Title (5/5): I don’t have anything to say about this because I think the title is brilliant! I couldn’t think of a better title than the one that you have right now. It suits the story very well and definitely does a good job at attracting attention. The connection between the title and the story is hinted early in the story which is great. It is also clear who the girl and the wolf are from the start.

Poster/Background (5/5): You don’t have a poster for your foreword so I’m assessing based on the ones that you have in all the chapters. They are not really impressive but they do fit and set the mood for each chapter, which is helpful to go along with your writing. I like the fact that it also provides brief summary of what’s going to happen in a particular chapter in the form of pictures. Besides, the background used is also satisfactory as it relates closely to sirens and it evokes eeriness as well as a touch of magic and mystery/the unknown.

Description and Foreword (7/10): Your description and foreword are minimal but sufficient. It’s unclear and interesting. Personally, I won’t say it is done efficiently. I’d like a foreword of a story not being either too short or too long. Surely, the content in your foreword is enough to give exposure to the readers and it does serve its purpose in stimulating a reader’s curiosity. However, in my case, I will usually read through the foreword and expect more than what you have. As much as the vagueness is enticing, the feeling of knowing too little could also drive a reader away. Nevertheless, this is more about preference and I’m sure a lot of people don’t find it as a problem. Even so, you could use a longer foreword without giving away too much information and keeping it vague.

Plot (24/30): I love the plot because it opens up a lot of possibilities! Since the story features different creatures and settings, the plot can be twisted in many interesting ways. I like the main ideas of the story and I think you did plan the plot well. For the major part, I am quite satisfied with the plot of the story and how it keeps building up, giving readers more and more surprises as they read through the chapters. It entertains me and I’m definitely looking forward to find out what happens next.

I have some problems, however, with the first chapter of the story. It doesn’t appeal to me because everything is rushed here, and I believe it could be done better. Taehyung’s introduction is a bit abrupt, brief and boring. There’s too little exposition given before inciting incident (the one where Jisoo calls for Taehyung) at the very end of the first chapter. You could have established a more solid exposition by providing other relevant information like the characters’ backgrounds, for example. Based on the one that you have right now, I would say the opening of the story is lacking. It doesn’t seem much like an introduction to a story but rather a continuation of something that has been left off. I’m pretty sure you don’t intent to make it appear this way. Regardless, it does bother me and I wish the first chapter would have been different. There’s a number of alternatives that would have worked better to produce a compelling opening.

For instance, the council itself is a mystery to readers. From time to time, you remind them that most magical creatures in the story are against the council. It would be fascinating if you’re able to explain the reasons for this through the eyes of one of the characters in the exposition. Besides, you could also begin the story with how things work in that world, or tell about the magical creatures and how they are different from humans, or how the rules between them are established (and about the runes too). You could also use more historical context. I’m aware that some of these that I have mentioned are explained bits by bits throughout the chapters that you have, but that makes them less relevant by dismissing them in later chapters. Even if they have to be revealed in the future, they deserve to be written in paragraphs that are exclusively theirs, instead of being included within a casual conversation between the characters. It would be a big loss because the settings, the characters’ backgrounds and the history are elements in the story that I would consider unique. They could become the strengths of the story too if you’re able to shape them well.

Another thing that I would like to point out is Lisa’s decision as it is rather sudden. In Chapter 5, when Lisa is meeting the pack, I think it would be necessary for you to focus on her inner thoughts to expose readers of the conflicts that are clouding her mind. Explain how she feels at the moment and why she thinks it’s a better option to stay with the wolves. It would be easier to understand her decision of joining the pack (because she got a lot to sacrifice and she doesn’t seem hesitated, which further the need for the readers to understand her).

Characterization (20/30): Most of your characters are a bit lacking but okay. While they don’t really captivate me, they’re at least characters that have potential and can be developed. You focus a lot of your characterization on the girls, which is the reason why I feel more connected to Jisoo (and maybe Jennie too). I’m glad to say that Jisoo characterization is well done in terms of its complexity and also how she deals differently to different situation, even though it could appear inconsistent because of her complicated past. Nonetheless, despite her being a flawed character, she sometimes comes across as unlikable. *You should note that being flawed is one thing, and being unlikable is another. There are some parts of the story where I feel offended by her. For example, in Chapter 5 when Jennie and Yoongi are fighting, she has the nerve to ‘shrug’ it off and doesn’t feel a bit apologetic even when she admits that she’s responsible by bringing Jennie to the pack. Jisoo is too indifferent about a lot of things, including her friends who care for her. She doesn’t treat them nicely, even with the reason that she has (presumably someone she loves died and it affects her greatly), that doesn’t excuse her attitude. Her continuous indifference in everything is irritating. It’s a good thing that by the end the latest chapter, she is beginning to care and I could see she’s slowly changing (her outburst, etc.) while not straying too far from the character she was. I hope to see more of her growth later.

While Jisoo feels close to the readers, Taehyung is a complete opposite. Even though he is supposed to play a huge role, he feels like a very distant character. I think his very first appearance in the story is already a mistake. You could have introduced him before he goes to meet Jisoo, considering that he’s one of the main characters and readers have very little information about him. It isn’t a wise decision to bring Taehyung into the story in the presence of another main character who barely knows him as it will overshadow him. If you insist that they have to meet like this, something else should be done to not make his intro dull. Besides, Taehyung as a character for the whole story is disappointing. There’s nothing outstanding about him. I don’t know him as Kim Taehyung, I know him as a wolf whose heart was stolen by a siren. It’s important that you distinguish the characteristics that are his, and the ones that come with the curse that binds him to Jisoo. Most of the times, he is a slave to the curse and readers aren’t given a glimpse of who he actually is. I’m only given the chance to judge him as a character by his actions, which often always involved Jisoo. I know actions can be helpful in assessing him but even then, I can’t get as much exposure to him as I’d like. A lot of time too, I feel like he’s only there as a medium for readers to learn more about Jisoo, but nothing much about him at all. He’s the main character and I think it’s a big loss to not focus on him as a character. In my opinion, Taehyung’s characterization needs improvement.

Yoongi is mysterious and fierce and has many unrevealed potentials. Jennie… she’s a strong character. However, I think you emphasize too much on her stubbornness and short-tempered nature. It’s not entirely a bad thing but they could overshadow her other traits that are not as prominent. I have nothing against other characters because they surely have their own importance and purposes in the story.

Originality/Creativity (3/5): It’s as ordinary as any fantasy story, with a bit of its own twist! I’m interested in the creation/origin of the ancient spell that Jisoo sings to targets wolves in particular. Also, the title that you’ve chosen for each chapter is also captivating and creative. Another thing that I love is the songs (lyrics) of the sirens that you included in the story!

Spelling, Vocabulary & Grammar (14/15): The vocabulary and grammar are mostly great! There are some spelling errors throughout the chapters but they’re not an eyesore, so it’s no big deal.

Flow (7/10): The pace is fast. In fact, it’s too fast in Chapter 1. Since the exposition is very lacking, the story quickly ascends to the conflicts. The conflicts start coming continuously one after another once the story took off. While it’s not perfect, it’s not really a big problem either. It keeps the plot going and make readers anticipate. It would be good to slow it down though, and give more attention to the growth of the characters.

Writing Style (9/15): Everything is described clearly and I also like your choice of words. However, your words exist mostly on the surface, without much meaning behind them. That is to say that your writing is concise and a bit practical for creative writing. They don’t leave a particular effect on readers, but readers know what you’re trying to say. Your writing also relies quite heavily on dialogues and actions. You could use more paragraphs and focus not only on action but more on their thoughts and emotions. I know actions can be a powerful weapon in mirroring a character’s inner thoughts/emotions but giving insight into their minds can be interesting because your writing seems to lack on this.

I’m not sure about the mood of the story. You successfully created the mood in certain parts of your writing, but it’s not always there. The settings of a story influence this element greatly. They are there but they are usually explained briefly. The ones about Boa’s house and during Lisa’s walk in the forest with Yoongi are explained sufficiently though. Other settings could get a better description, however, because the story feels close to magical-realism but the lack of description on other settings (also the exchangeable use of five senses) makes it hard to imagine/get into the mood.

Overall Enjoyment (3/5): It’s not perfect but it’s pretty good. I think your plot is strong and it urges me to keep reading. Taehyung’s underdeveloped character, however, does bother my reading. Perhaps you’ll want to experiment more on your writing style as well.

TOTAL: 97/130

PERCENTAGE: 75%

GRADE: B+

**Reviewer Note: Thank you for requesting! I hope I’m not too harsh in my review and that you like it. If there’s anything that I’ve done wrong and you’d want to clarify it, please do inform me. Also, don’t forget to credit the shop in your foreword/making a blogpost about it. Upvote the shop as the payment for the service. Thanks! :)