It has been more than 4years since they stopped talking. Nothing much of a big reason. Time she thought. She understood when the conversations became shorter and the letters came in late.. He could have been a good friend she can cherish all her life but may be he didn't think so. She remembered him a few times but her pride or ego stopped herself from contacting a person who didn't contact her after her last letter . She wants to but she doesn't want to be a pushover. Or may be, was she a pushover?  he started a new life leaving behind the old one, moving to a different country altogether. So could she ask him how he was doing? She can't right.

She opened their letters they exchanged when he first moved out of country. When their high school ended. The first letter he wrote and how it started (June 2010) 

So eun ah. I miss Korea. I miss everyone there. The new house is yet to be set. I should still unpack Many things. I miss everything from Korea. What should I do?

She smiled subconsciously. At her stupidity. He said he missed everything in Korea but that was the time she read it and understood like he missed her and got happy on her own. She never asked if he missed her though. She kept that letter aside and picked up one more. One from a month later. (August 2010), and read a part of it. 

   So eun ah. How are you.? The new house is very near to the university. And my parents gifted me a car. Also I made new friends here. Now I can go party anytime I want. 

She smiled as she remembered him, he would never get bored of parties. And clubs. And would always go to them together with his guy friends posing as college students. And how people used to believe him because of his build. They would dance and drink. And when they think they would get caught they would sneak out calmly. She smiled as she imagined how he used to express that to her next day in school. This was the time she started missing him. 

She got her desired seat in Seoul University. She made a few friends and her school started. She was majoring in education. To become a teacher was her dream she choose. She wrote a letter to him that time. (September 2010)

   I picked photography as major. I would open a studio once I get my studies completed.   

He always used to take photos. Of the sky of the birds, of the flowers, of people and sometimes of his friends and also of her. But this was the time she started Missing him more. More than she imagined. She waited for his reply, it did not come. So she wrote him again. She wrote him with her heart fluttering for the first time. She never imagined she would like him. True he was close to her during school and also he was famous among other girls because of his features but he rarely talked with other girls, it was her or the science lab girl and one of his other friends sister. But does it mean he likes her too? Should I ask him? So eun remembered the sleepless nights when she used to think of this particular friend . 

She picked up one more letter from the bunch, she recognised this. this was a reply to her letter. This was the one she got after two of her letters. (February 2011)

   I am fine. I started working part-time in one studio here. I may become busy. How are you? How are your classes going?

It felt crisp for her. He replied short this time. She remembered that this is the first time she felt sad. She wanted to write back immediately but she couldn't. She posted her letter almost a week later. And she got a reply earlier than the previous time. She was happy. They both exchanged letters monthly till they finished their first year. Then the vacation time and both of them wrote only two months later.

(October 2011)
It has been a year so eun ah. And my vacation ended. I have attached a photo of mine with few of my friends. Two more years of university, I can't wait to finish it. 

It has become common to her now. Her heart flutters every time she gets a letter form him. But this time she could feel knots in her stomach too. She was seeing him for first time after a year. He grew more handsome and dyed his hair to a different shade too. He was happy with a bunch of friends. She replied him and sent him a picture of herself near the sea. 

A few more letters exchanged and so eun decided she would tell him her feelings. May be they could think of later when they graduate from university but for now she wanted to confess. The next reply she would be giving is her feelings in words. She was waiting for a reply from him. It has been two months since they last talked. After a She wrote to him asking if he was doing well since she got worried as she didn't get a reply. There was a letter after few weeks. (March 2012)

So eun ah, sorry. I got a little busy. I am doing well. How are you doing? I have a news for you though. I got myself a girlfriend here, she is a transfer student from another university and she is really pretty just like her name sara. 

Her heart broke here. She got a reply to her feelings that she never confessed. She congratulated him in her letter. She thought of moving on, may be he just saw her as a friend. So she should too. She decided to decrease her feelings. She didn't write to him this time, his another letter said how he went on a trip with his girlfriend to some destination. She just wanted to use the excuse of being busy. The end of the year is approaching so she decided she would use it as an excuse of not replying to him. The next month she got one more letter from him, she replied not listening to her mind of the warning . She can remain friends with him like before. She thought . She replied him (May 2012)

 Sorry, I got busy with assignments. I'm doing well, one more year and I am planning to apply as an assistant teacher or do part time tutoring before the next year starts. What about you? 

Really? That is great to hear so eun ah . I am going to intern in a fashion magazine. And do you know what? Sara will also be working with me. But I feel like my talent is getting wasted, Should I open a studio myself? And become famous?

This particular letter has got her sorrow with a smile. He sure is pretty confident about himself but she knows he would succeed. He was talented too. But again it shouldn't hurt this much that he is happy with his girlfriend. Why does it hurt so much. That night she cried herself to sleep. She didn't know what for. She wrote a reply a few days later. 

Her friends from university began to notice she has become withdrawn. And one particular friend has managed to bring out her sadness. Jo bo ah. She is a pretty and a kind girl. She was supportive and has suggested that she should go on some dates and move on from him. So eun thought it was the best. She should move on and may be dating a perfect person will help her from heart break. This determination helped her a little. And when she got a letter this time she was not that bothered if he had a girl friend or not and replied merrily . The vacation started and she decided to tutor few kids. 

One such day in July 2012, she met jae rim. Bo ah has set her up for a blind date. She insisted they go to their family beach house for the weekend and some of her cousins were there , and when they reached there, she escaped making so eun spend time with this tall and handsome cousin of hers with remarkably striking features. And boy he was gentle, kindhearted and funny guy too. They met few more times later, he has asked her out after 3 months and so eun said yes. She felt comfortable with him and when she said about her unrequited love for her best friend he didn't pressurise her more to talk about those memories. Her life has become little hectic, being in the last year of university along with having to go on dates once in a few days it was good. She missed her friend, but their exchange of letters sustained. Not as frequently as before but they did talk and updated about one another.  
(June 2013)

Her third year came to an end. She has sent him her graduation pictures and he has sent her his after a month. 

She started working as an assistant teacher. And the school where she is working is far from her parents house. Tired she did not read the letter she received that night. The next day had been the same she came home tired. It has been five months since she started working and travelling far has been tiring. So eun thought of taking her own place and after talking to her parents she decided to move out. Getting an own place means a lot of work. Moving her things out, updating her address to bo ah, updating her address In her school and mostly she would get to decorate it to her liking. So eun was very much excited. She read the letter he wrote for her. So eun wanted to surprise him with a picture of her new place . So she decided she would hold this a secret and would update her address in the that letter.  

 (December 2013)
After searching few condos she found one. She has decided she would rent it from the coming month. Bo ah and jae rim has helped her to move her things and she has finally set up a home for herself. All three of them made a celebration together that night. Jae rim has left after dinner and bo ah stayed back with so eun. That conversation she had that night with bo ah, so eun could still remember it. 

"have you updated your crush about your new place?" Bo ah has asked her. 
"no, I'm thinking of surprising him a bit. I would get a picture printed and send him with a new address" so eun said excited as she would reveal her surprise. But this excitement didn't go unnoticed by bo ah. Bo ah had been having her suspicions that so eun didn't move on from her crush previously, but the excitement and the spark so eun has in her eyes, this thing she was never having when she is with her cousin jae rim. For sometime bo ah thought she might have moved on but looks like her best friend is one hopeless creature in love. But her cousins feelings are also at stake here, from what she can understand jae rim had been falling for so eun more and more with every coming day and its not good for him if so eun's heart is not with her. Thinking of a better option for both of them, bo ah spoke 

"so eun ah" 
"what?" so eun asked bo aha noticing the seriousness in her tone 
"you are still in love with your crush" it was not a question, it's a statement and so eun was not able to speak anything in return. Will she ever be able to move in from him? 
"think over. I know I'm the one who made you and jae rim oppa meet, but it will just have more heart aches if you are not able to move on and give yourself to others, take your own time to move on. Think about it" 
With that bo ah bid her good night and went to sleep. 

It has been a year since she met jae rim. He was kind and he was able to grab her attention, but her heart lied somewhere else.her friend was right, she should break up with jae rim. It's better to stop now than to lead him on when she doesn't know if she could give her heart to him at all. She called him the next day, she was tensed like she is going to bring sadness to someone, not someone to a dear person who had become an important friend. Both of them decided to meet after their work ends. 
 
So eun started by talking how was their day at school a little normal conversation. They met in a cafe so their order had come. Sipping her drink, so eun spoke 
"oppa," she looked to see if she got his attention and he nodded to her with a smile, a smile she knows the meaning for, thinking its the time and she can't break his heart for long , so eun spoke 
"I am sorry, but let's break up. What I am doing with you is wrong. I know that you like me and I like you too but these two likes are different, I tried hard to like you back. But I Don't think I can try any further." so eun paused to look at jae rims face, he was stoic, the smile he had previously withered. So eun contemplated if she should continue or not, but better finish what she started so she continues 
" I am being wrong. But still, if you continue to have feelings for me, It is going to cause u more pain. Please don't carry this pain anymore. If you can forgive me sometime in future, let's be friends then, else let's part our ways. Please find someone who loves you more than you loved me oppa" she herself was not able to look at him, she is scared if he would take it well or not. For a minute there was silence. After that so eun heard the sound of a chair moving so she lifted her head and saw. Jae rim is now starting at her as he stood up. 
"I will leave for now so eun ah" he said completely withdrawn. So eun could just nod to him and he left. That night so eun couldn't sleep well. She felt  guilty for breaking his heart and also a little relieved since she was able to convey it properly. 
She was waiting for jae rim to contact her, she asked bo ah also but there was no information with her too. Two days later so eun received a message. 

Let's meet again so eun ah, but this time we shall be friends, we both are a part of bo ah's life so we will face each other sooner or later. So let's not be awkward. And don't forget this oppa. I had good memories with you. 

So eun could only smile, as she texted back. 

Let's be friends oppa. Thank you for understanding me. 

She was feeling relieved. Her burdens seems to be lessened by half. She has one more weight to lift off. When bo ah has told her to be true to her feelings. So eun thought of two people. Jae rim and him. Since she w broke up with jae rim, she has one more thing left. She had been thinking this for a while. She had to let out her feelings and forget them. She had to confess him, that way she would be able let him go so eun thought.
 After much thought and many attempts on what to write so eun thought this one is the best. 

How are you doing? 
I may be selfish for doing this to you now knowing you have a girlfriend and are happy with her. But there is something that I have to tell you. That I love you. And I am still in love with you. May be I am in love with you from a long time ago when we are in school, but I was not able to realise then. Only after you left I understood what important part you were. I got happy on my own when I received a letter from you and withdrawn when your letter came in late.I got jealous when you got a girlfriend. Whenever you said you missed Korea, I thought it was me you missed. I know its not right but my heart still hoped. I tried moving on from you, dated for a while too but the more I spend time with someone I feel like I should have been with you. My heart is fluttering as I write you again like the n number of times I felt for you every time.  I want to move on from this one sided love, which can't be continued . I can't take being happy and sad all by myself anymore. So please forgive me for what I am about to say now. 

saranghae Kim woo bin. 
I miss you so much. 

And I am hoping I would be able to let my feelings for you to as I let them out. Please don't hate me. 

So eun could feel her tears as she wrote this letter. She has attached a picture of her and wrote her new address along with her email for future. She carefully placed both the letters and a picture In the envelope so that she would post it the tomorrow.