HI everyone :) 

I am back with my second chapter to this fanfic. I had the ideas written up and it took me a while to connect them. I wanted to finish this chapter tonight, so some bits might seem a bit rushed. 

So in this chapter, they are still in Dubai 

Hope you enjoy. It may be a while before I upload my next chapter because I have my internship coming up. But hopefully it will be sooner than later. 

THank you to all my readers and subscribers. 

Chapter 2 

6^th April 2018 - Dubai

Changmin awakens from his slumber. He does not move, but instead stares through his sheer blinds, and sees that it is still dawn. He stretches his arm to turn on the bedside lamp as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes. Yesterday seemed like a dream – one he didn’t want to wake up from. He opens his phone, ignoring the schedule reminders about rehearsal and the SMTOWN concert waiting ahead. It is his photo album that he is after. It is a confirmation that it actually happened. And he finds it – evidence of last night. Except… as he scrolls through, a disappointment dawns on him he realises that she was in none of the photographs taken with his phone. He stops scrolling for a moment, considering. As reality seeps in, he remembers the nature of their job. It’s better this way. It protects the both of them.

In the end, he opts to post at least some of the memories onto Instagram to share what a great night he had. He captions it ‘last night’. Yet the most important part was left unrevealed. The public can remain unaware of the rest of the memories that belong to them.

Then he flicks to the photo of the photograph they took together on the plane. There is a hopeful smile as he opens his diary and writes ‘Hopefully the rest of this trip will be just as memorable’. 

***

In the midst of attentive staff rushing in the backstage area of the SMTOWN in Dubai venue, the girls of Girls’ Generation sit quietly in their waiting room (or rather caravan) with sparse chatter. 

After getting changed, and promptly having her makeup done, Yoona leaves behind her team members to find other label mates. Seeking fun, she tries and joins the red velvet girls in their trailer but she still cannot help but feel like an outsider. Although she is making jokes, having laughs, she cannot seem to enjoy the moments.

In the end she wanders aimlessly outside the back of the Girls’ Generation trailer. She cannot bring herself to go back inside because it is too suffocating for her. Although she has the support of two of her sisters, it was the emptiness created by the missing presence of six others. She scrunches the tulle of her blue performance dress and releases it. The fabric does not wrinkle, so she scrunches it again.

Others might have told her that the weather would melt her pretty makeup. The sun and heat are unforgiving, yet she still chooses to remain outside. It is not these trivial things which are bothering Yoona.  

She hears footsteps approaching; she forces a smile – one she uses to disguise her brokenness within. Upon making eye contact with the visitor, she immediately decides there was no need for such disguise because the person there, is one of the only people she had nothing (well close to nothing) to hide from. After all, he would be the only one who would truly understand.

As Changmin reaches her side, he joins her to lean on the side of the caravan. They do not speak, nor do they look at each other. She is not surprised at all, the fact that he is once again out of his own waiting room. He probably knows it too. Others think that he avoids Yunho because of the awkwardness. But Yoona knows that that is only part of the reason.

After all, they used to have the same amount of fun when they were 5. Now there were three missing. That is why he seeks the fun with his mates Minho, Siwon and the rest of Super Junior instead – where at least he is occupied enough to be distracted from noticing the emptiness.  

It takes what feels to be an hour (but is actually a couple of minutes) before one decides to break the silence. He seems like he is speaking to the air in front of him, for his gaze is unfocused. But Yoona knows that those words are meant for her.

“If you find it hard to breathe,” he pauses “try listening to some music – or try to focus on something else like practising.” It is wise advice. Advice formed from experience.  And she is thankful for it. She looks down at her feet, before nodding slowly. But she still does not look at him, nor does she look up.

He turns and looks at her saddening stance. But he waits instead of prodding her on. He waits as he has always done with her – for her.

“I don’t think…” Her voice wavers a little. She heaves in a deep breath before finishing her sentence. “I don’t think I can do it.”

And Changmin knew straight away -  without needing to ask - that she was talking about her fear of performing by herself. He holds back from denying it. He does not press her and instead waits for her to release more of the pressure she built within.

“Usually I’m with the other girls. I can’t do it by myself.’

“Trust yourself.” Changmin’s voice is nothing but calm, in hopes to help her calm down as well. Nevertheless, his words make her look up and directly into his eyes.

“But in front of such a big crowd.” She swallows, trying not to falter under his gaze.  

“You’ve done it before at your showcases and fanmeetings.” He tries to reaffirm.  

“this is a foreign place” she tries to refute, looking down at the ground once again.  

“You’ve sang in many foreign language in many foreign places.” He reminds her gently but surely.

“I think I just don’t feel like …” It is the touch of his hands wrapping around her wrists carefully that cuts her sentence short. She looks back up abruptly, and hesitantly to meet his gaze.  

‘You can, Im Yoona.’ As she searches his eyes, she is almost convinced by the willingness conveyed in his gaze. She purses her lips in worry. “Just think about it. You've done it so many times. Come so far.”

He sees the uncertainty still lingering behind her eyes.

“This is your song.” He says. A thought comes across his mind and he backtracks.  “Actually, think of it this way. Try and think back to when you wrote your lyrics. At the rooftop back at the office building.”

He can see her trying to follow his suggestion. He slowly releases his hands from around his wrist as she traces her thought process. When he sees the shift in her expression, he continues speaking.  

“Pretend the crowd with their light sticks as the city just below you, the lights of the moving cars, the pedestrians and passers-by”.

She looks up sideways to find his features – also thinking of the not so distant memory. Of course he knew. He was right there to by her side when she was struggling to write them. She would never let him know that he inspired most of the lyrics song (except for the part about a confession). Nor would she ever let him know that that day was the reason why the music video was filmed on a rooftop. 

18^th august 2017

On the day Changmin had been dispatched from the military, after an impressive welcome back from a combination of ELF and Cassiopeia fans, he was whisked away by his managers to attend the pre-arranged schedules. After all, a two year break meant that their company is anxious to launch them back into the game at full throttle. And for Changmin that meant he had no time to seek his balance, let alone find the people he wanted to check on most.

He is welcomed enthusiastically by the staff and even some fans lucky enough to be in the building when he entered and disappeared through the pink tinted doors.

Siwon had already begun filming downstairs with the rest of Super Junior. The Suju members had prepared a full-fledged welcome back lunch in the VIP room to the SMTOWN restaurant.

Changmin on the other hand, went through a series of fleeting welcome back festivities. But all throughout he was curious and at the same time anxious about one thing - ever since he had heard of their decision from the last time he caught up with Yoona.

Having caught wind of the sudden purposely intended removal of footage of SNSD at the DMC concert broadcast. He instantly knew that this was not going to end well. After all he had seen enough of the company’s dirty playing to know or even sense it whenever something is going to happen.

As he is rushed into a briefing meeting about their upcoming schedules, he can only send a quick text message to his trusted friend Minho to help him find out what had happened. Although he is contributing with ideas in the meeting that informs him of a fanmeeting, a press conference and Japan arena tour he is often distracted.

Until a staff member informs him (through the favour asked to Minho) informs him of ‘good news’ at the end of his long-winded meeting. It was already 4pm in the afternoon.  

“Yoona got her own solo song’ she says enthusiastically. “She even gets to write her own lyrics.”  

But Changmin knew that it was nothing good. Not in the midst of this debacle. Knowing the intentions of the company, he immediately thinks of Yoona and how terrible she may be feeling at the moment.

After thanking the staff member. He immediately heads towards the carpark – finding himself driving down the main road towards Apgujeong-rodeo where their old building is.

As he rushes up the stairs, finding the lift a little slow to arrive, he hopes that his hunch is right. Reaching the fourth floor, he turns and walks down the familiar hallway of a building that is soon to be renovated – with quick footsteps.

He slows, as he reaches one of the old practice rooms – one that is most frequented and occupied by the SNSD members. She is sitting on the floor, her legs bent, and her head is bent down, staring at a notepad in her lap. Perhaps she is too deep in thought, or perhaps she could not hear him with her earphones plugged in as she does not notice his arrival.

It is not until when he sits down next to her that she looks up and recognises him. At first, her expression is blank. But that does not mean Changmin would miss the tiredness in her expression. He just looks at her, his eyes conveying a mix of concern, sorrow, warmth and relief that he has found her.  It does not take long before Yoona feels the tears forming in her eyes. But she dares not blink, afraid the tears will fall and that he would disappear if she closes her eyes even for the slightest moment. There is a tingling sensation that forms in her nose, and she sniffs it away. Changmin tries to fight his own tears. 

Im Yoona tries to hold it together and not fall apart like the last time she met him in a broken state during a particular day of his furlough. But her eyes give in and the stream of tears slide straight off her complexion. She struggles to compose her expression, pursing her lips and closing her eyes as if bearing pain. She brings a hand to cover to ease the sobbing, still at a loss for words. A moment later, she releases a pained but silent laugh. A smile starts to form on Changmin’s face. As Yoona removes her hand to reveal a relieved smile. She finally finds the words to speak.

“You’re back” she manages to say. He nods twice in response to her. She giggles a little. And Changmin can’t help but also laugh. He reaches out his hand to pat her playfully on the head the way someone would do when joking with a child.

“Yes silly, I’m back.” He manages to say before Yoona throws her arms around him, planting her chin on his shoulder. Returning the favour, Changmin wraps his arms around her as well, in a hug that conveys all the relief and gratefulness. But the gesture conveys more than that– words that they both do not have the courage to say – the words: I missed you, and the message: I’m glad that you’re here.

“You’re back” she says as she giggles again. Changmin rolls his eyes a little and decides to poke fun at her.

“Im Yoona, have you got anything else to say?” he asks jokingly.  Yoona pulls back, seating herself back to her original position. Pulling a cheeky smile,

“Welcome back!” and Changmin breaks into laughter, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head. He mimes a face-palm causing Yoona to join in laughing as well.

As they settle down, there is small talk before Yoona fills him in on the convoluted situation her group has been placed in. Changmin plays the role of listener, as she tells the stories of how plans suddenly became changed and cut short despite earlier made agreements. When she explains how she ended up with the song, and the responsibility of writing lyrics, Changmin asks 

“Why here of all places?” Yoona replies with a sigh – not one of sorrow but of nostalgia. She leans her head onto the wall behind her and stares at the ceiling.

“Because I miss the old days.” There is a sad smile as soon as she finishes her confession. Changmin knew that answer already. Otherwise why would he have turned up here? He feels the need for her to release some of her held back emotions. 

“You said the lyrics need to be handed in for reviewing by when?” he asks

“Tomorrow morning. Recording is in the afternoon.” Yoona says while making a face.  

“And you expect to find inspiration in this empty room?”

Yoona hesitates and looks from left to right before finding a response.

“I couldn’t find any at home. Somehow I ended up here…”

“You won't find any inspiration here, Yoona. It’s making matters worse.” He states as a matter of fact.

“I didn’t know where to g-“ Yoona stops abruptly when Changmin suddenly stands up. She blinks at him confusedly.

He prods his head towards the door and reaches down to her to help her up.

“You should at least find a place with fresh air.” He says as he leads her out of the room. AS they reach the stairwell, Yoona is surprised to find him heading upstairs instead of down. But she immediately knew where he was heading. How could she have not thought of it?  

They reach the final landing at the top of SM building. As soon as Changmin reaches for the door, they are met with a gush of summer breeze that is warm to the touch.  Yoona notices the sky is now shaded with oranges and pink, painting a dusk that reminds people that it is the end of another day.

 They find a spot near the edge of the building, separated by a railing and glass panels that allow them to safely overlook the busy traffic below them in Apgujeong Rodeo. But they keep quiet and stay rather still for a while, letting time pass by.

“At least here, you can see the cars pass by, feel the breeze and breathe fresh air.” Changmin says quietly, breaking the silence between them.

“I guess I should have come here earlier.” Yoona says as she closes her eyes and feels the warm humid breeze brush past her skin. She enjoys this feeling, of being able to enjoy the intricacies in life she is usually too busy for.

“Do you have the demo with you?” Changmin asks, reminding Yoona of an idea she had not thought of. She passes one side of her earphones to him and plays the track. They listen to the acoustics of the guitar and soft piano instrumental and stare at nothing in particular, from the clouds, to the cars below them, to the sun setting in the distance. They are not bothered by the fact that the sky is slowly getting darker, they just let the track repeat.

As the sunlight starts to fade the first stars start to appear above the clouds. Changmin is the first to point it out. He does not say anything but just looks up at it shining bright down at them. Yoona follows suit and smiles back at the twinkling star. After a few longer moments, she heads towards the vacant bench and table – a long time resident of the rooftop. Changmin was just about to join her when she pulls out her pen. Then he gets a call from his manager. Yoona looks up, her concentration fazing a little. He looks at her apologetically. She merely shakes her head and smiles.
“ I need to thank you for today. I think I can handle it from here.”

He studies her for a moment, and finds the twinkle of inspiration in her eyes. So he chooses to trust her words and bids her goodbye and good luck.

Yoona waits until he leaves before staring back up at the stars, who are the remaining companions of hers up here on the rooftop.

People congratulated Yoona on her achievements and success on writing her own lyrics to the song. Everyone thought that it was a song about a past lover she had, most of them referring to her only publicly confirmed boyfriend. But they had it wrong. She did not bother to correct them. For perhaps only she knows the truth (though she secretly hopes that Changmin can read between the lines) it is a song about inner feelings and a bit of imagination – imagination of lover she could never have. And she so even though they were inspired by him, she could not bring herself to reveal it.

***

6^th April 2018 – Dubai

Yoona thanks him for his advice, which actually has helped to calm her nerves. They decide to head back to their respective waiting areas. Not long after they stepped back into the open, they bump into the same photography staff member from yesterday.

“Oh! It’s you two again!” He says in a pleasant sort of surprise, and holds up his camera. The right side of Changmin’s lip quirks up a little, but he makes no further response to that remark. Yoona on the other hand is a little hesitant. She takes a sidewards glance towards Changmin’s direction (who was originally 2 metres away). But he was already beside her. She frowns quizzically at him, and his response is a casual shrug of the shoulders – like saying we have nothing to hide. In fact, they have nothing to hide. What is hidden is already hidden deep inside her heart and she is grateful nobody else can read it.

“you want a photo of us?” Changmin is more proactive today, surprising the photographer a little. But he thinks no more of it. He turns to her and asks “You ready Yoona?”

The cameraman requests that they strike a pose, so that it looks less awkward. They both oblige and end up striking a matching pose again. As the photographer counts down, just before the photographer takes the picture, Changmin says very quietly “deer”. As soon as the photo is taken, Yoona looks back at Changmin and a smile creeps on her cheeks after hearing his comment.

It is not until the photographer comments that they realise they had made the same pose.

“you two sure match well.”

Yoona frowns at Changmin. He frowns back.

“even with Seulgi and Irene, you had to match a few times to get the same pose.” The cameraman continues. And Yoona nudges Changmin in the hip, which he dodges successfully.

They thank the photographer for his work and asks that they forward the photo to them once again.

“Are you sure you didn’t copy me?” she asks warningly.

“More like you copied me.” He says rolling his eyes and starting to walk away.

“how could I, when I was standing in front?” Yoona argues, and follows them. As they walk along, a thought strikes Yoona. She had always been curious whether the almighty Max Changmin can get jealous. So she decides to test the boundaries.

“oppa,”

He stops and turns to wait for her to continue talking.

“you know how you said deer…”

“Yes. The deer of SM” he says almost with a pride smile.

“Lee Hyori Unnie, called me and Bogum deer as well…”

“No she didn’t…” in that response, Yoona confirmed one thing she never knew. He had been watching her show.

“it’s in the upcoming episode that is yet to air...” she says innocently (but is actually provoking a response). She is unsure whether she imagined it but it feels as if his expression darkens.

“we’re the original deer. Ryeowook said so before, we are the SM deer line along with Minho”

“Oppa, why are you getting so worked up?”

“What do you mean worked up?”

“and you watched that segment of Idol Chart?” Yoona quickly fires another question, deeming Changmin jealous. She gasps dramatically in realisation “wait a minute… Oppa could it be you’re jealous?” she says playfully, searching his expression which he tries to avoid.

“Changmin cannot think of any response to make. He stares at Yoona warningly

“No way” he scoffs and walks off towards his trailer.

Yoona is joyful at the idea that he did appear to show signs of jealousy. She had always acknowledged him as the original bambi. And she had watched the segment where Ryeowook labelled “Yoona, Changmin, Minho, Luhan” as the SM deer line. But she just wanted an answer to her own question of whether Changmin can get jealous.

Her suspicions are confirmed a few hours later. She  was sitting casually in her waiting room, winding down after her successful performance, which she was initially nervous about when she first stepped on stage. But then she took his advice and followed it, and overcame the nerves, impressing the crowd with her sweet voice. She was scrolling through instagram and she comes across Changmin’s post on Instagram where he had reposted their photo together from SM.

He had even tagged it ‘deer(s)’ – his way of making a point to Yoona and the rest of the world that they are the original deer.  

 She is surprised to find herself on there, (silently happy about the fact that she is the first female he had posted a photo with on his own Instagram account). She smiles and chuckles.

“Oppa is jealous” she says quietly to herself. She is amused. He was never the jealous type, not from what he ever let on. But it turns out, he can be. So she is silently pleased about it.

Meanwhile, Minho is alerted of Changmin’s post, which he asks Changmin to explain. He tells him the story. And the younger one only laughs at his childish jealousy much to Changmin’s dismay.