I'm so sorry. This chapter is very very much full of angst. Don't hate me. You can yell in the comments or come yell at me on twitter @babybirdlaura.

Also, the title to this chapter comes from Heartache - One Ok Rock.

That’s it. Mina’s done. Every single time she thinks they’ve taken a step forwards, they are only going backwards. She’s so dumb, so ing dumb to think she ever had any chances. She’s just a manager and Momo’s a client for s sake. That should ring some alarm bells but no, Mina goes out and flipping falls in love. Who the hell does that? Well Mina apparently. She feels like throwing her calender out the window or drinking for the whole night or something that would make her understand how dumb she is in every aspect of life.

Just 24 hours ago she was with her. They had fun. They were close and shared things about themselves that no one knew. Dare she say they were being intimate. Not necessarily physically intimate but emotionally but if it’s going to be like this, sign Mina out. Just when she’s gotten around the idea that maybe, just maybe, they could have something more between them besides friendship, Momo goes out and finds someone else to have the fun they had yesterday. To Momo Mina was just a fun night out while to Mina it meant everything. To Momo Mina was easily replaceable while here Mina stands yearning for Momo.

It all started in the morning when Momo had sent her a text before Mina had even woken up. She thought they could continue where they left had off the other night but with clear minds without the influence of alcohol.

from Hirai Momo

left already to the filming site.

The text had left Mina more puzzled than the night before. They had a deal between the two that they would let the other know where they were heading if they needed to do something together but the whole tone of the text was what threw Mina off or rather the lack of any tone. Usually Momo’s messages were bright and full of emotions but the most important thing Mina noticed was the period at the end of the message; Momo never used periods. Also the fact that Momo was already up before Mina was something that left the latter wondering if everything was alright.

It wasn’t.

For the whole day Momo wouldn’t even spare Mina a glance besides the required amount if they were having a conversation, if they could even be considered conversations. Momo didn’t have anything to say to Mina and it was as if they were strangers. It was as if everything they’ve been through together had been wiped away, especially the night before. If Mina had something she needed to discuss with Momo she would only get one word replies and the tone wasn’t at all welcoming for further discussions.

Some part of Mina’s brain wanted to see some reason behind Momo’s behaviour, maybe it was because Momo was so tired or maybe it was because they were filming scenes near the cliffs on the coast and Momo was a little bit anxious of the heights. Whatever it was, Mina hoped they could head out together after filming, maybe go eat something, and talk about it all. Mina needed to discuss Momo’s behaviour today but most importantly what happened yesterday. Mina felt like she would burst soon if they didn’t talk about it and clear out what’s going on between them. She felt the sparks and knew Momo did too.

Or maybe Momo never felt them at all.

Momo got an all clear with her scenes quite fast and got the permission to leave the filming site for some free time but before Mina could utter a word, Momo was already heading off faster than the lightning. Yelling after her crossed Mina’s mind but she thought better of it, they were in the middle of a filming site after all. Filming could be happening all the time and she was pretty sure they wouldn’t appreciate her voice in the background.

Mina tried following after her client but lost her when they had to walk through a crowd. Maybe she could have stayed near her and haven’t had lost her but following after someone who doesn’t want to be followed proved to be a harder task than they set it out to be in the movies.

Huffing and puffing out of frustration Mina heads out to the same bar she sat a day ago with the person she would give anything to be with like that again. She was in desperate need of a glass of wine and maybe some food to accompany that but was stopped short when her eyes took notice of what was happening right in front of her eyes.

Well, I found Momo, she thinks bitterly to herself. Oh she sure did find her. Find her too close for comfort in some random girl’s personal space. It was obvious with the lingering touches and hooded gazes that they were not just friends and they were not talking about the weather. And it wasn’t even the other girl that was coming on to Momo. No, it was way worse for Mina that way. She felt her heart break, more like shatter in her chest. The small pieces of her heart were sharp like glass and they were stabbing her from the inside. All she felt was pain.

She felt tears pricking behind her eyes but she was determined. She would not let Momo see her like that, hell she wouldn’t want Momo to see her at all. She began walking away from the bar, far away from the scene happening there. She wouldn’t want to look the other girl in the eyes and be taken back to the day before where she was the one whose hand Momo was holding.

All the smiles and small touches didn’t mean anything. Now Mina knows it was all in vain. It never meant as much to Momo as it did to Mina. Nothing will ever be the same for Momo because she doesn’t have the ache in her chest or the butterflies in her stomach. She doesn’t know how it feels to wish to bottle another person’s laugh in and listen to it when you’re having a tough time. She doesn’t know what’s it like to be ready to fall on your knees for another person only to be walked past like you’re litter.

It ing hurts. Everything hurts.

The movie isn’t worth it, her career isn’t worth it.

She would say Momo isn’t worth it but she knows it’s a lie. Momo is worth everything to her. She would give her her whole life if she asked. But she will never ask because to Momo Mina is only a manager. Momo knows she’s only a client and she’s not expecting anything more, and hoping for it even less.

Momo would probably right now be in the beach bar, catching eyes with a girl. Most probably a lot more than catching eyes with her at the moment if she was honest with herself. Mina can imagine Momo pushing a girl against a wall and holding her in her arms. Mina can almost feel how it would feel to have Momo in front of her, leaning in closer, so close that there’s only a hair of space in between them. She can feel those plump lips touching hers, gliding along hers. Mina would lift her hand to Momo’s face, caress every curve while the other would grab hold of her neck, holding Momo in place. In return Momo would wrap her arms around Mina’s waist, maybe even traveling under her blouse, teasing while her tongue slips inside Mina’s mouth. She can imagine Momo tasting sweet, like a summer day with sunshine blinding you, filling you with happiness.

If it only would be true.

If only Momo wished for it too.