Taekwoon thinks he's just been punched. With a bus. A thousand times. He doesn't know, all he knows is Hakyeon’s words are so bad and they slice at him painfully and Taekwoon feels like he can't breathe.

“What?” Taekwoon asks. Maybe he's misheard. Maybe he's misunderstood.

Hakyeon takes a shaky breath, like this is hurting him as much as it is Taekwoon. “I’ve been lying,” he speaks. “People at work, my friends have known for a while. Then I came out to Mom and Dad. They all just… think I’m single.”

“Why?” Taekwoon says it more to himself than to Hakyeon. He doesn't really want to know why. He doesn't want to hear anymore bad things. He jumps up from the sofa, backing away from it like Hakyeon is made up of fire. He kind of is right now.

Hakyeon gets up too. "I know that sounds bad, Taekwoon. Let me explain myself." He approaches him, an arm outstretched.

Taekwoon flinches away from it. "Don't touch.”

"I'm sorry, love. Listen -"

"No," Taekwoon says. "Leave me alone.”

He runs upstairs because even though he's hurt himself, he can't stand seeing Hakyeon's pained expression. He goes to his room, and just paces around and takes deep breaths. Why is this happening? He doesn't know how Hakyeon can justify what he's said and done. There's no way. The one person Taekwoon thought he could always trust, and just like that he's been betrayed.

Taekwoon curls up on his bean bag, making himself as small as he can manage, presses his hands over his ears, and closes his eyes tight. He tries to block out all of the pain he's feeling,  but it doesn't help at all. He has never felt so much hurt at one time; he didn't know it was even possible to.

He pinches himself on the arm to see if he's just dreaming, then another two times, but he doesn't wake up so it must be real. He whimpers.

The door slowly pushes open, and Hakyeon peeks his head in to call for Taekwoon. It makes Taekwoon angry, so angry, because this is his private room and Hakyeon is supposed to knock and wait for approval before entering, that's the rule.

“Knock!” he shouts.

It startles Hakyeon enough for him to quickly shut the door, and then knock again - but Taekwoon isn't going to allow him to come in and he never will.

Once he doesn't answer, Hakyeon says, “Taekwoon, I'm really sorry. Please let me explain.”

There’s nothing to explain, Taekwoon already knows that. There's no good reason for keeping such a big lie going on for so long.

Hakyeon is ashamed, embarrassed to be with Taekwoon - he already knows. For six years, it's been Taekwoon’s constant worry, so it shouldn't be a surprise to find out it’s true. And Taekwoon had always been so certain that Hakyeon was a good normal person, but he was dumb to believe that. Good normal people don't exist.

The longer Taekwoon lays there, the more suffocating everything he's feeling gets. Anger and intense sadness mostly, but also fear. The sense of safety he's had all of these years is gone.

Taekwoon knows that whenever there’s a situation he doesn't feel safe in, the rule is toget away quickly . His phone is in his pocket already, so he gets up to grab his charger, then slides on a hoodie because it's a little cold outside. Bibi stares up curiously at him from the floor. Taekwoon thinks about taking the kitty too, but staying home would be better for him. Hopefully Hakyeon will remember to give him food.

Hakyeon is still right outside his door when he comes out. “Where are you going?” he asks, but Taekwoon doesn't stop. He continues down the stairs, ignoring Hakyeon’s words, “Taekwoon, it's dark, don't leave.”

Taekwoon goes out the door. He walks for a long time, not really thinking, just letting his feet carry him wherever. Soon his surrounding neighborhood is gone, and he has no idea where he's at, since he's still not too familiar with the entire area yet. Once his feet are too tired to go on he just sits on the edge of someone's yard, staring off into night.

It's dark and scary and cold, and Taekwoon’s entire body is shaking from everything that's happened tonight. It doesn't feel real. He's still not completely convinced that this isn't a dream, so he pinches himself some more, and slaps his palm against his head, but he doesn't wake up.

His phone vibrates with a call from Hakyeon, but Taekwoon is not going to answer. He doesn't even feel bad about it.

Taekwoon hugs his knees to his chest and rocks back and forth. The thought of someone seeing him and finding his behavior suspicious crosses his mind, but he can't bring himself to worry about that too much. No matter how hard he tries, he can't get Hakyeon’s confession out of his mind.

Eventually, Taekwoon gets up and continues walking to nowhere in particular, trying his best not to feel to scared. He comes across a convenience store that sits on the corner of an intersection. Stopping at it sounds like a good idea. He needs to sit and figure out exactly what he's going to be doing now that he's away from home.

There's a coffee bar, and Taekwoon has just enough to buy a cup and some chocolate, just to help cheer himself up. The cashier keeps shooting him nervous glances - Taekwoon thinks the hoodie makes him look like he’s about to rob the place.

He sits at one of the plastic tables, picking at the chocolate, which doesn't seem to be helping his mood. His phone is vibrating almost continuously without breaks and Taekwoon is afraid it's going to explode. It's Hakyeon spamming him with messages and calls. Without a doubt, he's worried, but Taekwoon doesn't care. He's hurt and angry, and now annoyed that Hakyeon is treating him like a runaway child.

Taekwoon doesn't want to go home, so he calls Wonshik, because he's the first person to come to mind. It rings for a long time, and Taekwoon is afraid that he's too busy or something to answer, but he finally picks up.

“Help,” is all he can think of to say.

"What's wrong, hyung?" Wonshik asks, worry in his voice

"I.." Taekwoon does not want to go into all the details right now, he's too tired, so he just says, “I'm lost.”

" Lost ? Where's Hakyeon?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

He hopes Wonshik doesn't ask anymore questions. Thankfully he doesn't, except for, "Do you have an estimate of where you're at?"

That's easy to answer. Taekwoon gives the name of the convenience store to Wonshik, who promises to be there as fast he can.

Now that Taekwoon knows help is coming, his head is a little more clear, and he realizes just how scary it is to be out alone at night. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries not to think about tonight's events that lead him to being here, but again. He keeps seeing Hakyeon's face, hearing the painful words he said to him.

Taekwoon wipes at his eyes. It seems like he's been crying so much lately.

Wonshik arrives faster than expected. Taekwoon climbs into the passenger seat of his shiny black car, leans his head back, and closes his eyes. Wonshik doesn't say much, other than asking Taekwoon if he's okay. Taekwoon nods. It's just easier.

Once they arrive at the apartment, Wonshik leads Taekwoon to his guest room. The bed is huge and has a fluffy quilt, and Taekwoon buries himself into it. His phone is still vibrating from Hakyeon but he ignores it. He knows he'll eventually have to talk to him. Just not right as he's trying to calm his mind and get to sleep.

Wonshik leaves, then comes back holding Ongdongie, who he lays next to Taekwoon. "He can sleep with you tonight. You look like you need it."

Taekwoon place a hand on the pup, tracing his finger on his wrinkles. "Thanks.” He won't have Bibi to curl next to him tonight, so Ongdongie is exactly what he needs.

He thinks Wonshik is going to leave him be after that, but he sits down on the bed instead. "What happened?" he asks.

Taekwoon sighs. He's exhausted, but he's also itching to tell someone. He wants someone to know how pained and betrayed he feels right now, for them to give him comfort and tell him that everything's going to be okay. The person he usually goes to with this kind of stuff is the one who hurt him, so really his only option is to talk to Wonshik.

So he talks. He tells Wonshik everything from the beginning. From Minsol's phone call, to his and Hakyeon's discussions and planning, to his mother coming, the dinner, then Hakyeon's confession. That's the hardest part for Taekwoon to say out loud. Wonshik is encouraging, humming and nodding sympathetically at all the right spots, never once interrupting Taekwoon or rushing him to get his words out. He's almost too much like Hakyeon in that sense.

"That , Taekwoon," Wonshik says once he's done, and Taekwoon can tell he’s genuinely sympathetic. "I'm sorry. I can't believe Hakyeon hyung would do this. A wolf in sheep's clothing, I guess."

Taekwoon nods, biting down on his lip to keep from crying again. He doesn't want to lose himself completely in front of Wonshik.

"I dated this girl once," Wonshik says, "She kept making excuses on why I couldn't meet her friends, her family. I later found out I embarrassed her for being too boring. Why date me at all then?" He shakes his head as he looks back on the memory. "Why do you think Hakyeon didn't want to tell anyone?"

Taekwoon shrugs. "Maybe I embarrass him too," he mumbles. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay," Wonshik says. "You know you can stay here for as long as you want to, right? I've been thinking about getting a roommate recently anyway."

Taekwoon thinks that’s a generous offer and would be great, but he's certain this place is way out of his budget. "How much is it?"

Wonshik waves a hand in dismissal. "Don't worry about money. You cook, right? Just pay me in meals and taking Ongdongie on walks whenever I'm busy."

Taekwoon perks up a little at that. He would love to hang around the pup and go walking with him. "Okay," he agrees.

Wonshik leaves then. Taekwoon lays back down, his arm draped around Ongdongie, who is snoring very cutely. The little noises are rumbly and kind of soothing. Taekwoon is still hurting, but it's just a little bit duller now. At least he can stay here with Wonshik for now, and take care of little Ongdongie. 
 

-

In the morning, Taekwoon is woken up by Wonshik shaking his shoulder. It's disorienting at first, opening his eyes to this strange room, but then he remembers where he's at and why he's there. Depression comes over him. So all of that really wasn't a nightmare.

“Hyung,” Wonshik says, words slurred with sleepiness. “Hakyeon's here.”

That really wakes Taekwoon up. “Why?” How does he even know this is where Taekwoon went? He didn't answer any of the messages he received last night. He’s beginning to suspect Hakyeon has him microchipped or something. It wouldn't be surprising.

“He’s brought some of your stuff.”

His stuff ? “I don't want to talk to him.”

Wonshik nods, then leaves, presumably to go talk to Hakyeon for him and get whatever the stuff is. Taekwoon must really be moving in with Wonshik, since Hakyeon is so eager to track him down and bring his belongings. He wonders how long he's been waiting to get rid of him.

That really hurts to think about.

Taekwoon can hear Hakyeon’s voice as he speaks, though he can't make out whatever he's saying. It makes him shake, to be so close to Hakyeon right now but feel so distanced from him. He doesn't like it.

Wonshik is back in a few minutes, carrying an old shopping bag. Hakyeon didn’t bring much. He hands the bag over to Taekwoon. “I mentioned to Hongbin you were here, and then he snitched to Hakyeon. Sorry.”

So no microchip. “It's okay,” Taekwoon tells him.

The bag has only a few things. First and most important is Taekwoon’s medicine, something he completely forgot to grab when he left last night. Then there's his melatonin tablets, a few clothing items, and his house key.

“That's thoughtful of him,” Wonshik says, and Taekwoon begrudgingly agrees.

Wonshik points to the medicine. “What are these for?”

“Anxiety.” Taekwoon takes the orange prescription bottle in his hand, turning it over and over to listen to the clattering of the pills inside. He remembers when he began to take these a few years ago, how much he struggled with the fact that he needed medicine, and all the different kinds he went through before settling on these.

That was a rough time. The first ones Taekwoon tried made him irritable, and he was always yelling at something or someone, the next ones made him constantly drowsy, then the next gave him an allergic reaction. It was one of the toughest periods of his life, trying all of these different medicines, and he knows it was hard on Hakyeon too, yet there was never a time he complained. He was always supportive. It brings tears to Taekwoon’s eyes.

Wonshik notices. He pats Taekwoon's knee in an awkward attempt to comfort. “I took anti depression meds in high school,” he shares. “Sometimes we just need a boost.”

As sad as Taekwoon is right now, that makes him smile just a bit for some reason. Maybe it's because Wonshik has completely misunderstood the real reason he's crying. “Thanks.”
 

-

Taekwoon was thinking about skipping the library today, but he decides to go. It’ll be good to have something normal going on in his life.

He focuses on his work extra hard jus