"The most beautiful encounter is the handkerchief meeting because when you exert yourself, the sweat is wiped away, and when you're sad, the tears are wiped away" (Unknown, read by Geum Jan Di, "Boys Over Flowers").

Part I

Confession

(Ji Hoo's POV)

I was the last one left after the housewarming party. As I prepared to leave Jan Di's new apartment, I was feeling much better about her and her brother having a decent place to live in now, but there was something else that had been weighing heavily on my mind, ever since we played the Truth or Dare game about two hours ago.

Woo Bin needed to go first because he had an early day tomorrow, and a little while later, Jun Pyo was dragged off by Jae Kyung. As he left, Jun Pyo shot me a 'look,' and I knew he wasn't happy that I was sticking around when he couldn't. Ga Eul and Yi Jeong stayed for a while after that, but then Yi Jeong asked to take Ga Eul home. She went with him, and I stayed to help Jan Di clean up.

Jan Di and I did the dishes while talking about nothing and making stupid jokes. At first, I tried to keep my voice down, so as not to wake her brother who lie sprawled out on a blanket and fast asleep across the room, but she informed me that Kang San could sleep through an elephant stampede. I laughed at that, and we continued as we were. After finishing the dishes, I lingered. I didn't know what I was waiting around for… Well, actually I did. I always hated the end of the evening, having to say goodbye to her. Besides that, there was something I really wanted to say, despite knowing that I really, really shouldn't… And I was trying to work up the courage.

Slowly, I gravitated toward the door. I tucked my hands into my pockets and leaned against the door, but I didn't attempt to leave. I didn't want to be rude, and I knew she should go to sleep soon, but I couldn't bring myself to go just yet.

Jan Di stood before me and gave me that smile of hers that made me ache. It was her 'brave' smile, the one that told me she was pretending to be okay when she really wasn't. I knew that she knew I was worried, and she was trying to tell me with her eyes and her lips that she was fine, but that particular look had the opposite effect on me. It made me not want to leave her at all. At least she wasn't alone; she had her brother there.

Only minutes ago, Jan Di had been genuinely smiling and laughing along with me, but her mood could turn on a dime, especially these days, ever since Jun Pyo's engagement was announced...

"You're good?" I asked, knowing she wasn't.

"Yes, thank you, Sunbae." There was appreciation in her tone.

I gave a long, drawn-out, "Well…," and released my breath. She smiled and nodded, understanding that the evening had come to its end. "Thank you, Sunbae, for everything..."

Something in her eyes and the way she dragged out her words a bit made me think she didn't want me to leave either, but maybe I was just imagining it…

"You're welcome…," and I paused, preparing to say the words that had been running through my head all night. But when I noticed her lower her eyes, I assumed she was thinking about Jun Pyo, and that made me waver. "Sleep well," I said, deciding to keep it inside a little longer.

"You, too."

I slowly turned away from her and reached for the doorknob, but no, I wasn't going to walk away without speaking my mind again. "Jan Di," I turned back resolutely, "There's something I need to say."

. . .

She looked concerned. "What is it?"

I craned my neck to make sure that her brother was still asleep. He seemed to be out cold and was snoring, but this was not something I wanted to discuss in the presence of others, so I asked, "Could we...talk in private?"

With a look of bewilderment, she nodded and went to slip her shoes on. I led her outside, and we ended up near the stairwell of the apartment building, which seemed a fitting place for us and for me to say what I needed to…

As I tried to force the words from my brain to my lips, I felt my body shifting back and forth, and I started to pace. She teased me about having ants in my pants, and I gave a forced laugh.

"What is it, Sunbae? What's wrong?" she asked.

I stopped pacing and looked over at her from across the top floor of the building. She was in casual clothing with her hair up in a ponytail, yet she looked more beautiful to me right now than a model. I'd been fighting with these feelings for a while, and I was clearly losing the battle. How was it that her standing there just as she was made me want to rush over and kiss her senseless? I was a goner…

I kept my cool and answered, "Nothing is wrong." Maybe this was a bad idea, but I had to get it out before it ate away at me. "Jan Di, I just wanted, no needed to, answer that question from the game…"

She stared blankly at me.

I swallowed hard before continuing, "I didn't want to say it in front of the others, but…," I took a deep breath and released, "I want to say it now."

I approached her slowly and stood before her. She was staring at me with those big doe eyes-the ones I was completely helpless against.

Here goes…

"The question was: Am I able to love a woman other than Seo Hyun...?" I could say her name now without getting that sick feeling in my stomach. It wasn't painful anymore. I really was over her…

"I said that I had the desire to love someone else," I continued, "but that's only partially true…" I placed my hands gently upon her upper arms. She felt a little cold to me, so I started rubbing them through her sweatshirt. This caused her to shiver a bit, but I didn't know why. I made sure I had her complete attention before telling her the important part, "The answer, Jan Di, is yes. I am able to love another woman…and I...do...love another woman..."

I was staring directly into her eyes, and she was staring back. Gently, I slid my hands up her arms and rested them on her shoulders. An endless silence seemed to pass between us that was only 5 or so seconds in reality. Jan Di wasn't even blinking, so I assumed she was at a loss for what to say. "Do you understand what I'm saying to you?" I finally asked.

"I...I think so…"

I wondered if perhaps I wasn't direct enough. The look on her face suggested that she knew what I meant, but that wasn't enough for me. I didn't want to hold back anymore, and at this point, I wanted to shout it from the rooftops, just for the pure release. Recalling a line from a poetry book I'd recently read, I came out with it, "I just wanted to tell you that...I...love you."

. . .

Jan Di's eyes widened slightly, and she opened , barely squeaking out, "Sunbae, I…"

But I didn't let her finish. I didn't want to hear it. It wasn't like I expected her to say she loved me, too, but I wanted to tell her how I felt, anyway. Only now, the mere thought of her rejection burned, and I didn't think I could take it. Running my thumb lightly across her collarbone, I told her, "There's no need to say anything, Jan Di-ah. I just...wanted to let you know how I feel. ...I just wanted to say it aloud."

I gave her shoulder a brief squeeze and removed my hands. "That's all." And I turned to leave.

My shoulders hunched from the lingering tension, I descended the first few stairs with a hundred thoughts running through my head. I had been telling myself that I was waiting for her to be ready to hear it or perhaps for the perfect moment to confess my love, but maybe I had just been lying to myself. I was scared, scared as hell of being rejected. But I had done it. I had told her, and I was proud of myself for that.

Still, it wasn't enough for me. I wanted to do more than tell her; I wanted to show her, too...

My steps slowed, and I came to a stop on the stairs as the thought popped into my head. Resting my hand on the railing of the stairwell, I considered it for just a couple of seconds. The wine from earlier was still coursing through my veins, pushing me to behave like I normally wouldn't and to take a chance… I would probably wake up tomorrow thinking I'd gone insane, but somehow I felt that if I didn't do it in this very moment I never would. And I couldn't accept that.

I spun around and determinedly ascended the stairs. She was still standing in the same spot as before, staring after me from the top of the stairwell with concern and maybe something else in her eyes. As soon as I reached her, I took her in my arms. One arm encircled her around the waist while my other hand cupped her cheek, and I pressed my lips firmly against hers...

Maybe the conditions weren't ideal, and she certainly wasn't over him yet, but it had felt like my opportunity. We were on the roof, under the stars, and I was kissing Jan Di. Maybe the moment was more perfect than I imagined it could be…

I wasn't thinking about consequences right now, and I certainly wasn't going for gentle or subtle; I was just trying to show her the passion I had for her inside of me. So, I kept moving my lips steadily over hers, and she was letting me…she was actually letting me!

Jan Di was completely still and not moving a bit, yet she didn't try to pull away, either; she was accepting my kiss, and my heart pounded with joy.

Not wanting to overwhelm her, I didn't attempt to enter , even when I felt her lips begin to part against mine. Was she planning to kiss me back? The thought of that was exhilarating, and I desperately wanted to continue, but I didn't want to push her too far tonight, so I started to end the kiss. Before pulling away, though, I brushed her bottom lip, softly capturing it between mine in a soft kiss at the last second.

After ending our kiss, I noticed Jan Di staring up at me with large, innocent eyes as her chest rose and fell softly. I let my hand descend to her shoulder, gently caressing the skin of her cheek and neck as it did. Her lips parted further in surprise, and I could tell she was questioning what had just happened. I simply pressed my lips together, held her gaze a moment longer, and turned away from her.

Walking off, I felt satisfied and even happy. As I took the stairs again, I felt my lips twitch into a small smile because somehow, I felt there was hope for me yet...

Pain

(Jan Di's POV)

The next day, Kang San's and my apartment-the one my friends had painstakingly worked for a whole day to fix up for us-was demolished by order of some person, whose name the construction crew wouldn't give out, but it was pretty clear that it was Madam Kang. And that was the final 'last straw' for me. In fact, I had given plenty of 'last straws,' but now, I was really going to do everything in my power to forget about Jun Pyo. Even though it wasn't entirely his fault, if he hadn't stubbornly insisted upon moving in next door to me then his mother never would have discovered where we lived and never would've had the place torn down. Our home. All the work F3 and Ga Eul had put into making it a nice place for us to live, and now it was rubble!

But what really got to me was the fact that we were still inside! The crew started work while we were still asleep inside! The roof could have collapsed and fallen on us; we could've been hurt or killed! I didn't care so much about myself, but they could have harmed my little brother!

How much was I willing to put up with to love Jun Pyo? How many chances did I have to give? I could put up with a lot, but when she endangered my little brother, that was something I couldn't stand for. That heartless woman didn't care if my brother and I lived or died; all she cared about was that I stayed away from her precious son, so that's what I would do. After all, I'd already told Jun Pyo that the promise was no longer valid. I would give no more chances. She'd crossed a line, and I was done. That's what I was telling myself, anyway.

I was glad that Gu Jun Pyo had Unnie, at least. She was a good person, and she would take care of him. She could make him happy. That was what I hoped for…

But I couldn't think about my pitiful love life right now; I had a much bigger problem. So, after gathering our things and leaving another home for good, I took my little brother to the train station and sent him off to stay with our parents. After that I wandered around aimlessly for a while, trying to figure out what in the world I was going to do. I first thought to call Ga Eul, but then I recalled how small her place was and how tight money was for them. I didn't mind a small space, and I knew that Ga Eul's parents would welcome me with open arms, probably even cook a huge meal for me and treat me like a princess, but they couldn't afford that, and I didn't want to intrude.

And then there was Ji Hoo Sunbae…

I started thinking about Sunbae's confession from the night before...and our kiss… I'd thought about the kiss a lot-it actually kept me up last night-and I'd probably still be thinking about it if not for the situation I was in. Nevertheless, here I was thinking about it again…

I probably should have pulled away, but for some reason, I didn't. I let him kiss me, and I honestly didn't know how to feel about it, except that it was...amazing. I'd never had a kiss quite like that.

When Ji Hoo kissed me, I sort of sunk into it without thinking… His lips were so soft, and he was so warm that it made me feel alive again. After Macau, I had been a dead limb on a tree, shriveled up and black, but in that moment I felt life within me once more. And as soon as I sensed that life or adrenaline or whatever you want to call it coursing through my body, I just wanted to feel more…

Ji Hoo was always tender with me; I remembered how gentle our kiss in New Caledonia was, but this one was so different. It was firm and eager; he had kissed me like he couldn't get enough of me. It was definitely nice, and there was a moment when I felt the urge to kiss him back-and almost did-but then it was over. If he hadn't broken away, I'm not sure what I would have done, but I was glad that he stopped it because it would have been wrong to take it further.

In my heart, I knew that Ji Hoo Sunbae would be the perfect guy for me, but I wasn't quite ready to let go...of the past… And I couldn't help but worry about this new possibility. Not only did I not deserve someone as amazing as Yoon Ji Hoo, but if things didn't work out, I didn't think I could deal with losing his friendship. If he was any other man, then maybe, just maybe I could give it a try, but not with Ji Hoo. There could be no middle ground with him. It was either friendship or something much, much more, and I needed to be very sure before even considering the latter.

I was feeling a little terrified, actually, because I think I would be lost without my sunbae… So many times he had played the role of firefighter; so many times he had taken the pain away or at least numbed it, but Ji Hoo wasn't my morphine drip, my numbing agent...he was my best friend, and I refused to be that girl-the one who uses her best friend to feel better… He deserved so much better than that, and I wouldn't be the one to hurt him. I couldn't stand to see the look on his face back then...when Unnie was planning to leave, and I wouldn't burn him the way we both had been before…

Sunbae clearly wasn't expecting anything from me. He'd said as much last night, but I couldn't just leave him hanging like that… I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to tell him, and now, I was about to become a huge imposition…

I needed more time to think, but I was out of that, and yet again, I needed his help. As frustrating as it was, I knew I couldn't accept his love right now, for the obvious reasons, but I didn't want to reject him either. I hated it, but I wouldn't be a coward and avoid.

So, after deliberating in my head for another twenty minutes, I swallowed my pride and called the one other person I trusted to take me in...

After calling, I showed up on Ji Hoo's doorstep with suitcase in hand. He took me in with only one question asked--what happened? It was a legitimate question that I reluctantly answered.

Without another word, he led me to a spare room, and we stood there in silence for several minutes. I could tell he was nervous because he had his hands in his pockets and his eyes were darting back and forth, and he was doing that shifty thing. I was nervous, too.

Ji Hoo finally released the breath he seemed to be holding in a heavy gust. And I was the one who finally decided to speak. "I'm sorry...for the inconvenience, Sunbae."

"It's not," he replied instantaneously.

But I couldn't help feeling terrible. He'd confessed his feelings for me the night before and kissed me; I'd given him no response, and now I was asking him for a huge favor. I felt like he was always giving, and I was always receiving. When would I ever have the chance to give back?

I glanced to the side and then back at him. "If it's troublesome, I can go to Ga Eul's tomorrow. Really."

Ji Hoo simply brushed off my comment and asked if there was anything I needed.

"No, thank you so much, Sunbae."

He nodded. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. I'm...just a bit tired." Again, he nodded and suggested I take a rest before dinner. 

(Ji Hoo's POV)

I was a bundle of mixed emotions right now. I was furious with Madam Kang and with Jun Pyo for what had happened-for Jan Di's apartment being destroyed. Then Jan Di had asked if she could stay with me, and I certainly wasn't going to turn her down. So, now, I guess we lived together…

I wasn't sure how to feel about that…

It seemed like the kind of situation that would be awkward-a 19-year-old woman moving in with her male best friend who is crazy in love with her… Sure, it sounds like a great idea! And the guy is a nice guy and she trusts him, so he wouldn't even consider making a move, no matter how badly he wants to… What an idiot! Yes, I am a colossal idiot, so I would swallow my feelings and just be there for her.

That afternoon, after leaving Jan Di in the spare room to take a nap, I went to gain some much-needed release from my frustration over Jan Di's plight and my own. Piano or violin? I wondered. What kind of moment was this? I usually played the piano when I wanted to be alone with my thoughts, but I played the violin when I was at my saddest or most emotional, so I chose the violin.

An hour later, I felt that I'd gained some perspective, so I stopped playing and went to the kitchen. My epiphany had been to stop thinking about myself and focus on Jan Di. She had bigger problems than me, and she'd had a very hard day, so I decided to make her dinner. I wasn't much of a cook and didn't often cook for myself. I usually went out, or my staff made a meal for me and then left. I mainly knew how to make pancakes, which Jan Di had taught me how to do.

I wandered into my kitchen and started rummaging through the refrigerator and cabinets, only to discover that I barely had anything edible in my house--and certainly not the ingredients to cook a decent meal. I had wine and a couple other odds and ends.

Just as I thought to call my secretary to pick up a few things for me, Jan Di came in. She asked what I was doing, and I told her that I'd planned to make dinner but had nothing, so I was going to send my secretary to the store.

"Let's go to the store together!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands together in excitement as if that was the most fun thing in the world.

Jan Di's POV)

Even though it was more of a side dish, we decided to make tteokbokki. I scribbled out a quick list on a scrap sheet of paper, and we headed to a nearby grocery store. We took the car since we'd have groceries.

When we got inside, Ji Hoo pulled out a shopping cart for us. "Do you want to get in?" he joked, pointing inside the cart.

I laughed, "No way. I trust your driving skills when it comes to the motorcycle or the car, but you're just a rich kid who doesn't know how to grocery shop, so I think I should handle the cart."

Ji Hoo smirked. "I think a motorized vehicle is far more complicated than a shopping cart, Jan Di-ah, but I will trust your judgment." So, he turned the cart over to me, and I suggested that he walk alongside it. He gave me a sardonic smile but complied.

"Okay, let's see…," I pulled out the list and scanned it, and he turned his head to see, too.

"Should we split up to get the items or go together?" Ji Hoo asked.

I grinned at him. "We better go together. You might get lost."

Ji Hoo shook his head at me. "I may not have been shopping much, Jan Di, but I'm not a child."

"I know that. I just...thought it would be fun to...do it together…" My cheeks heated a bit at my statement, but it was true that I liked doing things together and having him with me…

Ji Hoo said nothing to embarrass me but simply smiled and remained by my side. Leaning in closer, he looked at the list over my shoulder.

"What's first?"

"Rice cakes," I said. I pushed the cart while he walked beside it, lightly hanging on to the edge, and we headed for that aisle.

While I grumbled over the prices at this store, Ji Hoo wandered off further down the same aisle. He came back with something that wasn't on the list. It was a name brand cereal, and I pushed the box back at him. "No, no," I said as if I was the mom and he was the kid asking for treats, and I scanned the shelf. "Get that one instead," I pointed, "It's a much better price. The one you picked out is a waste of money."

"I have endless money, Jan Di," he retorted.

It was a surprising statement coming from him, even though it was basically true. "Just because you have the money doesn't mean you have to blow it. Who do you think you are now, Gu Jun Pyo?"

Immediately, I regretted saying that, and I felt stupid because the mere mention of my ex-boyfriend's name, even by me, made me feel a little sad. I could tell Ji Hoo was looking at me with concern; he'd noticed my turn in mood, too, and I tried not to make eye contact. Instead, I changed the subject. "Also, you get more of that one, and it tastes the same."

"Whatever you say, Jan Di-ah," he grinned, picking up the box, "You're the expert here."

We continued shopping. As we browsed an aisle looking for the sugar, Ji Hoo went off on his own again and came back with a bag. He held up the bag of baking powder in front of my face, smiling from ear-to-ear. "Remember?" he asked. And I recalled that time… I fought the smile, but it was too cute, so I laughed and snatched it out of his hand. "Fine," I said, bringing back my stern 'mom' voice, "That's always good to have on hand…" and I tossed it into the cart.

We went successfully down the list, but Ji Hoo seemed to be finding a lot of extra items along the way. In fact, he seemed to want to toss just about everything into the cart. He was like a little kid in a candy store. "Sunbae, are you hungry or something?" I laughed.

"Yes, actually," he replied.

"I guess it's true what they say about not shopping when you're hungry," I quipped, and he quirked a brow at me. "Why's that?" I gave him a look and presented the nearly full cart to him. "We have a list to follow, you know."

"I know, but I don't have much at my place," he argued.

"Pace yourself," I teased, again acting like a mother.

Ji Hoo squinted over at me. "You know, this was my idea in the first place. I'm the one who wanted to cook you dinner, and now you're taking over…"

"Yeah, well, I didn't ask you to do that, and I thought you could use my help."

It might have seemed like we were fighting to the untrained eye, but we weren't really, but rather just having fun.

. . .

After we finished shopping, Ji Hoo helped me load the bags into the car, taking the heavier ones himself, and then he opened the car door for me. When we got inside, he looked to me before turning the key. "Thank you," he said.

"For what?" I asked.

"For giving me another new experience."

I gave him a wide smile and nodded my head. He smiled back at me and returned his eyes to the wheel; he started the engine and drove us home. 

Now that we'd shopped, we needed to actually make the dinner. We carried the bags in together and put the groceries away, aside from the ingredients we needed for dinner.

"Now, go and relax while I cook," he ordered after everything was put away.

"But I want to help you," I argued.

Ji Hoo released a sharp exhale that lightly blew his bangs. "Geum Jan Di," this time he put on his stern voice, "I told you I was making dinner for you."

"O-kay...," I whined a little.

Ji Hoo sighed, "I want you to take it easy today…"

I understood what he was getting and appreciated it. He was concerned about me after what happened today, but I was already feeling much better. I suspected that he didn't know just how effective he was at turning my poor moods around. In fact, I hadn't smiled so much in a long time. I wanted to keep feeling like that, and the best way seemed to be to stay in his presence. He seemed really set on this goal of his, though, to make dinner, so I complied and left the kitchen.

I stayed in the living room and tried to study, but I was really curious about what he was doing in there. I heard sounds coming from the kitchen and then a delicious scent wafted up to my nose. With a smile, I assumed he was succeeding, so I tried to be patient and went back to my textbook, but minutes later I smelled something burning.

"Oh no!" I slammed the book shut and ran into the kitchen in time to discover Ji Hoo, in a basic white apron, pulling a smoking pot off the stove. I didn't see any flames, but the kitchen was filled with a thick, billowy smoke. "Sunbae, are you all right?!"

"Yes, just a little mishap." He assured me everything was fine and tried to send me away, but I went to the stove first, coughing a little through the smoke, and observed the pan with the slightly charred tteokbokki.

"It's not that bad, Sunbae. I think we can still eat it that way," I tried to be reassuring, but Ji Hoo didn't seem comforted. I was sure that he'd wanted it to turn out perfect because that's the kind of person he is, and Yoon Ji Hoo was not used to failing at something.

"Just wait a little longer while I try again," he requested.

"Can I help you this time?" I asked. He looked despondent, so I added, "I know you can do it alone, and I believe in you, but sometimes it helps to have two people to share the responsibilities of cooking."

He nodded, and I helped him prepare another batch. We made some side dishes to accompany the meal: kimchi, soybean sprouts, and spicy cucumber salad, and everything came out nicely. We enjoyed the meal together and afterward retired to the living room. Ji Hoo wanted to have some wine and asked if I would join him. I didn't normally drink, but he promised that it was a sweet wine with a low alcohol content, so I agreed. I sat down on the couch, and he brought the wine and glasses. He poured a half glass of wine for me and for himself, and I took a sip from my glass. "It's good, Sunbae," I said. He nodded and took a drink of his, a larger one than I, and then he set his glass down and rested his elbows on his knees.

. . .

He was silent for what seemed like a long time, so I ventured to speak, "Sunbae…?"

Out of the blue, he muttered, "I guess I really can't do anything for you…"

I was shocked to hear those words come out of his mouth, especially since it was completely untrue-and that had been proven time and time again. "Sunbae, don't talk like that..."

"It's true," he leaned forward and grasped the stem of the wine glass. He sat up and took another drink. "I can't always protect you from hurt and danger," he said, placing the glass on the coffee table again. "I can't make this thing with Jun Pyo right for you… I can't even cook you dinner."

I hated that he blamed himself and that he was being so hard on himself. Sure, I had problems, but that wasn't his fault. And he actually lessened my problems a lot. "Sunbae, dinner was delicious. Everyone burns something now and then, and as far as Jun Pyo goes…," I let out a sigh, "that's not something either of us can control."

To ease the tension of the moment, we both started drinking again, without looking at each other or saying anything. He finished off his glass, and I'd finished most of mine, so he poured more for the both of us, and I just kept drinking it. My head was beginning to feel a little cloudy, but I told myself it was the better alternative to wallowing in uncomfortable silence-something very rare with us but torturous nonetheless.

"I couldn't even properly tell you how I feel," he spoke up again. "I handled it all wrong, and I'm sorry."

"No, you didn't...it was...wonderful...and you are...wonderful." I was being completely candid now.

He turned to look at me, his brow wrinkling up in surprise.

"Sunbae, I'm sorry...that I haven't said anything about it since you told me...how you feel. I...didn't know what to say. I was caught off-guard, but...I do want to say something about the game, too."

"All right, go ahead," he said. 

(Ji Hoo's POV)

I could tell I was going to need more alcohol for this conversation, so I took another gulp of the wine, and she proceeded to tell me what was on her mind.

"What I said to Jun Pyo...about the promise…"

I remembered. I wasn't sure what this promise was exactly, but I assumed it was some sort of vow they made to love each other. Although, it was hard for me to imagine the two of them speaking their feelings so freely.

"A while back, Jun Pyo asked me to promise that I wouldn't run away from him, and I promised him that his mother wouldn't be the reason for us to break up."

"I see." I nodded, wondering if that was all. Somehow, she seemed to have more to say; I could always tell.

"I said that the promise was no longer valid, but I...I'm...not...over him yet."

My mouth twitched into a sardonic smile. "I know that, Jan Di." It was painfully obvious to me, and I expected as much, but I didn't expect the next part.

"But I want to be," she said.

It shocked me a little bit to hear her say it.

"I want to be over him, Sunbae. You have no idea how much…" She looked away, and I could see that she was blinking away tears. "I don't want to be weak; I don't like giving up…," she looked back at me, "but I'm just...tired, Sunbae. I'm so tired..."

I knew it was hard for her to say, and I knew how much she still loved him without her saying those exact words. I reached out to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "I know, Jan Di-ah," I spoke softly.

We both took another drink at the same time, and then Jan Di sighed. "I don't know how long it will take for me to get over him, but I've...decided to try." She looked away, "I'm...sorry, Sunbae…"

"For what?" I asked gently.

"For…," she took a long time to finish her thought, "...for being this way." Shaking her head, she stammered, "And you...you've been…you're so..."

I knew that she was trying to express her appreciation to me, even though she couldn't form the words right now, and that actually meant a lot to me. Even if she never felt the way I did, at least I knew that I was important to her. I had to admit that it was little consolation to my aching heart, but I would take it for now. I didn't say anything but tossed her a reassuring smile.

Seconds later, I turned to her; I placed my hands on her shoulders and pulled her into a hug. I wanted to whisper something comforting, like 'everything will be fine,' but it felt empty, and I couldn't think of anything better right now, so instead, I just held her. I wrapped her tightly in my arms on the couch. One hand went to her hair, and I it and ran my fingers through before leaning back with her in my arms. Being slightly tipsy, I was taking some liberties here, and she wasn't resisting. I assumed she was a little bit drunk, too, so I just rested back against the cushions with her. She settled into my chest, burying her face there. I kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back a little with both hands before returning to simply hug her, and she held tighter to me as if I was keeping her afloat. Geum Jan Di did not often show signs of weakness, but the times she did, it was usually when I had her in my arms. Those were the times when I saw her at her most vulnerable, but even then I could always see her true strength shining through.

Right now, I could feel her heart thumping rapidly against my chest. It had been slow and steady when I first held her but was quickly speeding up. I raised my head slightly to see what was going on. One look at her face and I was sure I'd know what to do next. She also looked up, and our eyes met. We were both a little loopy right now, and our faces seemed to migrate closer to each other without our cognizance. Our foreheads touched, and we lie back against the couch pillows just staring at one another…

I wasn't sure who inched forward first, exactly, but before I knew it our lips were traveling closer to each other. It was a slow, torturous advance, with me lowering my head and leaning in and her raising her lips upward toward mine. I stopped for just a second right before touching her lips to look for any sign of objection, and then she moved in… But due to her inebriation and Jan Di being Jan Di, she missed and placed a quick, sloppy kiss to my chin. And then she slumped down and was fast asleep against my chest. I couldn't help but smile at that, even though I was hoping for more…

After getting Jan Di to bed, I lay awake in my own. My head was faintly spinning from alcohol and the events that had transpired over the past two days, and I was frustrated that I couldn't do more for Jan Di than what I was doing. But as painful as it may be for her, perhaps this was just a process she needed to go through--the healing process… And maybe I was doing what I was supposed to be and exactly what she needed from me…

I felt like so many things were changing in such a short amount of time… I wasn't even sure when I began to feel this way for Jan Di, but it was clear that somewhere along the way it had happened, and there was no denying my abiding love for her. As best I could pinpoint, it happened in Macau. Although I knew of their existence long before, that was when my feelings deepened. But regardless of when it was, I felt like I'd been waiting a long time to tell her. I'd been trying to let my actions speak: arranging the art exhibit viewing, buying the lotus candle for her, and many other small things like that... I had been trying to show her how I feel. And yet, I ended up just saying it and kissing her, which was so unlike me.

What now?

When I confessed, I was only hoping I didn't screw things up between us, but not only did she not resist my kiss but she started to kiss me back… And then, tonight, she told she wasn't over Jun Pyo… Of course, she wasn't, and I didn't expect her to be, but I had to admit that I was hopeful now… This would be a balancing act, though. I didn't want to push her too hard too fast, but I didn't want to let her slip through my fingers, either.

I knew my shortcomings, and I could see myself falling back into old habits-being patient, being cautious, and hoping for things to change and miraculously go my way. But that wasn't how it worked, was it? Change doesn't happen just because you want it to...sometimes you have to make it happen…

How did Yi Jeong, Woo Bin, and even Jun Pyo always get what they wanted? They just made it happen. They took what they wanted. I wasn't like them in that respect, but maybe I should be a little more like them…

I knew the typical F4 charm wouldn't work on someone like Geum Jan Di; that had been proven in the past, and I wasn't as skilled at that as Yi Jeong or Woo Bin, but I felt like I had an advantage. I knew Jan Di; I probably knew her better than anyone did. I knew her likes, her dislikes, her pet peeves, and I knew who she was deep down inside. I would certainly be sincere with her, but was it too diabolical to also use my knowledge…?

That was what I went to sleep thinking about: a plan for wooing Jan Di and a promise to myself that I was going to make her fall in love with me again…

The next morning, I stumbled out of bed and headed toward the kitchen to make some coffee. I usually drank tea, but after last night a cup of coffee might be just the thing. I stopped by Jan Di's door; it was quiet inside, so I assumed she was still sleeping. She would probably need some coffee, too, when she awoke. I was glad that I at least told her to drink water last night before bed.

As I passed by the windows looking out onto the courtyard, I noticed a flash of black. I turned my head sharply to see what it was, and there stood a person-my best friend, to be precise. I was baffled to find Jun Pyo on my doorstep so early, though I shouldn't have been. It was far from the first time he'd shown up at my place unannounced, and Jan Di was here, after all…

I felt my stomach lurch. This wasn't what she needed right now. I went to the door just as he let himself in, and I knew what he wanted even before he said it. Without so much as a greeting to me, Jun Pyo demanded, "Is Jan Di here?"

To Be Concluded…