Dara tried her best to think about where she went wrong.

Once they had been inseparable; two sides of the same coin, currents in the same ocean. No time apart could have ever prevented them from talking to each other in some shape or form. Communication was natural for them. Hearing each other’s voices used to be as essential as the air they breathed. That which went unspoken was always innately understood, for Dara was the half that completed Chaerin, and Chaerin was the missing piece that made Dara whole.

But now, just as stars were swallowed up by the night sky, so was her life line to Chaerin. The younger girl was always out of reach, elusive and closed off. It scared Dara, because she had never been like this before. They had never been like this before. Even when things with the group had been really bad, they’d never shut each other out. They anchored one another, always there to hold each other steady when the waves threatened to overtake them.

Chaerin’s absence consumed Dara’s consciousness. With every incomplete call, every text message left unread, her heart tightened, stomach sick with worry and disquiet.

Was Chaerin alone right now? Was she okay? Did she need her unnie?

Dara needed to know. And she could wait no longer.

Canceling all her upcoming schedules despite misgivings from her staff, Dara pulled some strings to book a flight to Los Angeles to see Chaerin, leaving in a few hours. She hastily threw a few personal items and a change of clothes into her carry-on bag, hardly paying attention to what she was doing. Every moment she was left in the dark by Chaerin made her palms slick with sweat, her small shoulders burdened with anxiety. If Chaerin wouldn’t tell her what was going on in her life, Dara would find out herself. She refused to let Chaerin go through anything alone.

It was early morning in Seoul, and with any delays factored in, Dara estimated she’d arrive in LA around 10 PM their time. She thought fleetingly that it’d be a good idea to text Chaerin to let her know she was coming. But the younger woman didn’t answer anyway, and, with the way she was acting, she might even find a reason not to be home.

Dara thought better of it as she slipped her phone into her pocket, zipping up her bag and lugging it outside where her car was waiting.

When she closed the door to the car, she was relieved to see manager Jjangmae in the driver’s seat. Out of all the staff members, he wouldn’t question her about her impromptu trip. He’d been with 2NE1 since the beginning and understood the bond between Dara and Chaerin. He wouldn’t even think to come between Dara when it came to the dongsaeng that owned her heart.

The car ride was quiet until Jjangmae spoke up. “Sandara...the other staff didn’t want to let you do this.”

Dara didn’t respond, her eyes trained on the empty seat in front of her as she waited for him to continue.

“I switched places so that I could take you. But as I’m sure you know...the higher-ups aren’t happy about this.”

He spoke the words cautiously, but Dara was way past feeling obligated to please the people who had destroyed 2NE1 and tried their hardest to take away all that she cared about.

“I don’t care. If they fire me, fine. If they blacklist me like they did to Hayi and Chaerin, fine. Perfect, even. Let them drag my name through the dirt till I have nothing left. I’ll move away and start over again, just like I did before.”

Jjangmae looked at her through the rear-view mirror, his jaw set. He waited a few moments before speaking again. “If that were to happen, please, noona....know that I would follow you. And a lot of other staff too.”

Dara shook her head wistfully, appreciating the sentiment if not fully believing it. “Thank you. But I’d like it better if you didn’t care about me so much. I’m not that special.”

Startled, Dara held onto the door handle as Jjangmae sped up and came to a stop on the side of the road. He threw the car into park and turned around, leaning out of his seat as he looked earnestly into her eyes.  

“Don’t say that. Promise me you’ll never say that.”

Dara was speechless at the usually calm and soft-spoken man. Did he really care that much?

“Do you understand just how important you are?”

Jjangmae shook his head, closing his eyes as if in disbelief that Dara didn’t know her own worth. “You are the glue that keeps 2NE1 together. It’s you that keeps a bond with all the members and makes sure they are okay. It’s you that keep the fans’ hopes alive. It’s you that continues to be so strong even though it has to be killing you inside.”

He took a breath, sitting back into his seat and turned around again more gently this time.

“Believe me when I say that it all starts and ends with you, noona. We’re all lucky to have you.”

Dara couldn’t find her voice, her eyes threatening to spill with tears at his moving words. It was hard for her. It was so hard to be the one that everyone leaned on and looked to, but she did it because she loved them. Her members, her fans, everyone. They had Dara’s heart, and she gave everything she had to keep them going. There were times that she felt like her efforts and her passion went unnoticed, but it was moments like these when Dara felt how loved she was, and how much she was appreciated.

She silently thanked Jjangmae for the pep talk she didn’t know she needed, feeling a renewed energy that she planned to channel directly towards 2NE1’s leader, her best friend that she missed so much.  

Putting the car back into drive, Jjangmae smiled softly at Dara in the rearview mirror. “Now, let’s go save Chaerin.”

Her heart still beating fast, Dara gripped her bag close to her chest as her trusted manager merged back into traffic and smoothly dropped her off at the terminal entrance. He handed her the tickets through the open window, holding eye contact with her. “Wait for me. I’ll drop the car off and be back shortly.”

With a genuine smile, Dara nodded. “Okay.”

She had already started walking towards the doors before his voice stopped her.

“And Dara?”

Dara looked over her shoulder at Jjangmae, who was giving her a thumbs up.

“Don’t worry. It’s going to be okay.”

Dara nodded, and hoped with all her might that he was right.