There's fog in Taekwoon's mind right now. It clouds up his thoughts and makes his head feel hot and heavy. He came outside to the backyard to lay down on the cool grass still wet from rain. Inside is not good because Hakyeon is in a sour mood, and he snapped at Taekwoon, and that really hurt his feelings eventhough he knows he didn't do anything, it was just the weight of everything that's on Hakyeon's shoulders that made him get angry.

That is not the cause of fog though, because it was already there as Taekwoon approached to ask Hakyeon, Does your brain get foggy? Am I the only one? Before he could even finish the sentence Hakyeon had shushed him, "Not right now, I'm busy!", as he typed furiously at his computer, because something had gone wrong with some paperwork or whatever at his job. Taekwoon doesn't know, office work is too difficult for him to grasp.

He thinks the fog comes from the phone call with his sister, Minsol. Sometimes she's fine to talk to but lately she keeps asking him to move back to his hometown. There's a cafe near her house that's entirely made of employees with disabilities, he could get a job there, wouldn't that be nice? He could live in the group home and make friends and join the special soccer team.

It's time for Hakyeon to find a wife and start a family. "It's hard for him while you're still living together," she tells him, not unkindly. "He's too nice to tell you himself." They can still be friends and talk on the phone and even visit each other. The group home has visiting day and a cafeteria they can eat at together. Taekwoon can invite him to his special soccer games.

Taekwoon eyes get wet just thinking about it, even if he's know it's unlikely to happen. The thoughts of living in a strange place with people he doesn't know is scary. He doesn't want to work at the cafe, he likes the library. He doesn't want to play special soccer, he plays regular soccer with his group of friends and acquaintances just fine. What he does want to do is scream to his sister through the phone and tell her these things, and to tell her that Hakyeon is more than just a friend to him now, but Hakyeon still isn't ready to tell their families yet.

He squeezes his eyes shut, because it's starting to sprinkle a little rain again. It feels nice, maybe it will help clear his foggy mind even more.

He thinks this bothers him so much because he's scared of it becoming true. Hakyeon will tire of him. He'll get sick of always giving and never receiving, because what use does Taekwoon have in this relationship anyway? He doesn't do anything. Hakyeon will want children, he's the only child so it's expected, and Taekwoon accepted a while ago that the chances of him ever being capable of raising a child is slim. Hakyeon needs someone better, and stronger, and smarter, someone responsible and worthwhile. Someone that can handle children, give Hakyeon the stability that he deserves, someone that will drink real wine instead of grape juice at those boring dinner parties his office has-

"Taekwoon!" His thinking is interrupted by Hakyeon as he hurries through the rain over to him. "It's raining!" he says. "You need to get inside."

Taekwoon lets Hakyeon help him off the ground, hugs an arm around his shoulder as he leads him back to the house. Hakyeon nags about sickness and dirtiness but Taekwoon barely hears because of the rain roaring in his ears and the fog getting thicker. 

"You should get into dry clothes," Hakyeon tells him as they enter inside. He pushes Taekwoon towards their bedroom, and Taekwoon obeys. He opens their closet and grabs the first thing he sees, an old weathered t-shirt. He gets sweatpants from the dresser. He takes his rain drenched sweater off. He stands there for a moment holding the clothes, not doing anything, just watching how his hands shake. He entire body is shivering, but he doesn't think it's because of the cold from the rain. 

It's bad fog, bad phone call, bad Taekwoon's brain. "Hakyeon," he calls frantically, because he's a little scared.

Hakyeon peeks his head in at first, then enters entirely once he sees how upset Taekwoon is. He sits him down on the bed and holds his hands. "Remember the breathing technique the doctor taught you?" he asks softly, and Taekwoon just barely nods. "Let's do it together."

Taekwoon tries his best to follow along with the technique, which is basically just deep inhaling through your nose, then slow exhaling through your mouth. He doesn't know if it helps, or if it's the comforting weight of Hakyeon's hand on his shoulder. The fog subsides some and his shaking calms down after a few minutes. He still feels the fear, so he clings to Hakyeon so he doesn't go anywhere. Hakyeon watches Taekwoon with a concerned and somewhat pained look, and waits on him to calm down a bit before speaking again.

"Is it because of earlier?" Hakyeon asks. "I wasn't angry at you- I was frustrated at my coworker."

Taekwoon shakes his head. "I know," he answers quietly, then takes a deep inhale, slow exhale as he begins to think of the real reasons why he's like this. "I don't want to play special soccer at the group home."

"What are you talking about?" Hakyeon is completely confused.

"Why can't we tell our families?" Taekwoon sniffles, more tears clouding his vision and rolling down his face. "Minsol thinks we're friends. I'll move out and you will find a girlfriend. Group home doesn't allow pets." He struggles even more to breathe, because it's a lot of words for him, but his mind is going fast and they spill out without being able to stop.

Hakyeon shakes his head. "You're all over the place," he gently says. "Calm down first."

Taekwoon's still not even dressed, just in his damp jeans, and Hakyeon gets him to lay back on the bed so he can slide them off. He dresses Taekwoon in the shirt and sweatpants he had picked out. Taekwoon likes being took care of like this, while his mind is Not Good, but he also feels like a helpless infant and wonders what Hakyeon thinks of him. 

Taekwoon knows that Hakyeon truly doesn't mind, but it's still difficult to be reasonable, not only in times like this but almost all the time. Even after so many years of being together, as best friends and now as partners, he still has countless doubts and fears and sometimes it's easy to push them aside but the phone call has really thrown him hard into those anxieties.

It takes him half an hour to recount everything his sister had said to him to Hakyeon, because of all the words he's having to use, and some parts are just difficult to say - like Hakyeon marrying someone else, having children, only seeing each other on visiting days at the group home. Hakyeon seems to get more and more agitated as the story goes on, shaking his head and scoffing at certain bits.

"You know none of that is going to happen," he says when Taekwoon is finally finished. 

Taekwoon hesitantly nods.

Hakyeon squeezes his hand, sensing his doubt. "It's not," he says firmly. "I don't want a wife, or anyone else. You know that. Even if I did, I wouldn't send you off like that. You're stuck with me, forever."

The little joke succeeds in making Taekwoon smile, just a small bit, and hearing verbal confirmation soothes his nerves greatly. Hakyeon beams at him, satisfied with himself for being able to lift Taekwoon's mood. "Do you want me to talk to Minsol?" he asks.

Taekwoon shakes his head. "I will," he answers. Sometimes he needs to fight his own battles instead of getting Hakyeon to do it for him, which is fine usually but he feels like standing up for himself to his sister. He was used to being pushed around by his family when he was younger, but now he needs to show them they can't do that anymore. Especially if they want to remain in contact with him. 

"Really? Okay." Hakyeon is suprised, but gives him an encouraging smile.

"Can I tell her?" 

"Tell her what?"

"That we're together."

Hakyeon's smile falls. "Oh," he says. "I'll... think about it."

Taekwoon knows that probably means no, and it's a little frustrating. He tries not to show it because Hakyeon is always patient with him, so Taekwoon needs to be patient on this. It's hard though, especially when he gets phone calls like today's. He knows coming out is a big deal, but he thinks their families really won't mind. Hakyeon's parents has always been open-minded and accepting towards Taekwoon. He's positive they will be towards their own son as well.

"Let's take a mental health day tomorrow," Hakyeon suggests, "and call out of work. We can just lay around here, order food. Or I was thinking we can go visit the new jellyfish exhibit at the aquarium..."

Taekwoon's eyes widen. Everything he had just been thinking about flies out the window. "Jellyfish." 

Hakyeon laughs. "Jellyfish it is."

-

Taekwoon watches the jellyfish in awe. There's an entire room of them, swimming around behind glass walls. Baby ones, glowing ones, ones in an open tank that you can touch. The one that catches his eye first is huge, yellow with thin long tendrils that spread out everywhere. Hes almost too scared to g