A/N: OK, this chapter turned out to be MASSIVE (21,000+ words), so I have chopped up this final installment into two parts. Shocker! Enjoy, and I will finish editing the last part, hopefully, in the next couple days and put out double updates. Then it's on to SHTMH, TLHP, etc…I just wanted to finish a story before getting back to my update sequence.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the original storyline. I do not own the rights to the song "Love Exists" (by Qi Qi Wei) from the Meteor Garden OST. English cover and lyrics by Ysabelle (the one I found). Also, I'm going to give something of a 'Don't Try This At Home' (though it's not something you'd do at home) warning for one of the activities in this chapter. Piqued your interest now, huh? Haha. Anyway, you're free to try it if you want, but I'm neither encouraging it or discouraging it. It's totally up to you, and don't let my words sway you.

Part III: Love Exists

The love I want, I only found it in you
No other one could ever make me laugh and cry like you do
Though it's not easy to be with you, I don't mind
The love you give becomes the love that I need
With you, I brave the world
Won't stand alone on my feet
Coz of you, I believe love exists
("Love Exists," English cover, Meteor Garden OST)

Falling in Love…

(Ji Hoo's POV)

All morning, Jan Di had been trying to arrange the bluebells I sent her around the house, and I suddenly wondered if I'd gone overboard. I felt bad that I was actually giving her 'work' to do because she wasn't satisfied until she found a place for all of them, and she wouldn't let me help. She had some in her room, in the living room, on the dining room table, in the kitchen… She'd left my room alone so far, but I wondered if she'd end up asking to put some in there, too.

"Maybe I can give some to Ga Eul and take some to the Clinic," she mused aloud.

I tried a couple times to get her to take a break and come to breakfast, and she finally conceded.

The three of us finally sat down to breakfast. Grandfather was scanning the room curiously, no doubt wondering what the deal with all the flowers was, though he didn't say anything, and Jan Di seemed a bit...distracted. She was shoveling her food in more quickly than usual, not making much conversation, and avoiding eye contact with me. I worried that I'd made her uncomfortable. Well, sure, I'd just sent her 120 flowers… What was I thinking? Yi Jeong and Woo Bin would probably be telling me that I needed to cool it right about now.

My grandfather seemed to be aware of the tension between Jan Di and me because he would look at me and then immediately at her; he did that a few times before starting a conversation. He stuck to simple topics, about our day and the Clinic, and that seemed to diffuse the tension, but afterward, he spoke to me privately.

Harabeoji had been a politician, so he knew how to speak to people and consequently, how to get information he wanted out of them. He basically asked me what I was doing and what my intentions toward this sweet girl were as if I was some kind of deviant. I could understand it, though. Grandfather had already developed a strong liking for Jan Di, and he and I were at the point now where he felt more comfortable speaking with me as his grandson.

As for me, I was just trying to forgive and mend our relationship, like Jan Di had wanted me to do, so I answered him honestly. I confessed to my grandfather that I was in love with Jan Di and was trying to win her heart. At first, Harbaeoji teased that he wasn't sure he approved of the pairing, someone like Jan Di being matched with someone as stoic as me, but when he saw how it was weighing on me, he softened. More seriously now, he asked about Jan Di and me, and I told him the abridged version of our story and about her relationship with Jun Pyo, who my grandfather clearly remembered from childhood. My grandfather's sage advice was to give her time to heal, not pressure her, and let her make a decision.

Time. Sometimes I really hated time...

That's what I'd been doing all along‒waiting for her‒that is, until recently.

I'd come to the conclusion that love wasn't at all like in the movies, where the guy confesses to the girl, grabs and kisses her, and she's automatically his. I'd already tried that, and even though it sort of worked...I still wasn't with her.

But I wanted to believe we were making progress. Harabeoji thought I should wait and let Jan Di come to me, but I knew her much better than him, and if I did that I could be waiting for eternity. I was good at that, though. I certainly knew how to be patient, but this time around, I felt the need to do more. I didn't plan on making the same mistakes twice.

After breakfast, Jan Di went to work at the porridge shop, as usual, saying she'd join Grandfather and me at the Clinic after her shift. I had to admit, I wasn't thrilled about going to the Clinic, at least, at first. I'd only gone that first time because Jan Di dragged me there. And let's face it, Jan Di could probably ask me to walk into a dragon's lair armed with only a dull, rusty sword, and I'd do it. But after that first day, I discovered that working at the Clinic wasn't so bad. It didn't bother me so much to go, and I definitely wanted to support her new dream. That didn't mean I wanted to go without her, though, mainly because I didn't like being left alone with my grandfather. It was still a bit awkward and uncomfortable, and yes, rather painful.

What bothered me the most, I think, was that he had pictures of me and my parents up at the Clinic. If he held onto those things, even kept them visible for whatever sentimental reason, then why hadn't he contacted me for 15 years? During our confrontation at the Clinic, he'd told me that my parents' death wasn't my fault, and though I was relieved to hear him say that, I wasn't sure I believed him. If it was true and he didn't hate me, then why did he stay away from me? That still bothered me.

Lately, I'd been keeping myself occupied, not only with my own schooling‒I was in the musical college at Shinwha‒but I was also helping Jan Di study for her medical school entrance exam. I was actually learning a lot about medicine from studying with Jan Di and volunteering at Harabeoji's Clinic. It was actually quite fascinating.

As for Jan Di, she would be graduating in a few months, so her exam was fast-approaching. She was extremely stressed, and why wouldn't she be? She had high school exams coming, the med school exam to prepare for, the situation with her family, and of course, the elephant in the room‒Jun Pyo's wedding.

She hadn't mentioned Jun Pyo lately, but she was extremely focused on school. I worried she was wearing herself down, actually, so I often tried to ease her stress. I would quiz her as well as offer her much-needed study breaks. A ride on my bike or session at the piano together seemed to be her favorite ways to relax. Oh, she also liked to go out for ice cream.

(Jan Di's POV)

Ji Hoo Sunbae had been amazing in helping me prepare for my entrance exam. I was relieved to have him by my side because I was a wreck. It was coming up so quickly! If I passed this test it would be a miracle. But Sunbae studied with me every night, even if he had his own work to do. Some nights we even fell asleep on the couch together, or sometimes just one of us did. I recalled more than a few nights when I'd wake up in my own bed, not knowing how I got there, and I'd blush to think that Ji Hoo had probably carried me in there...

I remembered clearly that Ji Hoo had said he was going to keep showing me how he felt, and he was true to his word. He had been actively expressing his feelings for me, but he wasn't pulling the crazy stunts that the rest of F4 would‒except for the flower thing. Instead, he was doing sweet little subtle things. What really made my heart skip a beat every time was that they were always very meaningful gestures and specific to me. He wouldn't just send flowers and candies but my favorite ones. He wouldn't take me to fancy, snooty restaurants but to places I liked. He wouldn't take me to the romantic spots that every couple goes to, but he'd take me to the places he knew I liked best.

And then there were the gifts...

One of the cutest things Ji Hoo did was to leave a small stuffed otter wearing a firefighter's hat on my bed. I smiled really big when I found it and put it in a special place on the shelf near my bed, but later, I ended up sleeping with it.

I wasn't used to being pampered like this; well, Jun Pyo had tried to, and it wasn't something I felt comfortable with. But Ji Hoo wasn't offering me appliances, cars, or homes, only smaller things. One really considerate thing he bought for me was a special-order back pillow. I guess he remembered that I'd been getting a sore back from studying for hours on the couch because one day I received a package‒a cute backrest pillow with pandas on it; it was made of memory foam and had attached arms and neck roll. The included message didn't identify the sender but simply read 'To make studying more comfortable.' I sighed almost dreamily at his thoughtfulness. I would definitely get a lot of use out of this. Sunbae knew me so well to give a gift that was also practical.

I wanted to acknowledge and thank him for all these things, but I wasn't sure he wanted the recognition. He never mentioned it after, and I supposed he was still playing the role of mysterious secret-admirer, even though he knew that I knew it was him. I would try, at least, to give him a little smile or do or write something to express my thanks. I made sure to write a special note of thank you for the pillow and the otter.

Yes, Ji Hoo's gifts were wonderful, but what I liked, even more, were his notes. He would slip them under the door for me to read in the morning, or he would leave them stuck somewhere he knew I'd find them. They were always very sweet, encouraging, or funny. Sometimes it would be an inside joke we shared, sometimes a drawing; on special occasions, it would be greetings for that, and when I had a test or presentation that day, it would be well wishes. And once in a while, it was a compliment‒nothing too over-the-top. One time, I do recall, he left a post-it near my breakfast, saying that I looked so cute today and to have a great day.

I hardly believed how incredibly charming Ji Hoo Sunbae could be. Of all the F4, he was the one I thought least likely to try and woo a woman, yet he was actually very skilled at it. When he spoke them, his words were like honey, and they didn't seem fake or rehearsed, either, like something Yi Jeong or Woo Bin might say; they weren't cliche. Only words he meant ever passed Yoon Ji Hoo's lips. I loved that about him. That combined with his looks and musical talent was enough to knock any woman out, and when you added his smile into the mix, it was a potent cocktail. Yes, that bright, perfect smile of his still had the power to render me weak in the knees long after I'd let go of my love for him. I couldn't help it; it was like sunshine after the rain. I really didn't see how anyone could resist his charms. Even I, a girl who had never taken any real interest in boys before, was mesmerized by Yoon Ji Hoo the first time I saw him.

I'd known my sunbae for so long, and we'd been through so much, but I felt like I was seeing a whole new side to him. I'd seen his stoic side, his warm side, his sincere side, and even his playful side, at times, but never his romantic side. Was he ever like this with Seo Hyun Unnie? I wondered. Suddenly, I remembered how she once questioned me when I referred to Ji Hoo as kind-hearted. It was as if she couldn't believe it, but he'd been kind to me from the start...

When I really stopped to think about it, I had seen Ji Hoo's romantic side before...and I recalled Macau. He made some very romantic gestures there‒piggybacking me when my heel broke, making breakfast for me, and buying the shoes for me. Not to mention flying all the way there just out of concern for me. Why was it that this seemed to have just dawned on me? It was as though that whole trip was lost in a fog, so many other things, too… I supposed it was because I'd been so heartbroken.

(Ji Hoo's POV)

Days passed, and I hadn't heard from Jun Pyo. I didn't even know when the wedding was going to be, but I was sure to hear about it from Yi Jeong or Woo Bin. The last time I talked to them, a couple days ago, they hadn't heard anything, either. I wasn't worried about not being invited, though. If or when the wedding ended up happening‒and it was bound to‒I knew I would at least get an invitation in the mail. No matter how angry he was with me, Jun Pyo wouldn't exclude me from his wedding. But I was concerned for him‒for his future happiness, for our friendship, for so many things… If only I could do something that would bring happiness to Jan Di, Jun Pyo, and myself. I just couldn't come up with a solution to this problem.

If love's an adventure filled with fear, I will walk
As long as it leads me to your warmth
Stars from the skies are falling down by the sea
Even if it bleeds you dry, you would wipe away the tears for me 
(Love Exists, English cover, Meteor Garden OST)

A few days later…

(Jan Di's POV)

Today, I saw Jun Pyo. It was just in passing at school, and he didn't even see me‒because I quickly turned a corner when he came near and hid behind a pillar. I felt like a coward, which I'd made a big deal about telling Ji Hoo Sunbae I wouldn't be. Afterward, I felt terrible...not only about the reminder but for the way I handled it.

And suddenly it became one of those sad days. I hated to admit I still had them from time to time, but here it was… And the hits kept coming, for when I got home, I found Jun Pyo's wedding invitation in the mail. I just stared at it for a while, reading and re-reading every word, for some strange reason.

Ji Hoo arrived home shortly after me, and when he walked in, I was standing in the living room, facing the doorway. He looked at me, and I looked straight through him. I knew he could tell right away that something was wrong, and he approached me. Instead of answering his unspoken question ('what's wrong?'), I handed him the invitation. He glanced at it briefly and then looked up at me.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

I didn't answer, but instead, asked him a question. "Sunbae, will you take me somewhere?"

This moment gave me a strange sense of déjà vu. I'd asked him the same thing after witnessing Jun Pyo and Jae Kyung's kiss at Shinwha. He had done a great job of cheering me up that day, by taking me to the river. I vividly recalled our conversation about me being like an otter and not turning into a mermaid. I won't, Sunbae. Don't worry.

Ji Hoo was always so good at bringing me peace and comfort; only, this time, I didn't want peace or comfort. I wanted excitement.

"I want to go bungee jumping, Sunbae." The words came flying out of my mouth before I even realized it.

I could tell that was one of the last things he ever expected me to say because he was staring at me, his mouth slightly agape. And Sunbae normally kept such a straight expression. "You want to go where?" he asked.

"Bungee jumping," I repeated.

Ji Hoo looked at me in confusion with a bit of concern mixed in there, and I couldn't help but wonder if he thought, perhaps, I was so heartbroken that I wanted to die. That wasn't it at all, and I explained, "I want to start a new phase in my life, Sunbae."

He looked curious again, so I explained further. "I want to be a new Jan Di. I don't want to be stuck in the past and constantly brought down by sadness and worry over what's going to happen. I feel like I've been such a zombie lately...I've been moping around like life isn't worth living. I don't want to be that way anymore." I ran out of breath, so I stopped for a second. "I want to embrace life and live in the moment, Sunbae."

Ji Hoo questioned me once more, ensuring that this was really what I wanted to do. He was probably thinking this was a crazy way of getting over a breakup…

"You once faced your fear for me, and you helped me overcome my fear of the storm, remember?"

"Alright, Jan Di." He nodded. "If this is what you want to do."

"It is."

Thus, he ushered me to the car and we got in. He pulled out his phone, and I noticed that he was searching for a place that had bungee jumping.

It was then that I remembered something. "Oh, I saw a place in an ad on TV the other day," I chimed in. And I told him all about the bungee jumping place. "It's a little far," I explained, but he said it was fine, that he didn't have to do anything else today. Ji Hoo left a quick message for Grandfather, telling him where we were going, and started up the car. Since it was a nice day, he put the top down on the Mini Cooper.

The place was in Jecheon City, so it was a nearly two-hour drive, but I didn't mind. The countryside was pretty, and I enjoyed the wind in my hair. Ji Hoo and I talked along the way or sat in comfortable silence; either way, I was enjoying his company.

We arrived at Cheongpung Land and parked. Ji Hoo got out of the car and went around to my side to open the door for me. And we both stared up at the tall platform. The entire way there, I was so certain and eager about this, but suddenly, I felt nervous. "You don't have to do this with me, Sunbae," I told him as we made our way toward the platform.

He smiled a little. "Of course I'm going to. I'm with you, Jan Di, always." And he held out his hand.

I could feel the weight of his statement, and I knew it to be true. He had been and would always be with me, not just on some crazy adventure like this, but in life. And I knew that no matter what happened, he would never forsake me. I smiled brightly at him and took his hand.

After Ji Hoo paid, the crew made us watch a video that explained the process and detailed the safety features. It was a 62-meter jump with an added safety line in case the cord snapped. Good to know. Since we were novices, we were given a lot of extra instruction.

We took the lift to the top; it was one of those ultra-slow climbs when you have plenty of time to ponder your impending doom, and I admit that I was a bit scared… But more than that, I was thrilled. Even though I would be at the complete mercy of gravity, I felt like I was finally taking control of my life. At the top, the staff member had us step into our harnesses and strapped them securely around our waists and tightened, and a bungee cord was attached to us.

As we inched closer to the edge, I started shaking a bit. Don't look down; don't look down, not yet, I told myself.

Ji Hoo wordlessly posed the question 'Are you okay?', and I nodded. Then the instructor asked if we were ready, and I turned to Ji Hoo. "Ready?" We looked into each other's eyes, and he nodded.

"Yes, we're ready," I said. Ji Hoo wrapped his arm around my waist, and I hugged him back. And the instructor counted down from five...5...4...3… With each passing number, I held tighter to Ji Hoo. At 1, the instructor placed his hands on our backs (but didn't push); he told us to go, and we stepped off.

. . .

The feeling of weightlessness was akin to the falling sensation in a dream, and it was like nothing I'd ever experienced in waking. When we first stepped off, I'd shut my eyes tight, but now, I tried opening them. No longer thinking about the fall‒there was nothing I could do about it now‒I was just experiencing it. Eyes wide open now, I could see the scenery of Cheongpung Lake flashing before me in a blurry spectrum of colors, mainly greens and blues.

"WAUUUUUUU!" I screamed as I clung to Ji Hoo for dear life.

I could feel the tears forming at the corners of my eyes, and there was a light pounding in my ears as the force of the air resistance hit us at our increased rate of speed We picked up speed, plummeting so fast it didn't seem real… If this didn't wake me from my slumber of sorrow, I didn't know what would.

And somehow, it did. I was simultaneously laughing and crying, and once more, I knew what it was like to be alive. Not only that, but I'd put myself in the hands of another and wasn't let down.

Next thing I knew, I felt a springing sensation as the cable kicked in, preventing us from smashing against the ground. It was so quick! We bounced once, twice, and then we hung there upside down, swaying softly for several seconds. Ji Hoo was looking at me and smiling; I smiled at him and glanced all around, taking in the view. "Look, Sunbae," I reminded him to also look around. He did so, and one of the crew came over. He unhooked us and helped us out of the bungee harnesses.

Once we were on firm ground again, Ji Hoo asked, "How did you like it?"

I was still lightly shaking from the adrenaline. "S-Sunbae...it was…" I didn't quite have the words. Awesome. Amazing. Once-in-a-lifetime.

And then I did something unexpected. I wasn't sure what possessed me, but at that moment, I got a sudden urge. Hands trembling, I grabbed Ji Hoo's face, pulled him down, and placed a hard kiss on his lips, not caring that the entire crew was watching. The quick kiss was met with a few hollers of "Whooo!" and a couple claps, but I wasn't embarrassed. Neither did he seem to be. Immediately after, I threw my arms around his waist. I felt him place his arms around my back and hold me closer. As we hugged, I could feel his heart beating rapidly against mine. Mine was pumping equally fast, and we just held each other, nearly as hard as we had up there.

Finally, we pulled away, but he kept hold of my arms. "Thank you," I said with a huge grin on my face. He nodded. "Another new experience?" I asked. He nodded again and tossed his head to get the messy bangs out of his eyes.

"How did you like it?" I asked him.

"It was amazing," he said, wearing that boyish grin. "I never thought I'd enjoy something like that, but it was a really incredible experience."

"It was. A once-in-a-lifetime experience," I said. Neither one of us had ever really done anything this crazy, I was sure.

The next words out of Sunbae's mouth totally surprised me. "Wanna do it again?" he asked with a playful, almost childish glint in his eye.

"Really?"

He nodded. "It's only once-in-a-lifetime if you want it to be, Jan Di-ah."

I grinned so wide. He was right. I couldn't believe he was suggesting it, but I found myself agreeing, and we did it again.

. . .

The second time was slightly less nerve-wracking and equally thrilling.

"So, are you an adrenaline junkie, now, Geum Jan Di?" Ji Hoo asked with a little grin as he walked me to the car.

"I think I might be," I said proudly. "But what about you, Mister-Let's-Do-It-Again?!"

He chuckled a bit and draped his arm comfortably over my shoulders. "You're right. Maybe I am one, now, too."

I smirked up at him and suggesting going zip lining at Nami Island next time or perhaps skydiving. In amusement, he commented that he was surprised I already wanted to do something thrilling again, but then he agreed, promising we could go soon.

(Ji Hoo's POV)

Bungee jumping had been scary, but I enjoyed it much more than I thought I would. There seemed to be something to this adrenaline high that I'd heard people speak of, and of course, nothing beat holding the woman I loved tight in my arms. That had been the best part of it for me. Although, it didn't seem like a very good reason to continue allowing her to take such risks. But I knew that when Geum Jan Di set her mind on something, I had no power to stop her, so I should at least be there with her. And given this new attitude of hers, I could see more extreme sports in our future.

Actually, I understood Jan Di's mindset, the notion of living life to the fullest, and I had to admit that I hadn't done much of that in my life. My childhood was cut short because of the tragedy; I didn't really have a normal childhood after that. But I got by. When I was older, I traveled, ate fine foods, and went along with whatever F4 was doing, but mainly I stayed on the sidelines or slept. Somehow, it felt like I never really did anything until Jan Di came along. She had given me so much, and sometimes I questioned whether I could ever repay her. For now, my debt and my pleasure were to stay by her side…

And that was what I wanted, forever. I wasn't sure what happens after you die. Do you only live once or are you reborn into another life? Either way, I wanted to enjoy this life, right here and now, with Jan Di.

On the car ride home, I glanced over and asked Jan Di how she was doing; she answered 'great.' I could usually tell when she was pretending, and it didn't seem like it right now. She was just smiling and looking out her side of the car. She actually seemed okay, happy, even. And I was relieved.

A silence passed for several kilometers down the road. I had my hand out, resting on the seat beside her, and suddenly, I felt Jan Di place her hand over mine. Instinctively, I interlocked our fingers and squeezed a bit, and I glanced over briefly to smile at her. She smiled back shyly and then returned her eyes to the view out her window; I turned mine back to the road ahead, and we continued peacefully holding hands. I felt so happy at this moment. It was one of those moments when you believe it'll never get any better than this…

I couldn't help but feel like today had been a turning point‒for Jan Di and for us. She seemed so much happier than before. Not only that, but she'd held onto me so tightly during the jump, and afterward, she'd hugged me and given me a kiss. I couldn't believe it. Now, she was holding my hand in the car, seemingly not ready to let go anytime soon. And that was perfectly fine by me. I planned to hold on for as long as I could, as long as she let me...

(Jan Di's POV)

That night, I slept well, despite how the day had begun. Maybe I was exhausted after all the excitement, but for whatever reason, I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

Over the next week, I felt a change occurring in my relationship with Ji Hoo. Ever since he confessed and we kissed, I'd been feeling strange. I knew he didn't expect anything from me, but the situation was difficult because I cared so much for him and didn't want to hurt him. I'd been trying to act normal, and a part of me just wished for things to go back the way they were. It was easier that way.

But then I thought about how I was doing it again...being a coward. Denying Sunbae's feelings, hiding from them and pretending they didn't exist was just as cowardly as the day I avoided Jun Pyo. Besides, I'd already made my feelings perfectly clear about those kinds of people. That brought to mind the memory of standing up to Ji Hoo Sunbae and adamantly demanding that he not hide from his feelings and go after Seo Hyun Unnie.

I was such a hypocrite.

And now I was fighting with my own burgeoning feelings for Ji Hoo. They were confusing yet undeniably present. Something was definitely different between us, and how could it not be? He had been so amazing lately that I couldn't possibly help being affected, but I wasn't sure what I was feeling exactly. I wasn't quite ready to call it love, but he'd certainly stirred something inside of me. Was it a new feeling or remnants of an old, long-forgotten one that I thought was gone forever.

I was torn between not wanting to cowardly keep my feelings hidden inside and not wanting to lead him on. He'd done so much for me, and a part of me wanted so badly to reciprocate. I wanted to say or do something to show him that I cared, too, but it sounded so weak to say 'Sunbae, I think I might be having feelings for you,' especially after his confession of love…

But I was encouraging him, wasn't I? I let him kiss me at my old apartment, even started to kiss back before he broke it off; I tried to kiss him the night we made dinner together after I moved in, and now, I'd kissed him at the bungee jump place. I didn't know where that one came from, but like so many moments in life‒some of the worst and some of the best‒it just happened.

What should I do now?

Fortunately, school was keeping me so busy that there wasn't much time to dwell on these things. It mostly occurred at night while I lie awake thinking…

Erasing our memories
Trying to hide how I feel
The heart will love who it loves
I know that I love you, I don't care what they say
You're the only one, no-no one can replace
("Love Exists," English cover, Meteor Garden OST)

Longing…

Several Weeks Later…

(Ji Hoo's POV)

Jun Pyo's wedding was fast-approaching, and he still wasn't speaking to me, though I'd reached out. Woo Bin and Yi Jeong were doing their best to 'talk some sense into him,' as Yi Jeong put it, and I was glad for their support this time. They agreed that it was a difficult situation, and they cared for Jan Di, too, so they understood my trying to protect her by keeping Jun Pyo away. But they were also worried about Jun Pyo. So was I. Keeping Jan Di and him apart was for his own benefit, too, though‒wasn't it?

I must admit that I'd been feeling very torn about the wedding. On one hand, I knew my best friend was suffering, and I hated that. On the other hand, if he got married, perhaps one day, Jan Di would accept me. I couldn't think selfishly, though, and even though she hid it better these days, I knew Jan Di was suffering, too. She put on a brave face most of the time, but I still occasionally saw that look in her eyes that I dreaded, the one that meant she was thinking of Jun Pyo...

I saw that look one Saturday morning‒the sullen one, laced with a little panic‒when she told me she was going out for a bit. When I asked her where she hesitated to tell me but finally caved, saying that Jae Kyung was living in the Gu household in preparation for the wedding and had asked her to visit. I asked Jan Di if she was sure she wanted to go, and she nodded. So, I gave her my best smile of encouragement and prepared to go hug her, but before I could, she plastered that fake smile on, waved, and left.

After that, I decided to go fishing. Maybe it would take my mind off both our troubles, but I would keep my phone handy in case Jan Di needed me. When my grandfather returned from the Clinic, which he closed early on Saturdays, unless there was an emergency, he saw me preparing my gear. He told me I was using the wrong bait for this time of year, and then he stepped out and brought back his old fishing pole. He set it down on the table in front of me.

I remembered that pole...

"It served me well over the years," Grandfather said, and he walked away extra slowly. I could tell he wanted to go, and I imagined what Jan Di would have to say about it. 'Don't you dare let him walk away like that!' she shouted at me in my head. Even when she wasn't here she was influencing my decisions… In fact, if Jan Di was here she'd be shoving us out the door together right about now, so I caved and asked Harabeoji to go along.

Who knew, perhaps it would actually bring us closer?

"I'll leave in ten minutes," I told him as I stepped out of the house.

Fishing started out nice, just two men sitting silently together with their poles, but then Grandfather started talking…and he just had to bring up my parents... "It's a good catch so far. You know, your mom made a mean spicy catfish stew," he commented.

I stared across the lake, wishing he would just stop there. What did he think he was doing bringing up my mother?

"That Jan Di, she cooks pretty good, too."

Again, I said nothing. Talking about Jan Di wasn't much easier, considering my unrequited love.

Haraboeji switched gears back to my parents. "...Today is...their wedding anniversary."

I looked over at him as he pulled out a finely lacquered wooden box. He handed it to me, and I opened it. Inside was a ring‒a gold band with another, thinner band of diamonds fused to it. My lips parted and my heart twisted painfully.

"I still remember very clearly, giving that to your grandmother...and putting it on her finger," he said.

I felt myself welling up as I stared at the ring.

"Her smile was so bright." Harabeoji chuckled happily before growing serious again. "I asked her what was so great about receiving that cheap, old ring. 'It's the only one in the world. Why wouldn't I be happy?' she said."

My hands trembled as I held the box and ran my thumb over the ring. I was trying so hard to fight it, but I choked out a few sobs, and my grandfather turned to me. "Child, I'm so sorry...to take away such a wonderful mother from you, all because of my karma..."

I continued to cry until I had nothing left...

Grandfather gave me some time to grieve before breaking it to me that my parents were killed by a zealot and that it was made to look like an accident. He said he kept it from me because he didn't want me caught up in that political strife.

"I was so afraid to lose you, too," he said. "Staying away from you all those years...was my punishment. To think that when you should have been blaming your grandfather all those years, you were carrying that terrible burden, instead..."

He was speaking of me blaming myself for the accident. It wasn't easy for me to hear all this, but at least I finally knew the truth. I held back more tears, though my head was swirling.

"When I die, I'll have no regrets now," Harabeoji said. And then he turned to me. "Your parents wanted to heal the mind through the arts and heal the body through medicine. Ji Hoo-ah, when I die, will you take over the Clinic and the Foundation for me?"

After dropping all that on me, now he was going to request something? It was too much for me to process right now…

"Harabeoji, I'm not yet…" I turned to look at him and couldn't get the word 'ready' out.

Harabeoji was staring at the lake again. He didn't say anything or press me further, and we just went back to fishing. Even though I couldn't yet promise him that I would fulfill his last wish, I'd already made up my mind that I was somehow going to do it...

Today was simply too much. There was the fishing excursion, the ring, the conversation about my parents, and Grandfather 's request that I take care of the Clinic and the Foundation. To top it off, Jan Di ended up calling to tell me she'd be home late, and she informed me that Jae Kyung had asked her to be her maid of honor and had modeled a wedding dress for her, the one Madam Kang wore at her wedding. I knew that had to hurt Jan Di; I could hear the pain in her voice.

She still loved him…

Well, of course, she did. That kind of love doesn't just go away, and no matter what I did or said, it wouldn't change that. She would always love Jun Pyo, and she would never love me...at least, not the way I wanted her to.

Maybe she would always belong to Jun Pyo in her heart and that made me wonder what would become of her after they got married. Would she just live a loveless life? No, I wouldn't let that happen. At the very least I would love her and stay by her side for as long as she'd let me, even if she never returned my love. It wasn't ideal, but that could be enough for me. That was what I'd long ago decided to do, anyway. I would always do my best to make her happy.

But lately, I'd dared to dream of more, of what could be… I'd thought my efforts might be paying off and that maybe, just maybe she was learning to love me in a different way. But hearing the sadness in her voice today, I could tell how shattered she still was. And it seemed that no one but Jun Pyo could pick up the pieces...

That evening, I felt the need to be alone, so I went to the place Jan Di always did for that same reason. I went to the Clinic. I slid the door open and wandered into the dark room without bothering to turn the lights on. Wearily, I slumped onto the bench and leaned forward. I rubbed my forehead with both hands, and one hand fell to the chain around my neck. I pulled out my grandmother and mother's ring, which I'd been wearing since I got home that day, and I looked at it closely.

This ring, I wanted so badly to offer it to Jan Di… I already knew that only she was fit to wear it. She was the only woman I could ever imagine giving it to. But would she accept? Would she ever be mine? Again, I felt myself beginning to cry, and even though I was alone, I held the tears back.

Hanging my head low, I lost myself in my sorrows for a while. And then Grandfather came in.

I didn't know if he forgot something or why he was there, but he came over to me. I raised my head a bit to look at him and uttered his name, "Harabeoji."

"Ji Hoo-ah."

"Harbaeoji…" I dropped my head again, and I felt him squeeze my shoulders with both hands and pull me up. He hugged me, and I let him.

"Harabeoji…," I blubbered. And then it came spilling out. "Harabeoji...I just want her to love me." After that, I couldn't hold back any longer, and I sobbed uncontrollably (for the second time that day).

"Ji Hoo-ah," Harabeoji spoke in a comforting voice. "There, there. It's okay." He patted my back, and I rested my chin on his shoulder like a small child while I cried it out.

I never thought this day would come. Fifteen years ago, when my parents died, I'd wanted so badly to cry in my grandfather's arms, and here I was now… There was something both pitiful and poetic about a twenty-year-old orphaned man crying like a little boy in his grandfather's arms. And of all things, to be crying over a girl...

It actually helped, though‒to get my feelings out‒and I knew it would remain between Grandfather and me.

The next day, Grandfather asked me to meet him at Seonyudo Park on the bridge. I wasn't sure why, but he insisted that it was important, so I went. In my casual clothes, I stood there waiting for him for about ten minutes while staring out over the water, and then I felt someone bump into me. I recognized the female voice apologizing to me and turned to look, and as I expected, it was Jan Di.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Sunbae, what are you doing here?" she replied, equally stunned.

"Me? Well, Harabeoji‒"

"Me, too. Harabeoji said to…"

I pressed my lips together in amusement, realizing it had all been a hoax. I lowered my head a bit, fighting the grin, but when I raised it, I had a full-blown smile on.

"Aigoo, really?!" Jan Di laughed, as she had also figured out we'd been tricked.

What was that old rascal up to? I wondered. Well, sure, after his full-grown grandson cries in his arms over a woman, any well-meaning grandfather would take matters into his own hands…

I looked back at Jan Di. She had a pretty blush on her face and was still giggling and uttering incredulous remarks over Grandfather's antics.

I smiled brightly at her. It was embarrassing, but it showed that he really cared about my happiness. Still, I didn't know what Harabeoji was hoping for, that Jan Di and I would take a stroll through the park and come out magically in love?

We didn't fight the obvious set-up and strolled casually through the park together. Jan Di was still chuckling a bit over what Grandfather had done, but she unexpectedly stopped and stared off to her left. I followed her gaze to a couple, dressed in wedding attire, posing for a photographer. I watched her stare long and hard at the woman in the white dress, and I imagined she must be thinking about the upcoming wedding… Jan Di snapped suddenly back to reality, smiled a bit, and walked on ahead as if she forgot about me, but then she stopped and turned to look back. And she waited for me to catch up to her.

We made our way into a crowd of people, and Jan Di asked what was going on.

"It's a couples' wedding contest. Everyone is given stickers and they vote on their favorite couple. The winners get a prize," a younger girl standing beside Jan Di said.

"And you get to wear a real wedding dress," another girl told Jan Di.

But Jan Di didn't seem to care about that; her attention was focused elsewhere. "Prize?" I heard her mutter. I watched her gaze wander to a table with a large, purple and pink sign that listed the first through third place prizes. Her eyes locked on that sign, and she stared harder at it than she had at the woman in the dress. I could tell there was a particular prize she wanted to win badly.

I'd promised to make her happy, hadn't I?

I smiled to myself. "We're bored, so why don't we give it a try?" I suggested. She turned to me, muttering, "Eh?" But I had already grabbed her by the arm and was pulling her along toward the sign-up table.

Next thing I knew, I was in a white suit with black lapels, pacing around, waiting for Jan Di to come out of the tent in her dress. The suit wasn't uncomfortable, but being stared at by a throng of people was. How did I get myself into this again? Oh yeah, I did it to make Jan Di happy…

The curtain of the white tent was pulled back, and Jan Di stepped out. When I first saw her, I was stricken. And I took her in from head-to-toe… She wore a short white dress with thin straps and a beaded neckline‒I couldn't help but notice how it accentuated her bust‒and her shoulder-length hair was covered by a short lace veil.

Jan Di's appearance was met with whistles and claps, and I wasn't at all surprised because she looked gorgeous. A wide smile crossed my face; she saw me and smiled back, and then she cast her eyes demurely to the side.

As Jan Di made her way over to me, I tried to tone down the look on my face and the feeling inside. I gave her another look up and down from beside me; she smiled a bit and looked down. Jan Di is always Jan Di, I thought, grinning.

We were finally ushered to the bridge for photos, and we waited our turn in tense silence. When we were next, I could hear the crowd gathered behind us squealing. I sighed, blew the bangs out of my face, and glanced down at Jan Di. She looked just as uncomfortable as me about this situation. We were alike in that respect; neither of us liked public displays, and again, I questioned my sanity.

Jan Di's and my turn came, and I motioned for her to go ahead. We stood together in front of the bridge, but the photographer was not happy with our boring, loveless pose. He told us to be more natural and remember that we are in love. Sighing, I linked arms with Jan Di, and the crowd roared. Everyone was suddenly chanting for us to kiss...

What should I do know?

I thought about it. Should I do it? It wouldn't be the first time I'd kissed her, but I really didn't know where we stood right now, and even if we were dating (and we weren't), Jan Di would surely be embarrassed to kiss me in public. Then again, she had kissed me at the bungee jump place...but that could've just been adrenaline.

How could I get us out of this?

I had an idea; I could drop to one knee, take her hand and kiss it‒a position I dreamed to be in someday, proposing to her, for real… Or, I could kiss her cheek.

I mentally debated.

Having made up my mind, I turned resolutely toward Jan Di. I leaned in a bit but froze when she flinched. Jan Di hesitated ever so slightly but took it from there... She placed a hand on one of my cheeks, went up on her toes, and pressed a kiss to my other cheek, right beside my lips.

. . .

We were declared the winners, by a longshot, but Jan Di wasn't happy. And I knew why. She was staring dejectedly at the second-place couple, who were jumping up and down in celebration. I couldn't stand seeing Jan Di unhappy, so I took the envelope out of her hands and approached the other couple. I told them that in the envelope were two tickets to Jeju Island. I said that we didn't like going on trips and asked if they would be willing to exchange prizes, and they were happy to do so. I thanked them and took the beef set to Jan Di.

Jan Di seemed confused at first, but then her eyes lit up and she smiled at me as if I'd just done the most romantic thing in the world for her. The corners of her lips twitched, and she shouted, 'Sunbae' as she threw her arms around my neck. The force of her hug tugged me forward, but I didn't mind a bit, having her arms around me.

The crowd clapped, and Jan Di squealed happily and held onto me tight for a moment longer before breaking away. I handed off the gift-wrapped beef set to a giddy Jan Di, who gladly took it while expressing her thanks and bowing all around to the cheering members of the crowd.

That evening, after Jan Di went to bed, I sat at my desk looking at the pictures from the wedding contest that the photographer had given me. I couldn't help but smile as I thumbed through them, and I just wished it could be real someday. That thought gave me the sudden urge to take another look at the ring, so I fetched it out of my drawer. I'd taken it off and tucked it safely away in its box again.

I brought the box out, opened, and took another good look at the sentimental object. Pressing my lips together, I set the ring box near the stack of 'wedding' photos on my desk. This might be the closest I ever got to being married to Jan Di… With a sigh, I stood and stepped out of the room, leaving the ring where it was.

One Week Later…

(Jan Di's POV)

The Gu family secretary recently approached me with a rather strange request. He'd asked me to visit a mysterious man in a coma who was residing in the Gu mansion. That was the last place I wanted to go, but I couldn't turn down a person in need, especially when Secretary Jung told me that this person was a very dear friend of his and that I was the warmest person he'd ever known. So, I visited this man when I was sure that Jun Pyo, Madam Kang, and Jae Kyung wouldn't be in the household. I didn't say a word about it to Ji Hoo or anyone else because Secretary Jung had asked me not to.

After a couple of visits, I discovered that I really enjoyed them. Even though he couldn't respond, I would talk to the man because I'd read that coma patients may be able to hear you and that it could help them regain their consciousness faster. I would also read to him and wash his face and hands. I felt like I was forming a strange connection with this nameless ahjussi, and I really hoped he would wake up soon.

One day, I was reading to the mystery man from a book of poetry I'd borrowed from Ji Hoo…

"The worst encounter is with fish because after the meeting it leaves a horrible, fishy smell. The encounter to be most cautious of is with the flower because when it blooms, it has a wonderful fragrance, but when it wilts, it is thrown away. The most beautiful encounter is the...handkerchief meeting…"

My words trailed off as I was reminded of someone. "...because when you exert yourself, the sweat is wiped away, and when you're sad, the tears are wiped away…" I blinked a couple times and raised my eyes to the ceiling, drifting off in my head.

Ji Hoo.

Memories of my sunbae flashed before my face‒him wiping me with his handkerchief at Shinwha, him drying my tears by the pool and in Macau...

I was surely grinning like an idiot now, and I even teared up a bit. "I really like this phrase...a handkerchief-like meeting." I sniffled and turned to my patient. "What do you think of it, sir? It would be great if I could be like that for you." I chuckled and nodded to myself. "Okay, I'll read something else to you now."

Later that day, I took it upon myself to trim my bangs‒because they were out of control. I decided to do it myself to save money. I'd never done it before; my mother or father had always done it for me, but how hard could it be?

I'd borrowed a small, antique standing mirror from the entryway and a pair of scissors. I took a seat on the bench, clipped back my hair, and placed a towel over myself to serve as a cloak. I proceeded to raise the scissors to my bangs but hesitated. What if I messed it up? I soon learned that this was more challenging than I expected. It took some coordination, which I had little of, and it was tough to get a good angle.

Ji Hoo happened to enter the courtyard at that time; he stopped and asked me if I wanted him to do it. I told him he didn't need to, but he made the very good point that I might not be able to go to school tomorrow if I did it. I pressed my lips together and glanced away with a disgruntled wrinkle of my nose, knowing he was probably right.

I gave in, accepting his help, and he fetched a polka-dotted cloak. He placed it over me, clipped it in the back properly, and brought out some professional-looking scissors. He gave them a twirl before making that first cut. Could he be any cooler?

I closed my eyes as he trimmed my fringe. I could feel the tiny, black pieces of hair falling on my nose and face. I opened my eyes and started to blow at them, to no avail. Ji Hoo leaned in close‒our noses were inches apart‒and I felt myself growing nervous. "Close your eyes," he said softly.

Although I wasn't sure what he was going to do, I immediately complied and shut my eyes tight. When I felt him blowing the tiny hairs off my face, I trembled a bit. My eyelashes fluttered as I felt his fingertips brush the last bits off, and then, he told me I could open them. I did so, hoping he wouldn't notice my (likely) pinkened cheeks.

I was quickly brought out of my stupor when he began looking at the back side of my head and touching my ponytail. "Oh, no, no, you can't cut the back," I chattered. I really wanted to grow my hair out. When I looked up at him, he just gave me a pearly smile, tossed his head to the side, and laughed.

Ji Hoo left the back alone and finished cutting the sides. I was skeptical at first, but he insisted it would frame my face nicely. I eventually lightened up, and we shared an affectionate smile. When finished, he offered me a hand mirror. I smiled, pleased with the results, and gave him a thumbs-up of encouragement. Thinking about the whole ordeal, what a difficult client I must have been and how patient Ji Hoo was, I started giggling. He eyed me curiously, the hint of a smirk on his lips. Then he shook his head and smiled at me.

After my haircut, Ji Hoo informed me that he was going to wash the car. That gave me a good idea, so I went in search of some rubber gloves. I found a pink pair under the sink, put them on, and went to find him in the backyard. He was preparing the washing supplies.

"I'll help you!" I exclaimed cheerfully.

"That's okay. I can do it," he said.

"You have to let me repay you for the trim," I insisted.

He knew I didn't like receiving things for free, so it didn't take much to convince him. He tossed his head to the side in a sort-of nod, and I took it as agreement. I made my way over to his side and dug my gloved hands into a bucket of soapy water, looking for the sponge. I started with the tires, soaping them thoroughly and working my way up. I focused on one side, he on the other, and we worked on the windshield together.

While Ji Hoo knelt, scrubbing a spot we'd missed by the driver's side tire, I eyed the hose, getting a devious idea. I picked up the hose and watched him, a little smirk playing at the corner of my lips. Then I the hose and shouted, "It's a car wash!" And I began spraying wildly. I was getting him more than the car, but that was the plan…

Ji Hoo put up his sponge like a shield and asked what in the world I was doing. I was having too much fun. Smiling and laughing, I continued trying to spray him while he crouched low and snuck around the front of the car. Suddenly, he pulled out another hose as if from thin air, and he started spraying me back. I laughed and turned my head to avoid the mist, and the water battle continued… It felt like the most fun I'd had since childhood.

The simple things, life's little pleasures, that's what it was all about…

(Ji Hoo's POV)

After the car-washing turned water-fight, Jan Di and I were damp but not soaked, so we remained in the same clothing and sat on a bench in my home, air-drying and relaxing. I had gotten my book of poetry and was reading to her from it while she dozed. Her head rolled around from side to side, and her eyes fluttered. I smiled at the role-reversal; usually, I was the one falling asleep on her. And I switched to silent reading when I noticed she was out.

While thumbing through the pages of my book, I came across that poem again: 'I just wanted to tell you that I love you. I wanted to shout it out loud, that's all.' I recalled using that particular line to confess to her the night of the truth-or-dare game…

I was glad I'd had the guts to tell Jan Di I loved her, but since then, I'd also been trying to show her. I was convinced that she didn't know the half of it; she really had no clue about the depth of my feelings. I kept reminding myself of Grandfather's words...I should wait and give her space, but there was so much more I wanted to express to her. Perhaps now was a good time. She was asleep, so I could get it off my chest…

I checked to see that she was indeed asleep. She sat cross-legged on the bench; her eyes were closed; her head had fallen forward, and her breathing was slow and steady. I smiled at the peaceful sight of her.

"Jan Di…I love you," I said aloud.

Right away, I checked to see if she had awoken. No, she was still asleep. Okay.

I looked away, and with a sigh, I let my head fall back against the windowpane. "You know that, right? But I don't think you know how much…"

I smiled to myself and continued, "My love for you goes far beyond that of a friend, even ones as close as us. I think it goes beyond the love of a boyfriend, even." I glanced at her once more before going on. "I don't know how to describe it exactly, the way I feel about you… Since I met you, Jan Di, I think I've been slowly changing inside...for the better. You've given me so many new experiences, and you've...made me a better person. I also realized something else...when I'm away from you, I get so lonely. I never used to feel loneliness, even though it was there, but after I met you...I realized what a lonely person I am. And the more I was around you, the more I wanted to be...because...somehow, I never felt lonely when you were around. You're the only one who takes it away."

I paused to take a breath.

"I know how much you've suffered because of Jun Pyo and his mother. Well, you weren't alone in that. When you suffered, I suffered, too. I couldn't stand seeing you that way...and even now, I know your heart is still hurting, Jan Di. Mine is hurting, too...because you're in pain and because...I just want...to be loved by you."

I'd said A LOT, so I checked, again, to see if she was asleep. Part of me hoped she'd wake and hear this, but part of me prayed she never did...that is, unless she felt the same way. She seemed to be asleep, and I had more to say, so I turned away, stared out, and went on…

"I've thought about the future a lot, Jan Di...I don't know when I started to feel this way, but now I know that...I can't possibly live without you."

I turned to look at her once more. Her head moved a bit, but her eyes remained closed.

I exhaled. "In my head, we'd be together always...but we wouldn't just be friends, Jan Di-ah. We'd be...lovers, I guess you'd call it. We'd date, get engaged, and eventually marry, and we'd have a wonderful life together. Kids, probably. We might just have one. That's okay if you just want one...or maybe two, a boy and girl, so we'd have one of each. Or, I heard that kids like to have the same gender sibling, so maybe two boys or two girls…whatever comes is fine by me. Maybe none of this will happen...but I've seen it, how great it would be…"

I couldn't believe how much I was rambling, and I was thankful Jan Di was asleep, or she'd surely think I was crazy.

"We'd fall asleep together at night, and I'd wake you each morning with a kiss, or…," I laughed a little, "perhaps you'd wake me since you know how I like to sleep. I'd make breakfast in bed for you every Sunday morning, at least. We'd go on beach holidays, but I'd remain by your side in the water so I'd be sure you were safe. We'd take long walks and hold hands...we'd go for rides on my bike. We'd read and study together, and we'd work side-by-side‒at Grandfather's Clinic or the hospital. I'd play piano and violin for you (and for our kids when they're born)." I took another breath and smiled. "Sometimes you'd fall asleep with your head on my shoulder at the piano, but I'd carry you to bed when that happened. And after a long, hard day, if your feet were sore, I'd piggyback you from the car to the house and bring a bucket of warm water for you to soak them in…"

I tried to think of what else I'd imagined‒and I'd imagined so many times‒but when I glanced over at Jan Di, her eyes were wide open and she was staring at me.

Oh no… What had I done? What had she heard?

"Jan Di…" My brow furrowed. "What all did you...? Did you hear...everything?"

She slowly nodded.

I released a sharp exhale, and my eyes darted back and forth as I searched my brain for how to proceed. But all I did was glance apprehensively at Jan Di. I expected her to be freaked out and probably make up some excuse to run off to her room, but she just kept looking at me. And I was frustrated because I couldn't read the expression in her eyes like I normally could.

"Jan Di, about what I said‒"

She cut me off. "What about me?"

"What?"

"What would I do?"

I was flabbergasted. "Um…I'm not sure I..."

"If we were...together," she explained with a pretty blush. "What would I bring to the relationship? I mean, you're doing all these wonderful things, so...what would I do?"

"Oh." I couldn't help but smile at the fact that she was even entertaining the idea. I shyly glanced down and folded my hands in front of me. "Well," I finally looked back at her. "You would just be you," I spoke lovingly. "And you would...let me."

"You would let me love you...and you would...love me back."

"That's all?" she asked. "It doesn't seem like an equal partnership."

"That's all I need. You know I don't need much."

"Sunbae…" She said tenderly.

And then, to my amazement, Jan Di got caught up in this little fantasy world. "You know, I could enroll the kids in some kind of class, for whatever they showed interest in. Maybe one of them would want to learn to swim..."

I smiled and nodded. "Yes, we could do that."

"And I'd cook for you, Harabeoji, and the kids. Maybe the kids would help me out in the kitchen, and I'd teach them what few things I know about cooking and about other things, too..."

I listened, unable to believe what I was hearing, but I was happy, nonetheless.

Jan Di was smiling and staring out wistfully while she talked, but she snapped back to reality as sudden as a clap of thunder. Realization dawned on her, and I saw her smile fade and the embarrassment creep across her face. She dropped her head and stared at her hands in her lap. "I...I'm…"

"It's okay. Don't be embarrassed."

"I'm...not."

I didn't believe her. She couldn't even look at me. "Don't be afraid, either."

"Afraid?" Her head snapped toward me. "I'm...I'm not," she mumbled, lowering her eyes.

I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Jan Di, I told you honestly how I feel, but I don't want you to feel pressured or nervous around me...because, even though I feel that way about you, I still don't expect anything more than what we have now. I can be happy as long as you're happy. I don't need anything but that, so don't worry about rejecting me."

"Sunbae…"

I gave her a sardonic smile. "So, there's no need to run away screaming…"

"Why would I do that?"

I shrugged. "Well, because…you don't feel the same."

She didn't say anything.

I sighed again and focused on a point across the room. "Don't feel bad. I'm saying all this because I have nothing to lose...so long as you don't run away screaming as I said." I grinned a bit and hoped my attempt at humor hadn't given her any ideas. "...I'm not afraid or ashamed to admit these things, Jan Di-ah," I went on, "because...I spent my whole life not taking chances...that is, until you came along. You pushed me to go after my first love. Because of you, I faced my fear of driving. Because of you I played on the street and earned money for the first time. Because of you, I was reunited with my grandfather. I worked at a clinic, with people. I learned to stand out in a crowd and take an interest in others and to...care. I even went bungee jumping, for crying out loud. I had to face a fear yet again and take a risk… And we took it together, and it was great. And it was all because of you."

Jan Di's lips parted, but nothing passed through.

"Still, when I think of all the missed opportunities I didn't take...it really makes me…" I shook my head, not wanting to go there. I'd said too much already. "Well, let's just say I don't want to miss out on life anymore. You taught me that. You may think I've gone crazy, Jan Di, but I'm thinking more clearly than ever. I'm a different man now, and it's all because of you...so, even if you never feel the same way as me, I'll never let you go. I'll stay by your side, always."

I looked over at her and seconds passed...I wasn't counting but quite a few seconds… And she wasn't saying anything. Was she in shock? I wouldn't blame her after that confession. Babo! That was way too much information in one shot!

But then the most amazing thing happened…she leaned toward me as if she was going to kiss me. I assumed I was just imagining it, but her eyes began to flutter… She got really close to my lips and stopped, and she shut her eyes. I accepted the invite without hesitation, and I kissed her with more passion than I expected could come out of me.

As I held her face in my hands and gently moved my mouth across hers, it felt unreal. Her lips parted, and I took a moment to gently on her bottom lip. She responded by pressing her lips harder against mine.

I must be dreaming! Don't wake up…

I didn't wake up, and I kept going, tilting my head to the side and bracing the back of her head with my hand. I never wanted to stop kissing her, and I was just about to try something when we heard Grandfather coming in. That broke our lip-lock instantly. Damn it, I internally shouted.

When Grandfather walked in, we were both a bit flustered, and yes, probably looking very guilty, though we'd done nothing wrong. Jan Di was more embarrassed than me; she avoided eye contact with Grandfather and uselessly fidgeted with her clothing and hair. As for me, even though we were interrupted, I was happy and grinning like an idiot.

My grandfather was a smart, intuitive man‒you don't get to be president without a head on your shoulders‒so, he automatically knew that something was up. I half-expected him to interrogate us, but instead, he gave me an impish smile and a wink out of Jan Di's sight, and then he put his stern expression back on. "Don't stay up too late," was all he said. He fixed me with a pointed look that clearly meant 'behave yourself,' before heading off to his room.

The love I want, I only found it in your eyes
Only with you, there's color and sun's shining so bright
I can see what tomorrow could be, in your arms
The love you give becomes the love that I need
("Love Exists," English Cover, Meteor Garden OST)

Love…

(Jan Di's POV)

I couldn't help but think how love sneaks up on you, and it had happened to me again…

When had it happened, exactly? I wondered. When was the moment I could say that I was in love with Yoon Ji Hoo‒again? Was it when we were falling from the sky together; was it when he put on those silly sweatpants and fell on his behind in the grass; was it the wedding contest when he once again stood out in public for me, or was it his heartfelt confession about our future together?

It didn't seem to be one specific time, but somehow, everything had just clicked now. Just as he said it would. He'd said that one day I was going to realize how good we could be together, and it seemed that I finally had (and probably sooner than he thought).

After he told me all he'd imagined for us, I couldn't help but picture it, too. It looked and sounded wonderful, and at that moment, everything snapped into place‒all he'd done for me over the years, all he'd suffered while waiting for me, all the looks of love I'd missed… Suddenly, I was seeing a slideshow of our memories before my eyes; I'd seen these moments before, but I was looking through a fresh pair of eyes. And now that I could see clearly, I couldn't believe I'd ever missed it. How had I let such a wonderful thing pass me by? How had I not seen how good life was by Ji Hoo's side?

Because I was too busy wallowing in depression over Jun Pyo, that's why.

Getting over Jun Pyo had been like climbing a mountain‒slow-going, strenuous, and downright painful. In fact, it had taken everything out of me. But along the way, something amazing happened…I started falling in love with Ji Hoo. And now that I could see the summit, it felt completely worth it because I just knew that something amazing awaited me at the peak. And going back down would so much easier‒being with Ji Hoo would so much easier…

A few days had passed, and everything seemed different now. The sun was brighter; the grass was greener, and I woke up with a smile on my face each morning. Endorphins, happiness, all that gooey, feel-good stuff was flowing through my veins right now. If one wasn't feeling it, too, they wouldn't understand and would probably be sickened by it…

I was so in love.

Ji Hoo was making me smile and laugh at every turn, and it felt so good inside when I was with him. How had he healed my heart so thoroughly that it felt brand new again? I didn't think it possible, but somehow, he'd repaired the damage and then some. My heart and my whole body felt so much lighter. It had been so long since I felt this way‒and maybe never quite like this. With Jun Pyo, our love had always been tainted by the fact that his mother‒and all the forces of the universe‒seemed to want to keep us apart. It wasn't like that with Ji Hoo. With him, everything fell naturally into place.

I was still feeling nervous about attending Jun Pyo and Jae Kyung's wedding in a week, but mainly, I'd been feeling great. I was moving on; I was in love again, and this time, it was easy, and I felt like, for the first time, I could really enjoy it. The one problem was that I didn't know how to tell Jun Pyo. It shouldn't be so bad, though, because we weren't even together, and he was getting married soon. He'd have his own life and a good wife by his side, so I shouldn't worry. He would get over what we had soon enough, just as I did...

As for Ji Hoo and me, I didn't exactly know what we were...were we boyfriend/girlfriend, dating? I supposed we were, but we didn't really discuss it. It was more implied. Our kiss was interrupted by Grandfather, and we hadn't talked about it since… We hadn't had any more particularly romantic moments, either, much to my chagrin, but there was definitely a different energy between us and a mutual joy that I knew we both felt.

I had always been bad at dating. I couldn't lie about that. My limited experiences hadn't gone well, so, the idea of starting a new relationship with Ji Hoo was both exciting and nerve-wracking. It should be easy because I knew him so well, but I wasn't sure how to act around him, anymore...

A couple afternoons later, Ji Hoo and I were seated on the couch after classes ended. The plan was to study, but I couldn't seem to get my head on straight. The problem was that I kept staring at him; I just couldn't stop. I was supposed to be learning biological and biochemical functions of living systems, but all I could focus on were the soft, beautiful features of the side of his face and lips. I wanted to touch his face right now...and I almost reached out…

What had he done to me? How had he so suddenly turned me into this pile of mush around him?

When Ji Hoo looked at me, I pretended to read my textbook, but he wasn't fooled. "Is something on your mind?" he asked.

"Umm, well…" I twirled a piece of my hair, feeling like an idiot. There were plenty of things on my mind, none of which I wanted to bring up to him. Knowing he wasn't going to let me off the hook, though, I picked the safest one. "Hey, I was wondering...when you confessed to me...you said something about working together...what did you mean by that?"

"Oh, I'm going to change my major. I'm going to study medicine."

"Whaat?" I uttered, a smile tickling the corner of my lips.

"Mm." He nodded.

"That's so great, Sunbae! But why?"

He explained to me about his grandfather's request that he take care of the Clinic and the Foundation as well as his parents' dream to heal with art and music. He told me he wanted to continue his parents' and grandfather's legacy, and then he said the added bonus was that he could work by my side.

I grinned so wide that my face hurt. And I couldn't help thinking what a wonderful man my boyfriend was... There, I said it. My boyfriend. Well, I said it in my head, anyway…

At that moment, Ji Hoo stood up. "Where are you going?" I blurted out, nearly grabbing for his arm. Ugh. When did I get so pathetic? Did I want to be chained to him or something?

Ji Hoo was cool as could be. He simply looked down at me and said he was going to make tea for us. "Maybe later we can take a break and go for a ride on my bike," he added.

"Mmhm," I muttered distractedly, shifting in my seat.

"I'll be back," he reminded, after perhaps noticing how sullen I got about him leaving.

"Okay," I muttered.

I was prepared to let him go, but I changed my mind. I felt like an idiot but had stopped caring, and I grabbed him by the sleeve. "Wait, Sunbae!"

This clearly took him by surprise. "Jan Di, what is it?"

"Well, I…," I stammered, trying to come up with a good excuse for not letting him leave for five minutes.

I stood up resolutely. "Ji Hoo." He looked at me, astonished. I didn't usually call him by his name, after all.

"Ji Hoo…," I said again, more dreamily this time.

"Jan Di."

He was clearly confused, but I just smiled and reached out to touch his face. I the skin of his cheek with the back of my fingers. It was so soft; I could caress it for hours. He was still looking at me curiously, but then he placed a hand over the one I had on him and held it there against his face. A few seconds later, he took my hand and pressed a kiss to each fingertip. And I thought I'd die.

"Ji Hoo…," I whispered breathily, my body trembling and my legs threatening to give out.

"Yes?" he asked tenderly as he placed a kiss in my palm.

"I...I…" All of a sudden, I couldn't speak! What's wrong with me?

His kisses and eyes had actually rendered me speechless and motionless, and only after a great deal of effort, I managed to say, "...I'm really happy you're going into medicine."

Surely, he didn't expect that, but Ji Hoo just smiled. "Me too."

He pulled away from me much sooner than I liked, saying he'd make tea for us now, but I didn't care about the tea. I wanted him here with me, so I caught him by the collar. I hadn't intended to use that much force, and it surprised him. I immediately loosened my grip but didn't let go.

Ji Hoo wasn't fighting it, so I grew bolder. I went up on my tiptoes to give him a kiss….only, my leg caught the corner of the coffee table, and I fell backward toward the couch. I was still clutching Ji Hoo's collar, and he ended up falling with me...

So, there we were‒me lying on my back on the couch and him on top, just staring into each other's eyes. Not that it was a terrible place to be. He had one arm on each side of me and was distributing his weight so as not to crush me, but he didn't attempt to move away. I did still have a hold of his collar, though. Not only that, but my lips were puckered slightly, so my intention was clear. Ji Hoo's widened eyes crinkled up, and he got a wry little grin on his lips, the one he got when he was affectionately amused at me.

I expected him to call me otter and tease me about being clumsy, but the funny thing was, I never got mad when Ji Hoo teased me about something like I did with Jun Pyo. When Ji Hoo teased me, I didn't mind so much. In fact, it made me smile.

He blinked a couple times. "Why Geum Jan Di, were you trying to kiss me just now?"

And there it was, the teasing. Note to self: Spontaneous doesn't work for you, Jan Di, so just give up trying!

I prepared to defend my actions, but Ji Hoo flashed his incredible smile. I was helpless against that smile, so all I could do was nod slowly. And he didn't say anything else, only slowly lowered his lips toward mine…

My heart started pounding in anticipation, and after what seemed like weeks, his lips brushed mine in a soft kiss. After the short, sweet peck he pulled away, and I smiled adoringly up at him. Having him above me like this was too much temptation, though, and taking advantage of the fact that I still had a hold of his collar, I pulled him down for another kiss. This kiss ended up longer, and it was more my doing than his, I think. I finally let him breathe, but he only took a quick one before coming down for another kiss. I squeezed his shirt between my fingertips, trying to keep him as close as possible for as long as possible. He wound an arm around my waist and pressed his fingers into my back, causing me to open my mouth and sigh. It felt so good…

It was then that he stopped and sat up straight. Disappointed, I sat up next to him and looked over, wondering what I'd done wrong. Maybe I'd been too forward, but it was just...so nice kissing him… My cheeks heated up.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, glancing down at my hands.

"Don't be," he said. "I'm s... "

"No, it's okay," I finished for him.

I watched him take a slow, steady breath. I still wasn't sure why he'd stopped. He probably didn't want to push me too far too quickly, and I began to consider that maybe he was right.

But then he looked at me with intent in his eyes, and I tingled.

"You're okay?" he confirmed.

I nodded, and he placed both hands on my neck. The delicate touch of his fingertips on the sensitive skin of my neck and clavicle nearly made me lose it, but when he slid his hand up my neck and into my hair, twisting his fingers through the strands, it sent me over the edge. I felt myself falling into a trance as I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch. I opened them briefly when I felt his lips touch mine.

There was something beautiful about seeing him so close like this, his dark eyelashes closed and his mouth covering mine. I took a moment to imprint that in my mind and closed my eyes again. My hands had settled of their own accord just above his chest, and Ji Hoo continued kissing me. Oh, how soft his lips were against mine. I'd never been much of a kisser, and I hadn't had many chances, so I was just trying to follow his lead. His lips parted a bit, so I did the same, but when I felt his tongue touch my lower lip, I panicked.

Jumping back, I exclaimed, "Sorry...sorry!"

"No, no, Jan Di, I'm sorry." He took my arms, urging me to forgive him with his eyes.

"N-no, you didn't...do anything wrong…I was just...s-surprised," I stammered.

We both let out a sigh, looked away from each other, and sat there for a moment. I didn't know what to do now. I wanted to continue, but I'd probably broken the mood completely, and… I shook away a sudden thought.

Unable to stand the tension any longer, I rose from the couch and announced that I needed to make dinner now. So what if it was a couple of hours earlier than I normally did; I just needed to do something with myself…

"I could help you," he suggested, rising from his seat.

"No, that's okay!" I waved my hands with such vigor that he obediently sat back down. He looked at me with those puppy eyes, and I nearly liquefied.

"So...I'll...go make dinner now! You wait here!" I insisted. Then I goofily laughed and rushed off. Good, Geum Jan Di, smooth…

Along the way, I tried to convince myself that it was a good decision...after all if I didn't put some distance between us, who knows what would've happened? I'd heard that these things could just...happen without being planned, and I wasn't ready for that. The funny thing was, I was more worried about what I might do than what he might...

Yeah right, Jan Di. You don't know the first thing about it… Well, I knew, but I didn't really know…

It was all happening so fast, and yes, I was a little freaked...but as I scurried off, the euphoria kicked in. I placed my fingers on my lips and smiled. Once alone in the kitchen, I let out a little squeal and happily began preparing dinner.

(Ji Hoo's POV)

Jan Di had 'accepted' my confession, and we'd kissed a few times now. Our kisses had been nice...really nice, especially our latest kisses on the couch. I'd felt myself losing control then, so I'd pulled away from her and sat up. Kissing her in that position was too dangerous. I didn't trust myself or my body to remain under control, and I didn't want to scare her off‒I'd only just gotten her. But I ended up doing that anyway, idiot that I was. Even so, I was definitely on Cloud 9 right now, and I looked forward to kissing her again and one day, to taking things a bit further…

Because we were interrupted the first time and we'd been busy (and perhaps making excuses not to), we hadn't talked about our relationship status. It certainly seemed like we were dating, though. 'Just friends' don't do what we had done, after all. But I didn't like to assume things, and I was still finding it hard to believe she was actually mine. I should make it official...

The next day, Jan Di, Grandfather, and I shared a nice afternoon together. Grandfather and I fished and talked a little while Jan Di made spicy catfish stew out of our catch.

"Come and get it!" Jan Di shouted, and Grandfather chuckled. "That girl sure does have a loud voice."

And I couldn't help but smile, recalling our second meeting at the stairwell. She'd woken me from my nap with that same loud voice. Only this time, her voice sounded much happier.

"You're going to scare the fish away, girl," Grandfather chastised Jan Di. She just chuckled and continued stirring the soup.

Grandfather and I both stood from our chairs and went over to Jan Di at the picnic table. "Is it done?" Grandfather asked, and Jan Di confirmed. She gave him a spoon for a taste test, and Grandfather took a slurp of the red broth.

"How is it?" she asked.

"Bah, I'll eat it because I don't want a good fish to go to waste," he grumbled.

Jan Di didn't take any offense to that, and Grandfather gave a good-natured chuckle. "Here, Ji Hoo-ah, try it." He handed the spoon to me; I took a taste and thought it good.

"Amazingly, it tastes like your mom's," Grandfather said.

I smiled at this. It made me happy, though it was bittersweet. My smile faded to a sad one, but I didn't have long to be melancholy, for Jan Di had pulled out a camera and was urging Grandfather and me to get in a picture. She counted down, and we smiled for the camera, Grandfather posing with the plastic spoon and me beside him.

I wanted Jan Di to be in a picture because she was part of this family, too, so I asked for another. I set the timer on the camera, put it in place, and pulled her in. She stood in the middle of us, and I put my arm around her shoulders, and Grandfather got in close. The camera clicked, capturing the beautiful memory.

After fishing, Grandfather took us to see the newly constructed Suam Foundation Centre. It was still under construction but was coming along nicely, and the interior looked very elegant. We walked through the lobby and looked around. Jan Di commented on the spaciousness of the place, and Grandfather pointed out the meeting rooms to her.

And then Grandfather received a call. Jan Di and I talked softly amongst ourselves but turned to look when Harabeoji raised his voice; he sounded very upset. As best I could understand, there was some unexpected conflict with construction and it was being postponed. Grandfather was unhappy about it and was shouting into the phone, insisting that they couldn't delay any longer.

He'd said that the Foundation was a project of my parents', but I had no idea it was this important to him.

Mid-shout, Grandfather clutched at his chest and struggled to breathe. Slowly, he crumpled toward the ground, but Jan Di rushed to him. "Harabeoji, Harabeoji!" she shouted as she held onto him and carefully lowered him.

My world had gone dark. What's going on? What's wrong? Am I losing my grandfather, too? I just got him back!

A fuzzy-looking Jan Di had my grandfather in her arms on the floor, and she was fumbling with a bottle of pills. She was calling out to me for help, saying something about the hospital, but I could barely hear her over the ringing in my ears.

. . .

I don't know how we ended up there because I felt like I out or was in some kind of dazed state, at least, but suddenly we were at the hospital. Grandfather was sleeping in a bed, and Jan Di was inside tending to him. I stood outside the hospital room, leaning against the door. It had been such a shock. I'd felt like that five-year-old boy all over again, screaming for his parents on the side of the road while an overturned car burned beside him.

Jan Di left the room and slid the door closed behind her. I noticed her glance over at me. "He didn't want you to know he was sick," she informed me. "He'll be fine as long as he controls his stress."

I just stood there, rooted to the spot.

"Let's go get some things for him, Sunbae," she suggested. It took me a few extra seconds, but I straightened up and began stumbling off down the hall. Jan Di went with me, placing a hand on my back as she walked alongside me.

When we got back to the house, Jan Di immediately began gathering whatever she thought Grandfather could use at the hospital. I knew I was being no help, but I was still in a state of shock. As I stood by the windows, arms folded and staring outside, Jan Di came over and brought a red box to me.

I sat down on the couch with the box and opened the lid. Inside, I discovered my old Power Ranger backpack from kindergarten, a pair of shoes, and a few other clothing items. A white envelope caught my eye next; I picked it up and pulled out the contents. Inside was a stack of sketches. I took a look at the first sketch‒a portrait of my father, my mother, and me with the words 'Ji Hoo in kindergarten' written on the bottom. I moved on to the second, another family portrait, but this time, the bottom read 'Ji Hoo in elementary school.' Shakily, I moved on to the next one, 'Ji Hoo in high school.' By now, my hands and body were shaking as if I had chills from a fever. And I welled up as I looked at the final one, 'Ji Hoo in college.'

What got to me most was the fact that each drawing looked exactly like me at that age, down to the length of my hair, and it also showed the age-progression that would have occurred in my parents, had they lived. A few tears slipped free from my eyes and dropped onto the paper.

Jan Di took a seat beside me. I looked at her briefly, and she was looking back at me with tears in her eyes. I lowered my gaze, and we didn't say anything. She simply put her arm around me, and I leaned my head against her shoulder. We stayed like that for a few minutes before finally getting up to return to the hospital.

We dropped off Grandfather's things. He was stable and sleeping, and since visiting hours were over, we decided to go somewhere. But before we left, I asked the doctor to be sure and call me if anything changed.

Jan Di and I decided to take a walk along the Han River. It was dark now, but the lights from the other side reflected against the water, illuminating our path.

"The desire to protect someone, I never thought I'd have that," I spoke out of the blue. "But since I met you...I started to develop it." I'd noticed this more and more lately, and surely, Jan Di had seen it, too. We continued walking while I talked. "Harabeoji, the Clinic, the Foundation...and you."

Jan Di looked at me, but before I could determine her reaction to what I'd said, she turned away, distracted by the sight and sound of water shooting forth from the bridge. I inwardly cursed the abysmal timing, that the rainbow fountain show would begin just as I tried to tell Jan Di something important. Such was my luck, I guessed.

She leaned against the railing overlooking the water; I gave in and sidled up next to her, but I was watching her rather than the multi-colored fountains. Jan Di had this look of wonderment on her face, and I was really curious about what she was thinking right now. As for me, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked with the moon highlighting her facial features.

She kept staring out, and finally, I turned toward the river to watch the colorful springs dance and twist around each other. It was a nice view.

"Sunbae, did you know that you are like sunshine to me?" she said.

I turned to her, unsure where that came from, but it was nice to hear. I didn't know what to say in response to such a nice compliment, so I just looked at her. Jan Di didn't seem to mind that I wasn't saying anything because she only smiled brightly and inched closer to me. I wrapped my arm around her and rubbed her arm to keep her warm. She leaned against my body and eventually hugged me around the waist, and I hugged her back. Holding the girl I loved tight, I placed a kiss atop her head, and we watched the rest of the show together.

As soon as Jan Di and I got home, I suggested we both get some rest and said goodnight to her. I readied for bed, and just as I was about to climb under the covers, Jan Di came to my door in her Hello Kitty pajamas.

"How are you, Sunbae?"

I appreciated her concern. "I'm fine, Jan Di."

She nodded and began fidgeting with her sleeves; they were too long and hung over her hands, making them invisible.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

"Yes. G-goodnight, Sunbae," she said, turning away quickly. But almost immediately, she came back. "Um, Sunbae?"

"Yes?"

"Could I…," She stared sheepishly at the floor, "sleep in here?"

I was surprised because she hadn't asked to do so since the thunderstorm, and the weather was perfectly clear tonight. "Sure."

I welcomed her into my bed, and we lie there beneath the covers, a bit of space between us. I stared at the ceiling for a couple seconds and then looked over at her. Jan Di was also staring up while bunching the covers with her hands. I could see in her eyes how emotional she was. She cared a lot about Harabeoji, too.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yes, I'm just worried about Harabeoji."

I thought as much. "He'll be fine," I assured. "His doctor said that he just needs to rest and take it easy."

Jan Di nodded.

I knew that getting my grandfather to 'take it easy' would be no easy task, and I wondered if perhaps I'd be taking over the Foundation sooner than I imagined. Grandfather collapsing due to stress was certainly worrisome to me, and it was over a relatively minor matter, too. I didn't know if I was ready for this, and he might fight me some, but perhaps I needed to step up.

"Maybe...I can help him out more with the Clinic and the Foundation, so he doesn't get so stressed."

As soon as I said this, Jan Di turned toward me and smiled. I always knew when I made the 'right' choice because Jan Di would look at me like I'd just given her a puppy. I smiled back and tentatively put an arm around her. Surprisingly, she moved a bit closer. I was still on my back, and she was now on her side, facing me. I inadvertently began caressing her arm.

"That would be good. Thank you, Sunbae."

She's thanking me? He is my grandfather, so isn't it my obligation? I could tell how much Harabeoji meant to her.

"Thank you, Jan Di."

"For what?"

"For being there for me and Grandfather today. If not for you…" My face fell. It could've been so much worse… I could have lost him…

I felt Jan Di hug me around the waist. "Think nothing of it. I care about both of you. Of course, I'm going to do whatever I can," she said.

I smiled to myself as I ran my fingers through her hair. And we remained in silence for several minutes.

Suddenly, she squeezed me tighter. "I'm...worried about you, too."

"Don't worry about me," I said.

"Can't help it."

"Jan Di."

"Mm?"

"I want to kiss you."

***To Be Concluded***

A/N: Gasp! Yeah, I know that was a super evil stopping point. I have apparently learned bad things from my evil friend who loves evil cliffhangers such as this. Actually, it just seemed like a good stopping point to me, lol. You shouldn't have to wait too long for an update, though. Oh, for those who remember or watched BOF recently, I did change a bit of the order, combined some events, and of course, changed and added some things. That was on purpose. So, what's going to happen with JanHoo? Will Jun Pyo actually get married? What about everyone else? Thanks for reading, and please hang in there with me for one more!