PLEASE READ THIS FIRST 😄

Warning! English is not my first language, so please bear the mistakes or even better, you could point it out so I can correct it. 😊
Another warning!! There might be some / a lot of swearing and spicy times, but I don’t think it should be marked as rated M yet, so kids, please mind this if you want to read the story *wiggles eyebrows*.

Note : This story might not be chronologically set like the real life of NCT. Means, times or events in this story might not be in the right order as the reality. Like I said before, this story just came like that, so I just wrote what I thought would fit to the story lol. Just bear with me, please. Oh, and the italic words/sentences are the character’s thoughts at the time, so they don’t say it aloud.

Okay~! Now all of that said, enjoy~ 

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Mark pulls his hand away from Haechan’s hold on his hand. The younger tries to grab it back but Mark shrugged his hand again. They were at the backstage, preparing for a comeback performance as NCT Dream. Haechan tried to hold Mark’s hand to show him some support, to give him strength, to calm him that has been pacing around for the past ten minutes. Being the oldest and sort of a leader in the group is not easy, he knows. But it’s no secret to Haechan that he’s doing it for himself too. Being close to the older makes him feel save. Excited even, sometimes. Well, damn feelings. And thankfully, right now, there were happened to be just the two of them here. The other members were still in the waiting room. Haechan had followed Mark to the backstage first because he was worried about him, he seems a bit odd. Debuting and doing comebacks so many times before doesn’t make you lose all the nervousness to step back on stage you know. 

So, back to the problem at hand. Although they used to have skinship with each other and with the other members too, it used to be and mostly just on screen, or on shows. But this time there are no cameras and fans, just the two of them, Haechan being genuinely worried and he tried to give some strength to Mark. But the other just shrugged off his hand. He knows maybe it was because the other didn’t really fond of skinship in the first place, but Haechan just wants to show that he cares about him. He wants to show Mark that he is special for him. He even followed him here. But seeing how he responded, Haechan felt a bit disappointed.

Okay. Maybe he doesn’t like me like that. I try to show him that he is special for me so many times in so many ways before. I don’t know what he thinks about it, but from what I see, I think he just took it all as friendly gestures. Hell, I don’t stay up till past midnight for anybody, losing my precious time to sleep just to wait for them to come back from whatever schedules they had that we didn’t do together, but for him. Everybody knows that but Mark. The other hyungs are starting to give me looks now. I think they figured it out, but they never talked to me about it though. Still, looks like the person I did it for just assume it was normal for me to stay up late watching some stupid dramas till I fell asleep- sometimes, when the drama just being unbearable and I was just so, so tired -on the couch in the dorm’s living room.

Haechan doesn’t even know when he started to have feelings for Mark. He just like how hardworking he is, how he is so determined on what he do, so at first he thought it was just an admiration. But then he started to notice his little moves when he dance, that tones he used when he raps, even that soft voice when he sings. He finds it all endearing. He always wait for Mark’s part when he listened to their songs. Then he started to have this urge to touch him, just to be close to him. The little space between them excites him. His warmth when he sits next to him, that habits to slap or just to touch his shoulder or arm when he laughs, and that one move of grabbing his thighs, really put his heart into a thumping mess.

I admit that I’m such a loud and annoying brat sometimes, but I think our relationship, no, our friendship is getting better and better after that one big fight during the summer. He didn’t yell at me that much anymore, maybe he just learn to cope with me by ignoring anything I said or something. He let me lean on his shoulder, or cling to his arm, I think we at least became best buddies, but now, even though he still talks to me, I feel like he’s trying to put some distance from me. Did I do something wrong? He’s okay when the others get close to him. But when I did it, he looked so uncomfortable. Disgusted even. It’s not just this one time this happened lately. Almost everytime I try to get close to him he always avoid my touches like I’m some plague or something. , maybe he starts to notice how I feel about him and he didn’t like the idea. Let’s just try one more time. Just to confirm my thoughts.

Haechan try to grab Mark’s hand again but even before their skin touches, Mark take a step to the side away from him.

Well maybe this is it. I know when I have to stop. I can’t always pretend to be okay everytime I get rejected like this. I don’t even know if he swing this way too. Hell, I don’t know if he’s even okay with this kind of thing. Yes. This would be easier for me and for him. I’m doing us both a favor. Okay. So it’s set then. I won't cling to Mark Lee no more.

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Mark felt Doyoung shifts beside him. They are preparing for an interview and because there are nine of them, the PD told half of them to sit on chairs and the rest stand behind them. Mark got told to sit with Doyoung, Taeyong, Jaehyun and Johnny, with Doyoung on his right and Taeyong on his left. 

He can see a hand circles around Doyoung’s shoulder from the corner of his eyes. Out of curiosity, he looked up a little to the right to see the person behind Doyoung and himself. It was Haechan. Now Haechan’s hands start to massage Doyoung’s shoulder. He knows that Haechan noticed him looking but Haechan doesn’t make any effort to even meet his eyes. Mark turn his attention back to the interviewer when he sees Haechan proceed to rest his chin on top of Doyoung’s head with his hands still on Doyoung’s shoulder. 

Does he have to put both of his hands on Doyoung hyung? Half of his body is behind me. He could just put one hand to my shoulder instead of both hands on Doyoung hyung’s. It makes his body twists in weird position. What’s so hard to put one hand on my shoulder? Whatever, he can suit himself. 

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“Which one of the members is the closest to you?” the MC asked Haechan. Mark stands near the end of the line of the members on the right side where they stand across the stage, while Haechan stands near the middle. Mark can feel his body tensed as he waits for Haechan to answer the question. No. He’s not expecting anything. No.

“Taeyong hyung~ because he’s my roommate~” Haechan answered cutely after a while of thinking, circling his left hand around Taeyong’s right arm while he rest his head on Taeyong’s shoulder. Mark can hear the fans go crazy. The screams deafened his ears for a second before he can hear normally again. Was it really because of the screams or Mark just lost his focus there, he didn’t even want to think about it.

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“Hyung-“ Mark didn’t hear the rest of the sentence because Haechan started whispering it instead to Johnny’s ear while one of Johnny’s hand find it’s way around Haechan’s waist. 

Why do they sit so closely? Did he had to press his body to Johnny hyung’s side like that? What are they talking about anyway that makes Haechan laugh like that? Can’t they even share it with me so maybe we can laugh together?

Mark just watch the scene played in front of him like it didn’t affect him at all. While in fact, he feel a little disappointed. Haechan has been weird lately. He cling to the others more. Well Mark is not being petty, Haechan usually clings to the others too, but now he clings to the others more than he did with Mark. Mark used to be his number one target to cling to. It was uncomfortable at first, but it gets better as time goes by and he get used to it. Even liked it. So now that it didn’t happen much, he felt a bit lost. Haechan still clings to the others so why not to him? He felt left behind. Less important. What even is this feeling. He doesn’t like it.

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Mark coming home to the dorm still a little tipsy from the show where he drank with the other guests. He’s glad that Changmin hyung, Heechul hyung and Xiumin hyung were there, in the show too along with him. At least he had someone he know well enough and not be a total crackhead on the show by himself. 

He sees Haechan sitting on the couch in front of the tv. He’s always there whenever Mark came back late, even after the weird times Mark thought he was ignoring or avoiding him, he’s still there when Mark came back, either sleeping or just trying to keep his eyes open. It brings warmth to Mark’s chest. And it doesn’t help that he looked adorable with that sweater he’s wearing right now.

Wait, is that my sweater? Mark thought.

“Hey..” Mark said.

“Hey, hyung.”

“Is that my sweater?” Mark asks while pointing at Haechan.

“Yeah.. Um, it gets cold and this sweater was the closest thing that was just laying here so..” Haechan didn’t know why he felt the need to explain the situation to Mark. Despite everything he had said to himself, he still finds himself waits for Mark to come back home. He felt the obligation to. Does that even make sense?

“Hm. You look cute in it” Mark said, smiling. 

Haechan furrows his eyebrows. “O-okay..?” Mark is not the type of person that complimented people easily, well at least not to Haechan. Something’s off, Haechan thought.

Haechan looks back at the tv, trying to watch whatever drama he was watching before.

Mark sits beside Haechan and stares at Haechan’s face from the side. When did he became this beautiful? Well, he’s always beautiful. But in his tipsy state right now, to Mark, he is glowing.

“Why are you still up?”

“Don’t know, just want to watch this drama” he said it easily but even from Mark’s tipsy state, it sounded unsure. His eyes still glued to the screen.

“Are you sure you’re not just waiting for me to come home?” he smirked. He liked to tease Haechan like this. It used to be the other way around, but there are rare times like this, Haechan’s face would become so red it’s cute. Mark never wastes any chances he could get to see it.

See, the red comes crawling up from his neck. 

He wanted to laugh but his attention switches to somewhere else now. Damn those neck.

“What? Y-you wish!” he said in defense and turns his head to glare at mark. Mark catches his eyes but then it travelled down. Those plump lips are very tempting. .

Mark’s eyes looked different. Well, seems like he’s still tipsy. Haechan thought.

“Yeah, I wish..” Mark said and leaned in, he kissed Haechan hungrily and Haechan sit there frozen in shock. Mark keeps pushing him back to lean against the couch. Haechan’s body felt boneless, he can’t do anything but widen his eyes, still trying to register what was happening, why did Mark and biting his lips.

Haechan pushes Mark as hard as he can when he finds his strength back.

“What the hell are you doing?!” he said while moving away from Mark, keeping a distance between them.

“Just let me do it. Please.” Mark moves forward, trying to get close to Haechan again.

“What? Why would I?!”

“Just..” Mark can’t seem to form any word right now. His attention is clearly somewhere else.

“You’re clearly still drunk hyung, stop it or you’ll regret it.”

“No, I won't” Mark whines. Haechan raises his eyebrows. Mark Lee just whined to him?

“How can I know that it’s not just the alcohol talking? You’re just gonna regret it when you wake up in the morning. And be disgusted. Like always.”

“No.. it’s not like that.”

“What’s not like what? The alcohol talking or you being disgusted with me?”

“Both, to be honest..”

“No, I don’t believe it. Just stop it, leave me alone. I don’t want to see that disgusted face you make everytime I-“ Haechan stopped talking for a second. “Never mind.” Haechan grabs the remote, turns the tv off, gets up from the couch and starts walking towards the hall leading to their bedrooms in the dorm. Mark follows closely behind him.

“What is it? Come on Haechan-ah, I want to, I’m not going to regret it.”

“Yeah, that’s another reason why you’re not supposed to do it. Are you out of your mind or something? This is not right. You are not usually like this. This is not normal.”

“Well everything is not normal whenever you are around me anyway..” Mark said softly, voice barely above a whisper. But he knew Haechan heard him.

“What?”

“Nothing. Just let me..” Mark tried to get close to Haechan again but Haechan raises his arm to make a shield in front of him so Mark can’t get close to him. 

“What is wrong with you?! Just sleep it off or something! I don’t want to do whatever this is when you are like this. You don’t know what you’re doing. I know you will regret it.” Haechan keeps struggling with his arms in front of him but Mark keeps pushing him and his elbow accidentally hits Mark on his jaw and Mark yelps in pain. He stopped moving and starts caressing the spot where Haechan hit him.

“See! This’s what happened if you keep pushing like that.” He said. But Mark just keeps his head low and doesn’t say anything.

“Ehm, are you okay? I’m sor-“ while Haechan tried to look at Mark’s face, Mark suddenly grabs Haechan’s shoulder and push him to the nearest thing to pin him to. And that’s the wall.

“Wha-“ Haechan tried to say, but there goes Mark. Kissing him again, but this time it’s different. This time it’s more gentle and soft and-is that feelings Haechan feels? No, this is not Mark. Well it is Mark. But he doesn’t know what he’s doing right now. He’s not in his right mind. Haechan tried to push him away again but this time Mark’s prepared and he can pin Haechan to stay still against the wall. 

When did he get so strong? Must be the alcohol. Haechan thought.

The longer this goes, the harder it is to resist. Haechan can do nothing but let him do it, because come on, he has been thinking about how it would feel to kiss these lips he’s kissing right now. And now when he’s not in his fuzzy mind like before, he can actually feels it. How they move together. Damn. He feels light headed. His foot felt like the bones are missing. He feels like falling so he tried to grab on to something, read : Mark. 

He grabs Mark’s shirt on the sides near his waist. Feeling Haechan’s hands on him, Mark sighs into the kiss and hell, Haechan feels shivers run down his spine. Mark felt bold and lets go of Haechan’s left shoulder and starts to caress Haechan’s face, then rub circles with his thumb against Haechan’s cheek softly, while his other hand find it’s way to Haechan’s waist and pulls him closer. What the hell is happening? Haechan thought.

Mark bites his lower lip hard and Haechan gasps out of surprise. But then he felt something warm and wet prodding against his lips and teeth. . It pulls him out of the daze he was currently in. His first respond was to hit mark on the cheek. Hard. 

Mark pulls away immediately.

Haechan didn’t realize his eyes were watery from the pleasure until he opens it to look at Mark’s confused face. Well that kiss sure felt ing good. But it is not right.

“Why?! I thought you liked it?” Mark asks as he caressed his cheek that got hit. 

“I liked it” Haechan admits. 

“So why did you hit me so hard?!”

“Just. Don’t come to me in the morning crying because you remembered what happened tonight. Or worse, maybe you won’t come to me at all and stop talking to me. Again.” With that said, Haechan left.

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Mark wakes up in the morning feeling horrible. His head is spinning, his stomach feels weird, just what the hell did he do last night? And when he tries to rub his face, his left cheek felt sore. Why is his cheek felt sore? Did he get into a fight or something? 

Wait a second..

Just then he remembered what happened the night before clearly. He remembered what he did, what the younger was babbling about last night, and no, he didn’t regret it. At all. But there’s one problem. He doesn’t know how to face Haechan. 

Damn. What should I do? Just come to him like nothing happened? Or just talk it out? How would he respond though? Thinking about how hard Haechan hit him last night just worsen his headache.

He saw the younger when he entered the kitchen. He sit on the dining table playing with his phone. And he’s alone. He glances at Mark when he notices the other entering the kitchen. It lasted less than a second before he goes back to his phone. 

What. He’s ignoring me? At least say good morning or something. Mark thinks irritatedly.

Mark goes straight to get some water to drink. He looks  at Haechan. He’s still on his phone. What’s he looking at his phone so seriously this early in the morning?

“Hey” Mark said while putting his glass of water on the kitchen counter.

“Hm” 

What kind of respond is that?

“Good morning..?” Mark said while walking closer to the younger.

“Not so good morning..” he said while glancing at Mark for a second, then looks back at his phone again.

“What is that supposed to- okay, just. Hey. Look at me”

“Such an attention seeker so early in the morning huh?” he said, not looking up from his phone.

“What?” Mark doesn’t like this. Haechan is always the one who asked for his attention. Not the way around. The other stays silent.

“Hey. Look, I have something to talk to you about” 

“I know. That’s why I’m here alone. I know the other hyungs won’t come in here anytime soon and I know you will come here as soon as you wake up.” Mark doesn’t even think about asking where even the other hyungs are.

“Good. So now I’m here, please put your phone down and start talking to me” 

“Well obviously, I know what you’re going to talk about so save your time. I don’t need to hear your words of regret so early in the morning” Haechan said, still not looking up from his phone. Mark is getting pissed. He took the phone from Haechan’s hands and put it in his pocket. 

“Hey-!”

“Look at me when I’m talking to you.” Mark said with his ‘hyung’ tone, his stern eyes looking at Haechan’s. Haechan shuts his mouth immediately and nodded his head while looking at Mark.

“Donghyuck-ah, I don’t regret anything” Mark said, his tone getting soft as well as his eyes. He can’t help but say Haechan’s real name.

Haechan is confused. Does this hyung still drunk? How can his mood change so quickly? He stays silent so Mark continues.

“Well I get the courage from the alcohol, but what I did, was not because of the alcohol. I just really wanted to do it.”

“Liar. Why are you saying such lies hyung? I know you didn’t mean it. Are you still drunk or something?”

“Are you not listening to me? I meant what I said!” Why didn’t he believe me? Mark thought.

“No! you didn’t mean it! I know you! You’re just doing this to play with me, right? To see how I react? Or you just mad that you didn’t get as much attention as you usually get? Well you didn’t need such attention from me though, right? So why should I laboriously give you some? I’m just so ing tired of all of this! Just keep your actions straight Mark, don’t sway me again when I’m already trying to move on.” Haechan spat harshly at him but his voice quieten near the end of the sentence. Mark hears it all loud and clear though. 

On any other situations, he would comment how Haechan didn’t say hyung after his name but this time he’ll let it slide. 

“Move on? What? From me? Do you like me or something?” Well that sounds dumb. 

“Just.. let me be, hyung, please. I don’t need to hear all of this” Haechan’s voice cracked at the end. Wait, is he crying?

“You really like ‘like’ me?”

“Well, . Obviously, Mark.” He’s so tired of all of this. Might as well just say it to his face.

“Stop cursing, . I think you liked Johnny hyung? Or maybe Lucas.. I see you getting closer to him lately.”

“Well you are cursing yourself. And yeah, I should just like one of them in the first place, huh? Why should it be you? It all will be just easier if it’s not you” He said. He sounded so sad and Mark sees there’re some tears in his eyes. But it seems like Haechan won’t just let it fall. It’s so rare to see Haechan crying. Mark really wants to hug him right now. .

“Come with me” Mark tries to pull Haechan by his hand.

Haechan draws his hand back harshly.

“No.”

“Come on” Mark reaches out to grab Haechan’s hand again.

“No! I don’t want to hear you talking about how wrong this all are! Or how I should not like boys in the first place! Just let me be, okay?! I know my place, I don’t need you saying it to my face. I’m trying to make it all go away too. I’m trying. I’m still ing trying. Really. But it’s just so hard..” finally Haechan let his tears run down his face. 

“Well, it’s not my place to judge if I was, in fact, liked boys too” Mark said while grabbing Haechan’s hand and starts pulling him to his and Jaehyun’s room. Haechan’s too shocked to respond to what Mark just said, and let himself to be pulled.

Once they’re in the bedroom, with Jaehyun nowhere to be seen, Mark hugged Haechan. Just like that. He put one hand aroud Haechan’s waist and the other on the back of Haechan’s head, caressing it. 

“Mark-“

“Shh..” Mark just tighten his grip on Haechan when he try to get away from him.

“I like you. Damn finally I said it.”

“What?”

“I like you.”

“No. This can’t be true. Not when I’m already trying this hard to move on from you. You can’t do this to me” 

“Well you don’t need to try to move on now. Just try to go with your feelings”

“I hate you. Why do you said that so easily? You didn’t know how hard I was trying to show it to you but also try to hide it from you because I was afraid that you would find it weird and start to keep a distance from me more than you already had.”

“By being clingy to the others?” Mark pulls away slightly, just enough so he can look at Haechan in the eyes. But Haechan keeps his eyes down.

“Yeah..” why does he make it sound so.. wrong? Haechan thought. “Only that way you won’t find it weird that I cling to you. You’ll just find it normal because I do that to other people too.”

“Well that sure worked. But it hurts me too sometimes.”

Haechan finally meet his eyes. “Hurt you? How do you think I feel everytime I tried to be close to you and you just shrug it, or your face just started to looked so tense and uncomfortable, or sometimes you just ignore me. Like I was nothing. Well, I am nothing, huh?”

“No, no. Of course not. I just said it, I like you. You are not nothing. I was just not really fond of skinship, okay? You already know that. And it’s worse if the person who did it to me is you, because my heart would just start to beats faster and my face heat up and I’m afraid that I would let some stupid grin out on my face in front of the others or worse, in front of the camera, because damn, turns out that I like it when you’re being clingy with me. I want you to be clingy to me. And only me. But when I see you did that to the others too, I feel like I’m not special. Like, you just do it to anyone so I think I just really should be thankful that you did that to me too.” 

“But you shrugged off my hand too when there’re just the two of us” 

“When?”

“That time at the backstage, our comeback with the Dream”

The realization hits Mark. He remembers. “Oh. That time.” Then he laughs.

“Why are you laughing?” Haechan pouts.

“That was just a bad timing, really.” He stop laughing but the smile is still on his face.

“Why?” Haechan is confused.

“Well, you know how I get everytime we’re doing a comeback with Dream, I suppose?”

“Uh-huh.. so?”

“So. My heart was beating like crazy already and there came you, looking all worried and cute. Then you start to hold my hand. How do you think I would feel?”

Haechan stays silent, he’s trying to process what Mark just said to him. What is he saying? So he just tilts his head to the side a little, like he was thinking, eyebrows furrowed, eyes still on Mark’s.

Mark lets out a little laugh and tightens his hold on Haechan. “I didn’t think I could take it. So I tried to save myself by getting away. No one knows what would happen then if I didn’t get away from you.”

“What are you trying to say..?” Haechan is still processing Mark’s words but he thinks he get the idea. Mark can see this as a smile starts to creep on Haechan’s still confused face.

Mark leans in and stays just enough for his breath to hovers over Haechan’s lips. “This”.

He parted his lips and leans in more until their lips touched. Haechan doesn’t want to resist it this time, so he kissed him back, just as passionately. 

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Aaand that’s it! I’m not an experienced writer yet, so.. yeah. At least tell me you understand the whole story? 😂 
Comments are highly appreciated 😁 I want to know what you guys think about this story. Oh and I might or might not have some kind of sequel for this story ㅋㅋㅋ

PS: I posted this story on ao3 too ;)