Angelic Whispers

The night was cold and windy; dark clouds were covering the sky above Seoul, and even though it wasn’t raining yet, it was obvious that the roads won’t stay dry for long. The wind made the weather even colder; silently entering every house that’s owners couldn’t close the windows in time.

This was obviously a night during which everyone wanted to stay at home with someone or something nice and warm; a mug of hot chocolate or tea, a good romantic movie, an interesting book, a caring lover or some close friends. Spending the night inside the cozy and warm house, forgetting that the world outside was freezing.

Yes, everyone wanted a night like that, and that’s exactly why the man who was standing on the balcony with nothing but a cigarette would have seemed strange if people saw him. But since it was around 1am and the balcony was on the fourth floor, there was no chance that anyone could have seen him.

His mind was full with different kinds of thoughts, and no matter how hard he tried to sort them, it seemed to be impossible. There were things he couldn’t understand, questions he couldn’t answer and problems that he couldn’t solve. He was staring at the now sleeping Seoul as if the city could have helped him, but except for quiet noises made by those really few cars that were still on the roads, everything remained silent.

In a calmer situation he probably would have heard the balcony’s door being opened and closed behind him, but with his current state of mind it became unnoticed by him. That’s why he only noticed the other boy’s presence when a pair of arms hugged his waist slowly and he felt the younger’s breath against his neck. He could easily realize who his guest was from the scent of the other’s shower gel.

He placed his free hand on top of the other boy’s ones, still holding the cigarette between his other hand’s fingers. He wasn’t even surprised by the friendly gesture, and the younger wouldn’t even have to say a single word - he knew the other was worried for him. If not, why would he come out to the balcony at 1am after him instead of sleeping in his room as it would have been logical for an eighteen years old teenager?

“Since when do you smoke?”

It wasn’t really the question he expected to hear, but if he wanted to be honest, even this was better than a What the hell are you doing here at this hour?-type of question.

“I don’t, actually” he answered with a sigh. He wasn’t happy that the other discovered it, because he wasn’t proud of this habit, but he was thankful that the younger did not sound angry or start to talk about how unhealthy it is. “Just from time to time, because it calms me down.”

“What’s wrong?”

Yes, this was a lot more similar to the question he expected, but that did not change the fact that he couldn’t really answer it. He was sure that if he tried to turn his thoughts into words, everything would have sounded either stupid, childish or both. He just shook his head in the end, and hoped that the other won’t take it as a sign of him not wanting to talk to him, but will understand that he just can’t express his thoughts well.

“Minsoo”

They were talking at a really low volume already, but as the younger pronounced his name, his voice became even more like a whisper. For Minsoo, it sounded a lot like as if an angel was talking to him - another silly thought, he felt.

“Niel”

The younger’s name that sounded like a sigh was his only answer because he still didn’t know what else to say. He doubted that the other would be able to help him, and he was sure about not wanting to bother Niel with his problems if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.

Niel saw the leader slowly raising his hand with the cigarette in it, then saw the smoke escaping through his lips, and despite being against smoking, he had to admit that it fitted Minsoo’s current image a lot. Maybe if they were a bit older, it could have been a great concept idea.

“Will you tell me what’s wrong?” Niel tried again, talking just a little bit louder this time. Sure he wanted to help and was willing to listen to anything the older had to say, but he decided that if he would get a no as an answer, he wouldn’t ask again. Wanting to help and forcing Minsoo to talk about things he did not want was not the same thing, after all.

Another sigh was audible as Minsoo muttered a silent “I’ll try” before throwing his cigarette stub out from the balcony to the street in front of the building their dormitory was in. He turned around in Niel’s hug, leaned his back against the balcony’s railing and took a deep breath before starting to speak.

“I’m worried. I’m honestly worried about us” he said and already thought it will sound really stupid if he continues talking, but he couldn’t say no to Niel once he started already.

“About the group?” Niel asked, trying to make the leader tell more. Minsoo nodded and closed his eyes for a few short seconds before continuing.

“You must have heard about those wonderful ideas entertainments usually have when an artist can’t win in music shows for a long time” he tried to make the word wonderful sound as ironical as possible. “Changing members, disbanding the group, announcing a hiatus and then never letting them have a comeback anymore. I’m worried about us may having to go through things like these too. And it is getting on my nerves that we are so close. Seventh place, fifth place, even third place - still we can’t do it. What if...”

Even before he could have started to ask his great amount of What if..?-questions, Niel moved his arms and hugged Minsoo’s upper arms and back instead of his waist, leaning forward and pushing their chests together while burying his face in the older’s neck.

“Believe in us! We will work harder and get that first place for sure. And if anyone would ever want to change or kick out any of us, we will fight for each other. Okay?”

Minsoo could hear from the younger’s voice that he was smiling at the end of the sentence, but he had problems concentrating on what he had heard, because Niel’s lips were brushing against his neck as he was talking, and for Minsoo it felt a lot as if he was getting tens of small kisses. But he still could understand that Niel was trying to convince him that everything is going to be alright, and he was unexplainably grateful for that. He wouldn’t have admitted it, but he felt silly for going to the balcony alone, smoking, when all he needed was someone to tell him that s are there for him and that they will always be.

“Thank you” Minsoo whispered and finally hugged Niel back by the waist. Then the next thing the younger experienced was as the flavour of strawberry milk in his mouth mixed with the mint flavour of Minsoo’s toothpaste. He didn’t mind even the slight, bitter aftertaste of cigarette he also got with the kiss.

This surely wasn’t how Minsoo planned this night, but he had to admit it turned out better than he could have ever expected. And that night he was okay even with having to share the living room with Niel - even if that meant that since he can’t sleep when anyone’s around, he could do nothing but watch the angelic features as the younger was sleeping in his arms.