Jaemin is starting to get irritated to the boy seating behind him. ‘That’ kid keeps on poking him, kicking, or just randomly throwing things onto his desk. But he can’t do anything to make that boy stop whatever he’s doing; Jaemin is too shy to talk to someone and prefer to listen to his teacher’s lecture than to have some social interaction to his classmate. He’s trying his best to focus, study, and control his temper, rather than to confront his classmate and worst start a fight. They are already in 6th grade and he can’t believe someone will still act like a kid and will tease other kids for fun.

The rustling sound of the chips package and Donghyuck’s loud chewing of the (cheese flavoured) chips really irritates Jaemin, especially now that it’s already night and he’s sleepy; he needs to focus on the scribed papers in front of him aka notes. His friend, Donghyuck, (which he still can’t believe he call this boy as a friend) has volunteered to “help” him in reviewing, proposed that they should do some sleepover/reviewing sessions together. They are now “studying” in Jaemin’s room.

Jaemin and Donghyuck are first year high school students. Their final exams will start tomorrow. Of course, they both need to study hard, for them to pass and to make sure that they don’t need to take any special class. Both Jaemin and Donghyuck don’t have any problems with their grades, it’s just that they need to make sure they won’t fail the final exams.

Jaemin let himself be controlled by his irritation and he threw an eraser in Donghyuck’s direction.

“What the hell!” Donghyuck shouted, confused on why would Jaemin threw the eraser.

“You’re not reviewing! You promised that you will focus tonight.” Jaemin glared, even rolls his eyes. They suddenly both start this staring game out of nowhere.

Donghyuck blinks and utter a frustrated sound, “I am sleepy, Nana! We should stop this.” He said that as he yawned and stretch his arms; he’s tired and having enough for their group study, without any plan to sacrifice his sleep for reviewing.

Jaemin whined, messing his hair as he kicked Donghyuck’s feet under the table. “You’re not even reviewing any notes here, Hyuck. You just ate all of the snacks!”

“It is because I just want to sleep.” He sighed, his voice sounds sleepy and irritated. Jaemin knows from the start that Donghyuck don’t have any interest. Of course, this wasn’t the first time Donghyuck doesn’t shows any interest in their group study; as the boy refer to do physical activities and sports than to study some academic subjects. Jaemin just going to convince himself that at some way Donghyuck helps him, as the energy of his friend takes away the boring atmosphere of reviewing.

He smacked Donghyuck’s forehead (just to have some revenge for him eating all his snacks and for not reviewing), while saying that he should sleep and don’t wait for him as he still needs to study. Jaemin decided that he will maximize all the time he have and review more. He’s nervous and his self-confident is drifting away, which is not helping him at times like this.

Vacations are now over, and their second year as high school students comes really quick. Donghyuck screams, ignoring the attention he was getting from his schoolmates, jumping and hitting Jaemin while looking for their section. They are now finally classmates, unlike during their first year that they are in different class. They will definitely going to enjoy the school year, together.

Everything is smooth sailing for Jaemin, as his grades from quizzes are still good as always, but he’s still the introvert kid who’s preferred to stay alone. He is part of the school newspaper since first year. Donghyuck, as contrast, is a (loud) extrovert, who left the archery club and joined the soccer team this year. His friend loves to try different things, living as a happy-go-lucky.

 “Nana! I need to go now… j-just text me later if you will stay on the library.” Donghyuck said, trying to put all his things inside his bag right after the class ends. He is always like this, rushing as if he’ll be late for his soccer practice. Jaemin just waved his hands as a response, calmly fixed his things.

He went to the staffer’s room as he need to submit his outputs. As he submits his finished article, he silently praying that their adviser won’t make him revise some parts (again). He wants to get free from club works now.

Jaemin faked a smile as he spoke to their adviser. She announced that he needs to write a poem, or prose, as the newspaper layout still have some extra spaces. He doesn’t like the idea of additional workloads, but he can’t say no (of course).

So Jaemin decided to stay, wait for Donghyuck, and start his poem so he can finish it as soon as possible. But the thing is, he does not in any mood to write, as if his mind keeps on shutting down, producing nothing but anxious thoughts than creative words. Other than that, he does not have any emotions to write; he’s neither in love nor brokenhearted. He can write about other stuff, a something not related to love, but he knows students might prefer to read some ‘love’ related poems than other. He’s knows he can write a poem or poetry prose related to love even though he doesn’t have any experience on it, he’s a writer after all, but not now; now that he’s not in any mood and in ‘short-term’ writing slump.

At first, it is just another day for their class. Jaemin working on his workbook in advance (so he has more time to study and review), Donghyuck fooling around, or maybe being loud as he always is, while some of his classmates are minding their own personal things. It is supposed to be their Physics, the third period class, but their teacher is nowhere to be seen. Instead, their class adviser entered their room.

She asked everyone to stop whatever they are doing and announced that they will have “new” classmate, a transferee. Jaemin was bored, badly want to go back in his workbook, so he just stares blankly outside as his seat is beside the windows overlooking the school ground. He does not have any interest for the new student, as he really not fond of idea of socializing to other. He looked for a minute to the new face, plain curiosity, unconsciously admits that the transferee’s eye smile is captivating. A smile that makes him to stare longer than his plan. After he heard his name, Jaemin finally looked away, focus on staring on the school grounds (again).

Jeno. Lee Jeno.

It is somehow familiar to him.

            The weather is disrespectfully hot. And for Jaemin who’s seating on a table beside the windows, it is not a great experience. He’s starting to get irritated.

“Jeno was now part of soccer team. He’s kinda cool, honestly.” Donghyuck randomly said as there is nothing they can talk about. Jaemin and him are staying on the vacant room on the fifth floor; they love spending their break time on that room as no class occupied it.

Jaemin nodded, showing no interest on the topic. Donghyuck was not satisfied to the response he received, took in a sharp breath, and put his feet on the desk where Jaemin was sitting.

“What are you even watching there?” He whined. It is even too hot to do any activity outside so he’s curious what does his friend find interesting to watch.

“Nothing.” Jaemin answered, straightened his back, and kick Donghyuck’s feet away from his desk.

Donghyuck doesn’t believe it. And even though the hot temperature makes him too lazy to move, he decided to tease Jaemin.

“I n-need to s-see it.” Donghyuck said as he tries to push Jaemin away from his desk, want to see whoever or whatever his friend was ogling a while ago. Jaemin hooked his feet around the desk legs, trying to balance himself and to avoid falling; fighting and pushing Donghyuck away from the window. The color drained out of his face for almost falling from the desk as his friend successfully pushed him aside, who’s now looking outside the window.

The field is almost empty, except for Jeno and his friend, Mark, weirdly kicking a ball and running in the middle of dreadfully weather.

“I think someone was having some crush.” Donghyuck smirked, teasing his friend who’s currently looking to him with its sharp gaze.

“No, I’m not.” Jaemin defend himself, “I’m just watching, judging them. Why would someone decided to play soccer in this weather?” He rocked back and forth, acting as if he’s really not interested.

Donghyuck dragged another desk in front of Jaemin, comfortably seat on it, “You won’t think that I didn’t notice how Jeno always try to talk to you during fifth period, right?” He grinned, crossed his arms over his chest, and watched how the younger would act.

Jaemin rolled his eyes, “Seriously, Hyuck? He’s really irritating, but I need to control myself from getting aggravated to him as he only wants to ask some help in Algebra.” He’s not enjoying how Donghyuck’s gave a lopsided grin, making him to throw his empty bottle towards his friend.

“I can’t believe it! Why do you love throwing things at me?” Donghyuck his fists in the air, controlling himself to really punch Jaemin as he really annoyed to what his friend did.

Jaemin hissed, currently glaring to Jeno who poked him nonstop since their algebra lecture started. His seatmate only stopped when he looked. He really wished that their teacher made Jeno seat somewhere else rather than on the seat behind him.

“What?” Jaemin whispered, making sure that he won’t attract any attention from his classmate. He just (finally) turned and looked to Jeno right after their teacher left the classroom.

“I need to ask you something,” Jeno whispered back, pointing on his workbook, “I need your help to answer this.”

Jaemin pinched the bridge of his nose; he’s getting tired of this, him teaching Jeno during algebra, and rushing himself to finish the workbook as he consumed too much time lecturing someone. He does not have any issue for helping anyone, if he saw that the latter is really putting some efforts to learn and understand things; but the way he observed Jeno, he’s not. Jeno just keep on doodling or randomly scribble on his notebook during lectures, or literally stare blankly outside the window.

             He drew in a long breath, rotated his chair for him can comfortably seat while facing Jeno, and start explaining the lesson to his seatmate. To confirm if Jeno really understand all the words he said, he gave him some exercises to answer; in which Jeno answered while smiling, confirming that things are now clearer and easier.

When their sixth period teacher entered, Jaemin rotated his seat away from Jeno, facing the board again, sighed as he didn’t finish his workbook.

            Jeno poked his shoulder (again) and whispered a ‘thank you’. Even though Jaemin didn’t looked, he knows that the boy is flashing his eye smile.

            He thinks he felt that his heart skipped a beat.

The quiet atmosphere of the library makes Jaemin feel so relax, but also frustrated as his thoughts are getting louder inside his head. As usual, he’s waiting for Donghyuck and also trying to do some staffer duties, using his time wisely.

The thing is, every time he will try to focus on his writings, Jeno keeps on flashing on his mind.

“Why do I keep thinking about Jeno?” He whispered to himself, pressed his hands to his cheeks as he can’t believe that he will see himself in this kind of situation.

He’s trying to write, with a topic about love; and he doesn’t know why he can’t think of someone else other than he’s seatmate. No, he’s not in love, or having a crush, or whatever term he can think that is synonyms to it. Jaemin thinks that maybe, just maybe, he’s desperate to finish his assigned work; his way to convinced himself.

The time is not helping him either. He still have more than an hour before Donghyuck’s practice will be over, he needs to do something as pastime; also remembered that the deadline for his poetry prose will be tomorrow. Things are getting against him and no matter how he rejects it, somehow, thinking about Jeno might help him.

I have to let go of things I thought I own; because I think that the greatest expression of love would be letting go. I love you. I love you even I do not understand why. I love you that I wish I could mention your name without having to feel the pain of thoughts that I am losing you. I cannot force you to feel the same way, the same love that I could offer; so, you are a reminder that I need to get through each day while waiting for our boundaries to vanish.

Real love is never regretful; it definitely makes me a better person. Because now, I learn how to cover pain with another pain. So, let me love you with all of my broken pieces...

Jaemin wrote, letting himself to get drift by his own thoughts, making sure that he will use the right words, words that can make the reader feel the raw emotions he wants to deliver. He was silently accepting that yes, he’s thinking about Jeno the whole time.

Jaemin knows to himself that he’s not the “smart” type student, that’s why he always makes sure that he’s hardworking and studious enough, so he won’t have any problem to encounter in his studies. Today was one of the days that Jaemin still attended all his class even though he knows his sick.

 “Please answer your phone, Donghyuck.” Jaemin’s eyes swam with tears, trying to call Donghyuck for the tenth time. He starting to feel his stomach swirling some acid and making him want to vomit any minute.

            He doesn’t like the idea of staying on the clinic, so he just want to go home, rest, and continue his scheduled tasks. Donghyuck needs to know that he needs to go home now that he’s body literally aching so much; his friend mentioned that he will accompany Jaemin to his home as he’s too sick to walk alone. But Donghyuck is still on the practice, and he can’t let him to skip it just for his convenient.

            Fear crossed on Jaemin’s face as he felt that he’s too dizzy to continue his way to the field. He bowed his head, clenched his shirt satisfying and convincing himself that he’s holding onto something; he definitely needs someone’s help now as he might faint.

            His vision was too blurry to even recognize whoever approached him. Someone holds his arms, saying some words he can’t properly hear and understand. Jaemin felt a strong pain from his head, cold sensation in his stomach, and his vision totally turned black after that.

            Jeno, who was asked to get some extra water bottles from the canteen for their water break, saw how Jaemin sat on the cold floors of the hallway, breathing hard, and hugging himself.

Forgetting about his coach command to him, he run so fast to reach and hold Jaemin, shaking his arm gently asking what was wrong to him. Jaemin hold his hand, gripped to be exactly, and passed out. Jeno panicked, catching the younger, securing that he won’t fall. He’s too tired from practice but he needs to help the unconscious boy. He held his breath, and carry Jaemin, one arm under his legs and the other supporting his back. He doesn’t care about the water that the soccer team need or if his coach will get mad for him skipping the practice; he asked the nurse on the clinic if he can stay until Jaemin gained his consciousness.

            It is almost an hour, or maybe more than, but Jaemin was still awake. He can’t sleep, even though his body is aching, burning.

            He’s system can’t digest that Jeno helped him, tried to make him calm as his body started to shake, having panic attack for fainting. How the older boy accompanied him, walked him home and even plead that he must not attend classes tomorrow and take a time to rest instead.

            His cheeks turned pink. As if someone is watching him, he started to get shy, extent his arm to grab a pillow, covering his face as he shrieks. He nibbled on his bottom lip as he remembers Jeno’s worried face, showed how the older really care and helped him, tried everythi