“Where are you?”

He hears the name ripped from his own throat over and over again, sees his vision go all blurry, feel his breath trapped in his windpipe. His heart thuds harshly against his chest, an irregular scattered pattern of franticness, and he falls to his knees and cries with the violence of someone retching a weeks’ worth of meals.

“Come back to me,” the four words are cried softly, leaving his lips in a half-whisper, half-sob.

His vision flashes hazily, red and then grey and white and then blue and then a whole dizzying spectrum of colour all at once - it ends in a spark of fire-hot red, and then abruptly blurs into gut-wrenching, cold, halting black.

When he awakens, his back is drenched in perspiration, and the only sound that fills the air is the sound of his own panicked breathing.

Hyukjae…

The world is so ing cruel, isn’t it?

Ripping you away from me like that.

And the fear begins to creep into his heart - because now he’s trapped within the gates of reality, and now all he can think about is his smiling, too-innocent, too-giving friend, too uncomfortably close and too unforgivingly trusting of that monstrous assassin.

And then he thinks of all the things he’s done, thinks of all the words that have left his mouth, and the guilt crashes over him harder than a boulder slamming into his body, because he knows that he cannot fight anything.

Jungsoo.

They’re demons. All of them.

But I can’t do anything about it.

Only fools fall in love.

And he is a fool.

Of course he is a fool.

Who else would allow their hearts to open up to someone they were never ever supposed to fall in love with?

He’s insane. Of course he knows that. But he never thought he’d be insane like this as well.

And he guesses the one he’s fallen in love with is just as insane as him, for somehow, in some odd way, falling in love with him too - the hardest person walking the earth to possibly fall in love with.

He supposes in a way, his heart sings silly little songs of reassurance, that the one he loves loves him too, because how could you not call it love when someone knows every ed up part about you and still stays by your side?

The light indicates the slightest cracks of dawn beginning to appear; at this point, it’s normal for him to be awake hours before dawn. He sets about his daily routine, pouring himself a cup of coffee before downing it the moment it cools to a fairly acceptable temperature. His table remains untouched, his chairs bare - he’s never been a fan of sitting down at places. In fact, he hates it.

Perhaps because sitting down is a sign of relaxation. He hates relaxation. It makes him vulnerable.

There’s the sound of feet shuffling, and a door clicks open. He doesn’t have to turn to know who it is - of course he doesn’t, only one person aside from him has had permission to stay in his house in the past few years. “You’re up early.”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

His throat constricts. He finishes the last drops of coffee, never turning his head.

He never explicitly opened up his heart; but this fool somehow snuck into the tiniest of gaps that refused to close. Now he think he’s in love with someone he shouldn’t have. It was never supposed to be like this - they were never supposed to speak to each other, never supposed to live together, never supposed to share memories together, never supposed to still be here alongside each other; never supposed to fall for each other.

The funniest thing is how they weren’t ever supposed to mean anything to each other.

They never wanted to mean something to each other.

In some hilariously twisted way, they’ve become each others’ earth.

“Heechul, do you want breakfast?” Jungsoo queries, and he shakes his head absentmindedly.

Life and love gets a lot harder when the one you’re trying not to fall in love with bares his heart to you so damn clearly, and he wishes he could turn himself blind to the beating heart - but it’s never that easy.

It’s not easy to fall out of love, and that kind of , because he knows love will only bring pain.

One day, they will part ways.

And one day, all the happy-ever-after’s they let into their silly fantasies will come to an end.

“Heechul?” Jungsoo calls his name again. “You really haven’t eaten in days. Please, you should eat.”

This time, he’s too weak to fight, and he hates every single ticking second of it - he hates every heartbeat that resounds when he is in love. He hates love.

Yet, it’s never easy to fall out of love.

Tell me how I’m supposed to love, when it’s with someone I can’t allow myself to fall in love with.

Tell me how I’m supposed to love, when the brightest of dawns always end in the most violent of natural disasters.

Tell me how I’m supposed to love, when I know that the end will come.

Jungsoo places a bowl in front of