I’m so damn ruined today.

 

I was late to the 7 pm dance class because I just finished something else at school. The class just randomly chose me as the coordinator of the class for the school’s art festival, and I had no idea why I even agreed to be one. Long story short, there’s a meeting of each coordinator in every class to decide which concept they’re bringing. And being too focused I was, I didn’t even realize that time was quickly ticking.

 

The trainer for the day was quite strict that they don’t accept tardiness in all forms, I didn’t even bother to show up as the clock was already pointing at 8. The last time a guy was late, and he ended up having to explain what he was being late for in front of the class for ten minutes. And he was just fifteen minutes late. So, I just quickly brushed off the thought of ever sneaking in.

 

So here I am, sitting in the bus stop of my supposed destination to the dance class. I’m too lazy to go back home, since none of my family is home yet and I’ll be all alone. So, I just sit here, staring at the setting sun. My mind wanders off to the regret of that incident of being late, since I only have time to dance to relieve the stress in the evening, two days a week, and I must go to school in the morning until afternoon for the rest of the week. But even for once I don’t regret skipping this one class, strangely.

 

My mind wanders off to somewhere else, even to something as essential as why I wanted to take this dance class in the first place. I don’t even know why I even bother do dance, even to the point of taking this dance class, when I clearly have no intention in making this as a professional life choice. I like to dance, but I just like to dance to relieve the stress of my classes in school. And I’m like almost positive that I want to continue my study in other field, while at this point, I still don’t know what. I feel aimless sometimes. But when I dance, or just seeing everyone else freely expressing their feelings through moves, I just feel energized. Maybe it’s just my way to cope with this confusion.

 

But it’s different from what Minho is doing. He looks almost blinding when he dances, as if he fully puts his charm on it; or maybe he really does. He’s always giving his fullest. His eyes are burning with confidence. His moves are prominent and sharp. He looks the brightest when he’s dancing, and I truly admire him for that. I admire him for his dance and his seriousness in dancing, like he’s figured out what he wants to do for the rest of his life.

 

Out of sudden when I’m still day dreaming, I hear my name being called by a familiar voice that I’ve heard a lot since the first time we introduced ourselves.

 

“Why weren’t you in class earlier?” The voice’s owner turns out to be Minho, the guy I’ve been thinking of earlier. “I thought we promised last time that we wanted to do the paired dance move together today?” He then sits right beside me. So close. I just wish he can’t listen to my enormous heartbeats that can’t be slowed down.

 

Ah, right. Last time the trainer promised that we will learn a dance move that is supposed to be done with a partner. And Minho has texted me saying that I should go with him and I immediately agreed. Like, who wouldn’t go with the best dancer in class? Apart from the fact that he makes my heart beats incredibly fast.

 

“I was late, school .” I reply flatly.

 

He snickers. “I waited for you, you know.” He then hands me a bag of steaming hot bread, which I suppose must be a cinnamon roll. He’s been giving me one once in a while ever since we got closer, and I find it endearing. He then continues talking, “Let me know next time.” He softly says.

 

“I’m really sorry. I was so overwhelmed with this meeting of an upcoming festival in my school, my class just made me the coordinator of the class.” I sigh softly as I take a bite of the warm cinnamon roll. I didn’t realize that I was famished before he gave me this. And I also didn’t realize that I made him this worried. “I’m also sorry I don’t get to be your partner in today’s lesson. I really hope next time will do.”

 

He just laughs lightly at my panicky face. “Hey, chill, okay?” He says as nudges my shoulder with his. “I know, I’m just too worried that something happened to you. Now that I know why you didn’t come today, I feel relieved. That’s all I want to know.”

 

He keeps giggling at my apologetic face, so I end up giggling too.

 

“Do you always go in this route?” he then asks after a short silence, indicating the bus I’m supposedly taking.

 

I nod. “Yeah, my apartment is around ten blocks from here.” I then look at his face. “You too?”

 

“No. I just see you taking the bus from this shelter a lot whenever I go home.” He replies while looking up at the fully set sky, with the little stars glimmering.

 

“Where do you live?” I ask.

 

“I live in a dormitory nearby. It’s a short walk.”

 

“Oh.” That’s the first time that I know that he’s not from this area. Where is he originally from and why haven’t I known about this, despite being close for about a month already? Does he not go to school? Who does he live with?

 

These questions keep buzzing in my mind, but I feel like I’m invading too much of his privacy. Before he then involuntarily answers the questions himself, as if he’s able to read my mind. “My family isn’t from here, they live in Gimpo. I go home during weekends.”

 

“What about school?” I hesitantly ask, just because. But I immediately regret it afterwards, as I feel like I’m being too invading.

 

“Ah, I graduated early.” He just chuckles. “Now I’m practically just jobless, taking dance classes here and there. I just take one part-time job in a bookstore.”

 

“So, this isn’t the only class you take?” I inquire once again. There is too many new information about him that I must take. This past month I just blindly assumed one or two things about him since I didn’t have the balls to ask.

 

He just shakes his head lightly. “I really want to focus on dancing. I take the best dance classes I can find, so that I can once get casted in an audition or something. I really want to live to be a performer.” He stares far ahead to the sky again.

 

It’s crystal clear now that he really is focused on dancing. I truly admire his will and his determination, he knows what he wants to do next in his life. It’s such a contrasting difference from me, despite being on the same age. I just sigh lightly, feeling a little pitiful for myself at times like this.

 

He seems to notice that I have unspoken thoughts. “But what about you, Heejin?” he asks, looking at me with a small smile that never fails to warm my heart. “I really want to know about you too.”

 

I smile at him back, he realizes that I have worries for myself without explicitly asking it.

 

Then we just end the next hour talking about each other’s lives. Mostly about each other’s fears of the future. Hesitations, but also anticipations. Many about life’s what-ifs and what-nots. I talk about how I still don’t know what major I’m thinking of taking in the future, and he talks about how he fears if he doesn’t get accepted in any dancing agencies. I talk about my various choices of majors, he talks about how he wanted to do a lot of things before finding dancing as his passion. We talk about our dreams.

 

We talk a lot until late at night, until my mother phones me to ask about my whereabouts. Even when we then say goodbye, our smiles are still visible. It lingers much later, even when I get home to be scolded a little by my mother as I get home a little too late. I just love this night, being open to someone surely relieves all these knots in my head about the future.

 

But, what I love the most about tonight is how our digits are intertwined the entire time.