He’s crumbling slowly, he knows.

He’s losing sight of his sanity, he knows.

But he wonders if he had any sanity to begin with.

There’s the sound of footsteps shuffling outside his door; knuckles rap on the wood, and it clicks open quietly, revealing the uncertain face of the man who has been living in his house for a short period of time. “Heechul,” the man calls his name, holding up a plate with some bread on it, “I went to the bakery in the morning, do you want to eat? You haven’t eaten in two days.”

He ignores the words, as he always has. A stabbing pain in his stomach reminds him of his lack of ingestion, but at this point he’s too tired and too broken to care about the physical afflictions that plague him.

“You really should eat,” the man continues, “It’s not good for you if you go hungry for too long. What if you have to accept a client’s request? Then you won’t have the energy.”

“I accept clients based off my own decisions now,” his voice is rough and scratchy and colder than frozen marble, “The only job I have left is you.”

“I don’t care. Eat.”

“Stop,” he’s struggling to keep his voice under control now, and it quivers just the slightest, but he manages to keep the tight impassiveness pasted across his facial features. “I told you to stop. Why do you keep on talking to me? Are you an idiot? I’m keeping you alive. That’s enough, right?”

Jungsoo goes quiet for a few seconds. “That’s not how feelings work,” he says at last, and there’s the sound of the door closing - behind him - as he steps into the room, causing Heechul to bristle. “You don’t just fall out of love and turn away and pretend everything’s okay. That’s not how a heart works.”

“I don’t know how hearts work.” He turns, so that he holds Jungsoo’s gaze strongly, stopping the latter in his tracks. “But I can’t have yours and you can’t have mine.”

Life can find all these funny little ways to hurt you sometimes; a few words, a single gaze, those miniscule actions can somehow dig right into the cracked crevices of your painfully beating heart - life has its odd way of doing things in which things that could’ve been so simple turn out so damn complicated, life has its way of making sure to hurt each and every tiny insignificant individual in the entire expanse of the universe itself; and to him, what hurts the most is that now all the other constellations have faded away because someone has become the blazing comet dancing across his universe - a beautiful comet, unwilling to crash down towards him and light his skies in galactic hues.

Jungsoo knows he can’t fight the way Heechul has become a fixed star in his skies, become the eclipsed sun amongst blurred clouds and faded raindrops. He knows he can’t fight the way he’s fallen too hard, too fast, without even knowing why - and so here he stands, in front of the one he knows he loves, almost begging him; because the only thing he can do now is to fight the way that Heechul doesn’t want to be the comet that lights his skies, doesn’t want to be his star.

And even if Heechul is just his shooting star, it’s okay; because after the star fades into the faraway distance, at least he’ll know that once upon a time, they were united in this thing called love, that once upon a time they were each others’ universes, that once upon a time they meant more to one another than assassin and target.

He doesn’t want to be watching the night sky and wishing upon a shooting star alone, praying that the warmth of the assassin that was never by his side would materialise like the manifestation of every wish contained within each throbbing heartbeat of his.

Have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have? Have you ever taken the plunge and realised too late that you can’t fall in love with that someone?

It’s horrible, knowing you have to pull yourself away from that someone to avoid getting your heart broken but knowing that staying away from that someone like that will only break your heart even more.

I can’t have yours and you can’t have mine.

He’s still falling, and he’s unable to grab onto any opportunities that present itself to him to run away; perhaps it’s because he’s already closed both eyes, refusing to see the opened doors and friendly smiles on blurry faces and friends with hands outstretched.

But the only one who can catch him now, the only one who he’s allowing to catch him now, won’t.

“That’s not how love works,” he states, and he can hear his voice cracking into tiny pieces like a reflection of the shattered shards of his heart, “You can’t decide that for the two of us, Heechul.”

“I’m not forcing you,” Heechul retorts, his voice coloured with exasperation, “But leaving here is better than continuing to be a fool.”

“Why am I a fool?” he responds steadily, despite the tears that burn his throat and sting his eyes, “Am I a fool for falling in love with you?”

A derisive laugh cuts through the air - Heechul’s. “Yes.”

“Then I guess I’ll continue to be a fool.”

He sees the spark of