after a sandstorm; nothing could be compared to the way she felt around him. She felt safe and sound, it was as if his presence put her in a bundle of blankets with a cup of warm tea and singing lullabies to her to make her fall asleep (which happened a couple of times when rainy or stormy nights came). She felt like everything would be alright when she was beside him. He was the home she never had and the home she never knew she had from the moment he showed her his Pokémon sticker collection. He was also the one who taught her that:

“To be yourself is to be courageous. To love someone is to be bold.”

Yet, as soon as roses bloom, thorns come too. Life is like a card game; you have to deal with what you get, you can’t decide which cards you want, you can only decide how much you bet on your win. They both had hardships that they didn’t see coming and ones that put their friendship to the test.

As for Yukhei, with his passion for football and working out, there came the haters and clingy admirers who wanted to flirt with him. Nothing too crazy as they were only sixteen years old but the amount of (sometimes unwanted) attention he got only for his appearance drove him crazy.

“It’s weird how many people start talking to you after you join the football team and start working out. I’m glad you are still here with me. At least I know you love me for who I am, not for how I look.” Yukhei pondered once while they were having lunch together, a piece of rice cake stuck between his chopsticks as he came to a halt while eating.

A sudden rush of warmth spread through Yena’s body as she was listening to his words. The boy may have been an actual jokester who couldn’t shut up for a minute but he had a serious (and surprisingly mature) side to him. It was because he didn’t show this side of him a lot, only when they were having a heart-to-heart talk at the break of dawn when neither of them could sleep, let it be a sleepover at Yukhei’s, a school trip or one of those nights when nothing seemed to put them to sleep.

Hearing him say those words out loud in the cafeteria without any antecedents meant more to her than she would have admitted. Yena was truly thankful though she tried not to show it. Yukhei would think too highly of himself if she did.

“I’ve never said I love you. I just put up with you,” she remarked teasingly, her rosy-coloured lips raising into a child-like smile. It wasn’t uncommon that she acted like a brat when she was around her best friend because he was the only one who accepted her the way she was. Yena would never dare to act this way with any of their classmates, teachers, let alone her mother. She was humble, down-to-earth and quiet when she was around others, she only showed her real self to those who were closest to her. In her case, that person was Yukhei only.

“Very funny.” The guy rolled his eyes like he was hurt but there was a hint of playfulness in his voice. He cooed closer to her, his hazel eyes widening as he was eyeing her, his gaze never leaving hers. She was used to the close proximity, so she didn’t even think of backing away.

Then, Yukhei continued, still not tearing his gaze away.

“I know that deep down, somewhere under that nerdy and unimpressed exterior, you actually love me a lot and even dream about me sometimes.” He wiggled his eyebrows, showing off that oh so boyish and smug grin of his, one that could drive her crazy. Not only because it somehow made him more attractive but also because she couldn’t stop herself from smiling like an idiot when he acted like that.

“You wish.” Yena clicked her tongue as she gently pushed the guy back, so that she could continue eating without her best friend nosing into her food.

On the other hand, Yukhei didn’t turn back to his food, instead he kept looking at her. She almost asked why was he acting so strange when the boy confessed something that he had never shared with her before.

“I do dream about you sometimes.” The words rolled off his tongue like honey; they were smooth and sweet.

To say that she was absolutely dumbfounded would have been an understatement. Despite the fact that she was already used to the duality of the almighty Wong Yukhei, she never thought that she would hear something like this from him.

“What? Really?” She tilted her head in confusion, her eyebrows furrowed in slight shock. Yukhei wasn’t one to open up so abruptly. Even though he could constantly surprise her by sharing something vulnerable with her; something so dull and juvenile to the average eye and maybe even to her at first sight yet it turned out to be another reason why she loved him - despite all those protests -, he was still hard to decipher. His actions, his words, his moves. He was a jewellery box with so many drawers, so that even if she had the key to all of them, she was pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to open them all even if it costed her a lifetime. “And what do I do in your dreams?” She raised an eyebrow as her thoughts were running wildly in her head, her mind wandering off to mysterious forests with maze-like routes and moonlight-filled nights.

Yukhei was reluctant at first, not sure if the words that were on the top of his tongue would do more harm than good. His big doe eyes were scanning her face, examining every bit of her delicate features, afraid that he would might say something – anything – that could ruin everything between them. He didn’t want their relationship to be destroyed by the reckless waves that would wash away the sand castle that they had built with their own hands. A relationship so genuine and so fragile built from nothing can’t turn into ashes because of his foolish greediness. It’s human nature to want more, to strive for more yet he couldn’t risk what they already had between them.

Instead of saying what was on his mind, he went along with what felt right; joking and messing with her like he always did when he got scared by his own raw and bare feelings. Whenever he felt like running away like a coward, he stayed and played the fool instead.

“I won’t tell you.” He cleared his throat, trying to regain his usual bubbly self. “It’s a secret.” He winked at her playfully, earning a weak smack in his chest. No matter how hard Yena tried, Yukhei saw the slight twinkle in her onyx-black orbs, the one that he loved oh so dearly for shining so fondly and brightly especially when she was around him. He never saw it when she was with someone else, so it felt like it was his own reflection in her eyes.

Truth to be told, their friendship was as pure and innocent as one can be when they first met. They started off with drawing and playing together, teaching each other words in their own native language and spending every lunch break together. After a while, it evolved into something fragile, something more vulnerable. Childhood best friends may not stay together forever but they do share a special bond that no other kind of best friends do. When you literally see each other growing up, it really feels like you are closer than family. Concerning Yukhei and Yena, they sure went through that phase of their friendship when they acted like brothers and sisters. For instance, when they went out to have some ice cream at the shop on the corner of the boy’s neighbourhood, the cashier complimented Yukhei for taking care of “his adorable little sister” so well. At first, the said girl wanted to protest and tell that old folk the truth, but in the end Yukhei always managed to speak up first and boasted about his good manners instead.

As they grew older, they had been through some changes in every way. Yukhei started growing so tall that she lost count of the centimetres between them, looking nostalgically at the wall in the boy’s bedroom where they used to track their heights year after year. His shoulders were wider, his facial features more defined and mature, his hair longer and messier than ever, though it all made him look oh so handsome. Handsome like a young boy who was on the verge of adulthood while still acting like a little kid sometimes. The way his hazel eyes widened whenever he saw something for the first time or the way he could laugh so freely whenever he heard something immature and inappropriate, not to mention his half-teasing, half-serious remarks about Yena’s changing body; you could tell that he wasn’t one who took responsibility for his actions, nor did he carry the weight of growing up on his shoulders. He was still free like a bird, flying high and trying whatever he could with his wings that took him to place he had never seen before.

Then came a breaking point; it was like a wake-up call for him. Yena already knew that her best friend took her presence for granted even after he had started making new friends who couldn’t get along well with her – to be precise, wouldn’t make an effort to get along well with her – and she was alone. Being beside someone who made you feel lonely was worse than being alone, and she had her fair share of that horrendous feeling.

Despite everything, she was there for him when he received the news of her grandmother’s passing. He was practically in love with her grandmother and it didn’t seem to change no matter how old he got. Although Yena had never met the boy’s grandmother because she was living in Hong Kong, she knew how much he loved his precious relative from the way his eyes sparkled whenever he got a call from her granny or the way his voice was a pitch higher when he was talking about visiting her. When summer came, the Wongs usually went back to his hometown for a week or so, spending their time with their precious family members whom he loved very much despite the distance and language barrier.

Small wonder it was so sorrowful to see him falling apart because of the sudden news. Yukhei might have lived in a more realistic world than a small child’s but his world was still full of hope and optimism, there wasn’t room for remorse and pain. His life wasn’t sunshine and rainbows but until this particular case, he took everyone around him for granted. He slipped into his life as if it was the best and didn’t want to wake up from his beautiful daydream. Yena couldn’t blame him, at least he was able to hope and believe in the small yet beautiful things in the world. On the other hand, aside from Yukhei, her world was all grey and dark.

They were in the library, studying together for their History test, when the boy’s phone beeped. He muted the device because they weren’t allowed to use their phone while they were in the library and he was obedient – only because Yena told her to do so – because he didn’t want to get into trouble. When he saw that the call was from his father, he excused himself and walked out of the library.

Yena didn’t pay much attention to him as Yukhei’s father sometimes asked him to go and grab a few things at the local supermarket before he headed home, so there wasn’t anything odd about his call. However, when her own phone’s screen lit up with a message from Yukhei, saying that he wants to talk to her outside the library, she knew something was up. She immediately rose to her feet and with a bob of her head in the librarian’s direction, she exited the room.

As soon as she was out, her eyes were searching for the familiar fondness of the puppy-like hazel eyes but instead she came in sight with something hurt, something broken. When their eyes met, Yena couldn’t help but gulp. She had never seen her best friend like this before. His features were displaying utter shock and devastation. It was as if he was caught up in a thunderstorm without anything to keep him safe. He had nowhere to run, he was completely trapped.

“Yukhei! What’s wrong?” Yena stumbled to her feet as she made her way to the boy who was leaning against a wall, his eyes staring far ahead after he couldn’t bear the eye contact anymore. He still held his phone in his hands like he was frozen for a few minutes. Like he was trapped in the past. The hourglass was broken and all the sand was flowing between his delicate fingers and he had no other choice than to watch it absent-mindedly, not having any power to stop the inevitable.

Instead of answering her question, he looked at the black screen of his phone in disbelief.

“Yukhei…” Yena whispered gently, her voice full of doubts and unanswered questions. She didn’t know what happened and she wouldn’t want to think about the possible outcomes. Yet, the way the boy’s hands were shaking like he was possessed by some unknown force was rather worrisome. His messy, sand-like hair was falling into his tearful eyes and he didn’t budge to push it back. When the first pearl-like tear slid down his cheek, Yena’s heart skipped a beat. Apart from some bruises he got when he was younger and being his overly energetic and careless self, she had never seen Yukhei cry or even tear up. The sight was eating her up alive.

She had no idea what to do. She wanted to hug him and tell him that it would be alright but judged by the expression on his face, she might not have been right. He was apparently unable to move, and the more tears resurfaced, the more frightened she got. As she reached out to wipe one tear away, Yukhei literally collapsed into her arms, his growing body holding onto her waist like she was the last loose strain that kept him alive. Even though she was smaller than him, she held him with such power she didn’t know she possessed.

She was the tree protecting him from the storm, the rain and the sunlight, sheltering him from the reality. Keeping him in a glass bead that was said to be unbreakable, yet cracks could be seen on its surface. Despite the internal turmoil that she herself was going through, she tried her best to catch him while he was falling. Falling, falling into the pit of darkness and numbness.

Both of them knew that nothing lasts forever. Both of them knew that people come and go. Both of them knew that humans aren’t immortal. Yet, neither of them was prepared for losing someone so precious and dear to their heart. They were young and naïve. The only way they could deal with the pain was hugging each other; tightly and frantically like a malnourished man who gets his hand on the first piece of bread after weeks of starving. They were both sobbing quietly, the seconds passing by like shooting stars. Yena drew invisible hearts on his back in an attempt to distract herself and Yukhei too.

It was the first time they realised that what others had said was true; you grow through pain and loss, thus only while losing can one gain something else.

Yena was there with him the night after, the week after and the month after. She supported him as much as she could and listened to his heart-wrenching thoughts, even if it meant that she had to pull an all-nighter. She listened to the cacophony of his ragged breathing and the symphony of his quiet sobs. She listened to the heavy beating of his heart, one that resembled ancient pendulums clocks that were about to stop swinging. She let him hold onto her as a crying baby holds onto his mother and let him cry all over her shirts.

The first month was the most difficult one yet his pain became less and less unbearable as time went by. He learned how to breathe again after his grandmother’s funeral and it became easier day by day. His heart that couldn’t be pacified found solace and tranquillity once he remembered that his grandmother was like an angel sent from Heaven and now she could finally go home. The air wasn’t as suffocating as before and after he came back from Hong Kong where the funeral took place, he seemed a bit more at ease. He wasn’t alright, not yet. He was forever scarred from a loss that he had never thought he would have to bear.

While Yukhei was away to attend his grandmother’s funeral in Hong Kong, Yena had to come to terms with the fact that she hadn’t seen her own grandparents for half a year. They lived in Busan like she did, but they were never close to begin with. Yena’s mother made sure that she wouldn’t keep in touch with them and they encountered only during Christmas or Chuseok. Nothing too intimate, nothing too personal. A mere dinner at a fancy restaurant that usually ended in a heated quarrel over how Choi Jieun shouldn’t treat her daughter the way she did and that’s exactly why she didn’t want her to see her grandparents. They actually wanted to help her because they knew their daughter was bossy, strict and inconsistent because she never listened to them.

That way, Jieun’s parents were practically cut off and Yena could never even receive a letter or a present from them because her mother would totally lose it and throw a tantrum. On top of that, due to the fact that she didn’t even know who her father was, the grandparents on her father’s part were almost dead to her.

She never had a real family but she knew family wasn’t necessarily blood-related, thus she could confidently say that Yukhei was her family. One she never had and one she would never imagine that she would have. One she never thought that she would lose one day.

Yet, as time went by, the Chinese-Thai boy eventually returned back to his usual self and even though life taught him a tough lesson, his boyish grin couldn’t be replaced with a soulless frown or a forced smile. His hazel eyes got back their usual sparkle that challenged the brightest stars on the pitch-black skies and his heart became full of affection once again.

So when the flowers bloomed, so did they love. Yukhei wasn’t stupid, he knew that the loss of his grandmother only brought them closer, yet he didn’t want to risk anything. The fact that he was more vulnerable than ever and had a scar that didn’t heal properly made him ponder. If the death of his grandmother caused such soul-crashing pain, what would he do if he lost Yena too? She was like his second family; the brightest sun on his grey sky, the bittersweet coffee he needed in the morning, the smell of spring lilacs, the touch of little puppies after being bathed, the sight of the sunrise after a storm, the last piece of his puzzle and the other half of his impatiently beating heart.

He didn’t want to think about the possible consequences of losing her, so he stayed quiet and his love for her remained a secret kept at the bottom of his heart, hidden and safe until the time would come when he feels ready to let her in. He didn’t know if she felt the same way but he was more than happy to love her even if it meant that she didn’t love him back.

Just loving her was enough for him.

The day the gap became wider

Growing up and maturing brought about a lot of changes.

There came junior and then senior year. All those responsibilities regarding overly anxious students under the pressure of demanding teachers and parents who expected them to do perfectly on every single test were now a part of their everyday life. The extracurricular activities filled their afternoons and usually stretched into night as well. Those who sought after the best possible results pushed themselves to the best of their abilities and sometimes even further. They never stopped, they never took a break and they never realized that something was clearly wrong about how they handled the pressure.

The competitiveness and the monotonousness of their days seemed to go on forever. It was like a foggy winter afternoon that prevented them from seeing anything around them. They didn’t know how to escape from the vicious cycle because they weren’t supposed to stop. Everyone told them to bear the unbearable and break the unbreakable; they should have gritted their teeth and never think about stopping for a second. Their job was to study and studying always came first.

Of course, not everyone had the same problems and not everyone was affected by the inhumane system as much as Yena was. Her mother was one hell of a woman during those years and no matter how many times Yukhei told Yena to confront her mother and tell her that she didn’t want to be a lawyer, she would have rather opted for creative writing, Yena got upset. Even though the girl told him over and over again that her mother wouldn’t support her and thinks that writing is only for the most talented and most outstanding ones, he wanted Yena to give in and finally let go of the dream of her mother. He hated nothing more than to see her work and sacrifice so much only for her mother. It would have been fine if she did it for her own pleasure, to make her own dreams come true. Nonetheless, when it came to his best friend, she was still playing in Choi Jieun’s marionette-play while the boy knew that it was time to put an end to that stupid play of hers.

On the other hand, Yukhei knew he had it easy. A friend of his father recommended him for a radio programme one summer and despite the fact that he was inexperienced in radio shows, he was accepted after being auditioned. After that, he was taught by his mentors and fellow hosts, yet it never seemed like work because he truly enjoyed it. As opposed to being only a young, inexperienced boy, everyone praised his natural talent for finding the right balance between joking around and digging deep into a topic. Plus, he only had to work during the weekends, so he had other ways to pass the time outside the radio station including hanging out with his new friends and going to football practice. His programme was specifically for the weekends, something between music and movie recommendations and talk shows with special guests on various yet appealing topics to the public, especially to young people.

Initially, he had no intention of being on any radio programme but after working there for the summer, he decided to stay and soon he found himself a new dream. He wished to work at Arirang Radio in Seoul that aimed to connect international fans with their favourite Korean artists – actors, actresses, authors, producers and idols. He had already sent out his demo tapes to multiple radio stations in Seoul – including Arirang’s –, hoping that he would get accepted. If not, he could still stay in Busan and continue working at his current workplace. A degree wasn’t needed to fulfil his dream according to his co-workers, so he rather spent his time enjoying the opportunities he decided to take and working on his skills as much as he could.

However, Yena wasn’t that lucky. Yukhei felt sorry seeing her study so much – too much – and seeing how hard she worked only to be reprimanded by her mother for every little thing she didn’t do – or didn’t do as properly as Choi Jieun wanted – besides studying such as cleaning her room, taking out the rubbish and doing grocery shopping. She usually assisted her mother while she was running errands but it became too much for her while her days were full of extracurricular activities and English classes.

Jieun filled in an application form in her daughter’s name to apply for a scholarship at Yale because she wanted her to continue studying abroad. That’s why Yena was left with all that unnecessary paperwork and even more classes; she didn’t want to let her mother down. Plus, who wouldn’t be intrigued by the possibility of studying at Yale? Yena was as humble as ever and insisted that she would be more than happy to be accepted at one of the SKY universities but Choi Jieun wasn’t one to take others’ opinion into consideration.

Small wonder everything was crumbling down and by the time Yukhei and Yena finally poured their hearts out to each other, the house of cards had already fallen apart.

It was their senior year. The sun was setting on the horizon, the colourfully blooming trees were bathing in the tangerine light and birds were chirping on the branches, letting everyone know that spring was just around the corner. Yukhei and Yena were walking beside each other, both exhausted after the tremendous workload earlier that day, thus silence was no other than a reassuring companion on the road heading home.

Yukhei’s home was first, so when they arrived at the Wong’s house, both of them thought that his goodbye would put an end to their shared path. Nevertheless, as soon as the boy came to a halt and turned to her to bid his farewell, Yena looked up at him with her obsidian-black eyes pleading for their hourglass to stop for a moment.

“Yukhei, we need to talk,” she announced with a heavy sigh, the bags under her eyes ‒ indicating the hours she spent on studying instead of sleeping ‒ turning into a terrifying raven-black shade under the dim light of the setting sun.

Even though he wanted nothing more than to say how he felt about the fact that they spent yet another 30-minutes saying completely nothing to each other, he knew that it wasn’t the best time to start arguing with her. They were both worn out, probably too vulnerable for such a meaningful conversation.

“Is it anything urgent?” He shrugged his shoulders casually, pointing at the watch on his wrist. “ ‘Cause I’ve promised the guys that I would watch their performance,” he explained nonchalantly because he already knew what Yena was thinking of the guys. She didn’t fancy seeing them around because she didn’t know how to shrug off their brotherly teasing and mocking. Yukhei had to admit that sometimes they went too far but that didn’t mean that she needed to avoid them at all costs. Besides, when she wasn’t there with him, with whom he was supposed to hang out? Her abandoning her social life didn’t mean that he had to do the same.

“Well, maybe I’m the only one who feels this way, but I feel like something went wrong between us.”

Yena’s eyes were shining apologetically, yet her words were painful like a bullet. They hit his heart hard and despite the enormous pain that came after, he didn’t want to acknowledge that the harm was already done. It may have already hit him, but the worst was yet to come.

“What do you mean?” He raised an eyebrow in question, playing dumb as he always did when he wanted to avoid a certain unpleasant, let alone serious situation.

It could be seen that the girl was struggling to phrase how she felt. Yukhei once read some of her stories and knew that she had a unique way with words, she used such vague vocabulary and diverse expressions, he wasn’t even sure that he knew half as much words as she did.

Yet, right now when she needed words the most, she encountered an utter lack of them. Fate was a pitiful creature.

“I don’t feel that special bond anymore,” she spoke up after long, anxiety-filled seconds and let her words fill the tension between them before she reasoned further. “We used to be so close, sharing practically everything with each other and now I don’t even know if I can count on you because you are too busy with everything else.” Her voice trailed off at the end, her eyes wandering far ahead.

She didn’t want to meet his gaze, that oh so familiar, oh so precious yet oh so painful gaze of him. Every single time she looked at her so-called best friend, her heart churned with worry. What if he would fade away like a shadow? What if he would also leave her because she didn’t deserve to be loved and then her mother could boast that she was right? What if he would find happiness without her and sadness only when he’s with her?

Something went downhill the moment she became more reserved and less confident while he was never more content and outgoing. Yukhei made new friends who made fun of her perfect grades, perfect clothes and perfect answers when in fact nothing was perfect about her, except the exterior. The interior was collapsing like shelves in the fire of the Library of Alexandria. Her insides were eaten by the flames, leaving nothing but ashes behind. Nothing vulnerable was left, nothing lovable and nothing precious, only ashes. Yukhei was right there, he witnessed all of it, yet he never once asked what was wrong. He wasn’t there to catch her fall, yet she was already falling. The worst part was… he also knew well that he wasn’t there when she really needed him.

“Hey!” The boy raised his hands in defeat, clearly hurt by the tone of the girl and the weight her words carried. He was perfectly aware of the fact that he was sometimes the one to blame but not all the time. “I’m not the one who turns down our sleepovers because of studying.”

“I can’t do anything about the fact that I have extracurricular activities until 8pm and evening is the only time I can actually start studying.”

“Well, if it weren’t for your mother, you wouldn’t have done half of it,” Yukhei blurted out carelessly, rage already building up in his body. The moment the first angry thought popped into his mind, he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from attacking her so cruelly.

Nonetheless, Yena merely gulped and lifted her chin up. There was a peculiar sense of determination in her. She may have been the ice princess hiding behind closed doors most of the time but she wasn’t one to back away that day. She was ready to fight.

“You know it’s not easy for me either. I have my own dreams and I want to live my own life but I can’t because my mother is the only one I have. I can’t make money because I don’t have time for that and without money I wouldn’t be able to pay for my tuition fees. Yet, if I accept that I’ll study Law, my mother would pay for it,” she reasoned calmly, acting like an already experienced businesswoman. It was the same when they were debating in class; she never raised her voice but the aura around her was different. Everyone knew that she would say something worthy. Everyone was paying attention to her despite the fact that she was practically invisible any other time.

Yukhei had no intention of looking away when their eyes met. The fire in her eyes was dangerous, almost fatal. He didn’t know if it was cautionary because she was going to stay the exact same throughout their conversation or because she would eventually burst. You never knew when it came to a dormant volcano. Considering what she piled up during their teenage years – both from her mother and her best friend –, she seemed pretty dangerous to him.

He let out an agitated sigh. He didn’t want to argue with her but there was no other way they could solve their problems.

“You know, you broke the rules here and there,” Yukhei reminded her gently, his deep, hoarse voice filling the silence between them. From the moment she met him, she changed for him. She was so radiant and joyful when she was a child and if she had listened to her mother’s warning, she would have never made friends with him. “Where’s that girl who stood up for me in front of her mother when she said that you can’t come over to my place?” he mused nostalgically, a sudden jolt of resignation going through him.

Yena merely gave him a tired, sad smile.

“I grew up, Yukhei. So should you.”

“Excuse me?” His voice rose to a pitch higher than usual. Her words bit into him like a wild animal. He didn’t see such an attack coming but he already felt the excruciating pain engulfing him, especially his heart. His heart that he kept only to himself for so long because he was afraid to be fragile, he was afraid to be weak yet one question of hers at the age of six was enough for him to let her in. Since then, he never let her out. Not even for a second.

“Can’t you see that I feel uncomfortable when I’m around you?” She flung her arms in the arm, frustration written all over her face. “I get it, you have new friends and I’m totally okay with that. Yet, that doesn’t mean that you should act differently when you are around me because you’ve spent too much time with them. I feel lonely when I’m with you.”

“So you think I’ve changed?” He bellowed furiously, taking a step closer to her as he talked to her. He didn’t want to look menacing, but he wanted to see if he could still recognize the same old Yena in the obsidian-black abyss of her lifeless orbs. “Well, sorry to break it down to you but you’ve changed too. I can’t even tell you my silly jokes anymore because you either frown or roll your eyes. I can’t even come up with plans because you either have classes or study at home. I know that I also have football practice, work at the station and spend more time with the guys but we just can’t seem to make it work. When I see you, there’s something different about you. You are a different Yena. More reserved, quieter… It seems like you don’t live your life anymore. You just try to survive everything,” he confessed straightforwardly, the words dripping off his tongue like medicine. It felt so reassuring to get everything off his chest, yet the outcome was still yet to be seen.

Yena gulped at his last words. Maybe she had felt the same, maybe she didn’t. She was excellent at concealing her emotions, maybe because she was told to do by her mother. However, after a minute or so of keeping an intense eye contact, she snapped. Her eyes suddenly became teary and he also caught sight of the trembling hands by her side. Maybe she didn’t want to keep everything to herself after all. Maybe she wanted to tell him everything.

In the end, she did. Even though he was waiting for the truth, he wasn’t ready for repeated bleedings of his already broken heart.

“Yes, I’m stressed because I’m studying a lot and out of the two of us, I have to study because I will go on to study at a university. However, I’m more stressed because I’ve noticed the shift in our relationship and I’ve tried to save it. You know, I was there for you when your grandmother died or when you were told that you have to take extra classes or else you’ll fail Maths. I was there when you cried or when you doubted yourself. I didn’t feel like I was doing anything wrong. Yet, apparently I did because it wasn’t enough that I’ve tried my best when I was with you, even if it wasn’t much time.”

“It was enough, believe me. I appreciate what you’ve done for me ever since the start and I know we both had our ups and downs and I’m thankful for you. I really am. I know how hard it’s been on you in the beginning, yet you seemed to have everything under control in the past years. But what could I do when you didn’t let me in as you used to?” Yukhei shrieked and winced, something that Yena had never seen before.

His voice was so desperate for answers, for what ifs and for the precious past memories, it almost made her wish she had never said anything in the first place. However, after a long time, at least she could be honest with somebody. Even if it meant that she hurt her best friend with her confession, she wasn’t ready to let it slide and see what the fire she had just spitted on him had left.

“Because you were just talking and talking about what you did with the guys or how your niece reacted to your present and I was there listening to you and the moment I wanted to open my mouth, the bell rang, or you went to talk to the other guys. I genuinely care about you and your days but by listening to you all the time, I held everything in.” Yena huffed fervently, her cheeks tinted scarlet by the frustration that swept her off her feet. She didn’t care that she was being uncharacteristically honest or furious, it was time they showed their cards and decided on the result of their poker game. They were both so good at dealing with the cards of fate, but they had to put an end to their suffering. For both of their sake.

Looking back at all the precious memories from the start until the end, Yukhei didn’t regret anything. He had changed but so did Yena. Even though it hurt his heart to see her in such a state because of him, at least he could see her standing up for herself. Even if it meant that she was against him. Karma was indeed a .

“You know…” He started, something unpleasant settling in his stomach. Was it shame, guilt or worry? Was it because of what the girl had said or was it because he knew what was coming? “I’ve noticed that you were having a hard time,” he whispered wholeheartedly, hoping that his best friend wouldn’t doubt his words. Or were they friends anymore?

Yena didn’t doubt him. He held the same loving and fragile universe in his eyes that he did from the moment they met. Yukhei always loved the way her laugh sounded like little bells at Christmas or when her cheeks were pink full of blushful shyness. He adored the way her full lips turned into a mischievous smile when she was about to break a rule. He was so fond of the way her eyes sparkled whenever he gave her one of the polaroids he took of them, albums on top of albums hidden in his drawer that he never revealed to her. He kept so much to himself, hoping that he would be able to keep her with him forever and more. When he wanted to feel her presence but knew he couldn’t reach out to her, he took out an album and looked at their shared memories. The nostalgia tasted bittersweet in his mouth, it was like coffee without any sweetener.

Yena’s lips trembled as she asked the question that was the final stub in his heart. He knew the game was over.

“Then why didn’t you ask about it?”

Yukhei wished to deny everything but he couldn’t do it. Not to her. He knew that both of them were at fault because you need two people to create a bond and you also need two to break it. However, it didn’t mean that it hurt any less. In fact, it hurt like hell, knowing that both of them turned to a nasty war instead of a simple talk in the beginning of the end.

“Because it was easier not to talk about it,” he admitted shamefully, his heart leaping at the sight of Yena’s parted lips.

“Oh I see.” She nodded as if she wanted to understand and accept his decision, a forced smile already making its way onto her rosy-coloured lips. She was putting on a façade for him just as she did when she was with her mother and it tore him apart. What did he do to her?

The moment the first tear escaped Yena’s eyes, she wished she had never let anything slip away. Her friendship with Yukhei was the only thing that kept her together when she had a hard time and even though it was dying right in front of her eyes, she didn’t want to let go. Yet, all the sand in the hourglass landed and their time ran out. The more tears surfaces, the more she hated herself. She should have let Yukhei go sooner instead of holding him back. He deserved better, someone fuller of affection and attention. She couldn’t help how she felt but she didn’t want to pull him into that hole of darkness with her.

Hasty footsteps and ragged breaths were their own bittersweet farewell, untold confessions and proper goodbyes hiding behind its mask.

As the last ray of sunshine escaped the horizon, the light moved to their hearts and left an open scar that would forever remind them of the lost, loved and forgotten.

The day fate decided otherwise

After that day, they have tried time and time again to save their dying friendship but eventually they decided that it would be better if they went on separate ways. It hurt both of them to see the other laughing or smiling but there was a tiny part of them that was happy that the other was also happy. They couldn’t erase ten years full of precious memories, bittersweet moments, salty tears and contagious laughter. They couldn’t throw everything to the wind just because they drifted apart. No. Subtly, they always observed the other one to see if their smile was genuine or if they truly felt comfortable around others.

The words they spitted out on that particular spring day were painful like bullets. Yet, even though the pain was excruciating, the bullets weren’t fatal ones. Both Yena and Yukhei reflected on what they had been told and tried their best to learn from them. If you never make mistakes, you can never learn from them. If you do make mistakes, you can strive to be a better person and find your real self.

Yena was glad that Yukhei was doing well and got a job in Seoul right before they graduated. She had to admit that the boy was doing better without her because she realised she must have been a bad influence on him. Maybe even a toxic one. It was true that she didn’t go out with him, nor did she give in to his beloved ideas such as sleepovers and movie nights. She merely didn’t have time for him and her poor time management skills on top of her packed schedule slowly yet steadily suffocated their friendship. Yukhei must have felt trapped because of her when all he wanted to do was to break out of that cage that the prejudices and expectations towards the once new transfer student built around him. He was literally blooming in front of her and instead of making sure that he grows well, she held him back. She should have let him go so much sooner.

Yukhei blamed himself for not being honest about his feelings and not caring enough about Yena’s. He knew she was going through hell, yet he had never asked how she felt or if he could do anything to assist her. He assumed that she was way better without his unnecessary prying and useless questions, so he talked about himself instead. What a fool he was! Having more guy friends killed that sensitive part of him that always nudged him to ask about the girl’s day and to make sure that her smile was genuine. As he was changing, he also lost a part of himself but not the worst one. Later on, he could see that the guys he used to hang out with during his last years of high school abandoned him when he actually moved to Seoul. They didn’t support him, nor did they want to keep in touch with him. He couldn’t believe he was so blind to see that they were being with him only because of his popularity.

However, Yukhei’s parents fully supported their son and rented a flat for him in a reserved area of Seoul’s downtown as soon as they got the news of his successful application. The summer was a blur to him; he spent all his time exploring Seoul’s wonders and working as an intern at a small yet cozy radio station in Seoul. He was working on the entertainment segment, gathering information about events all over the city before he could move on to presenting them. He was a night-time radio host which meant that he worked from 10pm to midnight and despite the low expectations towards the number of listeners, his programme quickly exceeded the expectations. Of course, it was still nothing compared to the peak hours, but it was better than most of the other radio station’s statistics at such an hour.

Not long after he settled down and started enjoying his life in Seoul, he got a call from Yena’s mother. The moment he saw the name on the screen, he immediately flinched. There were so many things he wished to say to that woman but none of them was actually appropriate and polite. At first, he assumed that Choi Jieun called the wrong person yet seeing that she didn’t hang up after half a minute, he decided to answer the call.

“Hello? It’s Wong Yukhei.” He picked up acting like he didn’t know the caller because he knew Choi Jieun might not remember that she had given him her number. Even though he never made use of the information, he hadn’t deleted her from his contacts either. He didn’t actually know why, maybe he longed to have something that still connected him to Yena.

“Hello Yukhei! It’s Choi Jieun, Yena’s mother,” the woman introduced herself in a business-like manner while Yukhei tried his best not to snort while she was speaking. He hated Jieun so much, it was as if she did something unforgivable to him. Though she never once attacked Yukhei face-to-face ‒ only behind his back ‒ but she made his best friend’s life miserable and that was something he couldn’t forgive.

“Nice to‒”

“Look, Yukhei,” the woman cut him off which threw the boy over the edge. How could she be so bossy right after they started talking? Not like he had any right to rebel against her but the impatient tone in her voice made him uncharacteristically grumpy. “I know you were on good terms with my daughter once, so I assume you wouldn’t have a problem if I asked you a favour. Unfortunately, there was an administrative error with her application to Yale, so she couldn’t be accepted but we only got to know about it a few weeks ago, thus she couldn’t start the spring semester in Seoul. Yet, after dealing with some paperwork, it seems that she can start her studies at the Seoul National University from the fall semester and I know that you’re still looking for a flatmate, so I’ve thought I would ask if you were willing to share your flat with her.”

Unbeknownst to Yukhei, his lips parted slightly upon hearing the news. Ever since they graduated in February, he hadn’t heard from Yena but it came as no surprise since he moved to Seoul pretty quickly. He was pretty sure that the girl was already in New Haven for her fabulous new life and excellent education, he would have never thought that she didn’t get in and had to stay in Seoul. Not to mention that Yena’s mother – the mighty Choi Jieun herself ‒ made a phone call to make sure that she still had a place to go. He knew that Yena’s grandparents lived somewhere close to the capital city but hearing the request, he was convinced that Jieun didn’t want to let her daughter spend more time with them. Yukhei may not have been their last hope but almost the last one. Her life didn’t seem so perfect after all.

“Well, I still don’t have a flatmate, so I‒”

“Perfect! Then I’ll drop her off at your place on Friday and we’ll sign the contract,” Jieun stated matter-of-factly, her remark taking Yukhei by surprise once again.

He couldn’t believe that the woman was trying to control the conversation, so that the boy wouldn’t be able to finish any of his sentences. He didn’t even know what to say because he was still in the state of utter shock after the realization hit him hard that he would be living together with Yena. It was something that they dreamed about when they were younger, but nothing seemed more inappropriate under the circumstances.

“Don’t worry! I’ve seen your advertisement, so I know the address and money can’t be a problem either. Thank you for your help! See you on Friday!” With that, the woman hung up, leaving a dumbfounded Yukhei behind who merely gulped at her antics. He was sure that he wouldn’t be able to live a day beside a monster like Choi Jieun and he suddenly felt sorry for Yena.

It’s been a long time since he thought about her so fondly yet after the news of her unsuccessful application, his heart churned with worry. How did she feel about the fact that she had to stay in Seoul? Did she regret that she studied so much, only to be encountered with an administrative problem that costed her chance to study in the US? Did she know what her mother was doing or did Jieun call him without Yena knowing anything about her future flatmate?

Yukhei shook his head in an attempt to get rid of his questions. Questions that he knew he couldn’t answer because the only person who could wasn’t there with him. Yet, soon she would be living with him and despite everything that they had been through, he couldn’t help but feel a sparkle of hope. A hope for a more prosperous and balanced friendship between the two of them.

Despite everything, he couldn’t hate her. He couldn’t hate the way her lips raised into a shy smile or the way she blushed when she heard a compliment. He couldn’t hate the way her eyes lit up when she got an answer right and the way she sipped on her coffee, her heart feeling at ease after the newfound energy. He couldn’t hate the way her locks always seemed so soft and straight no matter if it was raining heavily or snowing fervently. He couldn’t hate the way his heart started racing every time he felt her presence in the room and the way blood rushed through his veins when he heard her voice.

Despite everything, she had still been his best friend for ten years. Despite everything, she was still his first love even though Yena never knew because he didn’t have the courage to confess.

Now… he didn’t know who she was to him. He dreaded founding it out yet he couldn’t wait for Friday to come.