The first time it happened Guanlin didn’t even know such a disease existed.

He was just walking along, as he did every afternoon, next to Jihoon, on their way to the university dorms. They were the best of friends and had been ecstatic when Guanlin graduated high school and was accepted into the same university as his Jihoon-hyung. Since then they would roam around university together, always wrapped up in some interesting conversation if their lack of awareness of their surroundings was anything to go by. They didn’t share a dorm room, but one was often found in the other’s room.

On this particular day, Guanlin had made a silly comment about something, causing Jihoon to throw his head back in delight, laughing without restraint. Guanlin had turned to his left, eyes disappearing and lips curving automatically, as he looked at Jihoon fondly. The setting sunlight hit Jihoon’s hair and face at all the right angles and all Guanlin could think was how utterly breathtaking Jihoon looked. He felt a blossoming warmth in his chest as his heart thudded faster with every beat, and then it happened.

All of a sudden Guanlin felt the oddly familiar but foreign texture of a flower petal in his mouth. His smile drops and he frowns in confusion. Opening his mouth he spits out a single bright yellow sunflower petal. Guanlin stares at the sunflower petal in his palm, uncomprehending the situation.

“What’s wrong Lin?”

Jihoon’s sweet voice, slightly tinged with concern, floats to Guanlin. He looks up and sees Jihoon a few paces in front him before realising he had stopped walking. Guanlin drops his hand, letting the sunflower petal fall away. With a shake of his head Guanlin forgets about it and bounds to catch up with Jihoon.

“It’s nothing.”

Oh, how those two words would haunt Guanlin in the future.

-

It wasn’t until three months later, after many more similar occurrences, when Guanlin coughs up an alarming handful of soft yellow petals does he finally acknowledge there was something wrong.

Guanlin was alone in his dorm when he had doubled over in the living room and the sunflower petals fell out of his mouth and onto the sofa. It was the first time so many petals had come up at once and Guanlin could no longer ignore the fact that it was not normal. With a sigh, and something feeling like dread in his stomach, Guanlin clears the petals away before retreating to his bed with his laptop. A quick search lets Guanlin know that what he has is an actual disease, not rare but also not well known.

Hanahaki disease, it’s called. A condition as a consequence of unrequited love, where flowers grow inside you and which can only be cured if the person you love returns those feelings. Or you could undertake surgery that would not only remove the flowers but all your feelings and memories of the person you love.

Putting his laptop away, Guanlin lays down in his bed and thinks about his condition. He knows exactly who he is in love with and it hurts to have a constant, painful reminder that the other did not love him back.

Knocks on the door draw Guanlin from his thoughts. When Guanlin opens the door, he is greeted with the sunshine smile that he loves. Jihoon slips inside and plops onto the sofa with a content sigh. He looks up at Guanlin, frowning slightly when he sees Guanlin’s face.

“What’s up Lin-ah? Are you okay? Your face seems more pale than usual.”

Guanlin lifts his lips up to one side, giving Jihoon a sideways smile.

“It’s nothing, hyung. I’m fine.”

But Guanlin was not fine. Not with how his heart was falling apart piece by piece, day by day.

-

There was only one time when Guanlin was able to love Jihoon without the pain of flower petals coming up his throat.

It was at a house party; not an event Guanlin particularly liked to frequent but Jihoon had been invited by one of his favourite hyungs and he didn’t want to come alone. Guanlin had readily agreed to accompany him when Jihoon asked.

Guanlin was leaning on the wall by the electric blue punch bowl, with one cup of it in his hand. There was loud music booming through the house and a buzz of chatter from the people dancing and socialising in the room. Noone came up to Guanlin and he preferred it that way. He much rathered watching Jihoon on the other side of the room.

Jihoon was chatting to a tall black haired boy, who Guanlin assumed was that hyung who invited him. They seemed to be having an engaging conversation despite the loud atmosphere. Guanlin gazed at Jihoon fondly as the other boy’s eyes lit up and his hands gestured animatedly. Jihoon was beautiful when he was passionate about what he was talking about. Then Jihoon was laughing, with an earth-shattering smile and Guanlin can feel his heart filling up with adoration and love.

It was amazing how happy Guanlin felt from just seeing Jihoon happy and he was surprised he wasn’t already coughing up buckets of sunflower petals. But Guanlin wasn’t complaining and he enjoys the wondrous feeling of being in love, albeit one-sided.

-

One day, after a particularly painful coughing fit and armfuls of silken sunflower petals, Guanlin visits the hospital. He makes sure no-one he knows sees him, especially not Jihoon.

The doctor advises Guanlin to get surgery done immediately unless he had a good feeling that his love would be returned soon. Guanlin doesn’t have a good feeling, but he refuses to get surgery. There was no way he was going to give up his memories and love for Jihoon, no matter how painful it will be.

The sunflower growing inside him had to be removed before it was too late, the doctor says. Guanlin was already in the second stage of the disease and if he isn’t treated by the end of the third stage and the disease progresses into the fourth and final stage, then he was going to die.

If Guanlin had to choose between loving Jihoon and living, he would only live to love