You were in the future.

That was your first thought when you opened your eyes and saw the lights. Logically speaking you knew it wasn’t possible. You weren’t in the future nor the past, you were in the present of another universe very much different from yours or even the pink-haired Jimin’s sad, devastated world.

Everything was rushing around you in bright neon colours, the high tech buildings towering outside of the window and the weird garnets, eccentric accessories and makeup people wore. All of them reminded you of those science-fiction movies you always loathed because you didn’t like to think so ahead of you and it just felt surreal. Fate must have played a trick on you for throwing you into a world like this.

“Hey, wanna share a dream?” a stranger with stained voice, the deepest one you had ever heard, tossed your shoulder and made you jolt. You exhaled a deep breath letting go off your watch and turned towards the flirty guy.

The fluorescent lights blinded you for a moment and you didn’t believe your narrowed eyes. You had to blink repeatedly to make out the boy’s features clearly, the soft edges, the messy brown hair and the blown-out pupils. He looked so much like the boy you knew in your reality yet that coy smile playing on his lips and the dullness of his otherwise shining orbs turned him into a totally different person.

“Taehyung,” you gasped grabbing on the collar of your friend’s shirt, relieved that you found a familiar face so soon. However, the boy looked at you suspiciously with unfocused, unnaturally blue eyes, slightly confused.

“Do we know each other?” he raised a brow at you with another flirtatious grin, leaning closer after he invaded your little personal space on the cream coloured couch. As he put his weight a little bit more on you, hands quickly sneaking under your loose blouse, you tensed up right away.

“No. Sorry. I must have mistaken you for somebody else,” you mumbled pushing his hands away. He was high, drunk or both, you didn’t know but didn’t want to find out. No matter how much you wanted to help your friends in that other, dying world, it wasn’t your responsibility, just like you weren’t responsible what this totally wasted version of Taehyung did with his life.

You had to find Jin, that was why you came for and you were determined to catch up with him. As soon as Taehyung realized you wouldn’t give in, he pouted but moved on rapidly. He retreated back into the crowd of the party and you lost his figure in the mass of people soon enough.

Then you mindlessly wandered around in the noisy apartment you were in, elbowing your way through the bloodshot eyed horde. What kind of party was it? And what was your alter ego doing here?

Here as in the fanciest and most modern house you had ever been in. So many gold and expensive looking furniture laid around, you almost couldn’t believe your eyes but at the same time, it smelled awful, like human dirt.

While walking around you had the sinister feeling of being watched. The thought alone made your palms sweat and the back of your neck itch. Through the pulsing music, the flashing colours and people dancing like ragdolls, you didn’t realize it first but with every blink there was something wrong with the picture and as frustrated as you were you felt hot tears pricking your eyes. Something flickered in your sight like a system error and your throat closed up in fear. Panic sent shivers down your spine. What was happening to you?

To seek some privacy, you searched for the bathroom and when an annoyingly laughing couple finally climbed out, you couldn’t have been happier to shut the door close behind your back and turn the lock with trembling hands. What was wrong with you? Did they drug you? Where were your body’s when you needed them?

“For god’s sake,” you muttered barely above a whisper. With something scratching your throat, you turned to face the mirror but recoiled as soon as you saw your reflection in it. Aside from the fact that you wore clothes too see-through and exposing for your taste, the most shocking feature was the bright blue eyes you had. As you leaned closer, nose almost touching the cold surface of the mirror, the unnatural colour flickered back to normal and the itchy feeling in your nape returned.

“What the hell?” you cursed mostly to yourself and with quivering fingers you tentatively touched one of your eyeballs feeling the edges of a contact lens. You felt relieved when you removed both pieces of plastic and you opened the tap to wash your face clean.

When you straightened your back staring at your reflection, you were once again dumbfounded. The girl with beautiful makeup and perfect hair was gone. You had circles under your eyes and your hair was a sticky mess. But not only you had changed. The bathroom around you that once had marble floor, wash cabin and toilet made of porcelain was now made of the cheapest metal and dirty plastic you had ever seen. The golden taps were no longer shiny and there was nothing fancy about it. It felt like a bad dream.

Leaving the misleading, weird contact lenses behind, you burst out the bathroom door to check out the place once again. With clearer head and without the added layer over your irises, you looked around in the apartment with empty walls and cheap, old furniture, no music and no colourful lights, you realized it was all because of the lenses. They made you see something that wasn’t real, they made you lose track of time and purpose as for a moment you forgot about Jin.

You looked down at your watch and the time it displayed took you aback. Six hours? You had been here six hours already? How? Yet, you still had long hours before you could finally leave this godforsaken world behind.

You crossed your arms in front of your chest defendant but nobody really paid attention to you. Nobody cared about a sad girl in the corner. The mass of partying, drugged people looked pathetic from the view of an outsider and you were sure your boyfriend would have agreed with you. There was no way, he stayed in a universe like this.

“Need a drink, pretty face?” a drunken fellow stumbled into you suddenly but you were smarter than to accept anything like this from strangers. Especially in a place like this.

“No, thanks,” you shook your head frantic as you were offered a purple cocktail.

“Take it,” the man aggressively pushed the drink into your hands and you were tired of protesting. You put the glass of suspicious looking liquid down onto the first available place you found when the man was gone, moving onto his next target to shove with drinks.

You paced out, thinking hard on your next move when you heard the yelling from another room. No matter how much your gut told you to walk over there, stop whatever was happening there but you didn’t want to intervene in something that wasn’t your business. You had already caused more commonation than you should have.

You needed to get out of there, you decided.

You ran around eagerly searching for a way out but this whole apartment seemed like a huge labyrinth and you always arrived back to the living room with the worn couch you woke up on. You stumbled out to the hallway, trying to catch your breath and escape this nightmare, stopping a mental breakdown from happening.

And there, in the middle of the corridor was Jungkook, a green substance staining his pink lips and eyes so lost, your heart stopped for a moment when you saw him.

“Jungkook!” you shouted but he didn’t seem to hear you as he continued walking on wobbly legs. He looked close to fainting and you rushed after him.

“Hey Jungkook,” you desperately called out but again, you got no answer.

“Don’t bother him. He’s dreaming,” said a rough voice from behind you and you spun around. At a door made of the finest real material you had seen so far to see in the apartment, a tall man stood looking at you with crystal clear curiosity swimming in his eyes. He might have dressed in an extravagant fashion you had never seen him in and he might have had hair so differently styled but you knew him.

“Namjoon!” you were happy to see another familiar face but the tilt of his head had already showed his uncertainty.

“Do I know you?”

He was Namjoon but not really, not the one you knew apparently. So you signalled no with the bitter taste of a half lie in your mouth.

“I’m searching for Jin,” you blurted out wasting no time on formalities standing on the edge of here and there not really knowing what to do. Should you have approached him or wait for him to invite you closer? You had never been afraid of the rational, warm-hearted boy you knew back home but this Namjoon seemed so intimidating, chills ran down your spine just hearing his voice.

“Oh but I know a lot of Jin. You have to be more detailed with that,” he grinned, pushing up the sleeves of his too-long shirt and ran his fingers through his dirty blonde hair in such a lazy manner like he couldn’t care less about a thing in this damned world.

“His full name is Kim Seokjin, he’s about your height, a bit older… uhm…” you got cut off by a sturdy built running into you. Looking at him, you recognized Yoongi’s messy hair as he brushed your shoulder roughly while passing by you, running after Jungkook, calling out his name. At least he was there for the younger or so it seemed. It made you feel nauseous, that in this universe the boys, they weren’t all there for each other, that they didn’t know you either. The mere thought made you sink into the pain of sadness.

However, Namjoon didn’t even bat an eye. He let out a low chuckle, borderline ridiculing you and your poor description of Jin. But what could you do? You didn’t know him in this universe, your alter ego had absolutely no recollection of him, so you had no idea how different he looked or how he was here.

“Ah the guy who thought my dreams weren’t real enough. Interesting. Come on in,” Namjoon beckoned you closer, into his office and you only hesitated for a moment. After all, he was the first sober person you met that night. Or was it actually daytime? You couldn’t see anything but the enormous block of buildings outside of the window. Not the sun, not the moon, only darkness illuminated by unnatural colours.

“You took out your contacts,” the man pointed out once you got seated in the chair on one side of the long dining table.

“I didn’t feel too well,” you shrugged trying very hard not to sound too whiny or judgemental. But this universe felt so, so wrong.

“Don’t you like the fake wealth anymore?” Namjoon sat down on the opposite side of the table, filling a glass with almost transparent, half-tint green liquid.

“What?” you blinked confused as your nails dig into the flesh of your palm to stop the shaking. You hated this feeling, the vulnerability and the complete lack of control you had over your own body.

The man before you tilted his head in a curious manner, sharp, almond eyes focused on your form almost piercing. It made you feel uncomfortable, being watched by Namjoon, a version of him that you didn’t know. Your subconscious did, the girl who owned this body but sold herself for fake promises of hallucinations.

“Did you hit your head? The glamour must be wearing off if you don’t beg for another shot,” the man turned around and changed the topic of the conversation making you even more bewildered.

“What do you mean?” you stattered out, words jarring together. You couldn’t believe it. Were you really a stoner, so depressed in this life like you had nothing left for you here?

“You had been a loyal buyer till now,” the apparently dealer guy shrugged and despite being anxious about the answer, you had to ask:

“Buying what?”

“Dreams, of course, like everybody here,” the man replied as if it was the most natural things to do but your head was swimming in thoughts. Namjoon leaned towards you since he was curious and slightly concerned all the same. He seemed to be surprised to see you in this state, too. “You really don’t remember?”

True to the truth, you shook your head telling no and even if your alter ego could remember, she was too far gone to recall anything.

“Did Jin buy, too?” you asked because you had to know. Even if it was a version of Jin that had never been yours. You wanted to know if his alter ego in this world was just as petty and messed up as yours. From the bottom of your heart, you hoped he wasn’t.

“Yeah. Once. He didn’t like it. He left saying he would find something realer,” Namjoon cracked a grimace, ugly laughter spilling from his mouth. “Well, good luck with that. The real world is pretty ty.”

He took a well-measured sip of his drink, savoring the taste. For you, he seemed like a powerful person, a king of his own world. He had this party after all full of people getting high on his drugs, the virtual reality and dreams whatever they were.

“It’s good for you, doesn’t it?” you asked noisily but he didn’t seem to mind.

“For my business? Sure but do you think I like living like this?”

It was a rhetorical question, you were aware that he didn’t expect an answer. He stared out of the window and you followed his gaze. The outside world seemed never-sleeping, never-resting. The constant state of being stimulated by the lights made it look monotone, unchanging despite the effervescence of people. It couldn’t have been more different from the one you had been before but it was just as sad in a way. That people had to use such unconventional ways to feel alive.

“What’s so good about dreams?” you blurted out, wondering out loud but Namjoon answered like he was just waiting for you to ask.

“You feel delirious while you dream, like you were invincible and you could be anything you have ever wanted. But it’s bought happiness, only a temporarily one and people often experience aching homesickness after, so they come back for more and it’s the endless spiral.”

“Like a drug,” you realized, heart aching.

“Exactly. Happiness is just like a drug,” the dealer agreed bitterly. “And the saddest thing is that we, humans, naturally crave it.”

Glancing down at your watch ticking close to ten, be it morning or evening, you knew you still had more than half a day left, doomed to spend in this metaphorical hell.

Namjoon looked over your sorrowful figure and empathy of a kind flashed through his eyes. He stood up, bringing you a glass of the drink he had before.

“Drink it. You will feel better,” he held it to your mouth, the sweet smell already filling up your nostrils.

It was dazzling, the way memories hit you hard. Yours and your alter ego’s too. Memories of joy and words of love before they turned into sand.

“For a while at least,” Namjoon added, whispering into your ear from so close you could feel his breath brushing against your skin yet his voice sounded so faint echoing from the distance as your eyes shut closed.

The drink tasted like honey on the tip of your tongue like the colourful cotton candy you liked so much in your hometown. The bitterness, the remnants of wasted dreams, only came later when you gulped it down. You wanted to spit it out, to throw up and forget immediately but you swallowed it all: the good, the bad, the dreams and the nightmares.

You knew you shouldn’t have let the unwanted slumber embrace you but you couldn’t help fall, fall, falling…