LEE TAEMIN
It's easy to fall in love with their maknae. He meets him when Taemin is 11 years old, and he is 13. Three years later they debut.
The gaze of the youngest member is soft, innocent. Something that Kibum wants to shade from the cameras as long as he can.
He starts getting up sooner in the morning and preparing his lunch box, even though he hates to wake up early, and he doesn't really know how to cook.

He becomes the person Taemin knows he can trust with his worries, and if Kibum doesn't do the same to not burden the maknae, he doesn't say so. He is his best friend, his older brother, someone to hold hands with, someone to laugh with and at. They mess around, and for some brief moments they foolishly think it will last forever.

When Taemin debuts, the other four are watching him in the front row, and Kibum couldn’t be prouder.

CHOI MINHO
He hates Minho at first. They're both competitive and stubborn. They are both the same age, and Kibum can't really understand why someone so similar to him, yet so different, has to debut instead of Suho.

After the kitchen accident they keep things professional, as professional as two 16 years old can be.

Until, the day the shoot their first music video, he finds Minho crying in the corner of the living room, sobbing something about not being good enough for the group. Kibum tilts his head and thinks for a minute. Because Minho has still troubles rapping, his vocals are not the best ones, oh and he doesn't really know how to dance. So he sits next to him, and tells him to shut up, because they are in this together, and they're gonna stay together.

They still fight, they fight so much that sometimes Jinki has to remind them that they are not supposed to, they are idols after all.

They fight, but then one day, re-watching old interviews, Kibum realizes it all at once. The way he always laughs grabbing Minho's arm, the way the two of them will start whispering during an interview, not caring if someone will find it disrespectful.

He suddenly thinks that maybe shouting at Minho to ask if he had eaten a stone was the best thing that ever happened to him. 


LEE JINKI
The first time he sets eyes on his leader, Kibum decides that Lee Jinki can't last in the music industry. His smile is too gentle, his cheeks to squishy, everything about him is so kind, so soft, just like his voice.

He doesn't trust him at first, not the way he trusted Jonghyun when they first met, but on that paper it's written "Lee Jinki - Leader" and for him it's enough. 

During practice they will exchange little smiles, sometimes he will put his head against Jinki's shoulder, just because he is so damn gentle and soft. And he is his friend.

The night before their tv debut they stay up to eat chicken, Jinki suggested it, and Kibum knows it's stupid, knows they will be tired in the morning, but when the elder memeber gives a fry, he smiles and puts it in his mouth. Later, when the others are asleep, he turns a small light on to look at his grandmother's picture. Jinki notices when his tears start falling, and pats on the empty side of his bed. That morning, when Kibum wakes up with with his legs titled with his leader's, he can't bring himself to scold him because they're late for practice.

Years later, when they're standing in a street surranded by hundreds of cameras, black clothes and empty eyes, and Jinki's hand is all that keeps him from breaking down, Kibum knows he was wrong.

KIM JONGHYUN
They call them the Kim brothers and they have every reason to. From the first moment they see each other, Kim Kibum and Kim Jonghyun are inseparable. They are each other's strength, they are each other’s everything.

When Jonghyun has a car accident, Kibum is near him, hand in hand, when the doctors tell him how bad is condition is. During that period, he misses him so much during promotions that Taemin suggests to put a picture of the vocalist next to them in the next interview. Kibum is so happy, and has never felt grateful to the maknae: he laughs, and tells the fans and himself that his friend will be back soon.

When Jonghyun states that SHINee is based on a business relationship, Minho gets mad, Jinki understands, Taemin lowers his head, and Kibum asks for explanations. When he finally gets the meaning between those words, that the job will always come before everything else, that they’re still brothers, he thinks he loves Jonghyun a little more.

When Kibum goes on another strict diet and faints during practice, four worried heads above him as soon as he regains is senses, Jonghyun slaps him. Later that day, when the others are nowhere to be seen, the vocalist finally looks at him: he needs to live, he needs to worry more about himself and less about the others, he says.

When Jonghyun dies, Kibum promises to never forget him and to love him in the same way.


KIM KIBUM 
His sassy-13-year-old self looks in the mirror before uploading on the Internet a picture of himself with his headphones stuck in a melon. It's kind of cool - most definitely cool - he thinks scratching his upper lip.

Two days later, he auditions for SM Entertainment and gets in. He probably doesn't deserve it, because yes is dancing is really good, but it's not that good.

He is 17 and he debuts, he doesn't think he is ready, doesn't think they are ready, but he sets a foot on the stage and it's too late to do anything but singing and dancing. He's doesn't know that yet, but he will never stop.

He is 18 when he cuts the first time, and it's not supposed to be anything serious, it's not supposed to be anything at all, and he probably doesn't even know what he is doing when that piece of glass cuts his thigh. 

He is 18 and seven months when Jonghyun finds out. Minho hugs him so tight he is probably gonna suffocate, Jinki schedules him a visit with a doctor, and Taemin stays up all night with him to dye his hair blonde. The maknae keeps saying it's just because he will look cuter that way, but Kibum can't do anything but thank him; the thought of that piece of glass still present.

He is 19 and he is on a stage, in London, performing Take a Bow and finally feeling like he has sung something for himself and not for the company they work for.

He is 21 and they win their first Daesang. He doesn't think he deserves it, not to be on that stage. Because they worked so hard, but sometimes, sometimes he wonders if he should have been working harder.

He is 22 and he is in a duet with ‎Woohyun. And he misses the members every day, but at the same time he feels so, so happy.

He is 26 when his best friend decides to take his own life. There are so many emotions in his head that it doesn't stop hurting, a weight on his chest that he somehow numbly remembers not being there before. He doesn't want to feel it, but a part of him feels like maybe he should.

He is 28 when he can look in a mirror without wanting to break it, his self-hatred not as strong as it first felt.

He is 30 and Jinki has just came back from the army. They're all together, Taemin, Minho, the old man and himself. He is pretty sure Jonghyun is listening to their random conversations too. They are trying to understand who Taemin's girlfriend is, when he finds himself smiling, and realizes that, for the first time, he is starting to understand himself as well.

That’s it! Hope you liked it. I'm really not sure about the ages, I checked the dates of each event, but korean age still confuses me lol.

Again, I don’t know what the members do, I don’t know how they feel, and while a lot of the stuff I said comes from interviews and stuff, I really don’t want to speculate on them (especially Kibum, since it’s all about him): this is just fiction and doesn’t represent (and doesn’t want to) represent reality.

I don't know why I wrote this, I haven't written anything in years... it wasn't supposed to be related to Jonghyun, but I guess eveything is now. I just wish all of them to heal, and us shalwols too.