I stayed in the balcony for a while, watching the beautiful night life from above. I didn’t want to go back inside but I didn’t want to worry my friends with my childish behaviour either.

I gripped the railings hard, trying to gather myself and get ready to go inside. I closed my eyes shut and took a deep breath whispering a faint “fighting” to myself before stepping inside.

“Yah where were you? I’ve been looking for you everywhere! It’s almost midnight, everyone is waiting for the cake” my bestfriend whispered but didn’t even wait for me to reply as she grabbed my hand and dragged me towards the kitchen.

I removed my hand from her tight grip when we entered the kitchen, turning to glare at her.

“Get the candles!” she shouted over the loud music playing in the apartment.

For a moment I thought about telling her to do it herself because I was going to leave but then again it was really unfair to ditch the party like this so I moved to get the candles from the cabinet.

After placing the candles on the latte shaped cake, Hana picked the cake and offered it to me with a smile.

“What” I asked annoyed.

“You’re the one to take the cake tonight.” She said nonchalantly wiggling her eyebrows.

“Why me?”

“Who else silly? You’re his girlfriend.”

“Yeah right.” I STILL am his girlfriend, until tonight at least. I scoffed bitterly but took the cake and tried to fix a genuine smile on my face before entering the livingroom,with Hana following me like a proud mom.

I walked towards the table which was placed on the left side of the room and everyone started cheering and singing happy birthday.

I placed the cake on the table in front of Taekwoon and stepped back mouthing “make a wish” with a smile.

He closed his eyes clasping his hands and making his wish before opening his eyes and blowing the candles.

I said a short happy birthday when our eyes met but didn’t wait for his answer and ran to Wonshik who was standing on the farthest distance from the table.

He patted my head with a smile before draping his hand over my shoulders.

“It’s the birthday party of his life, he hates crowds and noisy places but he’s really enjoying this time, thanks to you” he said while looking at Taekwoon who was laughing with Hongbin and Hana rubbing the icing on his face.

“Present time everyone gather here!” Jaehwan shouted and shook a gift box in the air.

I sighed heavily before running to Wonshik and Hyuk’s bedroom to get my present which I’d hid in Hyuk’s wardrobe safely.

I opened the door swiftly dodging some of his items which fell on the floor,rolling my eyes at the mess he made every time he wanted to choose his outfit for the day.

I opened the box with a heavy heart and looked inside.

The silver necklace with the letter L carved on it was the best cover up for the main present for his birthday. I picked the necklace and made sure the other contents were perfectly hidden in the lower part of the box beneath a thin cardboard where only taekwoon could find them, before leaving the room.

After he opened Hakyeon’s present which was an album full of cute neo photos (and still made my fan girl side go wild) I placed my present on his hands with a shy smile trying hard to block all the feelings which were fighting to come out of my eyes.

He opened the box and feigned a smile at the necklace. Everyone cheered and shouted “kiss kiss”

I looked at him who was looking at me questioningly and I understood he was confused about the box’s weight. I looked at him in the eyes to make him understand my point, something we used to do a lot when we were still a couple.

He got the message immediately as he placed the box on his lap so that no one could touch it and find the secret contents and went for other presents.

I didn’t wait to see other’s gifts and went back to the balcony to get some air and clear my mind. I stared at the stars and sighed with a heavy heart.it was cold and I was shivering slightly but I didn’t care.

I didn’t want to go inside, I didn’t want to be there when she was laughing with my still-boyfriend. I didn’t want to be there when I knew we were going to be over in a few hours or maybe less.

I wrapped my arms around myself to warm up my body. I could still hear the loud music and the laughter coming from inside the apartment but I couldn’t make myself to go back inside.

I stepped forward and gripped the railing for support as my eyes scanned the view of the city.I wondered how many hearts were broken like mine tonight. I placed my hand on my chest and scoffed at my stupid heart for still feeling like this.

I was drowned in my thoughts, recalling my memories with him one by one.

The first time we met, the first time we actually fell for each other, the day he confessed and asked me out, our first date, our first kiss. Everything playing in front of my eyes like a movie,making my heart feel even heavier.

I was so immersed in my own world that I didn’t hear someone entering the balcony until two arms sneaked around my waist from behind.

I tried to turn around but the hands held me in place firmly. I didn’t even have to turn around to know who it was, I knew everything about him. His scent, his touch, his way of hugging me.

“What are you doing here? It’s freezing out here you’re gonna catch a cold” he asked softly gently kissing me on the top of my head.

“Let’s go inside.” He said when I didn’t reply and removed his hands from my waist, taking my hand instead. I let him drag me inside and noticed that everyone was gone and it was quiet again, only jaehwan and hakyeon’s giggling were heard from time to time.

“Where’s everybody?” I asked looking around the living room.

“gone.” He answered shortly and turned around to look at me weirdly.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah I’m fine. just tired.” I said and started to walk to the door.

“Where are you going?” he asked and tugged on my hand, eyeing me with confusion.

“Home, I’m tired and…” I sneezed “Cold.”

“See!I hate to say I told you so every single time, but here we go again, you caught a cold, what were you thinking going to the balcony in this clothes?” he scolded angrily making me look down at my thin dress.

“I … I was…” I stuttered fidgeting with my fingers. He rolled his eyes and gave me a tissue.

“Just wait here.” He said and ran to his room and came back with something in his hand.

“Put this on.” He said and held his jacket for me to slip on.

“I live right across the hall...I don’t need this.” I argued but slipped my arms in the sleeves anyway. He placed the hood on my head, tying it on my neck with a smile then leaned down to kiss the tip of my nose.

“Don’t do that, you’re gonna catch a cold too.” I said turning around embarrassed.

“Don’t worry I have 2 weeks off and I can catch a cold freely.”

I stared at him in shock and he chuckled pinching my cheeks with both hands and dragged me towards my shared apartment with hana.

Once I got changed in the bathroom he gave me a pill and a glass of water then tucked me in.

“Go to sleep.” He said and gently brushed his lips on my forehead, I clutched his hand making him look at me questioningly.

“What? You need something?”

“We need to talk, you said…” he cut me off by placing his lips on mine slowly moving them.

My breath hitched as I kissed him back out of instinct but my heart clenched when I smelt the faint smell of alcohol and pushed him away forcefully. He was drunk, that’s why he was acting like this.

“What are you doing?” he asked with confusion written all over his face.

“Go back to your apartment and sleep; we’ll talk when you’re not drunk.”

***

“Let’s talk” it read. For a moment I considered replying to his text but then I reminded myself that it was useless, we were breaking up so I didn’t have to act like a loving girlfriend anymore.

By the time I gathered myself and went back inside, hana and hongbin were leaving for one of their photography dates and taekwoon was sitting on the couch doing who knows what on his phone.

Once the door was closed i dropped the fake smile. I stood by the armchair for a minute before coming to my senses and taking a seat on the farthest one from where he was sitting.

I sat there for a while, hoping he would talk first but when he didn’t look up from his phone I decided to take the initiative.

“I don’t have all the evening, what did you want to talk about?” It came out harsher than I actually intended but I couldn’t control the bitterness in my words anymore.

“Why? you have plans with that friend of yours? why don’t you just date already?” his face remained calm as he said those words but I could see his fists clenching and his knuckles turning white.

“It’s none of your business.” I replied, my face heating up in anger.

“Yeah right cause you ARE already dating. Aren’t you?” he scoffed now boring holes on my face with his burning gaze.

I kept quiet this time, finding no point in arguing if he was so convinced I was cheating,then I might as well play along. This would make everything easier as I didn’t have to explain any further.

“What do you want here aside from guessing on my dating status” I said in a frosty tone, leaning back to stare at him in the eyes.

He seemed surprised to see this side of my personality, yet I scoffed at his delay in understanding that something was really wrong with me.

“I see that you are waiting oh so patiently for me to end this, but you know what you have to end this on your own if you want to get rid of me.”

I looked at his furious expression and sighed, I didn’t know how did we end up like this, but my heart clenched at the thought of all the things we’ve done together to build this relationship, all the things we’ve been through to be together just to destroy it with our own hands.

I loved him, I loved him so much that I was willing to step aside and watch his happiness from afar, I was happy as long as he was happy yet here he was accusing me of cheating on him and yelling at me for keeping quiet.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked down.

“Let’s break up” I can’t take it anymore.

“What?” he suddenly yelled and I looked up to see he was already standing in front of me his fists clenched, fuming in anger.

“There’s no point in going on like this” I whispered, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall down.

“I regret everything I used to feel for you,you didn’t deserve anything from me.I wish I had never met you” He said more calmly,and I kept my head down so he can’t see my tears.

“So it’s really over then.” He trailed down, stepping back from me.

“I’m sorry.” I choked as tears streamed down my face, shivering slightly as the door closed with a loud bang.

The loud noise of their apartment's door slamming shut brought me to my senses as I took out my phone and typed down a short message.

“It’s over.” I hit the send button and then I didn’t have anything else to do but staring blankly at the couch in front of me, the one he was sitting on just a few minutes ago.