10,900 words

ONE

Water splashes against his wrist when he dunks his paintbrush. Baekhyun rinses it free of burnt orange and sandwiches it in a cloth, it dry while his eyes wander his painting of a cityscape, wincing every time an error breaks the surface like weeds through the cracks of concrete. He is not one to put pressure on himself, usually he's quite patient, but this painting – it needs to be perfect. In a way, it's not just a painting. It's more than brush and acrylic, more than bristles and linen. It's his life. Past, present, and hopefully future. It's Sehun.

Baekhyun pushes his glasses up his nose a little further, aware that they slid down during his work, and briefly checks his fingers when he pulls his hand back to make sure he hasn't just smeared paint across his face. He's known for doing that – handing over money at the till with rainbow hands, or literally having a green thumb when he does the gardening. It's comical, but mostly just dries out his skin.

A few paces around the room shows him his work from different perspectives, and he scrutinises every angle, every dab, every of paint. It needs to be perfect. At least he is on schedule, the canvas intended to be an anniversary gift next month to celebrate him and Sehun being together for one whole year. Sort of. Work gets in the way. Hell, the distance gets in the way. It's been two weeks since Baekhyun saw him last, and even then it was only for an afternoon. Sehun works in the city, Hapton, an hour long drive from here on a good day, while Baekhyun cosies up in the village known as Bybrook with his paint brushes and graphics tablet, churning out painting after painting to get by. Sehun works at an advertising agency, a good company that gave him a job after he worked there for his placement year at university. It takes up an excessive amount of Sehun’s time.

They met at a party of a mutual friend and have been together ever since – if together means talking through text messages and phone calls. It's not ideal, but when is anything ever ideal? They have each other, and it just means that every second they have in one another's company is all the more special. All the more treasured.

Baekhyun catches himself smiling, pressing his fingers to his lips as he beholds his painting and thinks about seeing Sehun later. Finally, they're going out. Unfortunately, that's not for another nine hours, and Baekhyun sighs as he approaches his painting one more time to see if inspiration strikes. A part of him feels like it's not special enough. Or, just enough in general. As he puts away his paints, picking up the squashed tubes, tightening the screw caps and carefully sliding them into his drawer, he starts to worry. The time they go without seeing each other is getting longer and longer, and the time they spend texting or talking over the phone is getting shorter day by day. It irks him, because he wants this to work. Yes, they live apart now, and may do so for the next however many years, but at some point they'll work things out. They will.

Baekhyun eats the rest of his breakfast before he showers, digging into half a grapefruit and two slices of buttered toast. He stares at his painting again when he gets dressed, damp hair air-drying as he slips into a pair of jeans and a plain shirt. He has no plans until Sehun picks him up, so he decides to take a walk to pass the time, heading up and out of the village, through the path in the woods, and back down the edges of the farmers' fields. He passes the bed and breakfast and the pub, Rose's corner shop and Mrs Parker's tea room, and greets everyone he runs into with a cheery good morning.

This is why he could never live in a city. In how many cities can you leave your home and personally know everyone you come across on your way to work, or the way to the gym? How can anyone ever choose car horns over birdsong? He doesn't understand people's fascination with concrete jungles, but he puts it down to a difference in preferences. He and Sehun seem to have a lot of those, although they say opposites attract.

His walk is mostly uneventful. He comes across some wild rabbits that scamper when he walks by, and sees Minseok on his quad bike over the hills, calling orders to his dogs that round up his flock. It's peaceful out here, the early summer sun basking in a blue sky, and Baekhyun stops to wonder why Sehun is so against this place. So against coming to live here with him. It would be the perfect life.

On his way back home, he passes Mrs Parker at the tea room again as she enthusiastically waves off a few hikers asking for directions. She's like a mum of sorts, sweet and gentle and invitingly warm. She gives good cuddles too, and manages to make them work no matter how tall or short you are.

"Afternoon, my dear," she calls when she sees him, and Baekhyun breaks out in a wide smile as he strides over.

"Afternoon, Mrs Parker. How is business today?"

She chuckles at him and heads back inside, her tea room a conservatory attached to the front of her house. Baekhyun holds the door for her and grins when she tsks at him for being such a gentleman, admiring her newly dyed hair from where it rests in a small blonde bun at the base of her head. She's a well put-together lady, wearing creams with pastels that complement her matching nail varnish – an accent that changes every week without fail. She likes to press her trousers, iron her shirts, and even knit her own jumpers from time to time. She's more than double Baekhyun's age but doesn't look a day older than thirty-five, and she puts it down to the expensive anti-ageing remedies she keeps buying off the shopping channels on TV.

"Don't you mind about my business. If I tell you one of my cakes has gone off before it's been sold, it'll be a game of Chinese whispers all through the village and suddenly someone'll think I'm closing down shop and leaving the country."

Baekhyun lets out a hearty laugh at that, resting his elbows down on the counter beside the till and watching as she services the coffee machine. "That's part of the fun!" he insists, though he knows full-well just how un-fun that can be. The villagers love their gossip and their rumours, and with most of them being retired, they have little else to do. That being said, they never go without a communal village event for long. Someone is always planning something, and if they're not, there are Kyungsoo's weekly pub quizzes down at The Lamb's Head. Not a single weekend is spared.

"Did you hear about the Mills, Baekhyun?" Mrs Parker asks, speaking in a loud whisper that everyone adopts when it's time for the exchanging hearsay.

"What do I need to hear?" His eyes roam the different types of teas she has along the back wall, all kept neatly in their boxes, and smiles when he sees that she owns a pair of oven mitts he painted the design for.

"Well," she starts, quickly wiping down her counter and nudging Baekhyun's forearms with the anti-bacterial spray bottle to get him to move. "Mr and Mrs Mills are going to be Mr and Mrs no longer."

Baekhyun gasps and straightens his posture. "You're joking!"

"Unfortunately not. Flora Dodds says she overheard them fighting last night through her open bedroom window. Apparently, there's another woman."

"No! That's awful!" Baekhyun breathes, looking around as if expecting to see the Mills for himself. "I can't believe that. I thought they got along really well. That's such a shame."

"Flora thinks their relationship has been failing for a while. I mean, how often do you ever see them together? And they each have their own groups of friends that don't interact. I feel sorry for the kids."

Baekhyun pulls a sorry face and chews on his bottom lip, not knowing what else to say.

"In other news," Mrs Parker changes tune, "I saw who moved into Harry's old house this morning."

"Oh?" Baekhyun perks up.

"Tall, dark, handsome. Young as well. He'll definitely be a hit with Aunt Agnes for sure."

"In that case," Baekhyun chuckles, "we'd better protect him."

"I think so too. You know what she can be like.”

Baekhyun shudders at the memory of his first village dance, a group of five people having to peel Agnes off his body where she had slung herself and begun to leave a sloppy lipstick mess all over one half of his face, with the intention to do the other half not long after. She’s known for drinking a little too much and then insisting she’s not drunk. And when she’s not drunk, she’s slightly cuckoo anyway.

“Any plans for today, Baekhyun?"

Baekhyun smiles at the mere thought of what he’ll be doing later. "I'm going out with Sehun," he says, excitement growing now that he’s said it aloud.

“You young love birds,” she teases t good-naturedly, always interested in his love life for some reason. It feels nice, though, to have someone who takes a genuine interest in what he’s up to. In a way, Mrs Parker is his village mother. “There are so many handsome young gentlemen in this village. Me and the girls wonder what we did to deserve such tempting eye candy.”

Cackling, Baekhyun reaches out for her bejewelled hand and tenderly brings her knuckles to his lips. “Me and the boys don’t know what we did to deserve being in the presence of such fine women.” He waggles his eyebrows and she chuckles at him, snatching her hand back and joking about how her husband will get jealous.

“Always the charmer, Baekhyun,” she sighs serenely once her laughter has calmed and bends down into her display of cakes, reaching for a jam tart. “For you, my dear, even though you’re sweet enough already.”

Baekhyun simpers and takes the pastry carefully in both hands. Anything Mrs Parker makes is a treasure. “I’ll paint you a portrait as thanks.”

She snorts, still unbelievably graceful, and slaps him playfully on the shoulder. “Oh no you won’t. I’ve had enough of looking at this face of mine.”

“I haven’t.” Baekhyun winks, leaving the tea room with pure and jittering joy swelling in his chest. How could he ever pass out on something like this for a city?

He heads home happy, checking his phone mid-pace to see if Sehun's texted him yet. His chest gives out a little when he sees that his inbox is empty, but figures that it's Friday and Sehun is probably busy with work, so he sends a quick message for him to open during his lunch break, telling him he's excited about later . That’s one thing Baekhyun wishes he could do – either make Sehun lunch to take with him or meet up with him in some hole-in-the-wall café that no one knows about. It’s a deflating feeling, knowing that he wishes for things beyond their limits. There’s so much he wants them to have that they can’t.

He concentrates on his painting for the remainder of the day, taking different sized brushes in a very light hand and blurring small specks of paint to act as little lights on the waters reflection. He has tried to make it look as much like Hapton as possible, with the tall capital building and the easily distinguishable old theatre on the river bank. The goal is to have Sehun understand what it means without having to ask, so Baekhyun is determined to do a good job – a perfect job – and for all of his sentiment to get across. It’s where they met, after all.

Time doesn’t seem to move fast enough. Baekhyun tires of painting just past two o’clock and moves onto household chores, washing the dishes and sorting through his laundry. It's mundane and uncomfortably quiet, and he finds himself longing to have someone to make conversation with. Sehun, would be ideal; his offhanded mutterings about things or people he finds annoying, his low, crawling laughter when he finds one of Baekhyun's jokes funny. It's always comfortable, their idle chatter. Baekhyun wishes they could relax like that more often, but whenever they see each other it feels like a rush to catch up, to get all the words out for things that happened while they were apart. Even then, when Baekhyun gets home he realises he forgot to tell Sehun something that he deliberately saved for when they were together. He always considers just texting or saying things on the phone, but he wants to see Sehun’s face and Sehun’s smile, be able to feel Sehun’s laughter. In the end, he just forgets again, and those thoughts fail to resurface.

Things are starting to feel incomplete for that very reason. Baekhyun feels like a part of him is missing when he's holed up here and Sehun is off in the city. He feels like he's missing out on things that a regular couple should probably do together, like heading to the gym to burn off extra energy or spontaneously getting fast food at three in the morning. Nothing they do is random. It's all planned, regimented, and – though Baekhyun rues himself for thinking it – it's starting to suffocate him. He doesn’t feel free to express his love in the way that he wants.

He takes a deep breath with his forearms submerged in dirty dishwater, trying to lose the cold flush that has washed over his chest. Everything will be fine, he tells himself, and dries off his hands so he can go back to working on his painting.

Sehun picks him up a little after seven, as planned. Baekhyun spent a good hour getting himself ready, grinning from ear to ear when he got a text from Sehun saying he was on his way. Another text tells him Sehun is outside, so he shoves his wallet in his back jeans pocket and heads out the front door. He's staying the night at Sehun's after they have a couple of drinks at their favourite pub in Edgebank, the town between Bybrook and Hapton. They call it their 'Halfway Pub', and Baekhyun likes the idea that the effort they put into their relationship is equal that way. Rarely does anything ever feel one-sided. Usually Baekhyun would taxi there, but today Sehun offered to drive the full distance.

Baekhyun slides into the passenger seat with ease and instinctively leans across the centre console to give Sehun a kiss. It lands on the corner of his mouth, more on his cheek than his lips, and Baekhyun greets him happily despite him feeling something off about Sehun's welcome – or lack thereof.

"Hey, babe," Sehun says plainly, reaching for Baekhyun's hand and flashing him a tight smile before he eases off the brake. "Good day?"

"Yeah. Got a bit more painting done," Baekhyun recounts as they pull out of the small lane his terraced house sits on, leaving behind the quaint cottage-like homes that stand proudly in a row. "Then I had to do the dishes. I didn't realise I'd left so many. Guess I'm just messy." He chuckles, looking across at Sehun and then their linked hands. He expects Sehun to say something, maybe make a joke or comment on his own dishes situation, but he doesn't.

Baekhyun is about to ask him about his day in return when his attention is captured by the sight of Mr Mills hauling suitcases into the boot of his car. Looks like he's moving out now that his marriage has collapsed. Baekhyun subconsciously holds a little tighter onto Sehun's hand. It is the worst thing, falling out of love with someone. Baekhyun is thankful that he won’t have to experience that anytime soon, hopefully never.

On the topic of suitcases, his chest fizzles with warmth that lightens his spirits. He doesn't have to bring an overnight bag with him when he stays at Sehun's, a good range of necessities already there in his apartment. He has a drawer in one of the nightstands beside Sehun's double bed, and a pot to put his own toothbrush in by the sink. It brings him comfort to know that he still has a presence in Sehun's life, even when he’s not physically there. It’s almost like he's marked his territory – and his toothbrush isn't moving out for anyone.

"The Mills are getting a divorce," Baekhyun gossips conversationally as they wind down a narrow country road, hedgerows on either side and a canopy of tree branches up above. Bybrook is practically in the middle of nowhere, only a web of small lanes surrounding it for miles that run in curly, winding lines. Sehun drives a little fast for Baekhyun’s liking, but he trusts him to keep them safe.

"Who's that?" Sehun asks, disinterested, and Baekhyun smiles despite himself.

"Just a couple from the village. We think he cheated on her, so I guess he's moving out now."

Sehun nods and says nothing else. It’s been a while since Sehun has stayed at his house. There’s always some excuse as to why Sehun needs to be at home in his own apartment, whether it be access to his computer or that he needs to be close to his office. Baekhyun can’t really hold not knowing the villagers’ names against him. It could just be a mistake on Baekhyun's part, but he swears Sehun winces. Maybe he feels guilty.

For the hour car ride it takes to reach Edgebank, they exchange minimal conversation. Baekhyun asks Sehun about his day, and he says it was tiring and boring, and then he asks Baekhyun about whether his yearly contracts with the greetings card company has been renewed yet, as it usually happens around this time of the year. Baekhyun is pleased that Sehun remembers, but finds himself deflating when he mentions Mrs Parker owning a set of his oven mitts and Sehun not knowing who he's talking about. He must have mentioned her about a hundred times. Still, Sehun did tell him when they first met that he’s terrible at names.

Nevertheless, it's more of the same once they've sat down in The Sweet Victoria and ordered themselves each a pint. Baekhyun asks questions and Sehun's answers barely surpass a length of five words. They're sat in a corner next to a fireplace, the coals not burning as it's the beginning of summer, Baekhyun continuously looking at where the fire used to be. It's still cosy and homely here though, and usually it makes Baekhyun feel at ease, but Sehun is sitting so rigidly in the most comfortable-looking auburn armchair that he's starting to get nervous.

"Is everything okay?" he finally asks Sehun, little by little becoming more afraid of the answer. He notices that Sehun hasn't touched his drink and instead keeps checking his watch, charging a time bomb in Baekhyun's head as he waits for the answer. He doesn't remember doing anything wrong, saying something out of line or being offensive in any way. It can't be him.

Sehun smiles curtly. "I... I have to leave soon." Baekhyun's stomach swoops a little, fingers clamping around his glass. "I have work tomorrow."

Baekhyun narrows his eyes out of confusion, but maybe a little out of exasperation as well. They've spent a little under an hour together so far and have hardly said more than a few sentences to each other. For each excuse he has made on Sehun’s behalf to justify his behaviour, Baekhyun has been feeling more and more uneasy with what it might mean. He's more than a little pissed. This is the only time they have had together in two weeks and it’s been planned for just as long. If Sehun was bombarded with work commitments this afternoon, they could have rescheduled or made different arrangements. Baekhyun wouldn’t have minded.

"On a Saturday?" His voice comes out low, words leaving his mouth with a tone of disbelief.

"Yeah," Sehun replies with a jerky nod. "Overtime."

Baekhyun waits for him to explain a little further, provide insight on the why, but Sehun goes back to checking his gadgets and picks up his phone to busy himself. Baekhyun tries to ignore how his fingers are slipping slightly on his glass, the sweat gathering in his palms enough to make him lose his grip. He feels cold but his face feels hot, and as he stares at Sehun, so indifferent, his heart starts to thump in a not so welcome way. He doesn’t know what this means.

"I'm still staying at yours tonight, right?" he asks, voice steady and deep. He considers drinking more beer to ease his nerves, though decides it'll be a clear giveaway of how he's feeling and opts to put it down on the paper coaster instead. He doesn’t think he can stomach anything now anyway, the knots of confrontation locking around his insides.

"Baekhyun..." Sehun starts and fails, and Baekhyun knows he is about to hear something that he doesn't want to hear.

The look on Sehun’s face tells it all – the sad, sorry smile, the arched eyebrows, the pitying eyes. Being a painter has its perks. Baekhyun can pick up on facial expressions quite well. At least it allows him to prepare himself a little.

"I just... I don't know if this is going to work anymore. Our relationship, I mean."

A rock falls into the pit of Baekhyun's stomach anyway, and though his eyes are intently trained on Sehun's he finds that his mind has wandered far off. Why exactly is this not going to work?

Sehun looks like he's about to be sick as he elaborates. "It's just, if you moved to Hapton then maybe it would work but—Baek we're just so far apart and I can't keep coming back here to see you. I have work and I'm aiming for a promotion, which means I have to do so much overtime to meet all my deadlines and impress my boss, as well as my boss' boss. I don't have two hours to spare driving to Bybrook to pick you up, and then another however many hours to spare when we're actually together. I don't think it's a good idea to keep doing this when our lives are so... separate. And if we're both too stubborn to move, well..."

Baekhyun blinks the room back into focus and stares at Sehun in nonchalant shock. "You're trying for a promotion?" he asks lightly, aware that Sehun hasn't mentioned anything about it to him. He starts to wonder what else Sehun hasn't told him. What else he thinks Baekhyun either doesn't need to know or doesn't deserve to know. It makes him a little nauseous to realise that while Sehun is the first person he tells important news to, it isn't the same the other way around. He feels alone in their relationship. Small. Maybe he’s been relying on Sehun too much.

Sehun's face crumples with guilt. "Baek—"

"Funny," Baekhyun cuts in, watching his fingers as they curl around the end of the chair arm, "how you're glued to your phone now but you can't spare ten seconds to send me a goodnight text. Or reply to me within twelve hours."

Sehun releases a sigh through flared nostrils. "Work takes a lot out of me. Besides, my inbox is full. It’s easy for me to miss messages every now and then. My job is my life now, and my job is in Hapton."

"So I'm not a part of your life?" The words come out sharp, full of bite, and Baekhyun stares at Sehun so intensely that he is starting to see the pulsing of the veins in his neck. His cheeks are colouring too, reddening with what Baekhyun believes to be a shame he hopes is so potent that he never gets over it.

"Baek, I didn't mean it like that."

Baekhyun tsks. "Then what did you mean?" A simple question, really. It's only the words that are hard. He gives Sehun a good amount of time to respond, providing him the chance to either get his thoughts together or come up with better reasoning. Not once does he divert his eyes, perhaps on purpose. An unnerved Sehun is often an honest Sehun, and Baekhyun will be incredibly pissed if he's lied to.

The gentle buzz of the pub permeates their awkward silence, the relaxed, social atmosphere unfitting of their conversation. Baekhyun has never felt so tense in a place he usually comes to to unwind. It’s a shame that it’s the company that’s sour when it’s supposed to be the highlight of his day. A shame that Sehun has decided to break his heart.

When it becomes apparent Sehun is lost for words, Baekhyun starts to get impatient. If Sehun wants to break up with him, he should have planned a whole damn speech detailing why. Now isn’t the time to stumble. "Huh?" he grunts unintelligibly, suddenly aware of how dry his mouth has become. His eyes linger on Sehun's before they fall to his beer, debating whether it will make things any better.

"You're making this difficult," is what Sehun comes out with. Baekhyun almost chokes on the spit he doesn't have. "I'm so sorry that I have to do this but I honestly think it's best for both of us. We don't see each other enough, we're both too tired to keep up conversations—"

"You're too tired."

"Baekhyun—"

"Don't sit there and act like I don't try," Baekhyun scoffs, rolling his eyes and trying to comprehend how he's being told what is best for him by someone who claims he isn't a part of his life anymore. "Who is the one that always ends up texting first? Or calling f