“These pictures turned out really good, Himchan.”

Himchan looked over the shoulder of the photographer as he went over the pictures that he had just taken. He had been on set all day and with all the outfit changes, being in and out of hair and makeup and having to move from set to set, Himchan was exhausted. He had been in Japan for two days already and he was ready to get this photo shoot over with. He had to admit however that doing this photo shoot was helping him forget his problem with Yongguk. He turned his mind off the moment he has arrived to the set.

The location of the photo shoot was a traditional Japanese home somewhere in Chiba, Japan. Himchan was blown away by the house when he first saw it. He knew that the theme for the fashion line he was shooting for was 'Modern Tradition' but he wasn't expecting to have a shoot in a traditional house like this. He had been so scared to move around so that he wouldn't damage anything that could be of historic value.

“Alright, can we bring Takashi to set?” The photographer called out before gesturing Himchan back to his spot on set. “Himchan, you too.”

Takashi was a tall, lean Japanese-Korean model with striking good looks that Himchan had worked with a few times already. To say that Takashi was comfortable to be around would be an understatement. Himchan couldn't deny that there was some kind of chemistry between them so it was no surprise that they were working together yet again. Takashi was also one of the bubbliest persons Himchan had met, so having to work with him again was a walk in the park for Himchan.

“The moment I've been waiting for ever since I knew I was working with you, Himchan.” Takashi said when he entered the room with a big smile on his face.

Himchan chuckled at how excited Takashi was and if it wasn't for the fact that Takashi's hair was styled, Himchan would have ruffled his hair. The moment they were in the spots that the photographer wanted them in, they the charm. They posed in different positions for some time before the photographer called for some of the female models to join them. Himchan didn't think anything of it when Takashi slipped his hand around his waist during one of the group shots when a female model was in front of them. It did however make Himchan think of how Yongguk would rest his hand exactly where Takashi's hand was lingering.

Himchan was soon asked to go back and change into a different outfit for the next part. He was in the process of changing into his outfit when Takashi walked into the room they were using as a dressing room. Being a model had made Himchan used to the idea of changing in front of other people. He learned quickly to be okay with it when he was in his first fashion show. The backstage area was crazy with models running around half or fully trying to change into their next outfit before being rushed back out on to the runway. That was Himchan's crash course of what it was like to walk on a runway.

“You look a lot thinner than the last time I saw you, Himchan.” Takashi said when he looked at Himchan's bare torso, noticing that he was significantly thinner than what he was a few weeks ago.

“My diet and stress from school and life are to thank for this.” Himchan joked.

He couldn't deny that he had lost a lot of weight when he looked at himself in the mirror. It was as if the stress of his final year in school and his situation with Yongguk was making him fall back into his old bad eating habits. He did notice that the last few weeks, he was either skipping meals altogether or binge eating every meal in one sitting. And just like last time, he was going to deny and cover it up the best he could.

“Wanna talk about it?” Takashi asked as he changed into his outfit for the next set.

“There's nothing really to talk about, Taka. Just the life of a double major student in their last year of school; stress levels are through the roof.” Himchan shrugged before putting on his shirt.

“I'll tell you what,” Takashi put his hand on Himchan's shoulder. “How about tonight after the shoot, we go out with the girls and enjoy the Tokyo? We'll drink, eat and relieve that stress of yours.”

The invitation sounded really nice to Himchan. It had been a while since he was able to unwind. It would be good for him to hang out with his model friends and enjoy the nightlife that Tokyo had to offer.

******

Himchan couldn't remember how he ended up in a nightclub surrounded by a bunch of strangers dancing to the music as if he didn't have a care in the world. It had been months since Himchan had felt this free and liberated. He pushed every ounce of worry and stress to the side and focused on actually enjoying himself for once. Maybe it was because he was in a different country far from everything that was stressing him out or maybe it was because he was with Takashi, who always made sure that everyone was having a good time.

Takashi was the one that dragged Himchan and the two other female models to this club after they had a few drinks at a bar. They immediately dragged Himchan onto the dance floor when they got there and hadn't stopped dancing since. Himchan danced in between the girls as Takashi moved closer to him, resting his hand on Himchan's hip just before flushing himself up against Himchan's back.

Part of Himchan was telling him to move away from Takashi, that this was too close for comfort, but a bigger part of him missed this kind of feeling. Himchan missed human contact like this. He hadn't felt Yongguk's touch in months; it felt good to have another body flushed against his back like this. So he just let it happen; he let Takashi touch him in flirty ways like this because it made him feel good. It made Himchan feel wanted.

To hell with Yongguk.

Himchan closed his eyes when he felt Takashi's breath on his neck. Now this was really too close and intimate for anyone that wasn't Yongguk but Himchan let it slide. He let Takashi's hand run up and down his body as they both swayed to the music. Takashi breathed into Himchan's ear, “You're so gorgeous” and it made Himchan's heart pound in his rib cage for the first time in a while. Himchan tried to push whatever feeling he had having Takashi this close to him and showering him with affection out of his mind.

Himchan turned around in Takashi's arms and looked up at his friend. He never thought of Takashi as someone other than a friend but the alcohol, the touches and the sweet words were making Himchan see Takashi in a different light. Maybe Takashi could make Himchan happier than Yongguk could. Or maybe he couldn't and Himchan was making the biggest mistake in his life. This just felt too good right now that Himchan didn't care anymore; he wanted to feel loved.

Himchan let Takashi kiss him when his friend leaned down and captured his lips. He also didn't stop himself from wrapping his arms around Takashi's neck and pulling him deeper into the kiss. Himchan couldn't remember the last time he had kissed someone – let alone Yongguk – like this. The pent up ual frustration made Himchan want more from Takashi even though he knew how much of a mistake it would be for his relationship with Yongguk. Could he even call what he had with Yongguk a relationship anymore?

Himchan pulled away when he said Yongguk's name into Takashi's kiss. He quickly snapped to his senses when he locked eyes with Takashi. He let out a shaky breath as tears ran down his face. He made a horrible mistake. Just because he was having problems with Yongguk didn't mean that he could make out with someone. He was still in a relationship with Yongguk. He was still in love with Yongguk. What he did was wrong and what he was thinking of doing was even worse.

“This was a mistake.” Himchan said before weaving he way through the crowded dance floor and out of the club.

******

Himchan laid in bed, staring out of the window of his hotel room. It had been a couple of days since he made out with Takashi and he was tearing himself up about it. He was grateful that he had finished the photo shoot that same day and didn't have to face Takashi or the other models. Takashi of course texted Himchan, apologizing for what happened and saying that he never intended for that to happen.

Himchan regretted everything. He shouldn't have gone out that night. If he hadn't then none of this would have happened. It was more his fault than it was Takashi's fault; Takashi was the one making the first move, but in no way was Himchan making any effort to stop him. He should have known Takashi wanted him based on the way Takashi was acting during the photo shoot earlier in the day. How he would let his hand graze Himchan's skin whenever he was close by and Himchan didn't miss the way Takashi would look at him. It was crystal clear that Takashi liked Himchan but Himchan was letting his problems with Yongguk cloud his thinking.

They were both at fault but Himchan should have known better.

Himchan had spent this time holed up in his hotel room going over everything: the kiss, his relationship with Yongguk and what his life would look like with and without Yongguk. At 22, Himchan couldn't really see what his future would consist of. Sure, he was going to graduate with both a music degree and a teaching degree but he really didn't know if he would end up teaching, pursuing a career in music or just becoming a model full time. Hell, he could end up working in his parent's restaurant for the rest of his life for all he knew. The one thing he knew for sure was that Yongguk wouldn't be in his life because Yongguk would be too busy with his music career to spend time with him, just like now.

Himchan knew that there was no way he could live a life with Yongguk if things continued the way they were going right now. As much as it hurt Himchan to admit it, their relationship couldn't go on like this anymore; Yongguk wasn't making an effort whatsoever and Himchan was getting tired of trying over and over again. Himchan had purposely stopped trying to call or text Yongguk since he arrived in Japan in hopes that Yongguk just might go out of his way and be the first one to make contact but he didn't. As much as Himchan stared at his phone, hoping for it to ding with a text from Yongguk, the phone stayed black.

******

Himchan stared at the door that belonged to the apartment he shared with Yongguk. He had been standing in the hallway for what seemed like hours without making any effort to open the front door. He knew the moment he opened that door, something would change and it would most likely be his relationship. He had made up his mind before going to Japan about what would happen when he got back: either give Yongguk another chance or break it off. Now after the kiss with Takashi, Himchan was sure that his relationship with Yongguk would be over when Yongguk found out. But what Yongguk didn't know, won't hurt him.

Himchan took a big breath and opened the door. The apartment was dark, silent, as if no one had been there in days. Himchan rolled his luggage inside before turning on the lights. It was clear to him that Yongguk hadn't been there for a while. Had Yongguk realized that Himchan hadn't been in the apartment all week? It shouldn't have been too hard to notice that Himchan's essentials were missing as well as his clothing. But if Yongguk didn't even notice Himchan when he was actually in front of him, then why would he notice that his boyfriend was gone?

Himchan walked to their bedroom to see that the bed was still neatly made. Himchan sat down at the edge of the bed and sighed. All of the memories of what they used to be and all the happy moments in their lives came flooding back, only to cause Himchan pain. He didn't think that they could ever get back to that place, not with how everything was going. There's no way Himchan could be happy like this. The longer he stayed, the worse it would be for him mentally and emotionally. He loved Yongguk and he probably always would but he couldn't do this anymore. He had his limits. Anyone else in his shoes wouldn't have stayed this long.

Himchan stood up after making up his mind. He walked out of the bedroom and to his surprise Yongguk was walking into the apartment. Himchan didn't know how long it had been since he was actually face to face with his boyfriend but it felt like an eternity. Himchan didn't know that Yongguk had let his hair grow out again into the curls that made his hair look like that softest, fluffiest cloud. Yongguk hadn't shaved in a couple of days either and was sporting a faint mustache that Himchan just hated. He looked like a hobo if Himchan were being honest and yet his heart got caught in his throat when Yongguk locked eyes with him.

“Himchan?”

Yongguk's voice was like music to his ears. The low baritone voice enveloped Himchan and it almost made him cry with joy. He had forgotten just how much he missed the sound of Yongguk's voice. It felt good seeing him in person and hearing his voice.

Yongguk noticed the suitcase and turned back to Himchan. “What's the suitcase for? You going somewhere?”

Just like that, all of Himchan's hopes were shattered. Yongguk hadn't noticed that he had been gone for this entire week. Himchan knew he shouldn't have been surprised that Yongguk hadn't noticed his absences. He was foolish to hold out hope.

“I just got back.” Himchan sighed in disbelief. “Did you really not notice that I was gone for a week?”

“Oh...you were?” Yongguk sounded genuinely surprised by that. “Sorry, Channie. I've been too busy to notice.”

“Yeah you've been too busy to notice a lot of things.” Himchan murmured.

“Huh?” Yongguk looked up from his phone.

“I can't do this anymore.”

“Do what?”

“This. Us. It's not working anymore.”

“What do you mean? Everything's fine between us.” Yongguk said as he typed something in his phone.

“How? How is having a boyfriend that doesn't have time for you translate to 'everything's fine'? Because I would like to know how you think we're fine?”

“Look, I don't have time for this. I'm running late.” Yongguk sighed as he slipped his phone back into his pocket.

“This! This is what I'm talking about! You don't have time for me anymore! You don't have time for this relationship! How is that okay in your book?”

“Himchan, you're being ridiculous.”

“I'm being ridiculous? Tell me when was the last time that we were in a room together, face to face? When was the last time we actually talked to one another? When was the last time we texted one another? Please, tell me how I'm being ridiculous!”

“I can't talk to you when you're like this.” Yongguk made an attempt to get to their bedroom but Himchan stepped in front of him.

“No! You don't get to walk away and ignore me! You've been doing enough of that these past months and I've had it! You're going to listen to me, like it or not!”

“Himchan, if I don't get back to the studio I might lose this internship.”

Himchan chuckled in disbelief. “I thought breaking up with you was gonna be the hardest thing I had to do but you're making it so easy.”

“You're...breaking up with me?” Yongguk's face changed and for the first time in a while he focused his sole attention on Himchan; nothing else in his life mattered at this moment.

“Yeah.” Himchan said softly.

“Channie, we can work this out somehow. Don't do this.” The thought of losing Himchan scared Yongguk.

“I've tried. I made an effort. I kept giving you chance after chance every time you broke another one of your promises. I just can't sit back and play second fiddle to your career anymore.”

“Himchan...please.” Yongguk's voice cracked as tears rolled down his face.

“I'm sorry.” Himchan couldn't hold back his tears anymore.

Yongguk grabbed Himchan, pulling him close so that he could kiss his boyfriend. Himchan embraced Yongguk and kissed him back as more tears fell. It felt good tasting Yongguk again; Himchan didn't know how he went so long without having Yongguk's taste on his lips. He didn't know how he was going to be able to live without it.

One final kiss, Himchan told himself as Yongguk deepened the kiss. He wanted to relish this for as long as he could before it was all over. He kept repeating those three words over in his head, knowing very well that his heart could betray him and he would end up staying in this relationship. Himchan wanted nothing more than to go back to what they once were before their lives became hectic enough to pull them apart. He loved Yongguk with every ounce of his heart and he knew that he would always love Yongguk no matter what, but he knew that he couldn't stay.

“No.” Himchan pulled away from the kiss and from Yongguk. “Kissing me isn't going to make this better or is it going to change my mind. Look at me Yongguk. I'm not well physically, mentally and emotionally. All of this has caused me to lose a lot of weight because of stress from school and us. For my sake...I need to leave you.”

Yongguk cupped Himchan's face. “Don't leave me. I'll do anything. I can't lose you. I need you.”

“And I need time to get my old self back. We're not good together like this.” As much as it hurt to see Yongguk crying like this, Himchan removed Yongguk's hands from his face.

“I'll quit the internship, if that's what you want.”

“No! Don't you dare quit that internship, Bang Yongguk!” Just the thought of Yongguk quitting something he loved because of him made Himchan feel worse than he already felt. He didn't want to be the reason for ruining Yongguk's future.

“But the internship is what's causing this rift between us!”

“I know just how important it is for your career and I don't want you to resent me for what could have been. I don't want you to throw away your dreams just for me. This is something you have to do, no matter what. You're too good at it to stop.”

Yongguk grabbed his hair in frustration. “You're not making sense. You're breaking up with me because I don't have time for you but you don't want me to stop the thing that's taking me away from you.”

“You'll understand in the long run that this is something that we both have to do. We need to separate and if we're meant to be, then we'll find each other again. But I can't work on myself and my issues if we're together right now.”

“Why are you being selfish about this?”

“I may be acting selfish right now but aren't you being selfish too? You want me to stay in a relationship that is clearly hurting me just so you can be happy. You want me to stay knowing that I'll be here waiting for you. No matter how much you work and how little time you have for me, you'll be fine with that because you know that I'll be here. You're taking advantage of me, don't you see that?”

“But I can't lose you.” Yongguk grabbed Himchan's arm.

“Sometimes we need to lose ourselves, so that we can find our way back to each other.”

Yongguk pulled Himchan back to into him, wrapping his arms securely around Himchan's waist. He wasn't going to let go of Himchan any time soon. He didn't want to let Himchan go and if he did, he knew that Himchan would be gone from his life. He also didn't want to believe that he was at fault for all of this. It was his fault Himchan is feeling this way.

“I cheated on you.” Himchan said as he stared straight into Yongguk's eyes, hoping that this will make Yongguk let him go.

“Liar. You'd never cheat on me.”

Himchan placed his hands on Yongguk's chest. “I'm not lying. You can ask Takashi. I kissed him – more like I let him kiss me. We made out in the middle of a Japanese night club and I was on the verge of taking him back to my hotel and sleeping with him.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Yongguk let go of Himchan.

“Because I'm weak. I can't live without the love and affection that you used to give me and Takashi...he was there. He was doing all the right things; caressing me, complementing me and I just let it happen. It was a one time thing. He was a mistake.”

“I thought you loved me.” Yongguk said feeling defeated and confused.

“I do love you but I need to work on myself and so do you. You also need to work on yourself and learn to manage what's important in your life.” Himchan grabbed his suitcase and paused, part of him was hoping for Yongguk to stop him again but Yongguk made no effort. It hurt Himchan to leave the man that he loved like this but he needed to do this. He turned around and walked to the front door, not wanting to look back for an instant in fear that the part of him that still wanted to stay would stop him. He opened the front door and slightly turned his head back. “I'll come get the rest of my things later. Goodbye, Yongguk.”

/pulls out box of tissues and offers them/ 

Well there we have it.  My Life As We Know It readers wanted know what caused them to break up and now you know.  Was this pain worth it?  lol  

The last scene was pretty much the first scene I actually came up with when brainstorming this fic, only that there was more screaming and tears.  I hope that I was able to get the emotions that I was trying to convey to come across clearly in the last scene. 

I hope you enjoyed this fic.  If you read Life As We Know It, you know what happens in their future.

Upvote if you haven't and leave me your lovely or tearfull comments!  You can cry on my shoulder if you want.

Til next time lovelies~