Colors Of You [Bonus Chapter]
Like We Used To // ChanbaekI've been quietly living
In a deep tunnel
that swallowed up the light
Running his smaller hand through his hair Baekhyun sighs, he looks across the field where Chanyeol is clumsily playing soccer with Jongin and Kyungsoo. A smile tugs at the corners of his lips, but he pouts slightly as it's weighed down by an indescribable weight.
On the dark road ahead,
I can't see a single step ahead!
I can't see anything
I can't feel anything
"I think I'm going to head out early," Baekhyun calls out, picking up his sports bag and waving to his friends that stop running across the field to listen to him. Chanyeol's dorky grin spreads across his face before he's sprinting to Baekhyun, stumbling slightly as he does so. The smaller yelps as he's wrapped up in the giant's arms and twirled around like a ballerina.
"Get home safe," Chanyeol begins, placing the older back on the ground and placing a kiss on his forehead, "I love you."
Baekhyun's heart twists in his chests and he subconsciously gulps, swallowing a large lump that had formed in his throat, he lightly wraps his arms around Chanyeol, feeling the warmth of the younger's body heat seep through him. "Go have fun with your friends, I'll text you later... Okay?"
Chanyeol nods his head, placing one final kiss on Baekhyun's forehead, "I'll talk to you later."
Baekhyun's grin is bittersweet as he watches Chanyeol run off to do exactly as he told him to, part of him sinking at the fact that Chanyeol didn't even try to go with him.
Me in the black and white photo
My world that has spread black
Baekhyun watches, seemingly helpless as his world fades to one of grayscale. He sighs quietly, slinging his bag over his shoulder and leaving at the calls of 'Bye!' from both Kyungsoo and Jongin. The oldest separate from the location of the others, making his way back to his home by the means of his own two feet. He watches the shop windows as he passes by them, eventually being beckoned inside one of them by one of his other 'friends'.
"Hey," Junmyeon greets, setting down the coffee cup he had been drying with the towel he held in his hand.
Baekhyun's lips tighten as he forces a smile to his older friend, "Hey."
Junmyeon sets the towel down on the counter, looking to the younger with creased eyebrows. Baekhyun feels a weight fall on his shoulders under the older's gaze. "Are you okay?"
I'm so tired, I'm so tired
Now I'm so sick of it
Baekhyun's head raises, eyes meeting Junmyeon's, an indescribable emotion shining in them. A forced laugh hisses through his teeth and a heavy smile forms on his lips, "Of course I am! Why wouldn't I be?"
Junmyeon frowns slightly at Baekhyun's response, "Are you sure? You've just seemed... off lately... You haven't been coming to the shop near as much lately and you just seem kind of distant..."
"I... I've just been feeling a little ill lately, that's all. No need to worry about me Junmyeon." Baekhyun said, a gentle smile forming on his lips that at some point started to cause a small pain to spread through his heart. "I need to go, I have school tomorrow... It was nice seeing you Junmyeon, tell Sehun I said hi."
"Will do Baek! It was nice seeing you too!" Junmyeon calls after Baekhyun's disappearing form, a small mumble escaping his lips, "But... tomorrows Saturday..."
The colors of you that I see from time to time
It raises me up because
you're the only one with your own color
"Maybe you should go after him..." Kyungsoo says, watching as the older's small form disappeared into the distance.
Chanyeol hums, running a hand through his now sweat soaked hair, stopping next to Kyungsoo and passing the ball to Jongin who kicked it up and caught it in his hands and made his way to the other two. "Why do you say that?"
"He's just seemed down lately, don't you think? Maybe you should just go spend some alone time with him, see what's on his mind... You know?" Kyungsoo replies, concern lacing his voice and furrowing his thick eyebrows.
Jongin looks up from the soccer ball, looking from Kyungsoo to Chanyeol and back again, "Kyungsoos right, he's been acting a little off lately. He never sits out on practice, let alone ever leave early. Plus, he hasn't been going to the coffee place with us like he usually does."
Chanyeol sighs, "I'm sure he'll be fine guys, you two worry too much. He's probably just tired."
Chanyeol smiles at the two reassuringly before kicking the ball from Jongin's hand and dribbling it to the opposite end of the field, "Come on! Let's play!"
I try holding out my hand
to catch you
But you get farther away
Baekhyun nestles under his blankets, head hitting his feathery pillow like a sack of bricks. He grabs his phone from his nightstand, examining the cracked screen intently. He stares at the screen for what feels like hours before texting Chanyeol a simple 'hey'. Baekhyun waits literal hours for the youngers reply, that of which never did come. Baekhyun looks at his phone's clock, the time reading 12:38 AM.
Baekhyun sighs, placing the phone on his bedside table and lazily crawling from his covers, weights tugging at his ankles and making it nearly impossible to move. His submerged, drowning form sulks to the bathroom, chains of the snake around his heart tightening with every step. His drunkenly stumbles into the bathroom despite being perfectly sober and flings open the white medicine cabinet above his porcelain sink.
Baekhyun's hand digs through the cabinet, knocking out several rattling bottles as he grabs a random fistful of the transparent orange containers, unscrewing each cap one at a time and pouring our random amounts of each individual bottle into his hand. Baekhyun stares at the number of pills in his hand, gapping his fingers slightly and watching as several fell between them and into the sink, a few breaking upon impact.
Hold out your hand
Color me like that red sunset
So I won't lose myself
Baekhyun's fingers tighten around the pills as his hand balls into a fist around them. He lowers his hand to his side, raising his other and turning on the tap to the sink. He wets his empty hand before placing it on his face, running it down until it rests against his neck. The beige of the concealer and foundation now runs down his face in certain areas in small wet drips. Baekhyun fills his hand with the water from the sink, throwing it at his face.
His eyeliner begins to run down the sides of his face, leaving behind black streaks as his foundation and concealer melt off from the touch of the water. Baekhyun stares into the mirror, tracing his fingers across the dark bags that hung below his eyes. Baekhyun remembers just how tired he is upon the sight of his dark circles. He turns off the tap after filling a small glass. He once again raises the pills, now tossing them into his mouth and grimacing as he quickly washed down the bitter taste with a long sip of water.
I'm running out of breath
As I run to the deep ocean
that swallowed up the stars
Baekhyun stumbles back to his bedroom, harshly crashing onto his bed. His head is heavy and fuzzy and he finds his hands fumbling aimlessly to find his phone. His fingers messily drag across his phone screen as he texts Chanyeol.
'Why aren't you ever there when I need you?'
Baekhyun looks back to the clock, from his hazy vision he makes out 1:04 AM. He rolls onto his side, a sob escaping him as the pain he feels all over his body fails to disappear. The pain grows worse and he lets out a cry. His fingers graze across his screen, tapping in a frenzy and only hoping to hit the call button before he officially lost his mind.
The phone rings. Once. Twice. Three times. A long tone rings through Baekhyun's ear as his world crashes down on him, Chanyeol rejected his call. A sob bubbles up from within him as the message receiver beeps, now recording the older's loud sobs and sniffles. Baekhyun looks at his phone screen through tear-filled eyes before deleting the message he had sent Chanyeol minutes prior. Chanyeol didn't care, because Chanyeol didn't know.
I see the dry land
from far away
But your touch is like the sweet rain
it colors my heart
Baekhyun's mind forms into a blur, for a second he thinks he hears Chanyeol's voice, but it's just his imagination, he's dreaming. He just barely managed to escape his long-lasting nightmare. Soon it's morning, he awakes to a text from Chanyeol, apologizing for not texting him last night or answering his call.
'I was really tired, sorry.'
Baekhyun's fingers hover over the call button before pressing it, this time Chanyeol answers,
The colors of you that I see from time to time
It raises me up
(If you could, save me)
"Chanyeol..." Baekhyun begins, his mind fuzzy with sleep and drugged up thoughts. "I love you..."
"I love you too Baek, why'd you call so suddenly?"
"Thank you, for being there..." Baekhyun says, his voice going quiet, "for me..."
"Baekhyun, what is this about? What are you saying?"
"You're so bright..." Baekhyun mutters, his voice cracking. "Thank you for coloring my world, Park Chanyeol."
"What is going on, Baekhyun?"
"I love you Chanyeol, so much... You made those scary times happy, you lit up the dark tunnel I had become lost in..." A tear slips down Baekhyun's cheek, "You pulled me out from under those deep, crashing waves and dried them up like the sun..."
"I will forever be grateful to you Park Chanyeol, thank you... for letting me love you..." A sob slowly seeps from Baekhyun, "Thank you, for coloring me all of the colors of the sunset..."
"Baekh-" Baekhyun cuts Chanyeol off by ending the call, his end of the line going dead.
I try holding out my hand
to catch you
But you get farther away
Baekhyun stumbles out of his bed, hair messy as he slips on his house slippers and nearly falls out of the door to his apartment. He drags his body to the end of the hall, a sudden fire in his body nearly stopping him in his tracks and knocking him to the floor. Baekhyun groans, pushing open the door that leads to the roof of his apartment complex, it was too late for him to turn back. His phone begins to ring in his hand, Chanyeol's caller ID popping up on the screen. For a moment Baekhyun's thumb hovers over the 'decline' button but slowly clicks the 'accept' button as soon as he reaches the roof.
Hold out your hand
Color me like that red sunset
So I won't lose myself
"Oh thank god you picked up!" Chanyeol's deep voice floods Baekhyun's senses in a flurry, "Listen, I don't know whatever it is you're going through! But please! Don't do anything careless."
Baekhyun stops for a moment before he continues to walk to the edge of the building, his eyes falling to the sidewalk below him. It was still early enough in the day for there to not be all that many people out and about.
"Baekhyun, please, no matter how hard things get, don't do anything that you can't undo-"
Baekhyun's gaze lingers on the sidewalk before he steps back and turns on his heel, his back now facing the edge.
"Chanyeol..."
"I love you."
On top of my world that's filled with scribbles
Baekhyun steps back, gravity immediately pulling him down. A rush of brick and distancing blue sky fills Baekhyun's vision before all wind is knocked out of him and his body hits the pavement.
"Baekhyun!" Chanyeol cries, "Baekhyun please..."
"I love you so much..."
"Please, Baekhyun..."
With your white hand
Cover me with your color
Baekhyun seemingly feels his lifeless lips curl upwards into a smile as crystal tears stream down his face, every drop of life that had been in him now cascading out like a waterfall. 'I love you Chanyeol, so much...'
I try holding out my hand
to catch you
But you get farther away
"Baekhyun!" Chanyeol sobs, "please... you can't leave me..."
"Please!" Chanyeol wails, his long arms wrapping around Baekhyun as he pulls him closer, "Please Baekhyun! You can't leave me!"
Chanyeol's hands desperately cup Baekhyun's cheeks, patting them slightly in hopes of getting the warmth to return to them rather than disappear.
"Baekhyun..."
"Wake up..."
"Baekhyun..."
"You can't die now... please..."
"Wake up..."
Hold out your hand
Color me like that red sunset
So I won't lose myself
"I'm not done giving you every color I have to offer..."
"Baekhyun, please!"
Hold out your hand
Hold out your hand
Chanyeol stares at the smooth, dark stone in front of him, his eyes scanning over the etching in it several hundred times at tears pour down his cheeks, stinging the wound in his heart. He shakily places down the flowers he held in his hand next to the stone, falling to his knees as a sob bubbles up from inside.
Byun Baekhyun
May 6, 1992 - April 18, 2014
Chanyeol presses his head against the stone in front of him, fingers struggling to hold onto it as his body shakes with sobs. Chanyeol places a small kiss on the top of the stone, a few tears rolling onto its smooth surface.
"I love you,"
"Even if you aren't by my side, I love you..."
"I'll always love you..."
Thank you...
"Byun Baekhyun."
Park Chanyeol.
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