“I’m sorry, I do love you, but not in that way. Won Bin makes me happy and I love him, please be happy for me,” she frowned.

I stared at her, I’ve loved her pretty much my whole life ever since we met in kindergarten. I always said to myself, ‘Taekwoon, you’ll marry her, she’s the one’ and I meant it and I thought she’d felt the same. I kept holding off, too shy and too afraid of rejection to ever take the chance, but that’s how I’ve always been, quiet.

But then a few months ago, she met him, and I didn’t like him, nothing about him at all. He was cocky and arrogant and loved to flaunt the fact that they were together in my face. She was enamored and slowly started to spend more and more time with him and I was pushed by the waste side. She tried I suppose, tried to keep me involved in her life, trying to get me to hang out with them, but I didn’t want to be a third wheel. She tried to set me up with some of her friends, but I didn’t want them, I wanted her, only her.

They broke up for a period and I thought it would be my chance to get in closer and to finally tell her how I feel and have her feel the same and so…I went for it. I can still hear her, still remember my confession…

“I love you, I’ve always loved you. I was hoping…hoping that maybe we could try to….” I bit my lip, giving her a shy smile before lowering my head.

“Oh…Taekwoon…”

I lifted my head and saw her staring at me, tears in her eyes. This was it, this was the moment I’d dreamt of since I was little.

“I-I’m sorry Taekwoon…I don’t…I don’t feel like that…I…” she stopped, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Swallowing hard, I stared at her, “What?”

She shook her head, “I didn’t know you felt like this, I…we’re friends, best friends, I don’t want to change that, you’re too important.”

I simply stared at her and that’s when I knew what it felt like to have a broken heart.

I don’t know why I agreed to have everything be the same with her still because I couldn’t stand it. Every time I’d see them, it was like I couldn’t breathe. He was always so damn smug, rubbing it in my face because he obviously knew exactly how I felt and that he’d won and that no matter what, she’d always choose him over me, always.

The longer I stay, the longer I linger between them…the more of myself I lose. I cannot do this, I can’t just be friends with her anymore because, I don’t feel just friendly towards her, I never have. I am selfish, a very selfish man because I want her all for myself and I barely have a small part of her anymore.

And while she stands here in front of me, she has him and she has me, she has what she wants and what do I get? The torture of watching them together.

Heartache.

No more, I’m done, I cannot do this to myself. I can’t sit back and watch a guy who doesn’t deserve her, have her, when I would’ve done anything, anything in my power to call her mine.

But she doesn’t want me.

With this knowledge, I must let her go, not for her sake, I’m not doing anything for her sake anymore…but for my own. I’m angry, I’m so angry and most of all…hurt, because I’m about to lose my best friend.

Maybe it’s better this way, maybe I’ll go on and find someone who is supposed to be with me, someone who will love me…if I can allow myself to love again.

Maybe…

“We’ve gotten back together, I know it’s been tough, but we’re better now. Since me and him are better, I can be better for us too ya know? I haven’t been much fun to hang out with, but that’s gonna change,” she said softly, smiling.

I would miss that smile, so much.

I nodded, “I am happy for you.”

Grinning broadly, she reached out, taking my hand, “Thank you, I knew you’d…” she stopped.

I slipped my hand from hers and backed up, shaking my head, “No, no more.”

“Taekwoon?”

“I can’t do this anymore. You’ve gotten back together with him, then I’m finished.”

She blinked, “Huh?”

“I can’t stand another minute, another second around you two.”

Her eyes widened.

“You want it all don’t you? You’ve got your man and you’re happy, you’ve got me knowing how I feel about you, asking me to hang out with you two, to follow you around like some lovesick puppy, is that how you see me?”

Her face fell, “No! Taekwoon no!”

“Then why? Why are you doing this to me? Why do you torture me knowing that I want you, knowing how much I love you? You’re flaunting your relationship in front of me, trying to have me hang out with the guy who is where I want to be because you want me with you…why?” I ask, desperate to hear her answer.

She says nothing, just stares at me, tears spilling down her cheeks.

“Why can’t you say it? Say that you get to have everything you want, but I can’t. You get everything you want, but what do I get?”

She stared at me, at loss for words.

“How is that fair? Why do you get to be happy and I don’t?”

She bit her lip and looked down, “I just…want to have you both, I need you in my life. I do love you…”

“No.”

She looked back up startled.

“If you loved me, you would’ve let me go rather than stringing me along, knowing how I feel about you. Asking me to hang out with you two, coming to me and telling me things about what you two do together, if you loved me, you wouldn’t be so inconsiderate of my feelings. This is it, we’re done. I don’t…I don’t want to be friends with you anymore.”

All my memories of her, starting to fade, starting to dissolve and flow down my cheeks in the form of tears. It will be like this that I will expel her from my body and my heart.

“D-don’t do this please Taekwoon, please don’t.”

I waited and waited for her, but not anymore.

“We can still be friends, I’ll spend more time with you ok? I promise, it’ll be like it was before.”

I shook my head, because it never could. I can’t be around her and not want her to be mine. I can’t watch her with him anymore.

“I guess I’m not the only selfish one.”

Her face fell, and I turned, walking off leaving her behind, just as she did to me.