private chat
9:49 pm / friday

jiwhiz: hey um
jiwhiz: you busy tonight?
myungpoo: not rly
myungpoo: just finished my table read
myungpoo: why?
jiwhiz: im at the spot
myungpoo: it's a friday tho
jiwhiz: yeah idk im
jiwhiz: feelin kinda off
jiwhiz: sorry, just didnt want to be alone but
myungpoo: heading to u 
jiwhiz: u should rest if u just got off work
myungpoo: im heading to u
jiwhiz: no forreal its ok
myungpoo: lol too late

It's a little past ten in the evening and Jiyeon's sitting on an old crate, facing the increasingly turbulent waters of the Han river. She gazes as the wind slaps the water from side to side, the reflection of the many buildings in Seoul breaking and distorting in the small waves. "Feels like me," she hiccups to herself, before laughing at the dramatic statement. One week back on antidepressants, and she's having a lot more crying spells than she remembers having when she first started the medication. Her chest feels tight again, and she braces herself as the same strange feeling overcomes her once more, swelling until the tears form in her eyes. She wipes her tears with the back of her hand and sighs, before reaching for the whiskey bottle next to her.

She lifts it up eye-level and checks how much liquor is left inside. "Ooh," she mumbles to herself sadly (people think her talking to herself is cute and quirky, and she'd rather have that than admit that hearing her own voice is one of the only ways she can stay grounded and remember reality.) The bottle's about only a quarter full now, but she shrugs and takes another swig. The whiskey slides down easily, leaving behind the burn that she's gotten used to in the hours she'd been drinking by herself. She winces despite the fact, and stands up to move closer to the edge. 

Jiyeon gazes at the city skyline just across her, and sways against the wind. Surprising herself, her voice breaks through the sound of the wind rushing past her and she finds herself singing. "Good days and bad days will come, but the only person I think of is you," she twirls as the words come out of , eyes still closed. 

She remembers the first time she'd been invited to this place. Mark had dragged her and Chanyeol into his car, telling them to simply trust him. "Swear, you guys'll love it." She had raised an eyebrow but simply complied, even as he pulled into a sketchy compound. Chanyeol quipped that he always knew Mark would end up murdering them, to which the latter simply rolled his eyes and scoffed, "okay, dude."

After exiting the car, Mark gestured for them to follow him. The two of them lingered behind him as they made their way through large shipping containers, before the sound of laughter reached their ears. "Who is that?" Chanyeol asked, and Mark simply laughed before changing his pace, walking faster to the source of the sound. 

"Mark!" Multiple voices said in unison. Jiyeon's eyes made out several silhouettes in the darkness. She recognized a few SMTOWN artists, and some other faces who she sometimes bowed her head to at music programs - back when promoting wasn't such a pain and her reputation wasn't so fragile. But her eyes travelled to the most familiar figure, and her heart skipped a beat when her eyes took in the unmistakable (even in such darkness) face of Kim Myungsoo. 

She remembers how his eyes met hers with his signature piercing gaze, and he smiled. Sungyeol had nudged him with his elbow, his wide smile bright as always, and Myungsoo stood up, walking over to her, and as she opened to speak, he wrapped both his arms around her, and for the first time in a long time, she felt at ease.

"I've thought about this before, in the near future - you and me, together," she continues singing, smiling at the memory. 

"You always liked that song," a voice reaches her ears and she exclaims in surprise, eyes flying open. She turns around abruptly, nearly stumbling backwards off the ledge, before he grips her arms and holds her steady. "Easy there," Myungsoo says, giving her a smile and helping her off the ledge. She looks up at him, breathing slightly ragged from surprise. He simply looks back at her and laughs.

"Y-you're here," she says drunkenly. "I told you not to come."

He rolls his eyes and pushes his finger against her forehead. "And who do you think would drive your drunk home?" She laughs shakily, before realizing her blurry vision was not only from intoxication, but tears once again welling up in her eyes. He pauses and regards her with worry. "Hey, I- uh, that was a joke. Don't cry because of me," he urges, pulling her into a tight hug like the first night they had met. She laughs again, voice steadier than before.

"No, no," she reassures him, voice muffled against his chest. She pulls away slightly and he looks down at her, loosening his arms slightly. He tucks her hair behind her ear.

"Hm?"

At this point, her heart is hammering against her chest and she wonders if he can feel it against his own. She angles herself away and looks at the ground. "It's my meds, can't stop crying 'cause of them."

He pauses for a moment, before nodding. "I get it," he says, and he sincerely hopes that she knows he's not just saying that. He'd never been on medication, but in such a toxic industry, he's met more than a few medicated artists, and he knows that Sungyeol blocks out his Wednesday afternoons for "personal time" but really it's to go to therapy. "You shouldn't be drinking on your meds," he teases, but doesn't press the issue.

She presses her lips into a flat line, before shrugging. "I'm still adjusting." She steps away from him and brings the bottle of alcohol to her lips again. He sighs and looks around. 

"Didn't bring a car?"

She lowers the bottle and inhales sharply after swallowing the harsh drink. "I came here with Chunji. He had to leave for a schedule."

Myungsoo fights back a grimace. "And he left you here without a ride?" He shakes his head and takes her wrist. "Come on, let's get you home." She frowns and lets him lead her to his SUV, biting back words in defense of Chunji. She knows that had always been such a sensitive topic for him, and she'd rather not open up that can of worms knowing she's about to spend half an hour in a car with him.

She climbs into the front seat without a fuss, even remembering to put on her seatbelt, albeit with a little difficulty. He closes the door for her and rounds the car, getting into the driver's seat to start the engine. Almost out of habit, she reclines the seat and angles the A/C towards her, closing her eyes. "I'm sure you miss this car," he murmurs, pulling out of the compound and onto the road. It's a Friday night and the vehicles in traffic mostly consist of equally drunk people being driven to the next club, or maybe home, so he drives at a relaxed pace.

He turns his head for a moment to look at her, and he smiles. She must have missed his comment, from how her head is swaying from side to side on the seat, so he simply shakes his head in amusement and continues to steer, propping his elbow on the center console's armrest. His eyes are fixed on the road when they widen in surprise, as he feels her small hand rest on his arm, before slowly and lightly wrapping her arm around his. Her body is completely angled towards him now, and she leans her head against his arm as she curls up on the passenger seat. "I'm drunk," she mumbles, and he hums in agreement. "I'm glad you came."

"Of course," he says, voice coming out higher than he expected it to. He clears his throat, slightly embarrassed. "Can I ask what brought this on?" He knows Jiyeon almost as well as he knows himself, so he chooses his words carefully. He knows she has her days, and knows not to pry but still reassure her that he's there for her. It's been a few months since their rather unceremonious "breakup" - if you could even call it that when they were never even together - and although she still turned to him during her episodes, he knows that sometimes he's not on the top of her list of names to call when they happen.

She makes a sound, a very light groan that somehow morphs into a whine. "Nothing! That's the thing." She had never been very good at expressing her feelings, but Myungsoo knows that getting any answer from her at all is a good sign.

He nods slowly before speaking. "Okay, well, do you-"

"I don't really want to talk about it," she interrupts. There's a pause, and then, "Not that I don't want to talk about it with you, I mean, I just-" She sighs. "I guess I just don't want to talk about it until I can make sense of it to myself. I've just been feeling really... empty. Like I'm just living day-to-day and there's no bigger picture. I mean, I can barely see myself a week from now." She squeezes his arm. "I just don't want to talk about it."

He chuckles, and thinks to himself that everything she had said was already talking about it, but he chooses to change the subject. "So," he teases, "Chunji?"

She doesn't respond, and he turns his head to get a look at her face. Her glassy eyes are lost in thought, and he clears his throat again. He's beginning to apologize when she speaks, says, "Yeah, we've been hanging out." He chews on the inside of his cheek absentmindedly, wondering what to say as they pull up to a stoplight. "I mean, that's not weird, right? We're all friends," she sits up and turns to face him, "right? I mean, if not for the group we never would've started hanging out as much again."

He smiles softly and takes her hand, lacing his fingers with hers. "Yeah, we are. Ride or die, remember?" 

She returns the smile and leans back again, keeping her hand clasped in his. The rest of the ride is quiet, but when the car slows to a stop outside her apartment building, the last thing she wants to do is leave. He puts the car in park and turns toward her. She's got this look in her eyes that is so earnest and captivating, one that he recognizes as hope, and a little bit of regret. 

"I - uh, I don't know how to say this," Jiyeon says, fidgeting in her seat. She points a finger out the window before bringing her hand down to chew on her thumbnail. "Do you want to spend the night?"

He looks down at their clasped hands before moving his gaze back to her. He's racking his brain for something to say, and the first thing he comes up with is, "You're drunk."

She shakes her head and laughs embarrassedly. "Right, I shouldn't have asked, you probably have a schedule tomorrow."

"I don't," he chuckles. "What I meant was, you might not want me up there with you when you sober up." She looks down and starts chewing on her nails again, before he playfully swats her hand away. "You said you were going to stop biting your nails."

"Yeah, yeah," she waves him off. "So are you coming, or what?"

"Do you want me to?"

She doesn't think twice. "Yes."

"Then I will."

They won't sleep together and they will, because Jiyeon's not sure if she's ready to have this thing back in her life, when it had fallen apart simply because she didn't know how to deal with being happy. She's a work in progress, she's known that ever since she screwed up what they had, but as she peels off her clothes and climbs into bed in her underwear, she wonders if she's no longer the toxic girl who had thrived on conflict and did everything to push him away; wonders if she's become the kind of person who she thought Myungsoo deserved. Not that it'd be that easy, she thinks to herself. More worries pop up in her mind, her thoughts too fast for her to completely comprehend, but the words scandal, schedules, fights take center stage and seem to edge every other thought out of her brain. She rolls over onto her side of the bed, her back to him, and she feels his weight as he settles down on the edge of the bed, pulling his shirt over his head and sliding off his jeans.

He gets under the covers with her, tentatively her hair before wrapping his arm around her. She doesn't move, but when he begins to pull away, she grabs his hand and pulls his arm tighter around her body. He chuckles softly, his thumb the back of her hand. "I miss holding your hand," he says absently, already beginning to drift off to sleep. 

She suddenly shifts, turns her body to face him. "I miss it, too." He grins and pushes her hair away from her face, before pulling her closer. She rests her head on his chest, humming contentedly. "I miss sleeping next to you." She's sobered up a bit, she knows that this is very dangerous territory right here and the anxious thoughts return as she wonders if this might end badly. But when he puts his hand on the back of her neck and slowly leans forward to kiss her, the thoughts go away faster than they came.

He moves closer until their lips are barely an inch apart, and he can hear his heart pounding in his ears. Her big eyes are staring into his when she her lips nervously, and finally, he kisses her.

private chat
6:43 pm / saturday

myungpoo: thank you
myungpoo: for last night
jiwhiz: lol im the one who should be thanking u
jiwhiz: sorry i was so drunk
myungpoo: dont worry bout it
myungpoo: besides we got to sleep in so i dont mind
myungpoo: but try to stay sober for a while, can't always be there to rescue you
jiwhiz: ahahaha yeah yeah i will
jiwhiz: we always sleep good next to each other
myungpoo: we really do 
myungpoo: ill see u tonight?
jiwhiz: han gang? who's coming
jiwhiz: and im supposed to be staying sober arent i
myungpoo: lol well i'm gonna be there to rescue u this time so u can
jiwhiz: ahah cute
myungpoo: let's go together?
jiwhiz: ofc
jiwhiz: oh, and myung
myungpoo: yea?
jiwhiz: yeah, i did miss your car

A/N: myungyeon chapter bc i miss my fav ship! this is all gonna be very slice-of-life-y so it's not going to have a very linear storyline, and important plot points or events wont be happening within the chapters a lot of the time so it may seem boring or uneventful but hopefully im an okay enough writer for you guys to still enjoy it! i really hope this fic will be able to tackle a lot of idol issues too re: things like dating, mental health, legal stuff, post-scandal careers, substance abuse, etc.

p.s.: just to clarify! chansick - gongchan / jjjinyoung - jinyoung / chun - chunji / namu - woohyun / yeollipop - sungyeol / myungpoo - myungsoo / jiwhiz - jiyeon / hyoms - hyomin / krys - krystal / llamber - amber / ssul - sulli / pcyeol - chanyeol / markymark - mark / ziaco - zico / hyunahh - hyuna / yoonim - yoona. jongin and dongwoon havent appeared in the chats yet bc they seem like lurkers but really its bc im lazy hahah