Aether’s Guardian

Slowly the study sessions moved from the school library to Sehun’s apartment. Baekhyun had somehow convinced Sehun that the library was far too old and dusty for him to concentrate on work. Sehun knew this was a lie ¾ Baekhyun couldn’t concentrate on anything anywhere ¾ but he allowed Baekhyun inside every single time the sunshine boy showed up at his door. Baekhyun began to think that maybe, just maybe, Sehun didn’t mind his company, so Baekhyun ended up making Sehun’s apartment his little home away from home.

One particular afternoon, while Baekhyun was supposed to be tackling his ancient civilizations homework ¾ there’s nothing Baekhyun didn’t know when the countries and all its civilizations were built upon land that Kyungsoo had risen from the seas ¾ he noticed that Sehun wasn’t nagging him as much as usual.

“Hey Hunnie,” Baekhyun called in the lightest voice. Hunnie was a nickname Baekhyun used when he wanted to be gentle with Sehun. It started that day Baekhyun found Sehun in the garden, and although he was opposed to it at first, Sehun quickly warmed up to the affectionate nickname and relished in the comfort it brought him, “Look, I drew an ancient temple!” When Sehun didn’t reply, Baekhyun pushed his notebook towards Sehun, nudging his elbow.

Sehun didn’t even look down towards his paper. He stared straight ahead out of the window in his living room as a flat, “You’re supposed to working, not studying,” left his lips.

Since that day at the garden, Baekhyun had seen plenty of Sehun’s grey days. None were as dark as that first one he experienced, but each day held an indefinite amount of grey. Today was another one of those days. Baekhyun could literally see the darkness blurring the edges of Sehun’s world and the second he stepped over the threshold into Sehun’s apartment he’d had light pouring out of his fingertips.

Baekhyun wanted to ask Sehun what he meant when he said his life wasn’t his all those days ago. He wanted to ask about Sehun’s dreams and wishes, and why he felt so strongly about disappearing. He wanted to ask Sehun about why his mind and his heart were both so sad. But he didn’t. He didn’t even mention anything that was said the day he first came to Sehun’s house. He figured Sehun would open up when he wanted to, that one day Sehun would pour his heart out to Baekhyun and they could both find a way to fix everything and expel the darkness for good. But Sehun never said anything. He never spoke of his wishes; he never spoke of where his mind goes on rainy days. They didn’t really speak of anything other than school. And that worried Baekhyun.

It worried Junmyeon too. The night before, Baekhyun was summoned back to Aether for a guardian meeting. No guardian had ever been taken away from their mission to attend a meeting unless it was a high priority. Through all the times Kyungsoo or Jongdae or Chanyeol had been to earth for a mission, none of them had ever come back until their assignment was complete. Countless meetings went by without them there and if Junmyeon needed to talk to them, he’d just call. But Baekhyun was summoned.

“You have to try harder,” Junmyeon stood at the head of the table with his arms crossed over his chest, his brow furrowed in thought, “things aren’t looking any better.”

“Well, they aren’t getting any worse, right?” Baekhyun gave an unsure smile to Junmyeon who answered with a sigh.

“Just because he’s not at his lowest doesn’t mean that he’s okay, Baekhyun.” Junmyeon was back to thinking, trying to find a solution or at least something to say that would help Baekhyun out a bit.

“I know,” Baekhyun admitted, tapping his fingertips together, “but he’s walled himself in. I warm him up as best I can, but he just won’t let me in. He won’t even begin to talk about what’s going on. I was lucky enough to even get him to tell me about his family background, and the only reason he spoke of them was because I joked that he’s basically a mom with all his nagging.” Baekhyun laughs now, remembering that day in the library. The two of them were supposed to be studying, but as always Baekhyun was goofing off and seeing how many tiny paper balls could land in the hood of Sehun’s sweater before he found out. One of the balls hit Sehun in the ear and Baekhyun’s game was discovered, leading to a solid ten-minute lecture on the importance of school and how all his hard work would pay off in the future. Baekhyun nodded and pretended to listen, all the while thinking about how much he actually sounded like Junmyeon.

“Sometimes it’s hard for people to talk about things that hurt them,” Junmyeon began. His expression became softer as he shifted from ‘leader of the guardians’ to ‘Baekhyun’s friend’.

There was such a stark difference between the two sides of Junmyeon, Baekhyun wondered how they both lived inside the same person. When Junmyeon was taking up the role of leader, he was strong and responsible and confident. Leader Junmyeon always had solutions and answers to any worries or questions the other may have. He made decisions based on the wellbeing of the world and put that before anything else. He knew his duties and carried them out especially well. A model guardian, a perfect leader. Baekhyun’s friend Junmyeon was much softer. He held the same power as Leader Junmyeon, but this power was more gentle. He offered advice and comfort to the others when they were lost. Friend Junmyeon always seemed to know how the others felt and he shared his thoughts a lot more freely. Junmyeon was a lot like a mother, strong and commanding but gentle and comforting. He was axis the earth spun on and the glue that kept the guardians together.

“But sometimes a question can open a thousand doors,” Junmyeon continued, “Even asking ‘are you okay?’ or ‘how was your day?’ can provide comfort. Letting the other person know that you want to listen is a powerful thing, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun thought back on all the times Sehun seemed troubled and how all he did was crack a joke or change the subject to try to divert his thoughts to something else. There’s a difference between being happy and being distracted from sadness, and right now all Beakhyun was doing was serving as a distraction. He thought about how he never actually told Sehun he’d listen if he ever wanted to talk, or ever really made it seem like he was willing to listen. All his assurance to Sehun had been made in whispers and soft touches, not even sure if Sehun knew they were for him, not enough for Sehun to feel.

“I think I know what to do.” Baekhyun said, confidence suddenly lacing his voice.

“Good.” Leader Junmyeon was back. He gave Baekhyun a strong smile and waved bye as Baekhyun made his way back to Earth, back to Sehun.

“Hunnie, is everything okay?” Baekhyun asked when Sehun still didn’t look down at his drawing after a second elbow nudge, “You know you can always talk to me about things, right?”

That seemed to catch Sehun’s attention and he turned to look at Baekhyun with wide eyes, “Oh, okay. Thanks.” Sehun’s eyes softened a little and Baekhyun knew that this is what Sehun needed. Comfort, guidance and opportunities.

Earth’s Boy

Sehun would never openly admit it, but he really liked having Baekhyun around. The world was lighter when Baekhyun was with him, things seemed so much prettier. His darkness a bit less heavy when Baekhyun was near, and he felt like he could breathe again. Sehun wondered how someone could give such light and warmth to everything around them, and he could only really come to one conclusion: sunshine lived inside Baekhyun.

“You know you can always talk to me about things, right?” Baekhyun’s voice was as light and as warm as a summer’s breeze, but it was clear and confident and held so much meaning, Sehun was surprised that words like these could come from Baekhyun, who up until now had always seemed to choose laughs over sentiment.

“Oh, okay. Thanks,” was all Sehun could manage to say before focusing on studying again. This was new for Sehun, someone wanting to know about him. His parents always said not to let his emotions effect his path to success, so Sehun kept personal things locked away. He ignored his feelings and covered them with hard work, letting his successes be the only things he had feelings for. But succeeding stopped bringing him happiness a long time ago. It was strange having someone ask about feelings he tried so hard not to think about.

“Actually, I have a question.” Sehun put his pen down and pushed his notebook away, not really concerned with studying anymore. Baekhyun had a way of breaking down walls, and Sehun felt his own slowly crumbling, everything held behind them on the verge of spilling over.

“Hmmm?” Baekhyun hummed in response, he was busy adding details to his temple sketch.

“How do you do it?” Sehun stretched his neck a little to look over Baekhyun’s shoulder at his drawing. His temple looked like a house drawn by a first grader.

“Do what?” The tip of Baekhyun’s tongue was slightly poking out from between his lips as he concentrated on drawing a garden next to his temple.

“Shine.”

Baekhyun stopped drawing. His eyes left the paper and landed on Sehun, wide and bright, “What do you mean?”

“You make it look so easy,” Sehun glanced down at Baekhyun’s paper, he really wasn’t good at drawing, “Being happy. Everyone always says, ‘happiness is there, you just have to choose it’, but it’s not that simple. I choose it every single day, but all it does is graze my skin as I watch it slip through my fingers.”

Baekhyun smiled down at his temple-house, “I’ve learned that happiness isn’t really something you get to, or become. It’s not a destination. Happiness is a feeling, just like being hungry or being scared or tired. It comes and goes and that’s okay. We can’t really hold on to feelings, can we?”

“That sounds sad.” Sehun’s voice was small.

“You think it sounds sad because you’re holding on to your sadness, Sehun.” Baekhyun’s eyes caught Sehun’s and held them with intensity. He could feel warmth pour inside him. “You’re only thinking about how you can’t keep happiness. But if feelings are just feelings, and if they come and go, then in retrospect, you can’t keep sadness either.”

Sehun really hadn’t thought of it that way. He thought sadness was what took over when happiness couldn’t get to you, that if you weren’t happy, then you were sad. Sehun thought sadness was just a fact about him. Like when he introduced himself to people he would say, “Hello, I’m Sehun, I’m 23, I have a dog, I’m sad, and my favorite food is pizza.” He always thought that sad is what he was, not just something he felt.

“Feelings are like cars on a road,” Baekhyun began speaking again. His voice was sure and steady, “We acknowledge them and we feel them and let them pass, happiness, sadness, fear, anger, whatever it may be. We let the cars pass and once it’s gone it’s gone. But if we reach out and grab on to one of those cars, we’ll get dragged along the road. If we run after one, we’ll get hurt. That’s how it is with feelings too. If we hold on or chase after one, we won’t welcome the others, we won’t let one pass, and we’ll get hurt in the process.”

“If the happiness you choose goes away, don’t try to make it stay. Just know that there will always be new things to be happy about. The same goes for your sadness too. It’s okay to be sad, but don’t cling to it. Let it run it’s course and once the sad thing passes, welcome the next car on the road.”

Sehun smiled a little, his mind a little more at ease, “I think I’ll have to write that down.”

“Don’t worry Hunnie, I’ll help you remember it!” Baekhyun smiled a brilliant smile and rested his head against Sehun’s shoulder, and for once all Sehun could see was gold.

Aether’s Guardian

Baekhyun thought he’d done it. The days after his talk with Sehun, he saw how the dark edges of Sehun’s world fluctuated from grey to white. Light had seeped into Sehun and Baekhyun could see it working inside of him, shining brilliantly. Some days were still greyer than others, but the light was always there at the very edges, the next car on the road of Sehun’s emotions. But one day, Baekhyun found Sehun back at the garden, surrounded in thick black.

“Are you okay?” Baekyun placed his hand on Sehun’s shoulder, but the boy and his darkness didn’t even flinch.

“No,” was all the came from Sehun, the blackness coming in closer.

“What happened, Sehun?” Baekhyun hoped his voice didn’t sound as terrified as he felt. He had never been this close to Sehun’s darkness before. He could feel it on his skin, trying to creep into his own body. But Baekhyun was stronger than it, and he shone bright enough to make it retreat.

“I can’t do it. I can’t just let things pass when so much depends on the outcomes of my choices.”

“I don’t understand. What are you talking about? What outcomes?”

“I have so much to uphold, so much to accomplish and be and I can’t let anything get in the way of that.” Sehun is talking fast now, his voice frantic and pleading.

“What do you mean? What’s getting in the way of that?” Baekhyun needed him to talk, needed him to explain what was going on.

“Happiness. If I let myself be happy I might just let go of everything I’ve done until now. Because this, all these awards and accomplishments, carrying my family on my back, its not what makes me happy, it’s only weighing me down. It brings me nothing but misery. My parents and their endless expectations make me want to scream,” Sehun’s voice was coming out in quivers and shakes, “but I can’t let it go and give it up to do what makes me happy, to let the happiness in. I can’t do that because those things aren’t mine alone. If I threw this all away I’d lose so much more than I’d gain. My family, my future, it would all be gone in a flash. I can’t disappoint them. I can’t throw away all the opportunities they’ve given me. I can’t hope that things will work out because nothing has ever worked out for me.”

“Sehun, you can’t keep living your life according to some else’s wants. You can’t let your parents decide what you should strive for and how you should get there. Your happiness always comes first, Sehun. That’s what’s important, not what your parents can brag about or how much money you’ll be making once you graduate university.” Baekhyun was battling with the darkness around Sehun. Willing for all the light in Aether to pour down on the two of them. But the darkness wouldn’t budge.

“You don’t understand. That’s all I have. Without that, without this sadness, I’m nothing.” Sehun’s eyes were dark now. Any trace of light that once occupied them was now gone, “I can’t be like that. I can’t be like you and let things go and come. I have too much to lose. People like me weren’t made for sunshine, Baekhyun. People like me were made for the rain.” Sehun got up to leave, darkness destroying all the light he once held. Baekhyun reached out for Sehun’s arm, tried to follow, but Sehun shrugged him off and shook his head.

Baekhyun watched him leave the garden as a clap of thunder and lightning filled the skies above.

Earth’s Boy

That night, there were no moon or stars in Sehun’s sky. And when he woke, there was no sun. All he could see, was black.

Aether’s Guardian

Baekhyun had a visitor when he returned to his temporary home for the night. Jongin was sitting on his bed flipping through a book when Baekhyun entered the front door.

“Hopefully whenever I come down here for a mission, Junmyeonnie hyung will put me in a five-star hotel. This is kind of sad compared to what we’re used to.” Jongin lauged a little, trying to make Baekhyun feel at ease.

“Doubt it,” Baekhyun kicked off his shoes and pushed Jongin over, making room for himself on the bed, “this is the same kind of place Chanyeol, Minseok and Kyungsoo get too. I’m pretty sure even Junmyeon stays in places like this.”

“Well that . How can he expect us to sleep on this,” Jongin bounced on the bed which creaked under his weight, and thuds instead of cushions, “when we literally have beds made of clouds back home?”

“We aren’t meant to stay here so long. Our missions are supposed to be wrapped up rather quickly.” Baekhyun sighed and buried his face in the flat pillow, “what are you doing here anyway?”

Jongin hopped off the bed and walked out of the room, examining the rest of the apartment. It’s not like the temporary homes Junmyeon makes available for visiting guardians are bad, they just aren’t what guardians are used to is all. By human standards, the apartment would be rather nice. It has all the necessities, a big bedroom with large windows, a bathroom with a tub and shower, a walk in closet and a living room with relatively comfy couches and wide screen TV. But guardians don’t really need things like TVs and sofas. And they surely don’t sleep on mattresses. Baekhyun, and the rest of the guardians, don’t really have to sleep, but when they choose to it’s on beds of clouds. They don’t have time for things like TV because there’s always work to be done, and if they do have some free time, they’re usually hanging out together telling stories or picking on Junmyeon. Life in the clouds is never normal and always fun, and hardly empty. Here on earth though, it’s just Baekhyun and he can understand why humans could need things like video games and movies.

“I’m here because I figured you’d want see me right now, rather than Junmyeonnie hyung.” Jongin sauntered back into the bedroom and sat on the desk chair opposite Baekhyun’s bed.

Baekhyun groaned, “How much trouble am I in?”

“I wouldn’t say you’re in trouble,” Jongin’s fingers danced across Baekhyun’s desk, he was never one to sit still. “But Junmyeonnie hyung isn’t exactly happy with the way things are going either.”

“I know, I know. It’s not like I did this on purpose. I tried my hardest, but I can’t get through.” Baekhyun buried his face back into the pillow, his voice muffled.

“Byun Baekhyun, are you giving up?” Jongin feigned surprise and wheeled the chair over towards the bed.

“I don’t know. Maybe? I just don’t know how to fix this? Can Sehun even be helped?”

A small tingling pain ran up Baekhyun’s leg as Jongin dealt him a small hit, “Of course he can be helped! You just have to give it time. You can’t expect one talk to cure everything. Healing is a process, Baekhyun. It’s not like you can use your powers and heal him. He has to want to heal too.”

Jongin goofed off just as much as Baekhyun, but there was always another level to him that Baekhyun couldn’t match, and this was it. Jongin was able to understand humanity well, probably because he dealt with them more than any of the other guardians. He understood that with humans, things had to be taken slowly. He had a patience that Baekhyun lacked.

“He needs something to make him want to take the chance at happiness. Right now, he’s comfortable in his sadness because that’s all he thinks he can get.” Jongin’s words were so impactful, but the guardian looked at ease while speaking them. He was doing a little dance as he spoke.

“I wish I could show him how I see things. I wish I could show him his darkness, how thick it is and how little time he has. He thinks all he has to do is make his parents happy and things will be fine, but that’s not how it works,” Baekhyun sat up now, watching Jongin dance across the floor, “If he keeps going this way he’s going to lose himself entirely. He’s going to destroy himself living like this, and one day he won’t be able to come back.”

“Then show him.” Jongin said it so simply, like it was the most obvious answer in the universe.

“You know I can’t do that.” Baekhyun plopped back down on the mattress, searching his brain for another answer.

“Maybe seeing what awaits him will be what makes him take that chance.”

“You’re crazy. To do that I’d have to reveal myself and you know we aren’t supposed to let our presence be known.”

Jongin stopped his dance and sat next to Baekhyun on the bed, “This seems like an emergency situation to me. You said yourself, he doesn’t have much time left before the darkness takes over. If this is the way you can restore things, so be it.”

“Junmyeon would never allow it. He’d rather I fail than throw our existence in the faces of humanity.” Baekhyun kicked Jongin with his foot, retaliation for a stupid idea.

“It wouldn’t be to humanity, just to Sehun. And really, would he rather you fail and have the whole universe out of balance? I think not.” Jongin tickled the bottom of Baekhyun’s foot, revenge for revenge. “Besides I’m sure Junmyeonnie hyung could like zap his memory or something.”

Baekhyun laughed, “First of all we aren’t the men in black, second of all he’s guardian of the seas, I don’t think he has the jurisdiction to erase memory.”

“I’m sure he can think of something, Junmyeonnie hyung is a very powerful man.” Jongin rose from the bed and made his way to the door, “You can ask him at the meeting tomorrow.”

“What?!” Baekhyun shot up from the bed and bee lined straight for Jongin, arms out ready to possibly strangle him.

“Oh yeah, that’s the real reason I’m here. You’ve been summoned. Again.” Jongin slipped on his shoes and opened the door, “See you tomorrow Baek!” and with a gorgeous smile he was gone, faster than Baekhyun had ever seen him leave before.