Genre: Angst / Romance

Characters: You X Kyungsoo

A/N: This will be a series with mature content in the future chapters. also this photo edit is probably my favorite one i’ve ever done.

There was no quick and easy way to move your entire life to a new country.

After the first few days of pleading and bargaining with yourself over what you would keep and what you would sell or donate, you grew tired of it all. Tired of all the stuff that could just as easily be replaced if you really thought about it. Perhaps you just grew anxious and desperate to get this whole mess over with so you could finally start your life anew.

A new, independent life away from the easy and comfortable. Something different and challenging that was only for you and definitely not aimed for, catered to, or in mind of any other human being. Nope, this was your move. Yours alone. You were realizing your dreams for once and the rest of the world could go themselves.

Your belongings, all six enormous boxes of the things you simply could not bring it in your heart to part with, things that were sentimental mostly; family pictures, irreplaceable things from loved ones, you’d packed them all up and shipped them ahead of time to the apartment in Seoul where you would set foot inside for the first time exactly 18 hours from now. All that was left was a trip to the airport. You had already closed up your life completely here, said your goodbyes and made your many promises to call the friends you were leaving behind.

Of course, there were tears. Of course, you felt the pain in your heart to say goodbye to your favorite people here. Anna, who you had grown closest with, who had actually been the best friend to push you to go out and live a life worth living after the break up even though she was blissfully unaware of the truth, she was a comfort nonetheless. Anna, you would miss the most. You promised each other this wasn't the end of your friendship and she warned you up and down about the dangers of falling for those flashy Korean idols who, in the end, only wanted one thing despite the sweet lies they might whisper into your ear during clandestine meetings in darkened hotel rooms.

In Seoul, you would have no one. Sure, you knew a few of the same people you had worked with on the European tour last summer. Thinking of it now felt like a dream, so much had changed. So many faces had blurred together, their names sticking tight to the tip of your tongue as you tried your hardest to remember who was who. You were sure you would be working with many of them again and they all whirled and swirled around in a big lazy circle; their faces and names blurring around a single crystal-clear face.

A face as significant and familiar as the first day of school. The memory of a pair of big brown eyes that felt just as powerful as the memory of little Ralphie from the 3rd grade laughing and hitting you right in the face with that big red ball on the playground and the sticky warmth that flowed out of your nose and made the back of your tongue taste like pennies.

A name so strong. The only name that mattered for so long that the shock of its absence in your life had created a vacuum inside of you that pulled and trembled and took months for your body to recover, filling in the gaps with anything that may take up space; anything that might keep your body inflated and upright enough to stand up on its own.

Do Kyungsoo.

Even saying it now to yourself as you sat in the leather airport terminal chair and watched the other people waiting for their flights to finally board, even saying it in a gentle whisper just under your breath, it felt like a splinter on your tongue. It poked lightly against the surface of the cells, no doubt trying to find a spot to pierce in again. That name liked to burrow itself under your skin if you weren’t careful to keep an eye on it.

How many days until you were forced to speak that name out loud in professional conversation? How long did you have until you were met with the very real face that belonged to that name and forced to witness the look that would manifest in his eyes at the sudden and unwelcome sight of you?

How much of a disruption of his life would this cause?

You weren’t out to do such a thing. You genuinely had no wishes to disturb him. Sure, the breakup had been hard and messy but this move wasn’t about that. This was your career.

Like nearly every passenger around you over the age of 12, you had your phone in your hand. You had been scrolling through your social media accounts rather absentmindedly, proud of yourself for keeping at least your Instagram feed free of anything even remotely having to do with EXO.

But his name in your mind had your fingers wandering through your phone contacts as you entertained the second thoughts about just showing up without giving him even so much as a heads up.

You hadn't spoken to him in months. Not even a text of well-wishes on his bright and successful future without you in his life.

How would the call even go?

‘Hey Kyungsoo, remember me? You dumped me over the phone in the middle of the night six months ago? Thought you could get rid of me, huh?’

No, that was bad. Talk about a pathetic girl who couldn't get over her ex. Why bring up the break-up right off the bat?

‘Hey, Kyungsoo. Guess who’s coming to Korea? Better get your poker face ready. You were always very good at hiding your emotions when people were watching, you goddamn robot.’

God. That was worse.

How presumptuous of you to assume he still had any emotions left for you inside of him. Surely he was just as over you as you were of him.

Perhaps the two of you could simply smile and nod at each other and keep on walking like nothing had ever happened between you. Just a friendly grin or even a subtle eyebrow raise as you passed him in the hallway of your new workplace as if you hadn’t ever tasted the softness of his tongue against your own. As if you didn’t know exactly what his face looked like when he came inside of you.

.

The swift shake you gave your head rattled the phone out of your hand and it slipped through your thighs. As it fell to the floor you tried to catch it in vain and groaned in annoyance when it tumbled down between your feet. Thankfully the case protected the phone and you pulled the device up to your face for inspection.

You felt it through the back of the phone. The ringing sound was slight when at last it reached your ears and it made the phone buzz just enough to vibrate against your fingertips. Your stomach dipped hard inside of you when you saw his name proudly displayed over your phone screen, caught in an outgoing phone call that was really happening and was now on its second ring.

Your mind went into a panic.

The bright phone screen looked downright proud of its bull as it rang again and you closed your eyes tight enough to make the black turn white inside your eyeballs. The clench inside your stomach surged up high, bringing with it a spinning feeling in your frantic mind as you contemplated what in the world you should do about this now.

You were calling him.

You were on your way to South Korea, to his city, to his company’s building where you would walk in and keep your head down and pray that you didn't see any of s. Moving fast through corridors, praying hardest that you wouldn't see him at all, maybe he was out of town. Maybe he was away on tour (you knew he wasn't, you still followed his fan sites and knew he was in Korea at this very moment working on his movie or his comeback or his commercials or his choreo) or maybe he was asleep at home (you knew this wasn't true either, the man functioned quite well on 4 hours of sleep a night, and damn well thrived on 5 hours and never ever napped unless he was trying to avoid interacting with people when he was feeling particularly introverted) or maybe his phone, this phone that you were calling which was not a company phone but his own personal, very worn, very loved cell phone that was possibly still full of pictures of you (not likely, let’s be real), maybe this phone was left behind in his home or maybe it had been swallowed by a whale, stranger things have happened.

Maybe when he saw the missed call later he would just ignore it. Maybe he would assume you had called by accident (which you did!) and since you didn't leave a voicemail or a follow-up text message he wouldn’t push it.

The call was on ring 4. After ring 5 his voicemail would pick up and you had decided that you would leave a message, claiming to have called him on accident (because it was true!) and that you would make no such mistakes again. How would you explain how you still had his number in your phone? How would you explain how nervous your voice would sound in the message? There wasn’t time for that, the fifth ring had started and you pulled the device up to your face, flush with your cheek as you inhaled a deep and steadying breath, testing the sound of your voice a little bit with a hum into the mic of the phone just to make sure you didn't sound like a complete lunatic.

You sounded about as normal as you were going to sound in this sort of situation and there was a pause when the fifth ring came to an end. It was an odd pause, usually, the voicemail came right through. The doubt made your face scrunch up in confusion and you waited for a pause longer for the sound of his outgoing message to begin. Yet there was nothing.

He didn't...impossible...he didn't sit there and watch the phone ring did he? Debating on answering until the last possible second when the ringing stopped and he…

“Hello?”

The low sound of Kyungsoo’s voice filtered through your ear, carried over miles, bounced from satellite to satellite through the air until it reached you from his lips and you forgot how to breathe as the surprise hit you square in the chest.

.

.

He answered.

What the ? He never answers! He’s always busy... why in the is he answering this ing phone?

You didn't speak. Apparently forgetting to breathe does something to the part of your brain that is responsible for speech and coherent thoughts and all that jazz. Your mouth was open, your lips were hanging in an O shape and your tongue was impotent inside of your mouth.

Another sound came through the phone. It sounded like a groan, low and deep from somewhere deep within his chest and it’s timbre carried with it a familiarity that pushed heavy arms against your shoulders, making you sag hard against the seat you occupied. The unintelligible announcements on the overhead speakers of the airport blurred into the background and your ears pricked with heat, aching where the phone touched.

He inhaled. You heard it, sharp and quick as the air pulled swiftly over the speaker and you still didn’t speak. You could not. Nothing was working right, everything was wrong and everything was broken. How could you still be so completely paralyzed at the mere thought of him? How could just the sound of his voice on your phone throw you down so hard?  

Perhaps it would become easier with practice? Perhaps if you exposed yourself to him a little bit more the heartbreak would grow distant and the pain would scar over enough to dull the feeling.

After he inhaled he spoke again, only this time it was the sound of your name with an upward inflation on the end in question. Questioning why. Why were you calling him, why were you bothering him after staying away and staying silent for so long, why now, why why why…

Your name on his lips clenched down hard against your heart and you felt the throb as the muscle fought back hard against the grip.

It was too much to bear. You had to respond now, you had no more excuses.

“Oh…” you pushed your voice through your lips and even to your own ears, you sounded off. You sounded sharp and false and as light as could be as you suppressed every bit of darkness and lifted your tone for him, “—oh jeez, this phone. I’m sorry..it-it must have called by accident when I dropped it.”

You laughed quietly; desperate to sell it as best you could. You couldn't help the pause as you listened for him to buy it. Listened for him to be polite about this mistake and accept your excuse easily.

“Oh,” he said quietly enough for your ears to strain to catch the whisper. It was his only response and the forced smile on your lips flattened some with the silence that hung heavy and awkward.

“Anyway,” you cleared your throat and filled the silence now, “I’m sorry to bother you. It won't happen again. Bye.”

You flinched at the final word. Such a tiny thing with such devastating absolution.

There was an upset in your stomach and you pulled the phone away from your ear, searching for that red button that would put a stop to this torture at last and in the moments when your index finger brushed over the smooth screen you heard him say a word, a single word spoken loud enough for you to hear it even as you pressed the button with the phone far away from your ear he said it.

“Wait-”

The call disconnected and you pulled the phone up to your ear feeling confused and desperate now for his voice to continue. Wait, what? He said ‘wait’ you were certain. It was no good though because the call had ended already. You saw it happen. You had initiated it with your own fingers when you pressed on that red button and you watched your phone for what felt like hours as it sat there inactive and silent and eventually went blank because nothing happened.

You couldn't call him back. That would be a mistake. Yet, now it had been at least a minute of nothingness. He wasn’t calling you back, so whatever it was that he had wanted to say was obviously not very important.

God, you actually snorted out a quick laugh at yourself as your thoughts ran away with each other into the sunset, hands held in sweet delirious delusion, what if he wanted to talk to you because he missed you? What if he wanted to hear your voice once more giggling into his ear?

What if he wanted to try again?

What if he wanted to ignore your phone calls and text messages and what if he wanted you to beg and plead with the heavens for him to be the first one to call?

What if he wanted to accuse you of cheating on him again because you went on that one stupid blind date that Anna had practically forced you into going on? What if he wanted to yell at you about how short your skirt was or angrily demand to know if the guy kissed you goodnight or d your on the dance floor and then not believe you when you told him nothing happened?

What if he wanted to string you along for two more months only to tell you once again in the middle of the night in an uncontrolled slurred voice that this just wasn't working and thinking he could find time for a long distance relationship was one of the stupidest lies he had ever told himself?

You were holding down the power button of your phone long before you'd finished examining all of the possible reasons why Do Kyungsoo might find it in his heart to ask you to wait. To ask you to come back and talk to him. You watched the phone shut down and power off because there were two scenarios happening simultaneously in your mind right now.

The first was uncomfortable at best; the scenario in which he called you back.

The second was devastating and unbearable; the scenario in which he did not.

**

“Wait,” Kyungsoo said, half desperate plea into your ear, “I know it’s frustrating, baby, but just...wait a few more days, okay?”

“But you said,” you were whining now; your voice wavering in time with your wiggling shoulders and he let out a soft chuckle that took only some of the pout off of your face because you could see no way out of this. You had already bought the tickets, against his advice, against his judgment and without his actual permission.

Wait, did you really need his permission? Weren’t you an adult? What if you simply decided to take an impromptu trip to Korea to sightsee, and perhaps seeing your boyfriend while you were there might be a fun little bonus, but Kyungsoo had been holding back on giving you the go-ahead to book the flight.

He had no idea that you had already done it. Yes, you jumped the gun. But your miles were about to expire and you had to use them by yesterday and why was he always telling you to wait anyway?

‘Wait a minute, baby, I’ll call you back.’

‘I know its hard, but wait a few more weeks.’

‘Just wait for this to settle down some.’

‘You will wait for me won’t you?’

But there was never a lull. You’d waited for it again and again and everytime something would end, something new would be on the docket and he would be too busy to function like a normal adult again, let alone have the time to entertain you in his home during a quick trip to Korea.

The argument, the first real fight you had with him as your boyfriend had blown up hot and fast and you cried the upset out of you for an hour before your phone was ringing and his voice was talking into your ear. He was sorry and he didn't mean to yell at you and he knows its all his fault. He knows it's the work and the schedule that's killing him, but just wait...just wait.

So there was a glimmer of hope. Days earlier he mentioned a future date in two weeks in which his schedule looked suspiciously lighter than usual and you jumped online, researching flight dates and schedules and you saw what looked to be something perfect for the trip. It was within the next couple of weeks. Could you really see him so soon? It was completely covered by your soon to expire miles so it would be of no cost to either of you and you would be in Korea for two weeks, the exact amount of time you had available for vacation days that happened to fall right smack in between work projects.

It was fate really. Fate was the force that pushed your fingers to click that button with a bright smile on your face at the thought that in just two weeks you would be in his arms.

“I said? When did I say? I remember saying ‘wait’ and ‘maybe’ but nothing has been confirmed yet. It feels like there should be something going on that maybe didn’t get put on the schedule. I’ll have to double-check with my manager.”

Kyungsoo didn't know that you had already booked it and the longer you dragged this out the messier the potential grew. As much as the idea of showing up unannounced to surprise him appealed to you, Kyungsoo wasn’t really the type to enjoy such surprises. Sure, you were certain he would be happy to see you, but when things didn't go according to plan he tended to get too stressed about things as he tried to be in nine places at once to make sure everyone was happy.

“Baby,” you whispered, your certainty in fate was diminishing all of a sudden when faced with the very real task of owning up to your actions. The tickets were non-refundable of course. And your vacation time was already approved with work. There was really no way out of this now, you had to tell him.

His voice dipped at the pet name and he hummed into the phone in that way he did whenever you caught him off guard.

“Baby…” you said again, this time your voice changed and your whine lingered near the end of the syllable.

“Ahh, what? what? You’re making me nervous, what did you do?” Kyungsoo was too quick for his own good. Or perhaps you were just that transparent to him. “You did something, didn’t you? Tell your baby what you did.”

His sweetness had a power all of its own. You’d tell him anything if he asked you like this. With his soft voice and the charming cadence in the way he spoke only to you.

“I already booked it.” Your confession tumbled from your lips with as much contrition as a church confessional and you closed your eyes and dipped your head as you waited for the number of Hail Marys you would have to say to earn your forgiveness. But he was quiet on the line with only the sounds of his breathing as a response.

His silence pushed at your nerves and you opened your mouth to explain, “I had miles that were going to expire, and the vacation time was already approved at work, and—” he made a sound on the line somewhere between a laugh and a scoff, not completely hostile but not all friendly either. It was a bit of a disbelieving scoff that you heard from him and you wished you couldn't read his sounds as well as you could.

“—and I miss...Korea...so much. It’s such a beautiful place, especially Seoul, wow what a city.” Why couldn't he just say something already? Nag at you for rushing things and acting without thinking things through again or something.

“You like it that much? What if I’m too busy when you come? Will you still like it?”

“Of course,” you lied. The trip was entirely about seeing him and you would hate being alone in that city.

“It’s still a vacation, right? I mean...I could go ice skating, or go to an amusement park. See some old stuff too.” Your gumption was fading the longer you searched your mind to find things to do in Korea that wasn’t him. You were pretty sure the travel brochures for the city didn't include a map of the prime napping spots on his bare chest or a chart of his top ten moles that you absolutely must see before you die. The cluster of three tiny ones that formed a triangle high on his upper thigh marking his femoral artery was in the top spot. This spot rivaled the soft squish you liked to caress under his arm that while it didn't have any moles, was still the best place to tuck in your hand as you rested with him—He better not be too damn busy to see you when you were in Korea.

“Mhmm, you’d go do all of that stuff all by yourself? And who would you eat with? My dog-sitter? I wonder if she would be available...or interested—”

“I don't need a babysitter Kyungsoo, I’m a big girl. I’m also not a poodle.” You weren’t about to insert yourself into any situation with his dog-sitter, the super polite, super helpful and cheerful young girl named Sunny who took on an almost parental role when it came to his dogs. She was there before you, and you were pretty sure the wide sweet smiles she shot you were filled with at least a small dose of venom with the way her smiles vanished the second Kyungsoo turned his back. The last thing you wanted was to be forced to spend any time with Sunny than what was absolutely necessary.

“I’m excellent at entertaining myself. Besides, you don't even know if you’re going to be busy yet. You might not be. I’ll be there for two whole weeks, I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”

“Don't be so negative. What’s the worst that can happen?” You added a bit of naive optimism and he sighed a long slow breath that tested the good mood you had been feeling about your upcoming trip.

It turned out, the worst that could happen was a sudden commercial shoot that had Kyungsoo unavailable for most of the day you were traveling. Unavailable to answer your phone call when you landed and also unavailable to return your text message letting him know you were stuck outside of his front door with a suitcase, a heavy backpack, a full bladder, and a door code password that was mysteriously not working for you. You triple checked the text message from two months ago with the code from the last time you visited and entered it at least twelve times with no success.

He must have changed it and forgotten to tell you the new one. You had to abandon your efforts to reach him in fa