Donghyuk couldn’t remember the moment he fell in love with Bobby. Perhaps it was when Bobby, at the tender age of 10, offered to become the boy’s first friend? Or the time Donghyuk saw the older crying over an injured baby bird? It didn’t matter, all Donghyuk knew was that one day he fell into Bobby’s kind eyes and bright grin and never came back. 

He followed Bobby around for years, doing everything he did, joining every club the other joined, even the basketball team, though he absolutely hated the sport. Nothing ever came out of it though, not when Bobby’s eyes were always looking somewhere else.

Looking at Hanbin, with his doe eyes and sweet smile, who entered their friend group of six in the last year of middle school because of Jinhwan. He was the eldest’s cousin, newly moved from all the way across Korea, and shy, clinging onto Jinhwan’s shirt as Bobby stared at him in fascination.

Donghyuk knew he lost the moment Hanbin looked up into Bobby’s eyes and greeted him with a flush creeping up his cheeks, though he’d never even been an option to Bobby. He hid the stab of betrayal when only Hanbin was granted the privilege of calling Bobby by his real name, something no one else but his mother had the right to do. He watched them dance around each other for years until Jinhwan finally pushed Hanbin into confessing during Bobby’s junior year.

He watched them bloom because of each other, into the most beautiful versions of themselves, and watched as they left him behind, eyes on no one but the other.

He wanted to hate Hanbin, he really did, but he could never truly despise him. Not when he made Bobby smile so beautifully it pained Donghyuk, to know that that look of utter adoration and love would never be pointed at him.

-

Donghyuk sighed in mock-exasperation, acting as if Bobby’s clinginess was bothersome and didn’t make him want to dance in bashful joy. “Dong!” Bobby whined, crawling across the sofa to lay his head on his best friend’s lap.

The older called him over for a week straight, Hanbin gone on a business trip the entire time, and the loneliness ate at Bobby. But today was the day that Hanbin would finally come back, and Donghyuk could see from Bobby’s aura just how ecstatic he felt.

Bobby’s body vibrated with excitement as he smashed his head into Donghyuk’s stomach. “Hanbin’s finally coming back! I’ve only been able to text him and I want to hear his voice and see his pretty face and-and-” he started stuttering, losing his ability to speak as he got more and more excited at the thought of being with Hanbin again.

Donghyuk laughed, hiding the bittersweet smile on his face as he pushed Bobby away and stood up, declaring, “I’m leaving if you’re going to keep being this cheesy.”

Bobby scrambled up, a whine on his lips as he tugged at Donghyuk’s shirt pitifully. “Don’t leave, Dong,” he said, “not until Hanbin comes back!”

Donghyuk turned his face the side, feeling a scowl pulling at him as he muttered, more spitefully than he intended, “So, I’m only good for when Hanbin’s not here?”

He felt Bobby pause and winced, knowing Bobby’s empathetic sensitivity would help him pick it up. “What?” Bobby asked, cocking his head as he tried to peek at Donghyuk’s face.

The younger huffed, diverting Bobby’s attention by sniffing at him haughtily. “I should be getting paid to babysit you for Hanbin.” He held in a sigh of relief when Bobby snorted, slapping a hand over his mouth before bursting.

Bobby laughed, head thrown back and face crinkled up in joy. Donghyuk felt his head skip a beat and he melted, looking at Bobby with starstruck eyes. He wanted this image to be seared into his brain for all of eternity, the face of Bobby’s pure joy that happened because of him. Unfortunately for Donghyuk, the door’s lock jiggled and it opened, revealing the person Bobby longed for and Donghyuk dreaded.

“Jiwon, I’m back!” Hanbin’s voice cheerfully broke through the duo’s bubble of intimacy and Donghyuk felt the world filter back in abruptly. His smile faded and he shrunk back, watching as Bobby turned to Hanbin with the loveliest look on his face.

“Baby,” Bobby replied, reaching out to catch his younger fiancé in a tight hug. “I missed you!”

Hanbin peered at Donghyuk over the older’s shoulder, winking at him playfully as he returned the embrace just as strongly. Donghyuk knew that Hanbin only meant to thank him for keeping Bobby company while he was away, but he still felt a spike of resentment at what seemed like a taunt.

But he knew Hanbin, knew how soft he was and how much he loved his friends, and knew it was only his mind that twisted a genuine show of gratitude into cruelty. He almost wanted Hanbin to be a horrible person, so that he could rightfully think that Bobby deserved better.

However, the truth was that Bobby and Hanbin were perfect for each other. There had never been a couple more enamored and faithful to one another, no pair more in love than the two. The soulmates that belonged together. ‘The Golden Couple’, as they were nicknamed all the way back when Hanbin was a sophomore and Bobby a junior in high school.

He saw Hanbin and Bobby get lost in each other again, nuzzling one another and shutting him out of their world. They looked at no one but the other and Donghyuk felt hollow, an empty feeling building in his gut.

The absolute truth he inherently knew? There would never be a place for him in Bobby’s heart, not like there was for Hanbin.

He smiled back bitterly, turning away quickly before they could spot the hurt and wanting expression threatening to overtake Donghyuk’s face. He cleared his throat, “Well, I have to go back now. Hanbin’s here again and you’ll be happier, Bobby. Bye.”

He scurried out of their home, hearing their confused farewells, and drove back to his apartment, where he locked himself inside to eat away his sorrows with ice cream and chick flick movies.

He wanted Bobby so much it hurt, a pain in his chest that only grew as the years passed and he witnessed their love grow stronger and unfading.

Donghyuk wished it could’ve been him, he wished and wished for it so badly, but some things just weren’t meant to be.

He would have to live with it, like he’d been doing since Bobby stole his love as a gangly teenager with a gut wrenching smile and a heart of gold.