The two sat alone at the kitchen table, finishing their breakfast. This wasn’t the first time they were left alone.

But it was the first time Joohyun noticed that Seungwan no longer stole glances at her. She let out a pitiful laugh, thinking about how the roles have switched.

They started to drift after a few months, after the hand holding and backhugs became less frequent. After Seungwan stopped sneaking into Joohyun’s room in the middle of the night. After their long conversations were shortened to neutral questions; "How are you?" "How was your day?" "Have you eaten?"

Seungwan looked up at Joohyun, her eyes questioning why Joohyun was laughing at herself. It was then that Joohyun noticed how much Seungwan could speak with her eyes, she recalled the many times before that she felt like Seungwan was saying too much, and had to look away.

But she missed the longing and disappointment that lingered in Seungwan’s eyes whenever Joohyun escaped her gaze.

“When did you fall out of love with me?” Joohyun broke the silence.

Seungwan choked on her food, “p-pardon?” Her eyes immediately leaving Joohyun's.

“I knew, Seungwan.. I just didn’t want to bring it up, I didn’t want to lose you.”

Seungwan cleared as wiped her lips and pushed her plate away, gripping her cup of coffee.

“Uh.. Well I don’t know. With time I guess?” She hesitated for a moment before staring at the table, still avoiding Joohyun’s intensifying gaze.

“Time brings love into being, but also causes it to die.” A sad smile broke from her lips.

She looked up at Joohyun. A mistake. They both stared at each other, Joohyun waiting for her to say something more.

Attempting to lighten the mood, Seungwan breaks their gaze, “I still love you! Just.. finally in the way you want me to.” She stared down into her coffee, finding a familiar warmth in the dark brown color.

Joohyun was quiet, too quiet. Hesitantly, Seungwan looked up, relieved to see that Joohyun was now looking away.

"I- I know things have changed between us. I meant to tell you sooner, that I was over you," she paused, waiting for Joohyun to reply but she remained still.

"I just didn't want things to change. I didn't want your impression of me to change, your interpretations of my actions; what I did in the past, and what I've done in the present, whatever I'll do in the future.."

"..I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. So I figured I'd push you away, before you could push me away."

Joohyun's eyes snapped back, hard to read.

"Things did change Seungwan. You were always at an armslength, but I could never reach you. Do you know how hard it was for me? I thought I did something wrong. I couldn't stop thinking about what went wrong." The frustration was evident in Joohyun's voice.

Silence fell over the room and only Joohyun's unsteady breathing could be heard. She was trying to calm herself down.

"You always told me that if I was ever waiting for the right time to say something- there wouldn't be a right time."

Seungwan stirred her cold coffee before she continued, "I'm sorry I left you in the dark, you must've had so many questions. But I want you to know that I don't feel-"

"How did you feel before?"

"What..?"

"What did I make you feel, before you got over me?" Joohyun's dark orbs remaining hard and unchanging.

Why..

Seungwan swallowed hard as she rubbed the back of her nape.

"Uh I don't know.. it was a long time ago, I try not to think about those things Joohyun."

"Please just try to remember," she pleaded. But why

"I- well, I didn't have any inappropriate thoughts, nor did I have any intentions-"

"Seungwan."

Joohyun replied harshly, cutting the girl off. She was confidently seeking an answer.

Seungwan took a deep breath as she gathered her hands around her mug again.

"I don't know what it was or when it started.. First, I noticed how diligent you were whenever we practiced. You never failed to take care of the members, but sometimes you neglected yourself." Seungwan's gaze always wondered back to her cup when Joohyun's was too much.

"I wanted to work harder, do better and be better- for you. Before I knew it, you began to stand out, even in the largest crowds. I didn't even have to look for you. Our eyes just always found each other, and soon our hands did too." Seungwan's nails scratched at the side of her mug.

Seungwan spoke with a smile, but not the same one that radiated warmth to Joohyun.

"When I started to realize what I was feeling for you, I got nervous," she finally released her grip on the cup and wiped her sweaty palms on her pants before bringing them back up to rest on the table. "Things changed, I needed to change. I thought I could get over it, but it was becoming impossible."

Joohyun listened intently, her gaze slightly softening.

"You were too close sometimes, but also not close enough. I would take a step back and you would take two steps foward. I started to become hyperaware around you, it was tiring," Seungwan sighed as if she were going through it again.

"But the tiredness went away when I decided to just be with you in those moments,"

"I know you always thought I was zoning out whenever you talked to me, but I promise I was there. I was always listening. As much as I tried not to, to stop hearing your voice, it was all I could hear. I was present, but I was lost. I was so lost in you." Seungwan hadn't realized how long she'd been going on for until she looked up to see the same unreadable expression.

Joohyun remained quiet, and now it seemed like she was the one who was lost.

"Look.. Joohyun-" her voice cracked, but she forced herself to continue.

"I'm sorry I felt like this towards you before, I didn't want to mention it until I was sure. But I didn't want to put you in an awkward position when all you wanted was a friend. I-"

"How long?" Joohyun looked at her with a glint of desperation.

The question surely caught Seungwan off guard. "Huh? Oh, well a couple of years.."

"Were you hurting?" Something in Joohyun's eyes broke as she realized how long Seungwan silently endured the pain.

Seungwan stayed quiet, her headed hanging low towards the table. Suddenly a tear drop landed by Seungwan's clenched fist. Her knuckles turned white, matching the pale ceramic cup.

"Seungwan.." Joohyun called out again, much softer this time. Seungwan could hear so much behind her name, the way Joohyun's usually gentle voice was laced with hurt and worry.

This was a mistake.

Seungwan managed to gather herself. "I'm okay now." Her tone and expression becoming emotionless. Her walls immediately building back up. "Is there anything else you want to ask?" Seungwan's eyes drifted away as she released a breath she didn't know she was holding.

Joohyun normally adored Seungwan's voice, but not this harsh tone, especially when it was being directed towards her.

Seungwan used to speak to her like she was reciting poetry. But this was the type of poetry that struck through her chest, hitched her breath. She need to know more though, she needed to know what caused so much pain to the artist, so she pushed.

"Did you love me?"

Seungwan looked back at Joohyun in disbelief. She opened , wanting to give Joohyun an immediate response, but was stopped the second she met the deep gaze that searched for too much.

Suddenly, all Seungwan could see was Joohyun. Her vision became clouded as she looked down allowing the tears to fall. Why. Why am I crying. The pain that she had been suppressing for so long came crashing down on her like a wave. She clenched her jaw, attempting to regain her composure once again, to calm the storm within her caused by Bae Joohyun.

I still can't answer that.

Seungwan flinched when she felt Joohyun's hand come in contact with her jaw, she always did that whenever Seungwan was overwhelmed, but she hadn't felt her touch in so long.

When did she get out of her chair? She was in front of Seungwan.

Close, but also not close enough.

For a moment she relaxed into her touch before she retracted away from her hand. Seungwan immediately got up and began to walk away before Joohyun's next question halted her in her steps.

"If you loved me like that before, could you love me like that again?"

Seungwan's storm was never ending. She was hit with waves of anger, confusion, wonder and hesitation. She was shaking now, threatening to collapse under the waves of her emotions.

But it wasn't her time to collapse.

Joohyun collided into her back. Seungwan's chest constricted as tightly as Joohyun's arms constricted around her waist. She had never held her this close, even through the nights they used to spend together.

The silence was defeaning.

All Seungwan could feel was Joohyun's warm breath caress the back of her neck. By their proximity, there was no doubt that they could feel each other's heartbeat.

Seungwan froze as she felt Joohyun's tears slide down the back of her neck, wetting her shirt.

"Please.." Joohyun pleaded, breaking the silence along with Seungwan's walls.

Seungwan grasped Joohyun's hands, forcing them off.

Before Joohyun could process what happened, her hands met themselves behind Seungwan's back as Seungwan brought her hands up to wipe away Joohyun's falling tears.

Simutaneously, Joohyun brought her hands up to cup Seungwan's jaw, rubbing down the tension until she was calm. Seungwan closed her eyes as she brought her forehead to rest on Joohyun's. They stayed like that for a while as the latter took in Seungwan's relaxed expression. She doesn't remember that last time she had seen her so serene.

Cautiously, Joohyun's eyes fluttered shut as she pressed her lips slowly into Seungwan's lips. Pulling away ever so slightly, her words ghosted over the other girl's lips.

"I love you, Seungwan."

She pressed her lips into Seungwan's once again, but deeper this time. It took a moment for Seungwan to respond until their lips started to move in sync. Joohyun brought her hands behind Seungwan's neck, deepening the kiss. Seungwan placed her hands on the small of Joohyun's back, pulling her flush against her body.

Seungwan was the first to pull away from the intimate kiss to catch her breath.

She brushed Joohyun's hair behind her ear as she gazed lovingly into her eyes.

"I still love you, Joohyun."

Seungwan gently pressed her lips to Joohyun's forehead, then smiled into a final kiss on her lips.

A/N: I've been on this site long enough and decided I should start posting some of my drafts. This is one of them, it was supposed to be a oneshot but I'm wondering if I should extend it by another chapter or two? Let me know in the comments! Hope you liked it, although I know it had a hint of angst (maybe because it was originally supposed to be a taengsic fic, don't kill me pls)

-a.r