The sound of his phone ringing startled him awake. Seungri was still somewhere between sleep and consciousness, the remains of his dream present in his mind while he tried to collect himself.

What’s that noise?

Shut up.

Maybe if I ignore it it’ll pass.

I’m still asleep.

By the time he got to his senses the sound had stopped. He grabbed his phone and squinted at the sudden brightness. He first checked the time and sighed exasperatedly when he saw that it was three in the morning. Then, he checked who’d called. Seeing Jiyong’s name on the display, he frowned.

Seungri immediately called back and after a few minutes of back and forth of them calling one another and the other being busy, he finally reached Jiyong.

“Hyung? Is everything okay?” Seungri asked, propping himself up on the pillow. No, he wasn’t worried. If Jiyong was getting himself into trouble that was none of Seungri’s business. He refused to get concerned about that.

Instead of an answer, Seungri heard a giggle from the other line.

“Hyung...?” He asked, a bubble of uncertainty growing in his gut.

Finally, Jiyong spoke, “Babe! Hello~” He spoke extending the vowels and slurring words.

Seungri sat up, jolting as if he’d been electrocuted. “Is something wrong? Why’d you call me?”

“To hear your voice... I’ve missed you—” There was a crashing sound and then a string of curses. Right after, there were more giggles and a soft ‘thump’, presumably of Jiyong’s landing on the ground.

“What was that?” Seungri questioned, sinking in his pillow again because there was clearly nothing to worry about. He knew the drill already/ However there was still a sense of agitation and he couldn’t quite settle down.

“I hit a table,” Jiyong said and burst out laughing.

Seungri sighed so deeply that it created a sound like strong wind in the mic of his phone. The moment Jiyong answered the phone Seungri knew what was going on. Now any doubts that may have existed were gone.

“You’re high aren’t you?”

“...No.”

“Hyung.”

“Maybe a little.”

The uncomfortable bubble of uncertainty started to grow, but was soon popped by a wave of rage.

“So why the are you calling me? Is there anything you need?”

“I told you already, I want to hear your voice,” Jiyong hummed and started to sing Missing You.

Seungri rolled his eyes, “Bye hyung.” He seriously meant to angrily hang up, but Jiyong’s whining stopped him;

“Don’t leave! Please Seungriah... I need you here.”

Jiyong’s soft voice, a bit whiny as it tended to get in those situations, only made Seungri angrier.

“No. No, no, you do not need me there! I’m not coming over to help you get off. Seriously, if drugs make it impossible for you to keep it in your pants, then don’t ing do drugs! Or call someone else for once. You’re not doing this to me again – ever.”

There was a pause. “Alright, I didn’t understand all of that,” Another pause, “I didn’t hear it all either, but...”

“No, I don’t care! I’m sick of you only calling me when you’re high and .”

“But Seunghyun,” Jiyong spoke with a significant change to his tone. It was small and quiet, shaky even. “I really do need you right now.”

“Goodbye Jiyong,” Seungri said and hung up.

For a while he lay in the dark, staring at the ceiling above. He watched the shadows cast by passing cars extend then go back in place with every vehicle that drove by.

He noticed the tears only when the first one slipped from the corner of his eye. He groaned and angrily wiped his eyes. He wouldn’t allow himself that kind of self pity.

He loved Jiyong. It was no secret.

But whether he loved Seungri back was a more complicated matter. They only ever ed. For Seungri that used to be enough, but now he snapped.

However it was evident that Jiyong really did need him. Because of his voice when he’d last spoken, Seungri still held some hope that maybe Jiyong didn’t need him for ing this time. If anything, the older seemed to be in need of some help, or he would soon be, judging by the levels of his intoxication.

So Seungri went, even though he’d said he wouldn’t.

He was soon at Jiyong’s door, not really expecting to have the door answered and already thinking of ways to get in otherwise.

But the door did open.

Jiyong was a mess.

His eyes were red, though Seungri wasn’t sure if they were from crying or from whatever he'd taken. His hair was all over the place, his make up smudged. He wasn’t wearing a shirt – in fact, he wasn’t wearing anything but a pair of boxers. Not surprising or unusual, but slightly worrying at the given moment.

“Hyung,” Seungri tried.

Jiyong shook his head. “Thought you wouldn’t come. You hung up on me and everything,” he muttered.

‘I thought you wouldn’t be able to walk to the door,’ Seungri thought, but decided against saying it out loud. “You sounded like you needed help.”

Jiyong huffed and turned, walking back inside. Seungri got in and closed the door, just when Jiyong started to sway. Seungri managed to catch him before he fell over.

“Right. You should definitely sit down.”

Jiyong let out a sound like a whimper laced with mumbling, but Seungri truly couldn’t tell what the hell he was trying to say.

“Hyung, I don’t understand you. Let’s just sit you down somewhere, okay?”

He didn’t exactly wait for a response. He picked Jiyong up with ease, as he weighed next to nothing. This got a louder, angrier whimper from the older, but he had no strength to fight Seungri. The younger carried him to his room like he was a red-haired potato sack and gently placed him down on the bed.

The room was in no better condition than Jiyong was in. Seungri looked around in hopes of figuring out what Jiyong had gotten high on. There were many empty bottles of alcohol which wasn’t good. Along with that there were some familiar looking pills on the nightstand, but Seungri couldn’t recall what it was. Definitely something he had taken before, but now he couldn’t remember.

He knew asking Jiyong would be useless, Seungri couldn’t expect him to know or remember or even be able to tell him.

As he stood by the nightstand, trying to remember which drugs those were, he felt his shirt being tugged on. He turned and saw Jiyong clinging onto him. When he let go of Seungri’s shirt, the older lost his balance and fell on the bed. Then he extended his arms and made grabby hands at Seungri, completing the childish act with a pout.

Seungri sighed, giving up and sitting on the bed. He scooped Jiyong up in his arms, answering his childishly made request.

Immediately Seungri was stung with worry, feeling how cold Jiyong’s skin felt and how he simply grew limp in Seungri’s arms.

“Hey, hyung? Are you okay?” He asked, voice growing agitated.

Jiyong nodded weakly. “Shush... I’m tired. I’m gonna sleep.”

Seungri’s eyes widened and he shook Jiyong. “No! No, no don’t sleep, you hear me? You can’t sleep right now.”

Jiyong mumbled something in response, shuffling around to get more comfortable in Seungri’s hold.

But the younger was no longer providing that comfort, instead trying to shake him awake. He started cursing, not quite sure what to do. He couldn’t know how bad Jiyong’s situation was as long as he didn’t know what the other had taken. Still, this seemed way too suspicious and Seungri made the decision to take Jiyong to the hospital.

It was a bit of a challenge. He’d managed to dress Jiyong in a hoodie and some sweatpants. Carrying him to the car wasn’t a problem either, however driving while trying to keep him awake proved to be difficult.

Seungri couldn’t calm down until they reached the hospital and had Jiyong checked, but even so he had a feeling that he wouldn’t be able to calm down until they got his system cleaned – because, as it had turned out, Seungri’s worries were proven true and Jiyong had been very close to overdosing.

He’d texted the others some time ago, when it was all nearly done. Seunghyun had sent many angry texts, although his rage was clearly caused by worry. Taeyang had tried to calm him down and said that they all needed to have a talk. And while they were texting, Daesung simply showed up at the hospital. The only message he’d sent was to ask Seungri where he was.

When he saw him, Seungri just hugged him, hiding his face in Daesung’s neck.

“You took him here on your own?” Daesung asked softly.

Seungri nodded.

“Why didn’t you call earlier? We could have helped you.’

Seungri shrugged.

Daesung sighed and took the younger by the shoulders, stirring him towards the row of chairs against the wall.

“Tell me,” he said, holding Seungri’s hands on his knees.

At first he couldn’t really speak. He just blankly stared ahead.

“He just called me. In the middle of the night. He was high off his , I knew it right away.” He threw Daesung a very quick glance. “You know how he sometimes calls...”

Daesung nodded. He was the only one in the group who knew about their late night meetings. In turn, Seungri was the only one who knew about Taeyang and Daesung’s occasional (read: frequent) dates and other kinds of meetings.

“Yeah, well, I kinda blew him off and hung up because...” He frowned as if trying to remember.

The truth was that he himself didn’t really know why he’d reacted the way he did. Perhaps he was sick of being Jiyong’s buddy and nothing more.

“I don’t know,” he continued, shoulders slumping. “I guess... I’ve been pissy these days and I snapped. I think I’m just sick of being his thing.”

Daesung nodded, smiling sadly and understandingly. He gently ran his thumbs over Seungri’s palms, something that always helped the younger relax.

“And then?”

“And then I got scared that... He called me by my name and told me he needed me and... I was scared that by hanging up like that I’d made him do something worse to himself. So I went to see him.” Seungri shrugged, “Once I arrived it was easy to notice that he was utterly and dangerously faced and I got him here, somehow.”

Daesung nodded slowly. “But you still didn’t call.”

Seungri shrugged again. “There was no time.”

For a little while it seemed that Daesung was trying to find something to say. In the end he just hugged Seungri and kissed his forehead. “You have to talk it out. There’s no other way. I wish I could help more.”

Seungri shook his head. “Thank you.”

They waited together with Seungri cuddled up into Daesung. The wait was too long for an exhausted Seungri to handle and he ended up falling asleep.

When he awoke, he was being told that Jiyong was taken care of and that they’d be taking him home as soon as he woke up.

It didn’t take much longer; in the meantime Seungri and Daesung went out to get some food – at that point the sun had risen and they wanted breakfast – when they returned, they were informed that Jiyong had woken up. By then Taeyang and Seunghyun had arrived as well.

“... Honestly he shouldn’t be living alone if he’s going to be this irresponsible. He should live back in the dorms where he’s at least safe from ing overdosing,” Seunghyun was saying. Every now and again his volume increased and Taeyang had to shush him.

“You’re not really the one to talk, hyung. But it’s all over now so there’s no use getting worked up,” Taeyang said. His hand was on Seunghyun’s arm, gripping gently. He was clearly trying to calm the other down because he knew well enough how Seunghyun acted when he was worried. His concern almost always poured into irritability and he acted accordingly, which wasn’t a good thing.

Taeyang’s hand on his shoulder and the younger’s gentle and quiet voice seemed to help out a little; and even more so the sight of Daesung.

Once Daesung approached he gave Taeyang a quick hug before wrapping his arms around Seunghyun’s waist and letting the older find comfort in the embrace.

While Seunghyun received the therapeutic hug from Daesung, Taeyang went over to Seungri and swung his arm around the younger’s shoulders.

“How are you holding up?” He asked.

“I’m tired,” Seungri mumbled.

“Yeah, you would be...” Taeyang said sympathetically. “What even happened?”

Hearing Seungri’s heavy sigh, Taeyang added, “You don’t have to tell me if it’s upsetting.”

Seungri appreciated this because he truly didn’t want to retell the story. Besides, he couldn’t tell the entire truth. Despite this, he decided to give a quick summary. “Hyung called me at like... Three in the morning and started babbling and I realized immediately what was going on so I went to his place to see if he was okay. He wasn’t so I took him here.”

Taeyang seemed to have stopped listening after the first sentence. His brows were furrowed and he was playing with the collar of the shirt Seungri was wearing.

“Did he call you because he had something to tell you? But why three am...” It sounded like Taeyang had something specific in mind, but it also sounded like he was thinking to himself and not talking to Seungri.

“Um... He just... Called, you know. I mean he was high,” Seungri said, trying to avoid any reasoning.

Taeyang gave Seungri a look that made the younger’s insides freeze. In that moment he realized that there was hardly any chance that Jiyong hadn’t at least mentioned Seungri and their meetings to Taeyang. He probably knew. No, he definitely knew.

Without saying anything about his now definite knowledge, Taeyang just said dismissively, “Forget it. There was something he wanted to— but it doesn’t matter. Come on, we should get him out.”

With that Taeyang walked off to the room. Seungri couldn’t move, not while he was wondering – what was Jiyong supposed to or wanted to say to him?

Baffled, he walked in, after Seunghyun and Daesung who were holding hands.

Daesung and Taeyang sat around Jiyong and started talking to him in hopes of cheering him up or otherwise pulling him back into reality.

Jiyong was curled up on the bed, already unhooked from the machinery by it. He was prepared to go home, however he clearly wasn’t ready. His head was between his knees, completely curled up in a ball. He wouldn’t look at anyone or show his face.

As Taeyang and Daesung tried to chat him up, they both suddenly went quiet. Seungri and Seunghyun couldn’t hear from where they were leaning against the wall with their arms crossed, but Jiyong seemed to have said something.

After a moment of silence Daesung said in a soft tone, “Yes, he’s here.”

Jiyong said something else, incomprehensive to the two Seunghyuns. Even Daesung and Taeyang were leaning in to hear what Jiyong was saying. The Seunghyuns exchanged looks.

Taeyang and Daesung then stood up, took the older Seunghyun by the hands and with a quiet “come on” from Taeyang, lead him out.

Once they were alone Jiyong unfolded, looking up at Seungri.

It still took him a while to actually talk. When he did, his voice was uncharacteristically small.

“I owe you an apology, more than I owe it to the others.”

Seungri felt an odd sting, maybe of satisfaction. Because, as much as he didn’t want to care about it, he liked the fact that Jiyong did all of this simply to be left alone with Seungri and for what? To apologize. Damn straight, he deserved an apology.

Seungri didn’t speak. He stayed leaning against the wall, looking at Jiyong steadily as if telling him to continue.

“I didn’t mean to drop all this on you,” the older said. “I’m really sorry for putting you in this kind of situation. It wasn’t my intention. I’m sorry.” He bowed his head.

Seungri still stayed quiet because the apology he’d received wasn’t the one he’d expected. “And what was your intention exactly?” He snapped.

Jiyong blinked in confusion. “My...?”

“When you called me. What was your intention then?”

Jiyong frowned and looked down, trying to think. His shoulders slumped and he shook his head. “I don’t remember most of it... Seungriah, if I’d said something that hurt you please tell me.”

Seungri started to say something, probably answer angrily, however he stopped. Jiyong actually hadn’t said anything wrong. It was the situation itself that annoyed him. Besides, the problem he had with Jiyong wasn’t from that night, it was something that had been in Seungri’s head for a while now, but something he hadn’t spoken of.

“I suppose you didn’t say anything, you just...” He groaned in frustration. “I don’t like you treating me like a toy.”

Jiyong just stared ahead for a while, then looked up at Seungri. “That’s a valid complaint. I admit I haven’t been fair to you, nor have I been entirely honest...” He shook his head and moved on like he’d said nothing of importance. “But that’s not why I called you.”

“It’s not?” Seungri asked sceptically. “Then why?”

Jiyong shrugged, curling up again. “Because I needed to talk to someone. I was really ing down and I’d tried to pick myself up but...” He shook his head, determinedly not looking up at Seungri.

Seungri was torn between feeling relieved and feeling like a total . On one hand he wanted to be happy because it turned out that Jiyong didn’t only see him as a buddy. On the other he felt awful for acting as horrible as he had.

I needed to talk to someone. And Seungri had completely shut him off.

“... I’m sorry,” he said at last.

“’s okay,” Jiyong muttered.

So there they were, both avoiding each other’s gaze and not knowing what to say. Because they’d both treated each other badly, only on different occasions.

Both too proud, or too scared, to say anything, to begin mending whatever was between them.

“So what am I to you?” Seungri asked, his impatience and bitterness getting the best of him.

Jiyong seemed to take great pains in answering the question. He chewed on his lip so much that Seungri got the urge to get over there and make him stop.

“I love you. That’s all I know,” he said at last, sinking in his spot.

Only when he got closer could Seungri see just how much Jiyong had been shaking. Was it really that hard to say those words? That had to mean that he cared, right?

Seungri hoped so. He wrapped his arms around Jiyong, sighing a breath of relief. For the first time he got to be relieved and thankful that Jiyong had actually made it out alive. And that Seungri got to hold him again.

Then he smacked the other on the head.

“Hey—!?”

“You should have said something sooner!” Seungri said, voice cracking. Oh, . Why was his voice cracking? He quickly touched under his eye and as he feared, there were tears. He wiped them away angrily. “Dammit,” he mumbled.

Jiyong hit Seungri back, a bit harder than the younger had expected. Well... At least he was in good health and returning to his old self.

“I thought you didn’t feel the same! And technically you still haven’t said—“

“I love you. There. You have no excuses, you put me through hell for no reason. Did you really think I’d reject you?”

Jiyong shrugged, pouting.

“Idiot.”

Jiyong hit him again.

“Ouch!”

“You can’t call me that.”

“You deserve it,” Seungri pointed out.

“I apologized!”

“Whatever.”

Jiyong groaned and buried his face in Seungri’s neck in defeat.

“The next time something like this happens, I won’t cut you off,” Seungri muttered, running his fingers through Jiyong’s hair. “But you gotta call me sooner.”

Jiyong just nodded, seemingly shrinking in Seungri’s embrace.

“Stupid hyung,” the younger sighed.

“Stop calling me that or I’ll get mad,” Jiyong whispered in an uncharacteristically small voice.

“Because you’re always sooo scary,” Seungri teased.

In response to Jiyong’s whining he just chuckled and kissed the older’s cheek. “Let’s take you home.”